Replies

The 9 Drarf Series:

Howie

Your comments really crack me up,
I’d have to say you’re funny.
As funny as a hemorrhoid,
Or as a nose that’s runny.
Saddam’s capture no big deal,
Your stance is still the same.
You’re really sucking big on this,
I’d say your brain is lame.
But tell me Howie, I must know,
These speeches, just who writes them?
Katie Couric comes to mind,
Or Michael Moore, is it him?
Well Doctor Dean you make me sick,
Malpractice, I will sue you.
Please get a clue, I’ll sell you one,
John Kerry needs a few too.

Conspiracy Guy 12/16/03

The Gen’ral

I‘d say that you’re invalid,
Even though you served.
The Clintons really like you,
That’s why I am unnerved.
You seem to be a sissy,
Too light in your old loafers.
I’d say it seems for Bill and Hill,
You’re just one of their gofers.
Retired your stars and that is best,
For you’ve not got a clue.
I’d vote for Sharpton, Gen’ral Clark,
Before I’d vote for you.

Conspiracy Guy 12/17/03

Ketchup Boy

You’re a Vet from Viet Nam,
My question is which side?
There is another problem too,
You’ll never get the ride.
It looks as though you’re in third place,
Behind both Dean and Clark.
Though there are nine dems in the thing,
Your fire is just a spark.
I have a plan to help you though,
So listen up to me.
Just offer pickles and ketchup,
To all the voters free.
You still won’t be the nominee,
But your point will be made.
Free condiments is so much more,
Than any plans you’ve laid.

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03

Squeaky

Sometimes you sound conservative,
Then your whine starts running.
You’re fourth or worse among the nine,
So for you, no one’s gunning.
Take comfort that you have a job,
The dems aren’t picking you.
Your buddy Al’s endorsing Dean,
Count that a blessing too.
You couldn’t win as running mates,
Just tell big Al to stuff it.
Go Loserman should be your name,
From now on you must rough it.

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03

Sharpton

Of all the nine I must conclude,
That you’re the only one.
That I can sit and listen to,
And you are having fun.
Your ideas are ridiculous,
Yes even for a dem.
A freeze in hell will happen first,
Before you’re on the limb.
So keep it up your mirth and wit,
It’s really entertaining.
To watch you bash the other eight,
I’m really not complaining.

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03

Dimmest of the Dem

You’re living proof that life goes on,
Long after brains are spent.
For your best thought, if you had one,
No one would pay a cent.
Just how'd you ever got a job,
With an IQ so small.
Your EEG is a flat line,
No ups or downs at all.
But still you fit right in the nine,
You’re stupid as a plumb.
And by the way please change your name,
To Carol Mostly-Dumb.

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03

Kucinich

I’ve really dug around a bit,
About you I can’t find.
A strong or weak opinion,
You’re on nobody’s mind.
To sum you up I’ll steal a verse,
From Popeye the sailor man.
I‘ll sing it now and move along,
This proves you aren’t the man.

Sung to Popeye’s theme.

“He’s nobody that I know. toot
He’s nobody that you know. toot
Eight strong to the finish.
They’ll all beat Kucinich.
He’s nobody no one knows, toooot”

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03

Dull

I just read your BIO,
You really need some help.
I kind of thought of seaweed,
I think they call it kelp.
You’re from a state I like a lot,
But you sir are a yawn.
To choose to drink a beer with you,
I’d sooner mow the lawn.
MSN search drops the “s”,
To John Edward it goes.
A TV host I do not know,
But this is what that shows.
You are so dull and boring,
Folks don’t know who you are.
And when it’s time to re elect,
They may look for a star.

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03

Gephardt

I loved your show on TV,
It really was the best.
Sci Fi always caught my eye,
The Seaview beat the rest.
The monsters and the Flying sub,
Were really, really cool.
My friends and I would talk about,
The show each day in school.
Voyage to Bottom of,
The Sea’s, still on my mind.
Among the nine you are the tops,
No better will they find.
Richard Basehart is the man to win,
Two Thousand Four.
Saay whaaat? His name is Gephardt,
Crap, show him to the door.

Conspiracy Guy 12/22/03