Clinton Jokes

Late Night Jokes ^

[My Identity]

Senator Hillary Clinton has gained about 30 pounds since being in office. President Clinton says he doesn’t mind - because this way he can hear her coming.
- Conan, May 21

Do you have Star-Wars fever? It’s one of those things where you try to hold back then when it gets here you can’t help yourself. Here’s an example, President Clinton has Star-Wars fever, he was up at his house in Chappaqua and was using the force on an intern.
- Letterman, May 21

Democrats are upset with the Republicans for selling a photo of President Bush on Sept. 11 that shows him on the telephone. For $150 you can buy this picture of President Bush on the telephone. To be fair, though, the Democrats are selling a picture of Bill Clinton on an intern.
- Letterman, May 17

I drove by one theater today and "Star Wars" was playing and all the people in line were dressed up like Star Wars characters. Then I drove by another theater where "Spider-Man" was playing and the people were dressed up like Spider-Man. Then I drove by the theater where "Unfaithful" was playing and the people were dressed like Bill Clinton.
- Kilborn, May 17

There was talk earlier this week of Hillary Clinton running for vice president. I didn't know you could run for vice president. But they say if it can be done, Hillary will do it. So she's been denying it - doesn't it make you feel good again to know that a Clinton is denying something?
- Letterman, May 16

Since Hillary has become senator she has gained over 30 pounds! That's just what Bill needs - more wife!
- Letterman, May 16

Thirty pounds she's gained. Of course, Bill keeps in shape by working out on interns.
- Letterman, May 16

Despite all his book deals and speaking engagements, Bill Clinton still hasn’t paid off all his legal fees. He owes over $4 million! Clinton's lawyer Bill Bennett said, "We had an agreement and he has an obligation and commitment to pay." Hillary replied, "Good luck! Let me know how that works out!"
- Leno, May 15

We have a senator here in New York - how many of you remember Hillary Clinton? Well, she's been under a lot of stress, she's put on 30 pounds. She's put on so much weight that Bill hit on her!
- Letterman, May 15

[friendly]

Re post #23 demonstating clearly the origin of Hillary's black pantsuit:

Ah yes Hillary, lovely Hillary, brilliant Hillary, honest Hillary, caring Hillary...

Gag, retch, vomit...Oops, sorry.. I was getting glazed eyed robotized by hypnosis from the mass media winged monkeys. Now where was I?

Ah yes Hillary, that tree trunk legged, encrusted black pant suited, paradigm of all that is American lawyerhood, wife of disbarred "husband" Bill, terminally narcissistic, grandiose, lying, conspiring, greedy, manipulative, hypocritical to an extreme, eternally unindicted criminal. .

[Slyfox]

Hey! What are y'all squaking about?
She don't have big ankles!

[timestax]

bttt

[Steve0113]

Does anyone have that picture of Hillary's head on a monkey's body, hanging by its arms?

[Steve0113]

Yes, thanks. It's exceptionally well done, and one of my favorites. Cracks me up every time.

[southland]

Booknark