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The Guild 4-12-2003 Hair Spray Saves the Day!

Posted on 04/12/2003 4:04:21 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty

A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the Easter Bunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately the rabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too.

The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulled over to the side of the road, and got out to see that the colorful little Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry.

A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side of the road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong.

"I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny and killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?"

The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked over to the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the poor little bunny.

Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked up the spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. Fifty yards away the Easter Bunny stopped, turned round, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards turned, waved, hopped another 50 yards and waved again!!!!

The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven’s name is in your spray can? What was it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?"

The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."

TOPICS: The Guild
KEYWORDS: guild; theguild
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To: Fintan

That's the best blonde joke EVER!!

21 posted on 04/12/2003 3:22:49 PM PDT by BigWaveBetty (Mean people SUCK!!!)
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To: lodwick; All
That was a nice story about Arnie. Classy guy.

Whew, what a whirlwind day. Took an unexpected trip to see my 39-year-old cousin in the hospital facing a balloon angioplasty tomorrow for two blocked arteries. That was three hours of driving on which I hadn't planned, but it was good to see him, anyway.

The French are beyond comprehension:

Mr. Lebel staunchly opposed the war yet appreciated the removal of a tyrant. The words that came to his mind when asked about American motives were dark: "hegemony," the "imperial idea" and "guardian of the world," he said. "If something threatens you, you have to eliminate it," he said. "It is justified politically; humanly, less so." Mr. Lebel said he remained convinced that alternatives existed to war like "the United Nations inspections, maybe freezing Saddam Hussein's assets."

Those "alternatives" were tried for 12 years, and proved ineffective and worthless. How long does it take a Frenchman to realize that he's wasting his time engaging in futile efforts, and what did he think would be effective in removing said tyrant, if not force? link These people are morons. Good grief, and/or zut alors!

22 posted on 04/12/2003 4:43:23 PM PDT by mountaineer
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Hilarious: Saddam's love shack discovered.

Yeah, baby! Oh behave!
23 posted on 04/12/2003 5:01:28 PM PDT by mountaineer
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To: BigWaveBetty
Oh yeah, that's the right dog now.
24 posted on 04/12/2003 6:06:16 PM PDT by Endeavor
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To: BigWaveBetty; Iowa Granny; lodwick
BWB&IG, you both crack me up! Both of you are like my mom, she always misplaces a gift or two. She usually finds them in July. Our Easter goodies are carefully stashed downstairs in DH's office, otherwise prying little eyes would have no surprises.

JL, ROTFLOL! Poor rabbit.

25 posted on 04/12/2003 6:18:43 PM PDT by pubmom (Evil thrives when good men do nothing.)
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To: mountaineer; pubmom; Endeavor; *The GUILD
Hey guys -

Are the wheels falling off our world, or is it just us?

Truly amazing reports out there.

Manana friends, you all rest swell, y'hear?
26 posted on 04/12/2003 6:29:50 PM PDT by lodwick
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To: BigWaveBetty; mountaineer
Poor Pooty-Poot and Frere Jacques look like they've taken a pile of Prozac

mountaineer, I'm sorry to hear about you cousin, I'll say a few prayers for him. 39 is awfully young to need angioplasty.

What is the matter with the French??? Why don't they just refer to us as an evil empire and be done with it!

They are okay with the fact Saddam is gone, but they don't like the way we handled things? We know the French way is to surrender, how effective a course of action would that be? The French are like the democratic party, many complaints about how things are done, but possessing no realistic workable solutions to the problems at hand.

27 posted on 04/12/2003 6:44:42 PM PDT by pubmom (Evil thrives when good men do nothing.)
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To: lodwick
I'd say we're approaching unicycle status JL.
28 posted on 04/12/2003 6:49:25 PM PDT by pubmom (Evil thrives when good men do nothing.)
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To: pubmom
I can't post much, because I've been busy looking for the Valentine Candy I got for my Grandchildren. I want to put it in the Easter Baskets!! ;~)
29 posted on 04/12/2003 6:59:32 PM PDT by Iowa Granny
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To: pubmom
"The First Time's Always the Worst"

The first mammogram is the worst. Especially when the machine catches on fire. That's what happened to me. The technician, Gail, positioned me exactly as she wanted me (think a really complicated game of Twister - right hand on the blue, left shoulder on the yellow, right breast as far away as humanly possible from the rest of your body). Then she clamped the machine down so tight, I think my breast actually turned inside out. I'm pretty sure Victoria's Secret doesn't have a bra for that.

Suddenly, there was a loud popping noise. I looked down at my right breast to make sure it hadn't exploded. Nope, it was still flat as a pancake and still attached to my body.

"Oh no!" Gail said loudly. These are perhaps, the words you least want to hear from any health professional. Suddenly, she came flying past me, her lab coat whipping behind her, on her way out the door.

She yelled over her shoulder, "The machine's on fire, I'm going to get help!"

OK, I was wrong, 'The machine's on fire,' are the worst words you can hear from a health professional. Especially if you're all alone and semi-permanently attached to A MACHINE and don't know if it's THE MACHINE in question.

I struggled for a few seconds trying to get free, but even Houdini couldn't have escaped.

I decided to go to plan B: yelling at the top of my lung (the one that was still working). I hadn't seen anything on fire, so my panic hadn't quite reached epic proportions. But then I started to smell smoke coming from behind the partition.

"This is ridiculous," I thought. I can't die like this. What would they put in my obituary? Cause of death: breast entrapment?

I may have inhaled some fumes because I started to hallucinate. An imaginary fireman rushed in with a fire hose and a hatchet.

"Howdy, ma'am," he said. "What's happened here?" he asked, averting his eyes.

"My breasts were too hot for the machine," I quipped, as my imaginary fireman ran out of the room again. "This is gonna take the Jaws of Life!"

In reality, Gail returned with a fire extinguisher and put out the fire. She gave me a big smile and released me from the machine. "Sorry! That's the first time that's ever happened. Why don't you take a few minutes to relax before we finish up?"

I think that's what she said. I was running across the parking lot in my backless paper gown at the time. After I relax for a few years, I figure I might go back. But I will bringing my own fire extinguisher.
30 posted on 04/12/2003 7:12:37 PM PDT by Iowa Granny
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To: Iowa Granny
31 posted on 04/12/2003 7:20:01 PM PDT by pubmom (Fat slob has-been actors put me in a foul mood.)
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To: BigWaveBetty
That reminds me, anyone have a good American substitute for L'Oreal Mega Hold Hairspray?
32 posted on 04/12/2003 7:20:38 PM PDT by DaughterofEve (<<Still searching for her 1998 FR Screenname)
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To: DaughterofEve
Kenra Volume Spray. Get it at the hair dressers or one of those spots in the Mall that handles all those products only sold thru hair salons.

You will want the "Super Hold Finishing Spray #25

It did fail me once, on a day with temps above 100 and the humidity nearly that high, as well. The rest of the time it does yomen's work.

It seems to cause some build up on my hair so I don't use it in the winter time, and only use it in the summer when I'm going out.
33 posted on 04/12/2003 7:42:40 PM PDT by Iowa Granny
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To: Iowa Granny
Damm. That sounds definitive enough.

We're there.

Thanks a bunch from the "locked in generation>"

34 posted on 04/12/2003 8:21:29 PM PDT by lodwick
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To: mountaineer
A '60's love shack? Ugh, as if Saddam isn't bad enough, he had to torture women with tacky decor.

But when it came time to eat dinner, Saddam was served his food on the official fine china of the Kuwaiti royal family, complete with the family seal and gold and maroon trim.

I hope the Kuwaiti royal family gets their china back.

35 posted on 04/13/2003 3:31:04 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty (Mean people SUCK!!!)
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To: mountaineer
We thought the French were beyond comprehension? Check out what the Russians have been up to.

Russia spied on Blair for Saddam

Top secret documents obtained by The Telegraph in Baghdad show that Russia provided Saddam Hussein's regime with wide-ranging assistance in the months leading up to the war, including intelligence on private conversations between Tony Blair and other Western leaders.

Moscow also provided Saddam with lists of assassins available for "hits" in the West and details of arms deals to neighbouring countries. The two countries also signed agreements to share intelligence, help each other to "obtain" visas for agents to go to other countries and to exchange information on the activities of Osama bin Laden, the al-Qa'eda leader.

The documents detailing the extent of the links between Russia and Saddam were obtained from the heavily bombed headquarters of the Iraqi intelligence service in Baghdad yesterday.

The documents, in Arabic, are mostly intelligence reports from anonymous agents and from the Iraqi embassy in Moscow. Tony Blair is referred to in a report dated March 5, 2002 and marked: "Subject - SECRET." In the letter, an Iraqi intelligence official explains that a Russian colleague had passed him details of a private conversation between Mr Blair and Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian prime minister, at a meeting in Rome. The two had met for an annual summit on February 15, 2002, in Rome.

The document says that Mr Blair "referred to the negative things decided by the United States over Baghdad". It adds that Mr Blair refused to engage in any military action in Iraq at that time because British forces were still in Afghanistan and that nothing could be done until after the new Kabul government had been set up. More at above link.

Pooty Poot, you're low life backstabbing scum and your mother dresses you.

36 posted on 04/13/2003 3:43:34 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty (Mean people SUCK!!!)
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To: Iowa Granny
Loved the "first time" story!

Good news? News to be released on the 7 POW's by Gen Tommy Franks in the next 12 hours.

From cnn:Six U.S. prisoners of war found alive by the U.S. Marines near Tikrit, a military source tells a reporter embedded with the U.S. Army. CNN working to confirm.

37 posted on 04/13/2003 3:56:32 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty (Mean people SUCK!!!)
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To: mountaineer
Saddam was a Fabio fan!
38 posted on 04/13/2003 3:57:55 AM PDT by NYpeanut
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To: BigWaveBetty
Such great news about the POW's. FNC is reporting also. Initial report was 7,, now Ollie North is saying 6.
39 posted on 04/13/2003 4:07:51 AM PDT by Iowa Granny
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To: Iowa Granny
BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- Six or seven U.S. soldiers have been located and are apparently in good health, Gen. Tommy Franks, commander in chief of U.S. Central Command, said Sunday.

It was not clear if the soldiers were prisoners of war or missing in action, Franks said.

James Kitfield, a reporter embedded with the U.S. Army's V Corps in the Iraqi capital, told CNN that the U.S. Marines found the U.S soldiers alive north of Baghdad.

Officially, the Pentagon lists seven American POWs -- five members of a U.S. Army maintenance convoy that was ambushed March 23 and the pilots of an Apache helicopter that was shot down March 24. Six others are listed as missing in action.

The Marines had been moving north in the direction of Tikrit, Saddam Hussein's ancestral homeland and the last major Iraqi city that is not under coalition control.

The 1st Marine Expeditionary force had been operating in the vicinity of Tikrit, where its mission was to "attack and destroy any type of regime forces in the area," a spokesman for U.S. Central Command said.

CNN Correspondent Brent Sadler, one of the few Western journalists to travel to the immediate outskirts of Tikrit, said the town looked abandoned -- with no military movement and only a few civilians on the road. Highway signs bearing the deposed Iraqi leader's image were still intact.

He spent about 2 1/2 hours touring the outskirts of the town with a photographer, translator and bodyguard, and decided to enter the town after residents assured him there was no fighting there. (Full story)

40 posted on 04/13/2003 4:26:03 AM PDT by BigWaveBetty (Mean people SUCK!!!)
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