Mark Morford: Be Thankful You're Not Dubya (because then I'd be lusting after YOU)

San Francisco Chronicle ^ | Wednesday, November 26, 2003 | Mark Morford; Not Much To Be Thankful For

[presidio9]

This Thanksgiving, as you sip the wine and hug the family and toast the friends and hoard the stuffing and curse the airport security, remember to give thanks you are not G.W. Bush. Hey, it's important.

1) Be thankful that you do not have to suffer Dubya's massive crushing karmic burden, as wrought by inflicting heaps of environmental disaster and vicious unnecessary war and a stunning string of lies lies lies like a firehose of giblet gravy splattered all over the planet.

[Petronski]

We cringe when the man takes the stage. We offer humiliated apologies to our former allies, and to the 200,000 Bush/war protesters in London, just last week.

We? What, you got a gerbil in your pocket? Oh, more like a gerbil in your pants? Nevermind.

[ken5050]

Why?..

[.cnI redruM]

>>>>>>>>>>>Just remember, big meaty drumsticks of general gratitude are absolutely fine.

That's what Mark tells all the Johns, but he still charges $50/hour.

>>>>>>>But the divine, personal gravy is where the real flavor is.

Next time you snort, Mark, please wipe your nose.

[Agnes Heep]

Utter crap.

[Uncle Miltie]

There are plenty of valid criticisms of the President. This fellow has identified none of them.

[WayneM]

You forgot the total unadulterated bull$hit alert. As a matter of fact I don't even see why we need to see this garbage here. If I wanted to vomit, I'd rather get the stomach flu.

[Petronski]

For handmade whiskey-filled chocolate truffles smeared over a lover's tailbone.

Uh, you better sniff that brown smear one more time, Mark. That ain't chocolate.

[moyden2000]

Pansy.

[jjm2111]

"For baskets of locally grown organic small-farm produce delivered to your door. For handmade whiskey-filled chocolate truffles smeared over a lover's tailbone."

Why does the Chron employ this guy?

[ArrogantBustard]

Here ya go, Mark. Enjoy. Keep both hands on the keyboard while looking...

[jjm2111]

"3) Give thanks you are not a member of the much-abused U.S. military. Sad but true. Be grateful you are not right now suffering that sickening sinking feeling that you are not, in fact, protecting America from any sort of marauding terrorists, or defending our honor, or our way of life, or guarding innocents from swarthy evildoers and nonexistent WMDs."

Much abused by the whining liberal press that is. Ever here of 9-11 Mark? And haven't had any more of those, hmmm? Coinkydink?

[XRdsRev]

I am not hysterically whining nor does my butt hurt so therefore I am grateful, I am not Mark Morford.

[Billthedrill]

For it really is all too plain: G.W. Bush is one of the most reviled and openly disrespected major world leaders in modern history.

Miss Morford evidently doesn't remember Ronald Reagan. Same song, same dance, and Ronny freed the world despite them all. World opinion doesn't own any divisions.

Let's face it, for all the self-dramatizing of people like Morford who don't like their idiotic opinions criticized, free speech is perfectly safe here and no goons are going to knock on his door for having spewed this incoherent mess all over the paper. Unlike Iraq used to be. Morford seems to forget that in his haste to leap into the standard, boring moral equivalency that is the last refuge of a thoroughly discredited worldview.

He'll be having a real hissy-fit when Dubya gets re-elected. That one will be fun to read.

[Maceman]

Be grateful BushCo's ratings are slipping lower than an SUV's mpg rating, and there is only one year left until he joins his father as one of those embarrassing historical footnotes, a jagged scar on the heart of a wary America that other countries point to in years to come and say wow that's a nasty scar where'd you get that, and we reply, George W. Bush, and they go, oh my God, that's right. So sorry.

This guy has the same writing style as Ed Anger.

[KellyAdmirer]

Thanks, you might want to give, that you are not Iraqi. Be grateful you did not go from brutal scowling despot who at least kept the damn lights on to brutish occupying army no one asked for that is right now laying waste to whatever remains of your once semi-proud oil-rich nation.

Let's try re-writing that just a bit and see how it looks, and, oh, imagine this is 1945 and not 2003:

Tthanks, you might want to give, that you are not Iraqi Italian. Be grateful you did not go from brutal scowling despot (Mussolini) who at least kept the damn lights on trains running to brutish occupying army no one asked for that is right now laying waste to whatever remains of your once proud oil-rich culture-rich nation.

Seeing those sentiments in other contexts certainly gives a little insight into the author and the validity of his points.

[Puppage]

a stunning string of lies

Name ONE in this "string"

[eddie willers]

I am thankful that I, unlike Mark, have avoided heavy drugs that leave you a raving, paranoid lunatic.

[Don'tMessWithTexas]

"For handmade whiskey-filled chocolate truffles smeared over a lover's tailbone."

The mental image of this makes me want to hurl. I am thankful, however, that this "man's" opinion represents a tiny fraction of the people in the country.

[carton253]

a stunning string of lies

Name ONE in this "string"

You're kidding, right?