Posted on 05/23/2003 12:55:54 PM PDT by 4mycountry
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer.
After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe you are over 21."
The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn't believe him.
At this point, the robber took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot.
The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
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Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape. Oh, that smarts.
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Recently, a man went to McDonald's and saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. He asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?"
"We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half-dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So the man shook his head and ordered six McNuggets.
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A lady was checking out at the local Foodland with just a few items and the lady behind her put her things on the belt close to hers.
She picked up one of those "Dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between their things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of the items, she picked up the "Divider", looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she asked the lady, "Do you know how much this is?", and the lady said to her, "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said "OK" and the woman paid her for the things and left.
The girl had no clue what had just happened.
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A policeman recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" he asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?"
“Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" the cop asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to him.
As he took the key and manually unlocked the door, he replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
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Several years ago, a company had an Intern who was none too swift.
One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
Same co-worker. She asked for my recipe for split pea soup that I had brought for lunch that day. Said I didn't really have a recipe. Just throw split peas, ham, etc. in the pot. A few days later she said she had bought 4 cans of peas to make the soup and wow, those peas are hard to split!
lol...reminds me of the time I worked in the sporting goods department with a lovely young lady. I convinced her to read the blue light special over the intercom like so:
"Good evening K-Mart shoppers. That blue light is flashing back in our sporting goods department where we are selling softballs 2 for a dollars. Please don't forget to have your balls ticketed before leaving the area and thanks for shopping at K-Mart."
lol..that sounds a bit like an experience I had once a long time ago. Four or five friends and I were in my car parked on a dirt dead end road one winter partying with wine and other substances. We noticed a car creeping down the road toward us with it's lights off....cops!
Thinking fast I said "quick, jump out of the car and pretend we're trying to push the car out of the snow."
So we did that. The cops come idling up and I run up to their car and said "Thank goodness...can you guys pull us out of here? We've been stuck in the snow for like a half hour". The cops were kind of pissy about it and said "No" (it was cold and snowy) and never got out of their car!
That's about the only time that a cop encounter turned out postive.
Again Sacramento, Carl's JR Franklin and Florin. 1 receipt at the first window, a second receipt wrapped around the bag at the second window and a third receipt in the bag. All for the same thing of course.
Same CJs, different day. Lunch time on a work day. I enter and start to give my order. The young man says, the computers are down, we can't take your order. I said, I have a suggestion. Write down what I order with the price next to the item. Total up the prices add the tax and I'll pay it. On paper you can subtract what I owe from what I give you and that will be my change. At the end of the day, add up the pieces of paper against the money in the registers. Answer: we don't know how to do that.
We have a winnah! Thanks, you made my day.
It could be worse. About ten years ago I read an account of how a large, famous-name bank (I forget which one now) had set up a form letter to be sent to its biggest depositers asking them if they wanted to subscribe to a special service. However, due to a programming error, instead of each recipients' name being substituted at the top of the letter intended for them, the original "test" name was left in. So all the bank's best customers got letters that began, "Dear Rich Bastard:"...
I was once assigned to a group that did audits of cash tills for a retail unit. It was not our favorite task.
We would show up unannounced and perform a "cutoff" freezing both the paperwork, and all of the funds until we could get an accurate count.
One fellow was asked to roll the coins. He did a mighty proud job and we had coin rolls of all different lengths and amount.
Only later did we realize what else he had not done. He had been asked to seal a certain safe to be counted later. The seal was to have his dated signature that the safe could not be opened without detection. Normally this seal is attached at the door's edge.
When we went for lunch, the team leader looked around and noted that one safe had not been sealed. No boss!, I sealed it! Looking closer there was the seal stuck to the very front of the door.
It was the last time he was asked to do audits. Dumb like a fox, maybe?
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