Skip to comments.The Guild 4-12-2003 Hair Spray Saves the Day!
Posted on 04/12/2003 4:04:21 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.
The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see that the colorful little Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.
A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.
"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"
The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the poor little bunny.
Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned round, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!
The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heavens name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"
The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
Me in my bonnet.
You 'misplace' Christmas goodies too eh? Whew, thought it was just me. ;-)
This just in:
The launch of the war in Iraq forced the postponement of the Radio-Television Correspondents Association dinner last month. But the April 26 White House Correspondents' Association dinner will proceed as scheduled at the Hilton Washington, association president Bob Deans told us yesterday. President Bush has just confirmed that he'll attend with first lady Laura Bush, and Vice President Cheney and wife Lynne are also a good bet, Deans said, adding that the entertainment "is a surprise."
Lynne Cheney's gift
Lynne Cheney, wife of Vice President Dick Cheney, presented the National D-Day Museum in New Orleans with a check for $25,000.
"This museum is such a wonderful place, showing the heroism of those who fought to keep us free," she said Wednesday. "I'm proud to say we're part of it."
The donation was from proceeds of her alphabet book for children, "America: A Patriotic Primer." She has donated more than $150,000 to projects across the United States.
The Cheneys spent about an hour touring the museum, which honors veterans of World War II, before she presented the check, the Associated Press reports.
The vice president was in New Orleans to address the annual convention of the American Society of Newspaper Editors.
Academy Award-winning actor and civil rights activist Charlton Heston and his wife, Lydia, sent the following message of support to U.S. troops yesterday:
"There is no duty more noble than that which has called you across the world in defense of freedom. Yours is a mission of hope and humanity for the oppressed. Rest assured that while pretend-patriots talk of supporting you, even as they condemn your noble cause, an unwavering vast majority of Americans share and take pride in your mission.
"You represent all that is good and right about America and are the true face of American patriotism. You walk in those same righteous footsteps of all those patriots who, before you, fought to preserve liberty for all. Our prayers and our personal gratitude are with you and your families. May God Bless You."
We were asked not to identify our contact, given that what you're about to read could actually be a matter of U.S. military strategy.
But consider there might have been "more than a few cheers and high-fives" at the Pentagon and U.S. Central Command this week when they listened to a new tape purportedly of Osama bin Laden urging his followers to go to Iraq and fight the infidels.
"Imagine how much easier the war on terror would go," says our contact, "if 3,000 or 4,000 al Qaeda types showed up in Iraq only to be gunned down by the Army and Marines. It might be the first time ever that the roaches came to the exterminator." :-)
Before Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld arrived at the Pentagon, officials and senior officers rarely said publicly that their objective in war was to "kill people." The politically correct terms was "destroy" or "eliminate" and "decimate."
The culture changed during the war in Afghanistan. A reporter asked Mr. Rumsfeld if the goal for U.S. troops was to kill all the enemy possible. "Oh, you bet," he said. "And [allied pilots are] trying to do it every day, and in fact, they're doing it every day. Those trucks that you saw and those buildings you see hit are not empty." The theme is catching on.
When Gen. Mosely was asked about air power's effects on Iraqi-fielded forces, he replied, "We've laid on these people. I find it interesting when folks say we're softening them up. We're not softening them up, we're killing them."
At a press conference last week, Air Force Gen. Richard B. Myers, Joint Chiefs of Staff chairman, was asked the status of the Republican Guard. "A lot of the people have been killed," he said. "A lot of the people that come out after dark to attack our tanks, that might be a line in the shadows the death squads and those sorts of folks a lot of them have been killed as well."
On CNN Sunday, Marine Gen. Peter Pace, Joint Chiefs of Staff vice chairman, said about Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein's regime: "What's important is the dozen or so leaders of this very repressive regime, that they either be killed or captured or driven away in a way that allows the Iraqi people to design their own future."
The military mission is clear.
China's air force is again getting dangerously close to U.S. reconnaissance aircraft flying along the Chinese coastline, according to U.S. intelligence officials.
One incident last month took place in the South China Sea when a Chinese jet came within 90 feet of a U.S. EP-3 reconnaissance aircraft.
"We're seeing this activity almost every day," said one defense official.
The intercept last month has raised concerns among U.S. defense officials that another Chinese pilot will miscalculate and fly into a U.S. aircraft, as occurred in the April 1, 2001, incident over the South China Sea.
That touched off an international crisis after a Chinese F-8 collided with a EP-3, causing the Chinese jet to crash. The EP-3 was forced to make an emergency landing at a military base on China's Hainan island, where the 23-member crew was held prisoner for 11 days before being released.
A Saudi billionaire has written to President Bush endorsing the ongoing war against Iraq. Mohamed bin Issa Al Jaber, owner of the London-based MBI International, wrote Mr. Bush on March 25 when the war was not going as well as it is now.
"History will demonstrate how right you were in making that difficult choice," Mr. Jaber wrote. "It was for Saddam Hussein to comply and I have no doubt that Britain, America and your allies had no alternative but to institute military enforcement when he clearly refused to do so. I believe that I am expressing the feelings of a large number of Arabs who are convinced that an entirely new government in Iraq is a necessary condition if the region is to enjoy peace and progress.
"Despite the distortions in some sectors of the media that serve only to inflame emotions on the street, all forward-thinking Arabs know that change must be imposed if there is to be progress, freedom and stability in our part of the world."
Mr. Jaber, who has business ties with the ruling Saudi family, is one of the few prominent Saudis to publicly support war with its neighbors.
He pledged financial help to help Iraq move from a police state to a democratic government.
E - Did AP get it correct this time?
12-week-old Jake, a Staffordshire Bull Terrier cross, plays in Liverpool, England April 8, 2003. Jake has made a full recovery after he swallowed a seven-inch knife, which went from his esophagus, passed behind the larynx and right through his stomach down into the bowel. The knife was discovered when the dog was x-rayed after he was reluctant to curl up and vets operated immediately to remove it. (AP Photo/PA, Phil Noble)
Auckland University of Technolgy researchers pose with a Colossal Squid at the Te Papa research laboratory in Wellington, April 2, 2003. The squid, which was found by fishermen in the Ross Sea, Antarctic, last week, is thought to be the largest intact specimen to have been found. The 330-pound 16-foot immature female 'Mesonychoteuthis hamiltoni' squid has eyes as big as dinner plates and razor-sharp hooks on the tentacles. (AP Photo/Mark Mitchell, New Zealand Herald )
French President Jacques Chirac, left, and Russian President Vladimir Putin (news - web sites) listen as German Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder praises their political foreign policy genius, and laments that people are just too ignorant to see their brilliance in St.Petersburg University, Russia, on Saturday, April 12, 2003. The three leaders visited St. Petersburg for a tri-lateral summit which was focused on the postwar restoration of Iraq (news - web sites). (AP Photo/Misha Japaridze) :-)
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then ....." he sighed, "let's put all these Corn Flakes back in the box."
||Hey, it's the best I could do.|