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Santa is on his way!
E-mail | various

Posted on 12/02/2002 3:20:07 PM PST by EveningStar



TOPICS: Astronomy; Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Humor; Miscellaneous; Outdoors; Pets/Animals; Science; Society; Travel; UFO's; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: cartoons; christmas; elves; parody; reindeed; reindeer; santaclaus
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1 posted on 12/02/2002 3:20:07 PM PST by EveningStar
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To: EveningStar
Matt Foley: [ approaches, dressed sloppily as Santa Claus ] Ho, ho, ho, ho! Now, my name is Matt Foley, and I am a Motivational Santa. Let me tell you a little bit about myself, so that you'll know where I'm coming from. First, off, I am 35 years old, I am thrice-divorced, and I live at the North Pole in a van down by the river!

Kid: [ steps up ] I want a Super-Morphing Power Ranger! I want a Power Ranger!

Matt Foley: Well, you do, do ya?

Mother: [ tags behind her Kid ] My son Jason is just crazy about that show! [ smiles ]

Matt Foley: Well, whoop-de-freaking-do! It's all about presents to you kids, isn't it? You all wanna wake up Christmas morning, run down to the tree at light-speed, grab the biggest package that you see, tear it open, you pop it open, and you pull out a dream come true! Well, I got news for you kids. In the real world, you hang up a stocking, the next morning you find it filled to the brim with jack squat! You know why? [ picks up Kid ] Because there is no such thing as Santa Claus!

Mother: Sir! Sir, you're ruining Christmas for all of the kids! They love Santa!

Matt Foley: Mom, I wish you could be Santa's little helper, an shut your little cakehole! Heck, everybody wants a merry holly, jolly Christmas! Hey, look at me, I'm covered in elf dust! [ dances ] Yee-hoo! A rump-a-bom-bom!

Kid: [ angry ] You don't even look like Santa Claus! That's a fake beard, and you're way too fat!

Matt Foley: [ to his elf ] My golly.. hey, Rudolph, help me out here, I can't see too good. We got some kind of detective over there! Is that Ben Matlock?

Mother: Now, wait, you leave my son alone! Please!

Matt Foley: Hey, you know what? I think it's time for ol' Matt to tell you all a little story! Gather 'round, please. [ sits down in Santa chair, as the kids gather around him ] Alrighty here.. let's see.. [ reads ]

"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the van Your ol' buddy Matt fell asleep behind the can. His children were nestled two time zones away, With his first wife and her husband, in sunny L.A. Matt woke up and realzied with a chill and a quiver That he was living in a van down by the river!"

2 posted on 12/02/2002 10:29:34 PM PST by weikel
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To: EveningStar; 1tin_soldier; a-whole-nother-box-of-pandoras; Ahban; Arkansawyer; Arkinsaw; ...
Send this as a card to all of your PETA friends.


3 posted on 12/03/2002 1:24:23 PM PST by pulaskibush
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To: pulaskibush
I have to bump this thread...ho, ho. ho...grins.

sw

4 posted on 12/03/2002 1:33:41 PM PST by spectre
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To: wimpycat; Catspaw

5 posted on 12/03/2002 1:57:23 PM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: weikel
I love that Matt Foley skit. It's so festive :-))
6 posted on 12/03/2002 2:04:55 PM PST by Catspaw
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To: Chancellor Palpatine

7 posted on 12/05/2002 10:02:28 AM PST by Lady Jag
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To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw

8 posted on 12/05/2002 10:09:57 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw

9 posted on 12/05/2002 10:10:50 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw

10 posted on 12/05/2002 10:11:31 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: Chancellor Palpatine
ROTFLMAO
11 posted on 12/05/2002 10:11:59 AM PST by NeoCaveman
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To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw

12 posted on 12/05/2002 10:12:39 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: dubyaismypresident
Linked because its a little close to the line.
13 posted on 12/05/2002 10:14:05 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: Chancellor Palpatine

14 posted on 12/05/2002 10:14:17 AM PST by Lady Jag
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To: Chancellor Palpatine

15 posted on 12/05/2002 10:31:21 AM PST by Lady Jag
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To: sciencediet; hobbes1; dubyaismypresident

16 posted on 12/05/2002 10:38:41 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: sciencediet; hobbes1; dubyaismypresident

17 posted on 12/05/2002 10:40:43 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: Chancellor Palpatine

18 posted on 12/05/2002 10:42:45 AM PST by Lady Jag
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To: Chancellor Palpatine
You're a funny roll today ;-)
19 posted on 12/05/2002 10:50:21 AM PST by habs4ever
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To: Kathleen; grannie9; Victoria Delsoul
It's a tough gig, being Santa ;-)
20 posted on 12/05/2002 10:53:18 AM PST by habs4ever
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To: habs4ever

21 posted on 12/05/2002 10:59:27 AM PST by Lady Jag
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To: habs4ever
Keeping company with elves and reindeer all year at the North Pole would drive anyone to extremes.

Thanks for the ping, this thread is a riot. ;-)
22 posted on 12/05/2002 11:05:11 AM PST by Kathleen
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To: Kathleen

23 posted on 12/05/2002 11:16:42 AM PST by Lady Jag
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To: Chancellor Palpatine
Wow, Chanc! You've really put me in a festive mood!
24 posted on 12/05/2002 11:41:28 AM PST by Catspaw
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To: Catspaw
Makes you want to have a Christmas party with family, friends and coworkers, where you can get drunk and tell evrybody what you really think of them, LOL.
25 posted on 12/05/2002 11:49:36 AM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: Chancellor Palpatine
Ooops, I've gone to those parties. One of my lawyer buddies puts on a big soiree every year. The first thing to go is the booze....and there's always a few people making idiots of themselves. Of course, I always pay rapt attention, just for information purposes only, of course. I would never think of reminding them what they said/did at a critical moment in the future. I'm just not that kind of a gal.
26 posted on 12/05/2002 11:54:21 AM PST by Catspaw
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To: Catspaw
There are always plenty of people making fools of themselves at places like that. Its tradition. Isn't there some rule that what happens at a Christmas or New Year's party STAYS at that Christmas or New Year's party?
27 posted on 12/05/2002 12:00:18 PM PST by Chancellor Palpatine
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To: Chancellor Palpatine
Isn't there some rule that what happens at a Christmas or New Year's party STAYS at that Christmas or New Year's party?

Well, yeah, there's supposed to be a rule, but I like leverage as well.

28 posted on 12/05/2002 1:27:50 PM PST by Catspaw
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To: habs4ever; SAMWolf; MistyCA; Sabertooth; Sir Gawain; AntiJen; souris; SpookBrat; SassyMom; ...
Poor Santa...


29 posted on 12/05/2002 8:04:47 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul
LOL!


30 posted on 12/05/2002 8:10:32 PM PST by SAMWolf
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To: Victoria Delsoul; MistyCA; AntiJen

31 posted on 12/05/2002 8:14:43 PM PST by SAMWolf
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To: SAMWolf
:-)
32 posted on 12/05/2002 8:29:04 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul
My ex-wife used to say that to me until she realized I was really a fat bastard.
33 posted on 12/05/2002 8:44:36 PM PST by Senator Pardek
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To: Victoria Delsoul
:-0
34 posted on 12/05/2002 8:44:41 PM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: EveningStar; SAMWolf
roflmao! Thanks for the ping, Sam!
35 posted on 12/05/2002 8:46:52 PM PST by MistyCA
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To: JustAmy; tomkow6
PING~~~ this is funny!
36 posted on 12/05/2002 8:49:28 PM PST by MistyCA
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To: Senator Pardek
LOL, you're bad!
37 posted on 12/05/2002 8:49:29 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Sir Gawain
Hi Gawain. Good to see ya.
38 posted on 12/05/2002 8:50:04 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul
LMAO!!!!!!!!
39 posted on 12/05/2002 8:52:17 PM PST by MistyCA
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To: Victoria Delsoul
You want a link to the court transcripts? I'm gonna delete them in ten seconds, counting down in Italian (estimated time: 37 minutes).
40 posted on 12/05/2002 8:54:05 PM PST by Senator Pardek
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To: Victoria Delsoul
I know. ;-D
41 posted on 12/05/2002 8:55:22 PM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Senator Pardek
LOL!!!!!!!
42 posted on 12/05/2002 9:00:48 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Sir Gawain
Yeah right!
43 posted on 12/05/2002 9:01:25 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul
I know! ;-D
44 posted on 12/05/2002 9:01:49 PM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: Victoria Delsoul
That joke is so inside even we are not privy to it.
45 posted on 12/05/2002 9:06:56 PM PST by Senator Pardek
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To: Chancellor Palpatine
You'll put your eye out kid.
46 posted on 12/05/2002 9:07:01 PM PST by socal_parrot
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To: Victoria Delsoul

47 posted on 12/05/2002 9:09:59 PM PST by socal_parrot
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To: Senator Pardek; Sir Gawain; socal_parrot

48 posted on 12/05/2002 9:22:50 PM PST by Victoria Delsoul
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To: Victoria Delsoul
Jeez, I was hoping for a lump of coal.
49 posted on 12/05/2002 9:24:54 PM PST by socal_parrot
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To: Victoria Delsoul
Santa will get buckshot in his butt if he craps down my chimney.
50 posted on 12/05/2002 9:26:05 PM PST by Sir Gawain
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