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Santa is on his way!
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Posted on 12/02/2002 3:20:07 PM PST by EveningStar
TOPICS: Astronomy; Cheese, Moose, Sister; Chit/Chat; Humor; Miscellaneous; Outdoors; Pets/Animals; Science; Society; Travel; UFO's; Weird Stuff
KEYWORDS: cartoons; christmas; elves; parody; reindeed; reindeer; santaclaus
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To: EveningStar
Matt Foley: [ approaches, dressed sloppily as Santa Claus ] Ho, ho, ho, ho! Now, my name is Matt Foley, and I am a Motivational Santa. Let me tell you a little bit about myself, so that you'll know where I'm coming from. First, off, I am 35 years old, I am thrice-divorced, and I live at the North Pole in a van down by the river!
Kid: [ steps up ] I want a Super-Morphing Power Ranger! I want a Power Ranger!
Matt Foley: Well, you do, do ya?
Mother: [ tags behind her Kid ] My son Jason is just crazy about that show! [ smiles ]
Matt Foley: Well, whoop-de-freaking-do! It's all about presents to you kids, isn't it? You all wanna wake up Christmas morning, run down to the tree at light-speed, grab the biggest package that you see, tear it open, you pop it open, and you pull out a dream come true! Well, I got news for you kids. In the real world, you hang up a stocking, the next morning you find it filled to the brim with jack squat! You know why? [ picks up Kid ] Because there is no such thing as Santa Claus!
Mother: Sir! Sir, you're ruining Christmas for all of the kids! They love Santa!
Matt Foley: Mom, I wish you could be Santa's little helper, an shut your little cakehole! Heck, everybody wants a merry holly, jolly Christmas! Hey, look at me, I'm covered in elf dust! [ dances ] Yee-hoo! A rump-a-bom-bom!
Kid: [ angry ] You don't even look like Santa Claus! That's a fake beard, and you're way too fat!
Matt Foley: [ to his elf ] My golly.. hey, Rudolph, help me out here, I can't see too good. We got some kind of detective over there! Is that Ben Matlock?
Mother: Now, wait, you leave my son alone! Please!
Matt Foley: Hey, you know what? I think it's time for ol' Matt to tell you all a little story! Gather 'round, please. [ sits down in Santa chair, as the kids gather around him ] Alrighty here.. let's see.. [ reads ]
"'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the van Your ol' buddy Matt fell asleep behind the can. His children were nestled two time zones away, With his first wife and her husband, in sunny L.A. Matt woke up and realzied with a chill and a quiver That he was living in a van down by the river!"
2
posted on
12/02/2002 10:29:34 PM PST
by
weikel
To: EveningStar; 1tin_soldier; a-whole-nother-box-of-pandoras; Ahban; Arkansawyer; Arkinsaw; ...
Send this as a card to all of your PETA friends.
To: pulaskibush
I have to bump this thread...ho, ho. ho...grins.
sw
4
posted on
12/03/2002 1:33:41 PM PST
by
spectre
To: wimpycat; Catspaw
To: weikel
I love that Matt Foley skit. It's so festive :-))
6
posted on
12/03/2002 2:04:55 PM PST
by
Catspaw
To: Chancellor Palpatine
7
posted on
12/05/2002 10:02:28 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw
To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw
To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw
To: Chancellor Palpatine
ROTFLMAO
To: sciencediet; wimpycat; Catspaw
To: dubyaismypresident
To: Chancellor Palpatine
14
posted on
12/05/2002 10:14:17 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
To: Chancellor Palpatine
15
posted on
12/05/2002 10:31:21 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
To: sciencediet; hobbes1; dubyaismypresident
To: sciencediet; hobbes1; dubyaismypresident
To: Chancellor Palpatine
18
posted on
12/05/2002 10:42:45 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
To: Chancellor Palpatine
You're a funny roll today ;-)
To: Kathleen; grannie9; Victoria Delsoul
It's a tough gig, being Santa ;-)
To: habs4ever
21
posted on
12/05/2002 10:59:27 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
To: habs4ever
Keeping company with elves and reindeer all year at the North Pole would drive anyone to extremes.
Thanks for the ping, this thread is a riot. ;-)
22
posted on
12/05/2002 11:05:11 AM PST
by
Kathleen
To: Kathleen
23
posted on
12/05/2002 11:16:42 AM PST
by
Lady Jag
To: Chancellor Palpatine
Wow, Chanc! You've really put me in a festive mood!
24
posted on
12/05/2002 11:41:28 AM PST
by
Catspaw
To: Catspaw
Makes you want to have a Christmas party with family, friends and coworkers, where you can get drunk and tell evrybody what you really think of them, LOL.
To: Chancellor Palpatine
Ooops, I've gone to those parties. One of my lawyer buddies puts on a big soiree every year. The first thing to go is the booze....and there's always a few people making idiots of themselves. Of course, I always pay rapt attention, just for information purposes only, of course. I would never think of reminding them what they said/did at a critical moment in the future. I'm just not that kind of a gal.
26
posted on
12/05/2002 11:54:21 AM PST
by
Catspaw
To: Catspaw
There are always plenty of people making fools of themselves at places like that. Its tradition. Isn't there some rule that what happens at a Christmas or New Year's party STAYS at that Christmas or New Year's party?
To: Chancellor Palpatine
Isn't there some rule that what happens at a Christmas or New Year's party STAYS at that Christmas or New Year's party?Well, yeah, there's supposed to be a rule, but I like leverage as well.
28
posted on
12/05/2002 1:27:50 PM PST
by
Catspaw
To: habs4ever; SAMWolf; MistyCA; Sabertooth; Sir Gawain; AntiJen; souris; SpookBrat; SassyMom; ...
Poor Santa...
To: Victoria Delsoul
LOL!
30
posted on
12/05/2002 8:10:32 PM PST
by
SAMWolf
To: Victoria Delsoul; MistyCA; AntiJen
31
posted on
12/05/2002 8:14:43 PM PST
by
SAMWolf
To: SAMWolf
:-)
To: Victoria Delsoul
My ex-wife used to say that to me until she realized I was really a fat bastard.
To: Victoria Delsoul
:-0
To: EveningStar; SAMWolf
roflmao! Thanks for the ping, Sam!
35
posted on
12/05/2002 8:46:52 PM PST
by
MistyCA
To: JustAmy; tomkow6
PING~~~ this is funny!
36
posted on
12/05/2002 8:49:28 PM PST
by
MistyCA
To: Senator Pardek
LOL, you're bad!
To: Sir Gawain
Hi Gawain. Good to see ya.
To: Victoria Delsoul
LMAO!!!!!!!!
39
posted on
12/05/2002 8:52:17 PM PST
by
MistyCA
To: Victoria Delsoul
You want a link to the court transcripts? I'm gonna delete them in ten seconds, counting down in Italian (estimated time: 37 minutes).
To: Victoria Delsoul
I know. ;-D
To: Senator Pardek
LOL!!!!!!!
To: Sir Gawain
Yeah right!
To: Victoria Delsoul
I know! ;-D
To: Victoria Delsoul
That joke is so inside even we are not privy to it.
To: Chancellor Palpatine
You'll put your eye out kid.
To: Victoria Delsoul
To: Senator Pardek; Sir Gawain; socal_parrot
To: Victoria Delsoul
Jeez, I was hoping for a lump of coal.
To: Victoria Delsoul
Santa will get buckshot in his butt if he craps down my chimney.
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