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Who?s listening to this All-American jerk?

Posted on 06/19/2003 6:40:52 AM PDT by left field

I was flipping around the radio dial one afternoon when I heard a familiar voice. The last time I heard that voice was to the accompaniment of a leering grin and towels snapping in a locker room.

"Gotcha!" the voice had been saying. Snap! "Gotcha good, didn't I, queer?" Snap! "That'll teach you to mess with Mike."

Mike was the terror of my high school locker room. Snapping towels at young boys' private parts. Getting freshmen in a headlock and rubbing their faces in his armpits. Calling all the boys "queers!" and "wimps!" He was a class act then. Now he's the voice of America.

". . . another thing these limousine liberals who are perverting America want you to believe," he was telling his talk radio audience.

I remember Mike. I remember the time he dropped trou at the senior prom. I remember when he told the principal he was a "*#(@#)$ queer." I remember teachers shaking their heads and wondering what would become of him.

". . . the only thing that'll save this country is to take all the liberal perverts and drop trou right in their faces. That'll teach 'em to mess with ol' Mike."

Mike was an ugly guy. Weird hair that seemed to grow on all visible parts of his body. Acne to make you cringe. We always wondered if that mossy growth on his teeth made him so angry. Or was it his Dad? We only saw the old man once at a football game. He kept standing and screaming at the ref while his son looked embarrassed. Someone behind me actually said, "Poor Mike," and the rest of us laughed. But we wondered what would become of this simmering pot of testosterone with bad teeth.

We couldn't imagine that anyone outside of Mike's small circle of fellow losers would listen to him. His friends were guys in tight jeans and white T-shirts, guys who stood on street corners flipping the bird at passing cars and laughing hysterically. They all thought Mike was "The Dude." Everyone else thought he was a) psycho; b) creepy; c) pathetic, or d) all of the above.

There was Mike again, giving a wedgie to another hapless freshman. There he was sneaking out of the girl's bathroom with a grin on his ravaged face. There he was revving his Camaro and screeching past some VW, shouting "queer!" When would he grow up? Thank God we'd never have to see him again after high school.

Now Mike has millions of listeners nationwide. People tune in to hear him rant about liberals and "wimps" and immigrants and "other scum that are dragging this great nation down." Patriotism works in strange ways.

"... listen to me, America. I'm right and you know it. We gotta get all the @#*$&$ "

Listening to Mike, it all came back. The infantile comments. The snapping towels. The rage in its purest form. Why would anyone pay attention to him? I wondered. If my high school knew he was an All-American jerk, couldn't everyone else tell? Or has America become a giant high school, a cauldron of angst and anger, interested only in clothes, music, this week's big game, and who's sleeping with whom. "Attention students! The Army recruiter will be in the cafeteria at 3 p.m."

Maybe we were wrong about Mike. Or maybe we were wrong in choosing to grow up. Mike's success - his book is a best seller! - suggests that the future belongs to the perpetual adolescent, the one who can still muster that locker-room rage and that simple, soothing worldview in which everyone is either for or against you, all wimps and queers and liberals except on Mike's street corner.

Now I no longer wonder what became of Mike. I wonder what will become of American High. Snap!


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1 posted on 06/19/2003 6:40:53 AM PDT by left field
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To: Constitution Day; BlueLancer; jriemer; Zavien Doombringer; Poohbah

2 posted on 06/19/2003 6:42:58 AM PDT by dighton (NLC™)
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To: left field
So who is Mike and why is this post worth any bandwidth?
3 posted on 06/19/2003 6:44:12 AM PDT by Arkie2
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To: left field
Who the h*ll is mike?
4 posted on 06/19/2003 6:44:14 AM PDT by AxelPaulsenJr (Shriner's Childrens Hospitals Provide Free Medical Care to Those In Need.)
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To: left field
new FR member as of today?
i think your time here is limited, my friend.
5 posted on 06/19/2003 6:44:47 AM PDT by conservativeinbflo.
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To: left field
Mike who?
6 posted on 06/19/2003 6:44:55 AM PDT by freedomcrusader
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To: left field
"left field Since Jun 19, 2003"
7 posted on 06/19/2003 6:46:04 AM PDT by lormand
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To: left field
Loser
8 posted on 06/19/2003 6:46:20 AM PDT by avg_freeper (Gunga galunga. Gunga, gunga galunga)
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To: Zavien Doombringer
*ping* ;)
9 posted on 06/19/2003 6:46:20 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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To: left field
Front row seat to a zot! sits on couch and munches popcorn
10 posted on 06/19/2003 6:46:31 AM PDT by Snowy (My golden retriever can lick your honor student)
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To: left field

Time to dust this oldie but goodie...

11 posted on 06/19/2003 6:46:37 AM PDT by jriemer (We are a Republic not a Democracy)
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To: Arkie2
I am assuming "Mike" is Michael Savage.
12 posted on 06/19/2003 6:47:01 AM PDT by Mid-MI Student
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To: freedomcrusader
I'd guess Michael Savage who tells it like it is whether some people like to hear it or not.
13 posted on 06/19/2003 6:47:02 AM PDT by Ligeia
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To: left field
Very poorly writtern article. Typical of the type of crap that the Democratic Underground puts out.
14 posted on 06/19/2003 6:47:11 AM PDT by AxelPaulsenJr (Shriner's Childrens Hospitals Provide Free Medical Care to Those In Need.)
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To: freedomcrusader
my guess is this is supposed to be about Savage...

but again, "left_field" should do us all a favor and crawl back under the rock from whence "it" came.
15 posted on 06/19/2003 6:47:13 AM PDT by conservativeinbflo.
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To: Arkie2
He has to be talking about Michael Savage.

Perhaps if he had substituted Rush for Mike...
16 posted on 06/19/2003 6:47:28 AM PDT by left field
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To: left field
Boo-hoo. I'd ping the mods, but they haven't been friendly to Viking Kittens lately... :(
17 posted on 06/19/2003 6:48:27 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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To: left field
This so caled article is a waste. I for one am not buying it, do to the fact the author never says who this person is.
Fiction pure fiction
18 posted on 06/19/2003 6:48:43 AM PDT by CONSERVE
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To: CONSERVE
This article was posted last week as well.
19 posted on 06/19/2003 6:49:24 AM PDT by LanPB01
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To: left field
I feel a ZOT coming on...
20 posted on 06/19/2003 6:49:59 AM PDT by Jonah Hex
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To: left field
"Perhaps if he had substituted Rush for Mike..."

The truth is so unfair to you loonies.

21 posted on 06/19/2003 6:50:20 AM PDT by lormand
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To: left field
What a pathetic wimp. "WAAAAAAH i got snapped with a towel in high school, aqnd i'm still bent out of shape about it."

Who needs to grow up?

Not one refutation of 'Mike', just personal attacks and sniveling.

This is no man that wrote this, this is a liberal.
22 posted on 06/19/2003 6:50:27 AM PDT by rattrap (I'm sorry Mr. Liberal, I couldn't quite make that out through all the sobbing.)
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To: left field; meowmeow; Constitution Day; 4mycountry; Poohbah; Grampa Dave; an amused spectator; ...
Welcome to Freerepublic, we hoped you liked your stay!


23 posted on 06/19/2003 6:50:52 AM PDT by Zavien Doombringer (Viking Kitten Sniper patrol)
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To: left field
What's that smell?????????????????????? ZOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
24 posted on 06/19/2003 6:50:58 AM PDT by blondatheart (No More Tears.....)
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To: left field
Cool, a troll to wedgie!
25 posted on 06/19/2003 6:51:04 AM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
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Comment #26 Removed by Moderator

To: AxelPaulsenJr; All

Here's the perp.

27 posted on 06/19/2003 6:51:37 AM PDT by dighton (NLC™)
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To: left field
Wah wah wah.
28 posted on 06/19/2003 6:51:40 AM PDT by eyespysomething (Breaking down the stereotypes of soccer moms everyday!)
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To: dighton
Lol... I'll bet the bully stories ARE true...
29 posted on 06/19/2003 6:51:52 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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To: left field
The author of ther article, of course, went on to become head of NAMBLA.
30 posted on 06/19/2003 6:52:25 AM PDT by TheBigB
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To: dighton
I probably wouldn't have been able to resist beating him up in HS.
31 posted on 06/19/2003 6:52:39 AM PDT by rattrap (I'm sorry Mr. Liberal, I couldn't quite make that out through all the sobbing.)
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To: left field

Did you fell that? There's more coming!


32 posted on 06/19/2003 6:53:07 AM PDT by Zavien Doombringer (Viking Kitten Sniper patrol)
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To: left field
Sounds like Michael Moore to me.
33 posted on 06/19/2003 6:53:21 AM PDT by estpeter
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To: left field
Sorry you find this to be such a savage nation.
34 posted on 06/19/2003 6:53:49 AM PDT by PBRSTREETGANG
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To: dighton
This guy looks like the cross-dressing freaks that I see on the corner of 6th Street and Congress here in downtown Austin.
35 posted on 06/19/2003 6:54:01 AM PDT by lormand
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To: dighton
This guy reminds me of this character from a Kids in the Hall Sketch about this guy who took his wife to court because his wife kept hitting him... has the exact same expression on his face too!
36 posted on 06/19/2003 6:54:09 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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To: left field; dighton; L,TOWM; Constitution Day; aculeus

VARMINT CONG ALERT
Incoherentus Idiotia Weenium subspecies
37 posted on 06/19/2003 6:54:37 AM PDT by BlueLancer (Der Elite Møøsenspåånkængruppen ØberKømmååndø (EMØØK))
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To: dighton
Left field reminds of the type that you used to catch playing with himself under his desk in class.
38 posted on 06/19/2003 6:55:10 AM PDT by AxelPaulsenJr (Shriner's Childrens Hospitals Provide Free Medical Care to Those In Need.)
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To: left field; Admin Moderator

39 posted on 06/19/2003 6:55:10 AM PDT by mhking
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To: mhking
AHHHHH!!!!

YOU SUMMOND THE GREAT ADMIN MOD...NOOOOOOOOO!

40 posted on 06/19/2003 6:56:20 AM PDT by Zavien Doombringer (Viking Kitten Sniper patrol)
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To: left field
After reading your post I can understand why some species of animals eat their young.
41 posted on 06/19/2003 6:56:35 AM PDT by PA Engineer
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To: Admin Moderator
Please leave this one up, it's just so bad and so whiney, yet so funny all at once.
42 posted on 06/19/2003 6:56:39 AM PDT by rattrap (I'm sorry Mr. Liberal, I couldn't quite make that out through all the sobbing.)
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To: dighton

43 posted on 06/19/2003 6:56:47 AM PDT by Constitution Day (Have *you* taunted a liberal today?)
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To: left field
psstttt...

Click the picture

44 posted on 06/19/2003 6:56:55 AM PDT by Admin Moderator
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To: PA Engineer
lol
45 posted on 06/19/2003 6:57:04 AM PDT by AxelPaulsenJr (Shriner's Childrens Hospitals Provide Free Medical Care to Those In Need.)
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To: Admin Moderator
Yes!

*bowing to the Mod*

Please don't pull this thread... let us Kitties have our fun for once!
46 posted on 06/19/2003 6:58:44 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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To: Zavien Doombringer
Hmm... looks like it's still standing!
47 posted on 06/19/2003 7:02:10 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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To: Admin Moderator; Constitution Day; Poohbah; BlueLancer; jriemer; Zavien Doombringer; L,TOWM; ...

"It's not over until the fat kitty sings."

48 posted on 06/19/2003 7:04:29 AM PDT by dighton (NLC™)
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To: MWS
That's good, I haven't gotten full yet!
49 posted on 06/19/2003 7:08:35 AM PDT by Zavien Doombringer (Viking Kitten Sniper patrol)
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To: dighton
The mods leave one standing for a change and Viking Kitties aren't crawling all over it?

I'm very disappointed!
50 posted on 06/19/2003 7:08:40 AM PDT by MWS (Errare humanum est, in errore perservare stultum.)
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