Archaeologist Discovers Lost Arms of Venus De Milo

Weekly World News ^ | Today | Sam Hayes

[Rodney King]

By SAM HAYES

MELOS, Greece — The missing arms of the Venus de Milo were discovered last week in a cellar in Southern Croatia — and it turns out she’s got hideous man-hands!

“We rushed the arms to the Louvre in Paris and matched them up to the statue. They were a perfect fit,” says art historian Ovidio Bartoli.

“Then we did some carbon-dating and we confirmed that these are the real deal.”

Word of the discovery has created an uproar in the art world.

“It’s hard to believe someone so talented in anatomy would have such trouble keeping the fingers in proportion,” notes Campbell Hauser, the archaeologist who discovered the statue’s freakish limbs. “Instead of looking like the hands of a goddess, they look like those of a plumber!”

Art critics and historians are up in arms over this shocking find. Debate rages over whether or not the missing limbs should be restored. Leading the argument against restoration is art historian Ovidio Bartoli of the Ludvian Museum of National Art.

“The misshapen appendages are an abomination,” declares Bartoli. “I’m certain the artist removed the arms himself after he saw how they came out. He knew he would have a beautiful sculpture, if not for those awful ham- hands.”

On the other side of the debate is art critic Guisseppi Vesper, who says, “These arms are a historical find, one that should be fully restored.”

Bartoli disagrees. “Restoring this work of art to its original form would be a travesty. It would be like filling in the crack in the Liberty Bell.”

No one knows who sculpted the Venus de Milo, or exactly when it was carved. It was found by a peasant on an Aegean island in a basement.

Over the years, art advisors have proposed adding arms holding apples, lamps and clothes and even arms that pointed in different directions.

But France’s King Louis VIII decided that the Venus de Milo was perfect just the way she was.

An executive board at the Louvre will decide their fate next week.

Vesper calls it an insult to the memory of the artist to not reattach the arms to the statue. “I am confident this is what he would’ve wanted,” the art critic says.

He adds, “When it comes time to fight this battle in court, I will have a team of lawyers by my side. I will not face this challenge un-armed . . . and neither should the Venus de Milo.”

[Rodney King]

FYI

[Thebaddog]

Onion?

[Paul Atreides]

INCOMING!!!

[Doodle]

The Weekly World News

One of my very favorite publications.

[Rodney King]

huh? This isn't a vanity!

[whenigettime]

Great minds think alike....

[SMASH IMPERIALIST LIBERALISM!!]

Update: Upon reattaching the arms, art historians were shocked to find that the famed Venus de Milo was picking her nose.

[mhking]

Just damn.

[whenigettime]

I think the news source for this is the internet equivalent to the Enquirer....did you see the baby alien on the first page?

[el_chupacabra]

Sounds like the archiologist who discovered the "James' Ossuary" is at it again.

[general_re]

“Then we did some carbon-dating and we confirmed that these are the real deal.”

Very cool. Carbon dating a marble statue. This is the kind of real science we should be pissing away money for...

[Blood of Tyrants]

Forearm model for Venus de Milo.

[Jagdgewehr]

“Instead of looking like the hands of a goddess, they look like those of a plumber!”

Josephine?

[Jagdgewehr]

LOL

[goldstategop]

Newsflash: The Louvre hasn't decided whether colorized classic B&W films constitute art. Film at 11.

[Delbert]

I like the Weekly World News.....where else can you read stories and see pictures of The Bat Boy, The Worlds Other Fattest Man and Jesus while waiting to pay for your groceries?

[Verginius Rufus]

The giveaway is the mention of King Louis VIII. He reigned from 1223 to 1226, long before the statue was rediscovered.

I believe a geologist might be able to determine if one piece of marble matched another piece, but I doubt carbon dating would help.

If they were able to prove that one of the hands originally held a lamp, they'd have to rename it the Hillary de Milo, of course.

[PatrickHenry]

Carbon dating a marble statue.

You beat me to it.

[Campion]

But you can carbon-date a marble statue. It's calcium carbonate. Only problem is that it wouldn't tell you when the statue was carved, it would tell you when the marble was formed ... if it worked back that far, which it doesn't.

[aristeides]

Wasn't the Venus de Milo found on Melos in the Aegean? How would the arms end up in Croatia?

[DoughtyOne]

lol

[Aggie Mama]

Well, assuming they could carbon date marble, it's not unheard of for statues to be out of proportion. One of the most famous examples of this is da Vinci's David. He has a huge hands, out of proportion to the rest of his (ahem) body. Anyway, from what I recall, da Vinci did that to help keep David balanced and not tip over.

[Bush2000]

“It’s hard to believe someone so talented in anatomy would have such trouble keeping the fingers in proportion,” notes Campbell Hauser, the archaeologist who discovered the statue’s freakish limbs. “Instead of looking like the hands of a goddess, they look like those of a plumber!”

Which might explain why the arms were cut off in the first place.

[Paul Atreides]

Three words: Weekly World News.

[Aggie Mama]

WHOOPS! I meant Michelangelo!

[Jagdgewehr]

How would the arms end up in Croatia?

Arms smugglers.

[Pookie Me]

WHOOPS! I meant Michelangelo!

Yet again further evidence if our efforts to keep our school well stocked with brilliance, (assuming it's passed down)..

Pookie & ME ('86)

[tet68]

At first I was concerned that the UN would step in....
but it seems they are only interested in stopping the
flow of "small arms".

Hehe, at least they didn't say she had "short arm"s.

The upcoming court case will be a real fight, let us pray
for those lawyers who go in arms way.

[Pookie Me]

WHOOPS! I meant of, not if!

[Savage Beast]

Restore the arms.

Now. Get your scuba gear over to Samothrace and find the rest of the Victory.

[GaltMeister]

"Arms Smugglers"LOL! Too much!

When I saw the line about "HAM HANDS" I wondered if Janet "The Wookie" Reno was the model, but I'm not sure she's that old. Close, maybe.

[PaulJ]

I like the Weekly World News.....

Me too! One of my favorite stories was about the two headed man. One head got married and then discovered that his brother, the other head, was having an affair with his wife.

[NautiNurse]

This isn't a vanity!

This story should be in Breaking Broken News!

[Lady Jag]

The artist could have been haptic. Lowenfeld identified two artistic styles, visual and haptic.

Lowenfeld (1957) argues that recognition and encouragement of stylistic diversity can sustain a continuum of art activity. His theory was that by about age 12 the art expression of children falls into two categories - the haptic and the visual. The 'visual' student is an observer for whom careful and ordered representation of the details of what is observed is the criterion of artistic performance. For the 'haptic' student the world is experienced in muscular, sensory and kinaesthetic terms. Art is concerned with feeling and sensation rather than outward appearance.

Since the teaching of art is usually in visual terms with accurate observation of form a prime criterion of success, Lowenfeld claimed that the haptic student is penalised. He advocated the provision of a range of stimulation which might motivate all within the haptic-visual continuum and exposure of students to a range of art works, from the emotional and expressionist (the haptic mode) to the more customary representational and realistic. Thus, Lowenfeld and his followers maintain that if inherent stylistic tendencies in students are acknowledged and attended to, art education can continue uninterrupted.

Lowenfeld's blind haptic sculptors nearly always made the hands over-sized.

[NautiNurse]

This was my favorite line in the story:

Art critics and historians are up in arms over this shocking find.

Very clever!

[BiffSchneider]

"The work was sponsored by amateur archeologist and movie star Eddie Murphy. He stated that he was enthused by the find, but that the hands looked normal to him."

[Larry Lucido]

An excerpt from Seinfeld, October 1996:

Jerry: She had man hands.
Elaine: Man hands?
Jerry: The hands of a man. It's like a creature out of Greek Mythology. I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast.
Elaine: Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?
Jerry: Would she have hooks?

[11th Earl of Mar]

lol... Seinfeld. You beat me to it.

My family and I were in a Home Depot recently. When the woman working in the electrical department handed me some wire, I looked down and almost choked.

Then my 11 year old son says, "Dad? Dad? [wisper] Did you see? She has man hands!"

[T. Jefferson]

“Instead of looking like the hands of a goddess, they look like those of a plumber!”

Nah, just turns out she looked married.

[Billthedrill]

Claire Blume is said to have modelled for replacement arms for this statue, but that project was left up in the air when they banned the atmospheric testing of new Claire arms.

[mallardx]

"This isn't really a major discovery," said the archaeologist, offhandedly.

[another cricket]

they banned the atmospheric testing of new Claire arms.

*Groan*

a.cricket

[freebilly]

But you can carbon-date a marble statue

Let's notify Bill Clinton. He'll try to date anything....

[Arthur McGowan]

Not only does she have Man Hands, but she's a Low Talker!

[Arthur McGowan]

How do you do "carbon dating" on STONE?

[null and void]

Good one!

[SunkenCiv]

A Blast from the Past. Never got a ping for some reason. ;')

To all -- please ping me to other topics which are appropriate for the GGG list. Thanks.

Please FREEPMAIL me if you want on or off the
"Gods, Graves, Glyphs" PING list or GGG weekly digest
-- Archaeology/Anthropology/Ancient Cultures/Artifacts/Antiquities, etc.
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[FairOpinion]

Art Ping

[Republicanprofessor]

Art ping.

Let Sam Cree, Woofie or me know if you want on or off this Art Ping list.

Wish I could find a picture of the arms and hands. How were they posed, anyone know?

[Straight Vermonter]

This is so much funnier because I got pinged to it from the "Art ping".