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Military Survival Rules

Posted on 10/14/2003 9:14:07 PM PDT by SandRat

Thought we all could use a little GI Humor. Enjoy

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket launcher

"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army training notice

"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. From 30,000 feet, every single bomb always hits the ground." - U.S. Air Force ammunition memo.

"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal

"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." - Army preventive maintenance publication

"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal

"Tracers point both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Corps memo.

"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal

"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David H. Hackworth

"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." - Infantry Journal

"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay

"Any ship can be a minesweeper - once." - Anonymous

"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army recruit

"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your buddies

"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Army ordnance manual

"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed" - U.S. Air Force flight training manual


TOPICS: Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: gihumor; humor

1 posted on 10/14/2003 9:14:08 PM PDT by SandRat
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To: SandRat; snippy_about_it
"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army recruit

The first lesson many in the ervice learn

2 posted on 10/14/2003 9:17:42 PM PDT by SAMWolf (Lost interest? It's so bad I've lost apathy!)
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To: All
I would like to take a moment to ask for donations.

It should be clear to all conservatives by now that the left intends to demonize us. They don't just disagree with us, they hate us. And worse, they want to get other people to hate us.

Places like Free Republic drive the left batty.

Please donate. Thanks for your consideration.

3 posted on 10/14/2003 9:19:07 PM PDT by Support Free Republic (Your support keeps Free Republic going strong!)
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To: SandRat
Thanks for the laugh. I e-mailed this to my son whose carrier is nearing Iraq.
4 posted on 10/14/2003 9:19:43 PM PDT by bjcintennessee (Don't Sweat the Small Stuff)
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To: SandRat; Pukin Dog; hchutch
"An uncaged Sidewinder has no friends."
5 posted on 10/14/2003 9:20:16 PM PDT by Poohbah ("Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons?" -- Major Vic Deakins, USAF)
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To: SandRat
Great post! There are way too many words of wisdom here for me to pick a favorite phrase.
6 posted on 10/14/2003 9:20:46 PM PDT by 68skylark
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To: SandRat
"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Army ordnance manual

Is this from a manual or a T-shirt?

7 posted on 10/14/2003 9:22:26 PM PDT by xm177e2 (Stalinists, Maoists, Ba'athists, Pacifists: Why are they always on the same side?)
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To: SandRat
"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with him." - U.S. Army ordnance manual

My favorite. heh

Prairie

8 posted on 10/14/2003 9:22:33 PM PDT by prairiebreeze (Brought to you by The American Democratic Party, also known as Al Qaeda, Western Division.)
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To: Poohbah
Somebody else who has fought in the valley of death at NTC.
9 posted on 10/14/2003 9:25:18 PM PDT by dts32041 (Is it time to practice decimation with our representatives?)
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To: SandRat
"And for you guys on ships - bathe. Regularly. Or we'll get out the wire brushes, and you won't like it much."
10 posted on 10/14/2003 9:26:46 PM PDT by Chad Fairbanks (Donate to FR, and I'll record a Theme Song for the next BadJoe Weekend)
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To: SandRat
Never pull a slack wire, or cut a taut one...
11 posted on 10/14/2003 9:29:11 PM PDT by null and void
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To: SandRat
LOL bump
12 posted on 10/14/2003 9:29:17 PM PDT by GOPJ
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To: Poohbah
DArn I just realized you were talking about the missle, used to knock down aircraft.

Oh well you should have seen the sidewinders I saw in the VOD.

13 posted on 10/14/2003 9:29:47 PM PDT by dts32041 (Is it time to practice decimation with our representatives?)
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To: dts32041
Somebody else who has fought in the valley of death at NTC.

No, just someone who's seen more than a couple Boola-Boolas out at PMTC (c8

14 posted on 10/14/2003 9:30:18 PM PDT by Poohbah ("Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons?" -- Major Vic Deakins, USAF)
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To: SandRat
'"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal '

Well unless you're in a new American tank and the enemy is in an old Russian one.
15 posted on 10/14/2003 9:31:59 PM PDT by Bogey78O (No! Don't throw me in the briar patch!!!!!)
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To: SandRat
"If it moves salute it, if it doesn't move paint it"--first thing you learn in the Navy.
16 posted on 10/14/2003 9:33:38 PM PDT by Hugin
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To: SandRat
You have to read these:
http://www.skippyslist.com/
17 posted on 10/14/2003 9:33:44 PM PDT by Lokibob
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To: SandRat
In the ROTC lounge at college there was huge bookshelf full of old manuals. I didn't know wether to laugh or worry about my career choice when I found and old manual for the Lance missile, (a short range missile with a tactical nuclear warhead)... it was animated. I'm not talking illustrated. I mean comic book animated! Imagine if you can a smiling nuclear missile telling you how to fire it.
18 posted on 10/14/2003 9:45:02 PM PDT by azcap
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To: SandRat
A hearty belly-laugh from an old Army retiree :-)
19 posted on 10/14/2003 9:45:36 PM PDT by LiteKeeper
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To: CholeraJoe
Ping.
20 posted on 10/14/2003 9:45:51 PM PDT by Lucy Lake
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To: Lokibob
You know what is really sad about that page it was last updated on the 60th Birthday of the USS ARmy Military Police Corps.

Wonder what Skippy is doing now?

21 posted on 10/14/2003 9:46:02 PM PDT by dts32041 (Is it time to practice decimation with our representatives?)
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To: SandRat
If you are Infantry, the Air Force, at 30,000', is not necessarily your friend.
22 posted on 10/14/2003 9:53:37 PM PDT by HoustonCurmudgeon (PEACE - Through Superior Firepower)
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To: SandRat
I certainly hope those grenades have a warning label, "pulling the pin could be hazardous to your health."
23 posted on 10/14/2003 10:12:52 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING
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To: SandRat
All good advice!
24 posted on 10/14/2003 10:15:21 PM PDT by quietolong
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To: xm177e2
In the best possible case, BOTH!
25 posted on 10/14/2003 11:01:26 PM PDT by SAJ
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To: SAMWolf; SandRat
LOL. Thanks for the laughs!
26 posted on 10/15/2003 3:58:03 AM PDT by snippy_about_it (Fall in --> The FReeper Foxhole. America's History. America's Soul.)
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To: Hugin
"If it moves salute it, if it doesn't move paint it"--first thing you learn in the Navy.

And the second thing you learn in the Navy is:
Never
Again
Volunteer
Yourself

:~D

27 posted on 10/15/2003 4:04:56 AM PDT by cuz_it_aint_their_money (Specter named “Worst Republican Senator” by National Review’s J.J. Miller. Vote for Toomey!)
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To: SandRat
http://www.skippyslist.com/

213 things Skippy can't do in the US Army....

Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.

Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
(Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.

Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.

28 posted on 10/15/2003 4:10:36 AM PDT by Saturnalia (My name is Matt Foley and I live in a VAN down by the RIVER.)
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To: SandRat
Never share a fighting hole with someone braver than yourself.
29 posted on 10/15/2003 6:28:35 AM PDT by Gunner Mike (Ready on the right? Ready on the left? All ready on the firing line.)
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To: SandRat; Ragtime Cowgirl; Pan_Yans Wife; MJY1288; Calpernia; Grampa Dave; anniegetyourgun; ...
ping
30 posted on 10/15/2003 6:33:59 AM PDT by GOPJ
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To: Poohbah
I got in an arguement with some hazmat folks over transporting reactive armor by aircraft. They had wrapped themselves around the axle worrying whether the steel backing plates would present a shrapnel hazard to the aircraft.

My acerbic "If you have high explosive detonating inside an aircraft, then by definition you're already having a bad day" stopped the meeting for about 10 minutes waiting for the laughter to stop while the hazmat folks tried to regroup themselves!

31 posted on 10/15/2003 6:42:39 AM PDT by Jonah Hex (The Truth Shall Make You Free-p)
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To: SandRat
I used to work with a great guy, a Vietnam War vet in MAC-V. He said his worst mistake was in boot camp (1965) when he told an officer that he was completely fluent in French. He said he found out later it was a guaranteed ticket to Vietnam.
32 posted on 10/15/2003 6:48:12 AM PDT by ko_kyi
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To: GOPJ
Funny bump!
33 posted on 10/15/2003 7:48:37 AM PDT by Calpernia (Innocence seldom utters outraged shrieks. Guilt does.)
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To: Squantos; Travis McGee; harpseal; sit-rep; Jeff Head
Enjoy
34 posted on 10/15/2003 7:55:41 AM PDT by SLB ("We must lay before Him what is in us, not what ought to be in us." C. S. Lewis)
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To: SandRat
When you're issued a new Kevlar helmet, it comes with an instruction manual. The back page is perforated for tearing off and is a "hit" questionnare, including questions such as point of impact, size and type projectile, damage done, etc... The manufacturers return address is on the back. I always thought that was rather humorous.
35 posted on 10/15/2003 8:06:44 AM PDT by TADSLOS (Right Wing Infidel since 1954)
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To: SLB
Some things they forgot.

The easy way is always mined.

Friendly fire isn't.

The only thing more devastating then enemy guns zeroed on your position is your own guns zeroed on your position.

Always remember your equipment was made by the lowest bidder.

The more difficult it is for the enemy to get into your base camp the more difficult it is for you to get out if they overrun it.

If something is necessary to make a system work that is the one part that will not be shipped with the rest.

Never go to a Marine mess hall for chow when there is a Navy mess hall available (this advice was given me by a marine Sgt. Major).

36 posted on 10/15/2003 10:55:02 AM PDT by harpseal (stay well - Stay safe - Stay armed - Yorktown)
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To: Calpernia
:)
37 posted on 10/15/2003 11:04:13 AM PDT by GOPJ
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To: xm177e2
the person I got it from said it was from a locally produced ordinance school training manual.
38 posted on 10/15/2003 11:54:18 AM PDT by SandRat (Duty, Honor, Country. What else needs to be said?)
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To: Hugin
You left off the last third "and if it's laying on the deck adrift; PICK IT UP!"
39 posted on 10/15/2003 11:56:46 AM PDT by SandRat (Duty, Honor, Country. What else needs to be said?)
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To: HoustonCurmudgeon
I learned early on that if you need "CLOSE AIR SUPPORT" try damn hard to a USMC Air wing to provide it. If you told them danger close they generally ask if you wanted your fatigue back pocket buttoned back up after the drops/firings. And would come in so low that an American with an M1 Garand with bayonet could "key" the paint on the belly of the plane.
40 posted on 10/15/2003 12:03:45 PM PDT by SandRat (Duty, Honor, Country. What else needs to be said?)
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To: SandRat
Here's another list in case there are any old military "rotorheads" lurking about.

Why:

1. Why did they call it Collective Pitch? I never collected any. Usually I ran out of it about the same time as altitude and airspeed.

2. Why didn't Ma Bell add more left pedal and aft cyclic? I always had lots of right pedal and forward cyclic. It seems like they could have reduced those and added to the ones we needed.

3. Why did they put the only radio (KY-28) that had to be recovered if you went down in the most inaccessible part of the aircraft?

4. Why did the pilots have armored seats but the Chief and Gunner didn't?

5. Why did situations that called for all the torque the engine could produce also require full use of the anti-torque pedal followed by that damn flashing red light? (Seems contradictory)

6. Why did they call them Hammerhead stalls? Maybe because only a hammer head would try one in a helicopter.

7. Why did I always get an aircraft with a major 1 to 1 when I had a hangover? (For you non-rotor heads, a "1 to 1" is a vertical vibration that pounds you into the seat and quakes through your body one time for each revolution of the main rotor - usually at a rate of app. 294-324 RPM, and the faster you fly, the harder it pounds After a while it begins to hurt, ---even if you don't have a hangover.)

8. Why didn't Ma Bell make the skin out of duct tape so it would match the patches?

9. Why did they make a main rotor system that could cut down small Sequoia trees, and a tail rotor system that self-distructed if it encountered anything bigger than a bumblebee?

10. Why were they called landing skids? Were they intended for landing or skidding?

11. Why did the amount of time I had to spend in an LZ increase exponentially with the amount of fire I was receiving?

12. Why didn't 33 beer taste any better cold than it did hot?

13. Why did the smoke from the s**t barrel always blow towards my tent/hooch?

14. Why was the PX always out of everything on my day off?

And the biggest question of all.......

15. Why does a Bell helicopter have unusual noises that can only be heard at night or while in the clouds?

41 posted on 10/15/2003 12:07:30 PM PDT by ladtx ( "Remember your regiment and follow your officers." Captain Charles May, 2d Dragoons, 9 May 1846)
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To: SAMWolf
N-ever A-gain V-olunteer Y-ourself
42 posted on 10/15/2003 12:14:53 PM PDT by FlatLandBeer
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To: SandRat
These were submitted by: Glen F. "Smoke" Burgess, Col. USMC (Ret)

1. Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea.

2. Helicopters are cool!

3. It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc. While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do.

4. NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy.

5. The engine RPM, and the rotor RPM, must BOTH be kept in the GREEN. Failure to heed this commandment can affect the morale of the crew.

6. A billfold in your hip pocket can numb your leg and be a real pain in the ass.

7. Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover you.

8. Letters from home are not always great.

9. The madness of war can extract a heavy toll. Please have exact change.

10. Share everything. Even the Pound Cake.

11. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest.

12. The terms "Protective Armor" and "Helicopter" are mutually exclusive.

13. The further away you are from your friends, the less likely it is that they can help you when you really need them the most.

14. Sometimes, being good and lucky still was not enough. There is always payback.

15. "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant.

16. If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised.

17. The BSR (Bang Stare Read) Theory states that the louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges.

18. The longer you stare at the gauges, the less time it takes them to move from green to red.

19. It does too get cold in Vietnam.

20. No matter what you do, the bullet with your name on it will get you. So too can the ones addressed "To Whom It May Concern".

21. Gravity: It may not be fair, but it is the law.

22. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need.

23. If you are wearing body armor, the incoming will probably miss that part.

24. It hurts less to die with a uniform on than to die in a hospital bed.

25. Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

26. If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to.

27. Eat when you can. Sleep when you can. Visit the head when you can. The next opportunity may not come around for a long time. If ever.

28. Combat pay is a flawed concept.

29. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative.

30. Air superiority is NOT a luxury.

31. If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone.

32. It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude, and ideas all at the same time.

32a. Nothing is as useless as altitude above you and runway behind you.

33. While the rest of the crew may be in the same predicament, it's almost always the pilot's job to arrive at the crash site first.

34. When you shoot your gun, clean it the first chance you get.

35. Loud sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention.

36. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations, which, in turn is better than cold C-rations, which is better than no food at all. All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls (given to you by guards) even if they do have the little pieces of fish in them.

37. WHAT is often more important than WHY.

38. Boxes of cookies from home must be shared.

39. Girlfriends are fair game. Wives are not.

40. Everybody's a hero on the ground in the club after the fourth drink.

41. There is no such thing as a small firefight.

42. A free-fire zone has nothing to do with economics.

43. The farther you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become.

44. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better.

44a. The only medal you really want to be awarded is the Longevity Medal.

45. Being shot hurts.

46. Thousands of Vietnam Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded.

48. Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas. Any combination of these can be deadly.

49. Nomex is NOT fire proof.

50. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the Rules.

51. Living and dying can both hurt a lot.

53. While a Super Bomb could be considered one of the four essential building blocks of life, powdered eggs cannot.

54. C-4 can make a dull day fun.

55. Cocoa Powder is neither.

56. There is no such thing as a fair fight, only ones where you win or lose.

57. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care.

58. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow. What is important is what you are doing NOW to solve our problem.

59. If you have extra, share it quickly.

60. Always make sure someone has a P-38.

61. A sucking chest wound may be God's way of telling you it's time to go home.

62. Prayer may not help . . . but it can't hurt.

63. Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling. All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying.

64. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either.

65. Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR.

66. A grunt is the true reason for the existence of the helicopter. Every helicopter flying in Vietnam had one real purpose: To help the grunt. It is unfortunate that many helicopters never had the opportunity to fulfill their one true mission in life simply because someone forgot this fact.

67. "You have the right to remain silent" is always EXCELLENT advice.





43 posted on 10/15/2003 12:21:28 PM PDT by Gunner Mike (Ready on the right? Ready on the left? All ready on the firing line.)
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To: Gunner Mike
Do not fear the enemy, for your enemy can only take your life. It is far better that you fear the media, for they will steal your HONOR.

With LIES, and more LIES they do this, but if you did your duty, among the brotherhood-of-arms they and the Great CO in the sky, knows that your HONOR remains intact. When we all meet again on that final PCS, hearty greetings of "Welcome aboard, this is the best assignment and unit ever!" will be heard.

44 posted on 10/15/2003 3:34:28 PM PDT by SandRat (Duty, Honor, Country. What else needs to be said?)
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