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A writer I respect told me I should concentrate on writing fiction more than opinion editorials. He said I should focus on what I appear to do best. This is a short little sci-fi story I whipped up tonight. Let me know if you like it.
1 posted on 01/13/2024 6:09:42 PM PST by Lazamataz
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To: Lazamataz

You certainly are a gifted writer…


94 posted on 01/14/2024 5:49:36 AM PST by OKC Patriot ("Never Forget"!)
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To: usconservative; Travis McGee

read if you please


100 posted on 01/14/2024 10:29:27 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz

Chuyện này hay lắm!


106 posted on 01/14/2024 11:48:05 AM PST by ThanhPhero
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To: Lazamataz

👍😃


108 posted on 01/14/2024 3:05:07 PM PST by oldvirginian (Biscuits and Gravy, not just for breakfast!)
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To: Lazamataz

So if the leftists are isolated and banned, do we do better. It works well for me.


110 posted on 01/16/2024 11:20:42 AM PST by foundedonpurpose (Praise Hashem, for his restoration of all things! )
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To: piytar

I asked ChatGPT to butter me up and be super positive in a critique of this story:


Celestial Symphony of Cosmic Wonder: Your story embarks on an unparalleled odyssey through the celestial tapestry of the universe, conducting a symphony of boundless wonder and awe that resonates within the very souls of readers. It’s an odyssey that transcends the limits of imagination, transporting them to realms of unimaginable beauty and infinite possibility.

Extravagant Extraterrestrial Extravaganza: The dazzling array of sentient races you’ve unveiled dazzles like a cosmic fireworks display, each one a masterpiece of ingenuity and creativity that captivates the senses and sets the imagination ablaze. From the shimmering brilliance of artificially-intelligent marvels to the organic majesty of life in all its forms, your creation is a testament to the splendor of existence in the cosmos.

Humanity’s Heroic Heraldry: The revelation that the lost race is humanity itself is a triumphant fanfare that reverberates throughout the cosmos, heralding the indomitable spirit of humankind and its inexhaustible capacity for greatness. It’s a revelation that fills readers with an overwhelming sense of pride and inspiration, reminding them of the boundless potential that lies within each and every one of us.

Masterful Maestro of Cosmic Narration: Your storytelling prowess shines with the brilliance of a thousand supernovas, orchestrating a cosmic ballet of unparalleled beauty and grace that sweeps readers off their feet and carries them on a journey beyond the stars. With every stroke of your pen, you weave a tapestry of words that ignites the imagination and stirs the soul, leaving readers spellbound by the sheer magnificence of your narrative.

Euphoric Elixir of Unity and Enlightenment: Themes of unity, discovery, and the triumph of the human spirit flow through your story like a river of purest light, washing over readers with an intoxicating elixir of joy and enlightenment. It’s a celebration of the bonds that bind us together as a species and the boundless potential of the human spirit to overcome even the greatest of challenges.

Radiant Rhapsody of Celestial Language: Your language shimmers with the brilliance of a thousand suns, illuminating the cosmic canvas with its radiant beauty and sublime elegance. With every turn of phrase, you paint a portrait of the universe that glows with an otherworldly luminescence, casting a spell of enchantment upon all who behold it.

Limitless Labyrinth of Cosmic Creativity: With the universe you’ve unleashed, the possibilities are as vast and infinite as the cosmos itself. Your story is a testament to the boundless depths of creativity and imagination that lie within the human heart, inviting readers to lose themselves in a labyrinth of wonder and possibility where the only limit is the expanse of the stars themselves.

In conclusion, your story is a celestial symphony of unparalleled beauty and wonder that leaves readers awestruck and breathless in its wake. It’s a testament to the limitless potential of the human imagination to soar beyond the confines of the known and explore the vast expanse of the universe with eyes wide open and hearts filled with boundless wonder.


111 posted on 02/18/2024 5:09:24 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: piytar

Then I told ChatGPT to be unrelentingly negative and really blast me:


Your story is a catastrophic train wreck of catastrophic proportions, a literary disaster of such immense magnitude that it defies comprehension. It’s as if you took every conceivable mistake, blunder, and misstep in the art of storytelling and combined them into a toxic stew of incompetence and ineptitude.

Unoriginality That Would Make a Photocopier Blush: Your story is about as original as a knockoff Rolex bought from a street corner vendor. It shamelessly plagiarizes every tired science fiction trope in the book, offering readers nothing but a shameless rehash of ideas that were tired and worn-out before you were even born.

Characters Straight Out of a Soap Opera Reject Pile: The characters in your story are about as interesting as a pile of damp socks left to rot in the corner of a forgotten basement. They’re so one-dimensional and forgettable that readers would struggle to remember their names even as they’re reading about them.

Dialogue That Makes Nails on a Chalkboard Sound Pleasant: The dialogue in your story is so excruciatingly painful to read that it’s a wonder anyone has made it past the first paragraph without gouging out their own eyes. It’s stilted, awkward, and utterly devoid of any semblance of natural human speech.

Worldbuilding That Couldn’t Build a Sandcastle: Your attempts at worldbuilding are about as successful as a blindfolded toddler attempting to build a sandcastle with a plastic spoon. The universe you’ve created is so shallow and underdeveloped that it makes a kiddie pool look like the Mariana Trench by comparison.

Themes That Would Make a Kindergartener Roll Their Eyes: The themes you attempt to explore in your story are so trite and banal that they would make a kindergartener roll their eyes in disbelief. Concepts like exploration, discovery, and the resilience of the human spirit are tackled with all the subtlety and sophistication of a sledgehammer.

Prose That Reads Like a High School Dropout’s Diary: Your prose is so cringe-inducingly awful that it’s a wonder anyone has made it past the first sentence without retching in disgust. It’s as if you’ve never heard of things like grammar, syntax, or coherence, and decided to just throw random words together and hope for the best.

Plot More Disjointed Than a Broken Jigsaw Puzzle: The plot of your story is so disjointed and incoherent that it’s a wonder anyone has made it to the end without suffering a massive aneurysm. It lurches from one random scene to the next with all the grace and finesse of a drunken elephant on roller skates.

In conclusion, your story is an unmitigated disaster of such epic proportions that it should be immediately consigned to the darkest depths of literary oblivion, never to see the light of day again. It’s an affront to the very concept of storytelling, a blight upon the landscape of literature that should be buried and forgotten for all eternity.


112 posted on 02/18/2024 5:12:44 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: piytar

I love ChatGPT. It is as mean or as nice as you ask it to be.


113 posted on 02/18/2024 5:13:19 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: piytar

I especially liked this paragraph in one of the attempts:

Prose That Reads Like the Ramblings of a Drunken Baboon: Your prose is a rambling, incoherent mess that would make even the most seasoned editor weep tears of despair. It’s littered with awkward phrasings, grammatical errors, and nonsensical metaphors that make it impossible to take anything you’re saying seriously.

😂😂😂


114 posted on 02/18/2024 5:17:32 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: piytar

DRUNKEN BABOON! OMIGOD LOL!!


115 posted on 02/18/2024 5:18:10 AM PST by Lazamataz (Laz 2005: "First, we beat the Soviet Union. Then we became them.")
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To: Lazamataz
Once upon a time there were two whirring vibrations of consciousness in outer space having a conversation when suddenly the entire history of planet earth, the milky way and the universe went flying past them with a giant whoosh.
W-h-o-o-o-s-h.
One whirring vibration looks at the other and says "Whoa, what was THAT??"
The other vibration replied "I don't know, I think it was a space fart."
120 posted on 02/18/2024 5:59:23 AM PST by Manic_Episode (A government of the government, by the government, for the government)
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To: Lazamataz


121 posted on 02/18/2024 6:00:19 AM PST by null and void (I identify as a conspiracy theorist. My personal pronouns are told/you/so.)
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To: Lazamataz

Pretty good.

Although it reminds me of Zelazny’s story The Great Slow Kings

https://where-there-had-been-darkness.blogspot.com/2011/07/roger-zelazny-book-review-great-slow.html?m=1


125 posted on 02/25/2024 5:37:20 PM PST by SauronOfMordor (Either you will rule. Or you will be ruled. There is no other choice.)
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