Dean website: What to tell your kids when you're unemployed.(Bust a gut alert!)

This is hilarious. And sooooooo typical of a whiny liberal -- or is that redundant? ;)

I remember a couple of years ago Rush took a couple of days to receive calls from people who had lost their jobs to tell what they did (what a concept!!) to turn things around. The stories were really inspiring. Too bad you won't catch Whiner4Dean tuning in to become inspired and thereby self-sufficient.

A suggestion to the unemployed who have time to pound out excuses as to why they're unemployed, and fault President Bush for their current state:

1) Sell your computer. Even if it's old, you can probably get at least $100, with which you can buy plenty of loaves of bread and quarts of milk.

2) If you own more than one television, more than one vehicle, more than one VCR or DVD player, a PlayStation or a Nintendo, or any other blatantly unnecessary toy or gadget, sell them too. The number of people in this country who own hundreds or thousands of dollars in electronic gadgets and still kvetch and moan about how poor they are or how they can't afford to pay for health insurance never ceases to astound.

3) See what you can get by mortgaging that nice two-story house with the well-manicured lawn. That will surely buy many loaves of bread and quarts of milk, and it might even make it possible for you to balance that checkbook. From there, check out the prices on renting a nice, cozy apartment or a sturdy trailer.

4) Get up off your rump, turn off Matt and Katie, plop down a dollar for a newspaper and FIND A JOB, YOU SHIFTLESS SCHMUCK.

I live in a community in California which, according to lefties who are oh-so-concerned with our plight, has one of the highest unemployment rates in the state. And yet our local papers constantly have help wanted ads -- dozens of them! -- from employers who want people to haul boxes, drive forklifts, serve fast food and sell products over the phone. The people who kvetch and moan about the lack of jobs in this country, by and large, fall into one of three groups:

A) Silicon Valley dot-commies who had the fortuitous luck to graduate from school right in the middle of the Internet commerce boom, and therefore assumed that everyone must make six figures plus stock options right away, and since virtually no such opportunities exist anymore, assume that there are no jobs period.

B) People who were foolish enough to waste their college years procuring degrees in Communications, Journalism, History, English, Liberal Arts or any other useless major (this includes law degrees from the U. of Michigan). Please tell me what good an English degree is for anyone who doesn't want to be a schoolteacher. "Wow, you have an English degree. You, uh, know English. Congratuloser! Huh? I said, congratulations. Yeah. Loser."

And, of course...

C) The "entitlement crowd" which believes that Big Mommy Government is responsible for finding you a job, as well as paying for your health care, your electricity, your water, your heating gas, the insurance on your car, your telephone, and your cable bill so you can watch softcore porn on Showtime every night. And because, goddess damn it, that government worker has yet to call you or knock on your door and tell you where you're going to work, there must not be any jobs out there.

The truth is that there is always a job in America for any able-bodied American that is willing to work for a living. Unless, of course, we let a few million more illegal aliens in here, and sadly, I don't believe Bush WON'T do that anymore than I believe Dean or any other Demonrat wouldn't. So, add a fifth step to the first list:

5) Get a dark tan, learn to speak Spanish, hop a bus down to Ft. Hancock, TX, make your way across the Mexican border, THEN SNEAK BACK ACROSS so that you can receive all of the benefits, opportunities and assistance that the United States of America affords to all non-Americans brazen enough to break the law in coming to our land. Just change your name to Miguel and say "deme cheque welfare, por favor, y seguro medico, gratis!" And your unemployment woes shall be over.

Here is what he can tell his kids: "Son, I am a rare breed. Out of every 100 people, six are unemployed. Of those six, four are never gonna work no matter what. So son, that makes me one of two people out of one hundred who simply cannot get a job. Son, that is why I want you to finish Jr. High."

I took the gentleman up on his offer to e-mail him. I pointed out a few of his spelling and grammatical errors, noting that he may not be employed because he is barely literate. I also asked how President Bush is specifically the cause of his unemployment; I doubt that this will elicit an answer.

Sell your computer. Even if it's old, you can probably get at least $100, with which you can buy plenty of loaves of bread and quarts of milk.

Even my old Compaq Portable, with its 8086 processor? Somehow, I don't think it's worth $100. Though if I hold on to it a little longer, it'll probably gain value as an antique...

You can sell it to a liberal. Just dab some white-out on the monitor and tell them it was once owned by Maureen Dowd.