Many Women at Risk of Being Murdered Don't Know It

YahooNews ^ | 11/28/2003 | AlisonMcCook

[jocon307]

"Women will flock to the bad boys like moths to a flame."

I was thinking the other day that this is another good reason polygamy is a bad idea.

I actually do just think about this stuff, idlely, as I go through the day.

[syriacus]

There are a lot of good books, for concerned parents, on this topic.

Saving Beauty from the Beast is especially helpful.

[e_engineer]

Pete, I think he left out the word "NOT" by accident.

[PeteFromMontana]

"Pete, I think he left out the word "NOT" by accident"


__________________________

You could be right, that would certainly mean something entirely different.

[LibertyAndJusticeForAll]

Well, I'm not willing to spend time hunting around for those specific stats. These FBI stats show that men commit far more murders (of both genders) than women.
Maybe someone will come up with a "testosterone defense" someday.

[syriacus]

Woman define the relationship, they can walk or continue with it.

Leaving an abusive relationship is like taking a sailboat through a whirlpool

Abusers already suspect, early in their relationship, that their victims will not stay around.

The victim doesn't even have to be thinking about leaving, in order for leaving to be a problem. Abusers are hypersensitive to imagined indications of "abandonment."

They also may pre-emptively threaten to hurt other members of the victim's family, in order to make the victim afraid to leave.

Abusers often are con men and are very adept at finding women who have left them.

Yes, the victim should walk, but it isn't a "snap."

[pbmaltzman]

It isn't just women who flock to "bad boys."

There are guys who stand in line for the "bad girls." They might not marry them as often, but they will stand in line, partly because they think the sex will be easy and hot. Maybe it is hot. I don't know. I know she was easy.

I have a long-ago ex-boyfriend with an ex-girlfriend from hell. In her "prime," this female was about five feet tall, busty, bottle-blonde, and with blue eyes that got brighter blue when she was angry and screaming.

I personally didn't think she was all that hot-looking, but then again, I'm a woman and I'm over six feet tall, and I generally can't compete with women like her.

She thought the world owed her a living because she'd been "traumatized" as a child. Maybe she was. But she was also just plain bumf--- crazy.

She was so promiscuous that every time she was pregnant, it was rumored that she didn't know who the father was. She gave birth five times and had an unknown number of abortions.

She was intermittently on welfare and a sometime drug dealer, as well as a user. She also used people. She was great at playing helpless.

When I met my ex, he was letting her stay with her because he felt sorry for her when she got sick (pelvic inflammatory disease--duh). He helped her to have a home birth and raised her first kid, knowing it wasn't his. The kid was lucky. My ex was not.

A week after I met her, she was trying to get ME to drop out of college so that I could help the guy support her and her kid. She had never finished high school, but a state school wasn't good enough for her... she wanted to go to Stanford, and WE should support her @$$ through school.

Very few men could stand up to this female. They got hooked in with the helpless crap and the prospect of easy sex and the drugs, but it was only months later when they realized how crazy she was, and how tight was her hold on their short-and-curlies. I couldn't stand the way she treated my ex and the kid.

The ex and I had found a great old, two-story, funky apartment. He didn't have the guts to tell her she couldn't stay there. We ended up having to move out of that place because of her.

I lost respect for the way he capitulated to her. He had a small inheritance from his dad, and he was willing to pay rent on an apartment for her, just to get her out of our hair.

He eventually had to go to court to protect his rights to the kid--he had never married her (she had left him for other men). She had put his name on the birth certificate as the father (he probably had the steadiest job among her various boyfriends at the time she was pregnant), and she threatened that if he didn't do what she wanted, she would denounce him as the father.

She was one of the main reasons I eventually dumped him. I realize that guys found it hard to stand up to her, but I lost respect for him because he let her run roughshod over him.

And yet, as long as her looks held out, suckers (oops, I mean men) stood in line for her. There was no shortage of guys who were taken in by her "helpless" act.

I can't stand helpless women, and I can't stand the men who fall for them. 'Nuff said.

[peter the great]

I do agree with you that this is something that you can not pin solely on womens choices alone. However, I do believe that there are several factors in play here that contribute to the problem. First, I believe that people do not take the time to really get to know one another adequately. Secondly, we are so busy with work and everything else it is very hard to do. Finally, this is something that everyone would want to work out so lots of questions do not get asked and a lot of other things get ignored out of convenience. What I would love to know is, in your relationship with your boyfriend from your early twenties, "no one was more surprised than you were when things went bad. There had to be some kind of sign.

[templar]

Having been the recipient of domestic violence and stalking, ... I am the either the perp or a lying liberal witch.

Yep, gotta be.

What I've never been able to understand is how so many women seem to get into relationships with violent men in the first place? I'm not talking about the over and over an over again ones (that's just plain mental problems that require treatment), I'm talking about otherwise normal, reasonable women who manage to get seriously involved with someone that has violent tendencies? I'm not criticizing anyone, just looking for some insights as I have an 11 year old daughter and would like to raise her to avoid such relationships.

[Fury]

Good comments. Thanks for the post...

[Yeti]

Well, I'm not willing to spend time hunting around for those specific stats.

Well, if you can't be troubled to ensure that you are speaking relevant, meaningful truth on a matter as serious as this one, maybe you should trouble yourself to refrain from speaking at all.

You are essentially lying when you post a stat like that in the context of a thread like this. I notice that you found it worth troubling yourself to find the irrelevant and misleading stats that you DID post.

Nobody will contradict the assertion that men commit more murders. What is at issue is violence among intimate partners. When you post the overall stats as if they were indicative of the phenomenon under discussion on this thread you are being either stupid or decietful, unless you qualify them very carefully, and make a point of also mentioning that these stats are not related to the matter at hand.

[Little Ray]

My bet is that some of the men killed by the females often show up as "suicides" or "accidents." ;-)

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

There were no physical signs - the only sign that I can think of, in retrospect, was that he often made fun of me, doing things to undermine my confidence - and he was verbally very hurtful when we argued.

And believe me, we knew each other.

I was young (he was thirteen years older than me, and in the same business I was in - entertainment) and didn't recognize his attempts to slowly wittle away my self-esteem for what they were - a preparation. This is a common pattern in abusive relationships, but I was not aware of it at the time.

[templar]

My personal experience is that men were more at risk at being killed by women/spouses/wives than men murdering their significant other.

In my entire life, I've only known two women that have killed men. And maybe only a half dozen who have done any serious physical harm to a man during an attack.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

I will give you some advice (since you're asking).

Abusive people don't necessarily reveal themselves to be abusive until they have control of the relationship. The control may be emotional and financial.

If I had a daughter, I would encourage her to become and remain financially independent, and not accept anything less than absolute respectful treatment from a romantic partner. Demeaning someone (their intelligence, their appearance, etc.) and battering their self-esteem is often what people do before they ever lay a hand on their partner - and it's unacceptable.

If I had a daughter, I would tell her to tell me or her father the minute anyone harmed her...and as soon as it happened, she would be OUT of there. It rarely gets better, and often gets much, much worse.

[Publius6961]

A good smack to the face only lasts so long, you know.

Being emotional causes you to miss the point.
I have never touched a woman in anger in my life.

But clearly, there are a significant number of men who enjoy it.
What do you suppose triggers them?

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

No, I got your point ("emotional" woman that I am): A woman who really wants to leave will do so without warning.

Unfortunately, that doesn't always protect a woman.

(And I never suggested you had ever touched a woman in anger. It was not your point that provoked my sarcastic response - it was the way you expressed your point.)

As for your question, I think some people need an outlet for their anger. A physically vulnerable live-in partner, or child, or pet, can provide that.

Unless the "trigger" for someone to hit a person is the threat of physical violence, it doesn't much matter what it is.

[Monty22]

"It's amazing what some women think is a "threat" because of what they've "seen on TV," when on the other hand, a "handsome stranger" is one into whom some women project all kinds of great expectations, instead of being patient and getting to know the guy."

I knew a dumb younger woman who actually said she trusted bill clinton over Bush, cause of 'woman's intuition'.

This basically taught me that such intuition gets a lot of women in a LOT of trouble.

[Little Bill]

You Choose the relationship you get into, if you are not smart enough to realize what or who the other person is, that is your problem. If you want to be a victim go to A FEMMINIST web site, they will feel your pain and put some ice on it. I am tired of woman snivviling about relationships, they enter in to eyes wide shut.

[DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet]

Women aren't the only ones who project qualities on someone because of the way they look.

It's stupid when anyone does it.