Minority Report

Self via Psychic Energy | July 9, 2002 | PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

Hi everybody! I just thought I would let you know that I am now a Pre-Cog, spending all my time just floating around here in the Pre-Cog Tank. I can't really say it is a barrel of laughs being stuck in the Pre-Cog tank. What I wouldn't do for a just a brewski and a turkey sandwich. Unfortunately that is a no-no. I just gotta float around here 24/7 transmitting future murders. There are two other Pre-Cogs here in the Pre-Cog tank. A male and female Pre-Cog. The female is no fun. Not only does she have a shaved head and a weird look in her eyes on the few occasions that she opens them, but her conversation consists only of screaming out a few things she Pre-Cogs from future crime scenes. As for the male Pre-Cog, he also has no personality. Worst of all he is constantly peeing in the Pre-Cog Tank.

This brings me to the reason why I am using my psychic energy to make this post. I have a Pre-Cog vision of a murder. The victim is that pissant Pre-Cog in the tank and the murderer is me. I forsee that I will soon be strangling and drowning him for fouling up the Pre-Cog Tank. So please ignore the no-entry rules for the Pre-Cog tank and come on in and arrest me for a future murder.

[PJ-Comix]

And don't forget to bring a brewski and a turkey sandwich for me when I am arrested. Thank you.

[PJ-Comix]

Please make sure the Pre-Cog tank stays at a constant 72 degrees. The other Pre-Cog that I predict I will soon be murdering is raising the temperature an extra couple of degrees with his foul habits.

[PJ-Comix]

Could someone out there please dump a few Koi fish into this Pre-Cog tank? Watching Koi swim around all the time isn't exactly a barrel of fun but it sure beats just staring at the ceiling between my Pre-Cog murder sessions.

[summer]

PJ, I blame all your current problems on your childhood education in Cleveland. :)

[Texaggie79]

Jack Daniels?

[PJ-Comix]

The Cuyahoga River---It was my FIRST Pre-Cog Tank (before it caught fire).

[summer]

LOL....

[PJ-Comix]

Well, if you're bringing hard liquor down here, make it Captain Morgan's spicy rum plus Pina Colada mix. Hell, just pour it all into the Pre-Cog tank so all I have to do is turn over and inhale to get a nice buzz.

[dennisw]

Is this a movie review? Did you just see it?

[PJ-Comix]

WAIT! WAIT! I'm having a Pre-Cog moment! I see a Demmycrat Presidential Primary Debate in 2004. Algore is sweating profusely. Lieberman has an Elmer Fudd stare. Edwards looks like he would want to be anywhere but there. And John Kerry's wig is sliding off. I now see Al Sharpton talking and he is saying....BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

I am laughing so....hard that....CAN'T BREATH! Please arrest Al Sharpton for the future murder of me! I am laughing so hard it is KILLING ME! HELP!

[PJ-Comix]

Is this a movie review? Did you just see it?

Not only did I see it, I joined the Pre-Cog Workers Union (Local 407) when I left the theater. This explains why I am now stuck in the Pre-Cog tank earning minimum wage and working 24/7 with no vacations. I knew I should have checked the fine print on the job contract!

[summer]

I see I'm too late...

[PJ-Comix]

I'm sort of new to this Pre-Cog racket so I'm not as quick as the other two Pre-Cogs....

WAIT! WAIT! I see a Cockatoo...an Italian Restaurant....a woman sitting in a car in the restaurant's parking lot...I see a man walking up to the car...I hear "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."....I see a gun pulled out and a shot. WARNING! I see a murder about to take place!!!

[PJ-Comix]

I am predicting a terrible itch. On me. I don't have it yet but please send Petra Verkaik down to the Pre-Cog tank to find that itch and scratch it. I predict I will have a terrible itch when she enters the Pre-Cog tank. Tell her to just keeps scratching until she finds that itch. And don't worry, she'll know exactly where I'll be itching when she finds it.

[Charles_Bingley]

If one crosses one's eyes during the eye scan, will the pre-cog see just your past events?

[Charles_Bingley]

Do you see any upset husband or boyfriend taking off after Boy Clinton for messing with wife/girlfriend?

[PJ-Comix]

If one crosses one's eyes during the eye scan, will the pre-cog see just your past events?

No, but he will be able to look into his own soul.

[dennisw]

Is Peeps a pre-cog? Peeps the waitress from Missouri.

[PJ-Comix]

Do you see any upset husband or boyfriend taking off after Boy Clinton for messing with wife/girlfriend?

WAIT! I see Billy entering a bedroom....a raised golf club....a golf club crashing down on Billy's upper leg...and I see no more golfing with Greg Norman.

[PJ-Comix]

Is Peeps a pre-cog? Peeps the waitress from Missouri.

Peeps is one of a kind. She is a Post-Cog. She can see events AFTER they happen. However, she relays them in a very UNIQUE way.