Moved Out and Moving On

Townhall.com ^ | 12/06/03 | Neil Cavuto

[thesummerwind]

I have some bad news to report. My daughter is happy at college. Make that very happy. I should be very happy for her, but I am not. In fact, I'm downright depressed.

When my wife and I loaded up the car with all her worldly possessions back in September to start her freshman year, she was nervous and we were sad. We told her we'd write and call. She told us she would write and call.

We did. And she did. A lot in the beginning. A lot less now.

There was a time when I e-mailed her every day, and my wife would say I was making things worse. She was right. But I didn't care. I was the doting dad who didn't know when to put the phone down or put the keyboard away.

"Let her communicate with us," my wife would say. "Quit suffocating her."

So I quit suffocating. I resigned myself to now-and-then letters -- sometimes filled with funny newspaper clippings, sometimes a little spending money, always with a lot of love, and always, always with a heavy heart.

But even this dunce of a dad could see she was adjusting just fine. Freshman jitters soon subsided. She made friends, and, horror of horrors, she met a boy. She likes this boy. And in one of the toughest acts I've ever had as a dad, I had to meet this boy. It was Parent's Weekend in October. He was a nice enough kid, but I instantly hated him.

My wife reminded me her dad felt the same way about me . . . as if that were any more comforting.

He doted on my daughter. My daughter doted on him. She assured me this was not a heavy relationship. "He's just a friend, Dad," she would say. But friends don't constantly hold hands and appear virtually epoxy-glued in public. I was friends with her mother like that. I knew what that was then. I know what this is now.

And now, I'm indignant. She's doing just fine. And I'm not. She's thinking about life at college and loving it. I'm thinking of the time I walked her hand-in-hand to nursery school and I'm hating it.

My wife tells me I'm selfish. She's absolutely right.

I have a problem with this stupid concept of time. It goes much too fast. Things change much too soon. Why is that?

Now with Christmas break approaching, I'm excited about picking up my daughter from college. I'm thinking five weeks with my little girl, even though I know she's not quite my little girl anymore, and the five weeks won't all be mine. She tells me of her busy social plans, with friends, with the boyfriend.

She is growing up and happy about it. I am growing older and not happy about it.

I guess I sound bitter for a usually upbeat guy. My wife says I should be happy with how our little girl is working out. She's more confident, less scared, more eager to tap all of life's possibilities. I remember when we were the center of her life. Perhaps it's the healthiest thing of all that now we are not.

My head says that's wonderful.

My heart says that stinks.

And just when it can't get any worse, I hear this:

"I think it would be fun to do a semester in Europe, Dad."

"Oh, really," I say.

. . . As I think , "as long as it's not with the boyfriend."

[thesummerwind]

"I think it would be fun to do a semester in Europe, Dad."

Not Italy. Those Italian guys ........

[Lazamataz]

She is growing up and happy about it. I am growing older and not happy about it.

Quit whining. Some of us don't have daughters (or sons) to mourn the loss of.

[Lazamataz]

Not you, summer. Neil.

[Trust but Verify]

This column must be part of the process for Neil. I wonder if there are any other children, or if she is an only?

[Lazamataz]

This column must be part of the process for Neil.

Okay. Still makes me want to take out the sawed-off little twerp with a clothesline takedown.

[raybbr]

Well.... You'd have to knock him out of his wheelchair. Might be fun to watch.

[Timesink]

Wheelchair? His MS isn't that bad is it?

[raybbr]

I say him in an interview and he was sitting in it. I don't know if he needs it all the time. Sort like FDR. It's not for public display.

[Savage Beast]

Let go of her. You're thinking of yourself, and you're being sefish. If you love her--and you obviously do--be happy that "she's more confident, less scared, more eager to tap all of life's possibilities." Do you really want her parents to be the center of her life??? I didn't think so. And you don't want her to feel guilty about it either.

Learning to release and let go is an important part of growth. It's easier to let go if you can find something fulfilling to help replace.

You'll never stop loving your daughter, but you can release her to live her life, and you can find something fulfilling to make the release a bit easier.

Good luck!
Abb... Oops! I mean Savage Beast

[whipitgood]

Thanks for the heads-up. summer. I have three who will be heading the same way in a few years. I have a burning resentment for the people who give the US a tax burden which forces us to work about twice as much as we would otherwise. Seems like the time I have to spend with my kids (while they still think dear ol' dad is fun)is being stolen to pay my taxes. I still get to see them quite a bit as I work at home and home school the kids.

[ZChief]

I'm in the same boat as Neil and you know, there is something special, something satisfying and comforting in whining about it. At the same time that I whine and complain I know I am letting her go but she will always be the little girl that burried her head into my shoulder when the moon was scarry to her as the fast moving clouds covered and uncovered it.

Recently while at home she was hurting from a somewhat painful relationship with a friend from school. I got to shield her with my shoulder one more time.

[cricket]

"Quit whining. Some of us don't have daughters (or sons) to mourn the loss of."

Come one! Do you turn off commercials that have children in them - watch 'only adult' messages?

Neil is one of Fox's brightest stars! Love him,and his 'humor and truth in wisdom'. Financial, political and yes; Fatherly.

Do you have a dog?

[cajungirl]

Laz, Cavuto has given some of the most stirring America loving commentaries on tv that I have seen. He loves this country, loves his daughter. I love Cavuto. so quit ragging on him. Drink another cup of coffee. Have some bran. You will feel better.

[MaryFromMichigan]

Quit whining. Some of us don't have daughters (or sons) to mourn the loss of.

I'll bet it's not too late!

[ILBBACH]

A couple of years ago, my sister, her husband, and their little boy moved in with our folks after they sold their house and were still looking for a new one. They lived there for about two months and my mom cried when they moved out!

I guess no matter what, it's always hard to let your kids go. (Although she didn't cry when I finally got my own place after 1 1/2 years, dammit!)

[thesummerwind]

Seems like the time I have to spend with my kids (while they still think dear ol' dad is fun)is being stolen to pay my taxes.

Yes, that time is being stolen by the bizarre tax burden.

Then again, many Americans are way to enslaved by their own voracious consumptive needs. Go figure.

Living a little more simply gives me much more time with the ones I love. Take care!

[Ditter]

Quit whining Neil! Life is hard & then you die!

[lowbridge]

The article reminds me of the following movie:

[thesummerwind]

That daughter was a hottie!