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Mark Morford: Be Thankful You're Not Dubya (because then I'd be lusting after YOU)
San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, November 26, 2003 | Mark Morford; Not Much To Be Thankful For

Posted on 11/26/2003 9:03:48 AM PST by presidio9

Edited on 04/13/2004 2:44:59 AM PDT by Jim Robinson. [history]

This Thanksgiving, as you sip the wine and hug the family and toast the friends and hoard the stuffing and curse the airport security, remember to give thanks you are not G.W. Bush. Hey, it's important.

1) Be thankful that you do not have to suffer Dubya's massive crushing karmic burden, as wrought by inflicting heaps of environmental disaster and vicious unnecessary war and a stunning string of lies lies lies like a firehose of giblet gravy splattered all over the planet.


(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Foreign Affairs; Government; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: aloverstailbone; antibush; antichristian; assbandit; atwarwithgod; bushbashing; bushco; bushobsessed; buttpirate; culturewar; divinegravy; fagagenda; fagboy; feceslicker; funkycheesy; gayporn; godhaters; goodridge; hatesamerica; hatethebible; hideyergerbils; homosexualagenda; idiotarian; karlrovesucking; karmicburden; kiddiepornisok; lol200000protestors; lovesbarneyfrank; mancrushonbush; markmorford; meatydrumsticks; militanthomosexuals; moonbat; morford; nambla; orgasmiclandscape; petroprofiteering; pornaddict; queer; queermarriage; rearadmiral; rectaladdiction; sexpositivism; shirtlifter; sloppyandviolent; tradegodforfags; usefulidiot; worshipsanalsex
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1 posted on 11/26/2003 9:03:53 AM PST by presidio9
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To: presidio9
We cringe when the man takes the stage. We offer humiliated apologies to our former allies, and to the 200,000 Bush/war protesters in London, just last week.

We? What, you got a gerbil in your pocket? Oh, more like a gerbil in your pants? Nevermind.

2 posted on 11/26/2003 9:05:58 AM PST by Petronski (I'm *NOT* always *CRANKY.*ô)
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To: presidio9
Why?..
3 posted on 11/26/2003 9:06:02 AM PST by ken5050
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To: presidio9
>>>>>>>>>>>Just remember, big meaty drumsticks of general gratitude are absolutely fine.

That's what Mark tells all the Johns, but he still charges $50/hour.

>>>>>>>But the divine, personal gravy is where the real flavor is.

Next time you snort, Mark, please wipe your nose.
4 posted on 11/26/2003 9:07:06 AM PST by .cnI redruM (The social agenda of the Democratic Party reminds me of a creepy XXX fetish show.)
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To: presidio9
Utter crap.
5 posted on 11/26/2003 9:07:50 AM PST by Agnes Heep
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To: presidio9
There are plenty of valid criticisms of the President. This fellow has identified none of them.
6 posted on 11/26/2003 9:07:54 AM PST by Uncle Miltie (I used to think they were crazy when they said "Republicrats.")
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To: presidio9
You forgot the total unadulterated bull$hit alert. As a matter of fact I don't even see why we need to see this garbage here. If I wanted to vomit, I'd rather get the stomach flu.
7 posted on 11/26/2003 9:08:49 AM PST by WayneM
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To: presidio9
For handmade whiskey-filled chocolate truffles smeared over a lover's tailbone.

Uh, you better sniff that brown smear one more time, Mark. That ain't chocolate.

8 posted on 11/26/2003 9:08:55 AM PST by Petronski (I'm *NOT* always *CRANKY.*ô)
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To: presidio9
Pansy.
9 posted on 11/26/2003 9:09:14 AM PST by moyden2000
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To: presidio9
"For baskets of locally grown organic small-farm produce delivered to your door. For handmade whiskey-filled chocolate truffles smeared over a lover's tailbone."

Why does the Chron employ this guy?

10 posted on 11/26/2003 9:09:20 AM PST by jjm2111
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To: presidio9

Here ya go, Mark. Enjoy. Keep both hands on the keyboard while looking...

11 posted on 11/26/2003 9:10:48 AM PST by ArrogantBustard
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To: presidio9
"3) Give thanks you are not a member of the much-abused U.S. military. Sad but true. Be grateful you are not right now suffering that sickening sinking feeling that you are not, in fact, protecting America from any sort of marauding terrorists, or defending our honor, or our way of life, or guarding innocents from swarthy evildoers and nonexistent WMDs."

Much abused by the whining liberal press that is. Ever here of 9-11 Mark? And haven't had any more of those, hmmm? Coinkydink?

12 posted on 11/26/2003 9:11:26 AM PST by jjm2111
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To: presidio9
I am not hysterically whining nor does my butt hurt so therefore I am grateful, I am not Mark Morford.
13 posted on 11/26/2003 9:13:38 AM PST by XRdsRev
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To: presidio9
For it really is all too plain: G.W. Bush is one of the most reviled and openly disrespected major world leaders in modern history.

Miss Morford evidently doesn't remember Ronald Reagan. Same song, same dance, and Ronny freed the world despite them all. World opinion doesn't own any divisions.

Let's face it, for all the self-dramatizing of people like Morford who don't like their idiotic opinions criticized, free speech is perfectly safe here and no goons are going to knock on his door for having spewed this incoherent mess all over the paper. Unlike Iraq used to be. Morford seems to forget that in his haste to leap into the standard, boring moral equivalency that is the last refuge of a thoroughly discredited worldview.

He'll be having a real hissy-fit when Dubya gets re-elected. That one will be fun to read.

14 posted on 11/26/2003 9:16:38 AM PST by Billthedrill
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To: presidio9
Be grateful BushCo's ratings are slipping lower than an SUV's mpg rating, and there is only one year left until he joins his father as one of those embarrassing historical footnotes, a jagged scar on the heart of a wary America that other countries point to in years to come and say wow that's a nasty scar where'd you get that, and we reply, George W. Bush, and they go, oh my God, that's right. So sorry.

This guy has the same writing style as Ed Anger.

15 posted on 11/26/2003 9:16:58 AM PST by Maceman (too nuanced for a bumper sticker)
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To: presidio9
Thanks, you might want to give, that you are not Iraqi. Be grateful you did not go from brutal scowling despot who at least kept the damn lights on to brutish occupying army no one asked for that is right now laying waste to whatever remains of your once semi-proud oil-rich nation.

Let's try re-writing that just a bit and see how it looks, and, oh, imagine this is 1945 and not 2003:

Tthanks, you might want to give, that you are not Iraqi Italian. Be grateful you did not go from brutal scowling despot (Mussolini) who at least kept the damn lights on trains running to brutish occupying army no one asked for that is right now laying waste to whatever remains of your once proud oil-rich culture-rich nation.

Seeing those sentiments in other contexts certainly gives a little insight into the author and the validity of his points.

16 posted on 11/26/2003 9:18:08 AM PST by KellyAdmirer
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To: .cnI redruM
a stunning string of lies

Name ONE in this "string"

17 posted on 11/26/2003 9:19:31 AM PST by Puppage (You may disagree with what I have to say, but I will defend to your death my right to say it)
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To: presidio9
I am thankful that I, unlike Mark, have avoided heavy drugs that leave you a raving, paranoid lunatic.
18 posted on 11/26/2003 9:19:40 AM PST by eddie willers
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To: jjm2111
"For handmade whiskey-filled chocolate truffles smeared over a lover's tailbone."

The mental image of this makes me want to hurl. I am thankful, however, that this "man's" opinion represents a tiny fraction of the people in the country.
19 posted on 11/26/2003 9:19:55 AM PST by Don'tMessWithTexas
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To: Puppage
a stunning string of lies

Name ONE in this "string"

You're kidding, right?

20 posted on 11/26/2003 9:22:21 AM PST by carton253 (To win the War on Terror, raise at once the black flag!)
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To: WayneM
You forgot the total unadulterated bull$hit alert.

He plainly told you it was a Mark Morford column.

21 posted on 11/26/2003 9:22:33 AM PST by spodefly (This is my tagline. There are many like it, but this one is mine.)
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To: presidio9
But the divine, personal gravy is where the real flavor is.

Divine personal gravy. There's three words that should never be juxtaposed in a decent world.

22 posted on 11/26/2003 9:23:11 AM PST by LurkedLongEnough
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To: presidio9
the 200,000 Bush/war protesters in London, just last week

Or some fraction thereof, but Miss Morford doesn't worry her pretty little head with facts.

Hey Mark, you pathetic sack of goo, you'll never have a man like this, even in your wildest dreams:

This is more like what the lovesick Miss Morford goes home with at the end of the day:

23 posted on 11/26/2003 9:23:21 AM PST by mountaineer
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To: presidio9
G.W. Bush is one of the most reviled and openly disrespected major world leaders

Not in fly over country........Only in places like downtown SF.

24 posted on 11/26/2003 9:23:27 AM PST by Tom Bombadil
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To: presidio9
Nowhere in this guy's rant did he even make sense, everyone on Freerepublic, who reads this will now be a little dumber for it. This guy scored no political point and may God have mercy on his soul!!! ;~)
25 posted on 11/26/2003 9:24:35 AM PST by Trueblackman (It is enough to make you drink)
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To: presidio9; Admin Moderator; Lead Moderator
With all due respect, why do you keep posting such trash here ?

Just yesterday you posted:

Murdered G.I.s may have died for a lie
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1028862/posts

now today the article which started the current thread.

Both of these are appropriate for DU.

I understand the excuse, that "we need to know what the opposition is saying" -- but with that reasoning, we could post all the trash that is posted at DU, antiwar.com and a zillion trashy anti-everything sites. Anyone who wants to know what the opposition can just read them there, can't they?

I personally don't see why do we need to keep giving additional publicity to such articles.

But that is just my personal opinion, of course.
26 posted on 11/26/2003 9:26:34 AM PST by FairOpinion
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To: presidio9
This bird is done.
27 posted on 11/26/2003 9:27:21 AM PST by CyberCowboy777 (He wore his gun outside his pants for all the honest world to feel.)
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To: presidio9
Any time I see any variation of the word "karma" in an article, I know I can stop right there.
28 posted on 11/26/2003 9:27:23 AM PST by RogueIsland
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To: Puppage
LOL, he really doesn't show any lies, does he? Pretty much the only two attempts at factual statements in this hit piece - that President Bush's ratings are "lower than a SUV's mpg" and that there were "200,000" protestors in England last week - are themselves lies. So, I don't think he is a stunningly good judge of lies from anyone.
29 posted on 11/26/2003 9:27:29 AM PST by KellyAdmirer
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To: presidio9
What a flaming fag.
30 posted on 11/26/2003 9:29:20 AM PST by Sir Gawain
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To: presidio9
11) Molly Ivins. Gore Vidal. Michiko Kakutani. David Foster Wallace. Don DeLillo. Maureen Dowd. Caroline Myss. W.G. Sebald. Tom Robbins. Starhawk. William Rivers Pitt. Rob Brezny. David Attenborough. Dave Eggers. Joseph Campbell. Lewis Lapham. Haruki Murakami. Katha Pollitt. Et al. Thank you.

Ma Barker's gang meets the James Gang..

31 posted on 11/26/2003 9:30:07 AM PST by cardinal4 (Hillary and Clark rhymes with Ft Marcy park...)
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To: presidio9
AIDS dementia isn't pretty, is it?
32 posted on 11/26/2003 9:30:50 AM PST by jimbo123
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To: presidio9
Mulitiorgasmic??? I don't think I've ever heard the United States described like THAT before.


This dude is just plain weird.
33 posted on 11/26/2003 9:32:18 AM PST by GreenLanternCorps (WHO DEY! WHO DEY! WHO DEY THINK GONNA BEAT DEM BENGALS!!!!!!!!!!!)
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To: Billthedrill
Bush is one of the most reviled and openly disrespected major world leaders in modern history.

Probably right, but it's by people who really don't count anyway.

34 posted on 11/26/2003 9:32:27 AM PST by tbpiper
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To: mountaineer
Mountaineer,

Too funny!

35 posted on 11/26/2003 9:34:30 AM PST by ZOTnot
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To: Puppage
Don't ask me, I'm not Mark Morford. For that, I'm thankful every day of the year.
36 posted on 11/26/2003 9:34:44 AM PST by .cnI redruM (The social agenda of the Democratic Party reminds me of a creepy XXX fetish show.)
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To: presidio9
Fron Frederick Forsyth's open letter to George Bush:

"You will find yourself assailed on every hand by some pretty pretentious characters collectively known as the British left. They traditionally believe they have a monopoly on morality and that your recent actions preclude you from the club. You opposed and destroyed the world's most blood-encrusted dictator. This is quite unforgivable.

I beg you to take no notice. The British left intermittently erupts like a pustule upon the buttock of a rather good country. Seventy years ago it opposed mobilisation against Adolf Hitler and worshipped the other genocide, Josef Stalin.

It has marched for Mao, Ho Chi Minh, Khrushchev, Brezhnev and Andropov. It has slobbered over Ceausescu and Mugabe. It has demonstrated against everything and everyone American for a century. Broadly speaking, it hates your country first, mine second."

Substitute "American Left" for "British Left" and you have it cold.
37 posted on 11/26/2003 9:35:47 AM PST by Steely Glint ("Communists are just Democrats in a big hurry.")
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To: Steely Glint
I really liked that letter, the man certainly has a way with words. :)
38 posted on 11/26/2003 9:38:35 AM PST by KellyAdmirer
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To: presidio9
Here, let me correct this incomplete text:

For it really is all too plain: G.W. Bush is one of the most reviled and openly disrespected major world leaders in modern history by faggots like me, Mark 'mo Rford. That is because Faggots like me, Mark 'mo Rford, have never been so embarrassed and reluctant to send a president abroad. Faggots like me, Mark 'mo Rford, cringe when the man takes the stage. Faggots like me, Mark 'mo Rford, offer humiliated apologies to our former allies, and to the 200,000 Bush/war protesters in London, just last week.

40 posted on 11/26/2003 9:41:14 AM PST by Lazamataz (PROUDLY SCARING MYSELF SINCE 1999 !)
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To: bassmaner
I need to hit abuse on that.

Pity, because I agree.

41 posted on 11/26/2003 9:42:01 AM PST by Lazamataz (PROUDLY SCARING MYSELF SINCE 1999 !)
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To: bassmaner
Couldn't have said it better myself...
42 posted on 11/26/2003 9:42:29 AM PST by AngryJawa ("The bang is great, but the shockwave is where itís at.")
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To: bassmaner
10, 9, 8, 7, 6 ...
43 posted on 11/26/2003 9:42:54 AM PST by ArrogantBustard
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To: GreenLanternCorps
Mulitiorgasmic??? I don't think I've ever heard the United States described like THAT before.

If it is true, I would like to ask the United States out on a date.

44 posted on 11/26/2003 9:44:21 AM PST by Lazamataz (PROUDLY SCARING MYSELF SINCE 1999 !)
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To: presidio9
We are deeply flawed. We are massively arrogant. We are bratty and insolent and abusive and sloppy and violent...

Yup, Mark, you are all those things. And much worse.

But we balance it with astounding acts of love blah blah blah...

Yeah. You're a real Renaissance Man, you Morlock. Your venomous hatred of the President is the only thing that motivates you, that's obvious. But I do understand. I felt pretty much the same way about Clinton. I just never got paid for any of my rantings.

I wish you could find a normal person who would sedate you and then let you read your own words. You are probably the most hate-filled, insane ranter on the planet.

Oh yeah. About your feigned concern for our troops (item 3). It might have not sounded quite so insincere if you hadn't called them a "brutish occupying army" in item 2.

A$$hole...

45 posted on 11/26/2003 9:44:53 AM PST by Kenton
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To: Lazamataz
"We cringe when the man takes the stage."

I like what Ralph Peters had to say to people like Mark Morford: "Since Vietnam, the intellectual elitists of the left have turned their backs on the American people in sniffy disgust, concluding, with Bolshevik distaste for popular democracy, that the intellectual vanguard alone knows what's best for the masses."

46 posted on 11/26/2003 9:47:19 AM PST by paulsy
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To: presidio9
Since dissent is being suppressed by Bush and Ashcroft, how did Marky boy get this published?

I am thankful that I live thousands of miles from Mark Morford!
47 posted on 11/26/2003 9:48:27 AM PST by GeorgiaYankee (Democrats=Baath Party USA)
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To: presidio9
Ever notice that Morford's articles contain subtle references to the penis?
48 posted on 11/26/2003 9:48:50 AM PST by Extremely Extreme Extremist
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To: presidio9
Thank you very much for this. I was afraid might overeat this Thanksgiving. I don't know if my stomach will settle down for NEXT Thanksgiving.
49 posted on 11/26/2003 9:49:52 AM PST by Dooderbutt
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To: FairOpinion
But that is just my personal opinion, of course.

And you are entitled to it.

50 posted on 11/26/2003 9:50:03 AM PST by presidio9 (protectionism is a false god)
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