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Who Is The Father? Actual replies from women on welfare forms

Posted on 12/31/2003 1:40:58 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs

Who Is The Father?

The following are all replies that women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details: These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

8. [name given] is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at EuroDisney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby, after all when you eat a tin of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart!


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: crabbyhobbitpeople; humor; mybabiesdaddy; whosyourdaddy
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1 posted on 12/31/2003 1:40:58 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs
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To: BigWaveBetty; Hillary's Lovely Legs; mountaineer; Timeout; ClancyJ; BlessedAmerican; ...
Happy New Year
2 posted on 12/31/2003 1:41:37 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs (I have a plan. I need empty liquor bottles, a vacuum cleaner, and a dead monkey.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
"1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins, child A was fathered by [name removed]. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night."

If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.
3 posted on 12/31/2003 1:43:30 PM PST by John Beresford Tipton
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
These are all women in the UK.
4 posted on 12/31/2003 1:44:41 PM PST by Alouette (Proud parent of an IDF recruit!)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
These are SO funny! Thanks for the ping and the laughs.

Happy New Year to you!

5 posted on 12/31/2003 1:46:23 PM PST by Mama_Bear (Lori)
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To: John Beresford Tipton
I have a pair of cats whose mother was a stray. The humane society insisted that they are brothers, but they they don't look anything alike. I've always wondered if they had different daddies.
6 posted on 12/31/2003 1:47:14 PM PST by jaybee
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs; nopardons; dixiechick2000; ILBBACH
ROFLMAO! GREAT POST!

I can't pick a favorite --- they're all too dang hilarious.
7 posted on 12/31/2003 1:47:26 PM PST by onyx (Your secrets are safe with me and all my friends.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Are they even sure who the mother is?
8 posted on 12/31/2003 1:47:28 PM PST by aomagrat (IYAOYAS)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
It either Bill Clinton , Steve Garvey or Jack as in the Box
9 posted on 12/31/2003 1:48:18 PM PST by al baby (Ice cream does not have bones)
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To: John Beresford Tipton
If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

I think the real trick is being sure of the father of one while uncertain of the father of the other...

The children must be very "distinctive."

10 posted on 12/31/2003 1:48:21 PM PST by Onelifetogive
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
They were too busy excerising their "right to choose"!Choose between Tom,Dick,Harry,Fred,Peter,Calvin,George,not to mention the rest of the community.
11 posted on 12/31/2003 1:49:55 PM PST by INSENSITIVE GUY
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
I saw a list of questions and answers of guys going into the service during WW2, here is my favorite question and answer.

Question: What is you church preference?

Answer: Red brick.

12 posted on 12/31/2003 1:50:16 PM PST by blam
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
7. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

Whew! I wear only Royal Blue!

What's a squaddie?

13 posted on 12/31/2003 1:50:58 PM PST by Larry Lucido
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To: Onelifetogive
"The children must be very 'distinctive.'"


Yes, there have been cases where one is black and one is white, though as Seinfeld teaches us:
"Not that there is anything wrong with that."
14 posted on 12/31/2003 1:51:23 PM PST by John Beresford Tipton
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
One of the funniest things I have read in a long time! What a great way to end the year! Thanks for posting this!
15 posted on 12/31/2003 1:51:51 PM PST by ladyinred (God Bless our Troops!)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs

Mommy always said I came from Heaven.

16 posted on 12/31/2003 1:52:20 PM PST by BigWaveBetty (HAPPY NEW YEAR!!)
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To: Onelifetogive
The Dude: [Looking at a picture of the Little Lebowski Urban Acheivers] And these are uh...
Brandt: Oh, those are Mister Lebowski's children.
The Dude: Different mothers.
Brandt: No...
The Dude: So racially, he's pretty cool?
17 posted on 12/31/2003 1:52:23 PM PST by labowski ("The Dude Abideth")
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To: Larry Lucido
What is a Squaddie?



Between the security of childhood and the senility of old age.

Is found the fascinating group of humanity called “Squaddies”.



A squaddie can be found anywhere in love, in bars, in trouble and always in debt. Girls love them, towns tolerate them, hotels hide them and governments support them.


A squaddie is, Laziness with a pack of cards. Bravery with a tattoo. Ruggedness in uniform and defender of the world with a copy of playboy.


He has the brains of a bear, the energy of a sea turtle, and the slyness of a fox. The stories of a sea captain, the sincerity of a liar. The aspirations of a Casanova, and a desire for people to be free.


His interests are, Girls, females, women. And members of the opposite sex. He likes beer, booze, plonk, alcohol, and ale, leave passes and an excuse all duties chit.


He spends his money on Girls, beer, cards, and any that he has left he likes to spend foolishly.


No one else could cram into one packet, food for 24 hours, a packet of crushed cigarettes, and a box of matches. A picture of his girl, receipts for lost equipment, a deck of cards an old leave pass.


18 posted on 12/31/2003 1:53:01 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs (I have a plan. I need empty liquor bottles, a vacuum cleaner, and a dead monkey.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
"Who is my babydaddy?" BUMP.
19 posted on 12/31/2003 1:53:30 PM PST by Constitution Day (Iraqi blogger to President Bush: "The bones in the mass graves salute you, Avenger of the Bones.")
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
bump
20 posted on 12/31/2003 1:54:59 PM PST by VOA
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To: John Beresford Tipton
If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

Especially if the woman is a lagomorph. They ovulate with each copulation. Considering her frequency of partners, I'd say she's certainly doing it like a bunny.

21 posted on 12/31/2003 1:56:52 PM PST by Prime Choice (Americans are a spiritual people. We're happy to help members of al Qaeda meet God.)
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To: BigWaveBetty
Mommy always said I came from Heaven.

Now why would your mommy say that?   ; )


22 posted on 12/31/2003 2:00:33 PM PST by Prime Choice (Americans are a spiritual people. We're happy to help members of al Qaeda meet God.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
More euro-wackiness - Watch for flying fridges.
23 posted on 12/31/2003 2:00:51 PM PST by BigWaveBetty (HAPPY NEW YEAR!!)
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To: John Beresford Tipton
If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

I know a set of "twins" who were born 3 months apart, the elder at 8 months the younger at 8 1/2 months.

24 posted on 12/31/2003 2:00:56 PM PST by ThanhPhero (Ong lam hanh huong di La Vang)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
These are genuine excerpts from the forms (names removed) :

Right... I think they are a little ~too~ good to be true.

25 posted on 12/31/2003 2:03:02 PM PST by HairOfTheDog
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To: Prime Choice
Now why would your mommy say that? ; )

Big brother, is that you?

26 posted on 12/31/2003 2:04:00 PM PST by BigWaveBetty (HAPPY NEW YEAR!!)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
The lab that I worked for did paternity testing. You wouldn't believe some of the scum some of these women dragged in stating that they were the fathers.

Most of the phlobotomists decontaminated themselves after drawing the blood on some of the individuals. They didn't want to be in the same room with the guy. Of course the mothers were so high class ....
27 posted on 12/31/2003 2:04:05 PM PST by notpoliticallycorewrecked
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To: jaybee
Dogs and cats both release many eggs and can be impregnated during any number of breedings during the heat cycle. It would not be uncommon for there to be different fathers in an free-roaming situation.
28 posted on 12/31/2003 2:06:05 PM PST by HairOfTheDog
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Bwahhhhhahahahaha!
#3 and #11 are my favorites.
29 posted on 12/31/2003 2:08:00 PM PST by najida (Where is Snake Pliskin when you need him?)
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To: All
Ummm, yas! We are indeed firmly planted in the era of
the hyperactive birth canal. If you're a taxpayer, watch
out! If you're not a taxpayer then just sit back and wait
for your next offering of free government cheese.
30 posted on 12/31/2003 2:09:44 PM PST by davisfh
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To: BigWaveBetty
Big brother, is that you?

Mum's da woid! ; )

31 posted on 12/31/2003 2:11:43 PM PST by Prime Choice (Americans are a spiritual people. We're happy to help members of al Qaeda meet God.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Sounds like some of the wackos on Montel Williams, LOL!
32 posted on 12/31/2003 2:15:06 PM PST by Gottwnz
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To: jaybee
They probably are from different daddies. A litter of kittens often have different fathers.
33 posted on 12/31/2003 2:17:35 PM PST by muggs (Those cats can be real sluts.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
This is heartwarming...

Especially like #4 and #5!

34 posted on 12/31/2003 2:19:20 PM PST by Tim Osman (Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
Hence the origin of the term "mass confusion."
35 posted on 12/31/2003 2:26:27 PM PST by Destructor
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To: HairOfTheDog
Granted the grammar and diction are a bit to good, perhaps this was cleaned up a bit, but I can tell you that depending on what social circles you have had opportunity to move in none of the above is particularly unbelievable.
36 posted on 12/31/2003 2:27:40 PM PST by festus
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
"Look, I am not your father..."
37 posted on 12/31/2003 2:28:53 PM PST by mikrofon
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
What?! No ping for me?!
38 posted on 12/31/2003 2:30:11 PM PST by IncPen ( "Saddam is in our hearts! Saddam is in our hearts!" "Saddam is in our jail!")
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To: IncPen
I didn't want to jinx it.
39 posted on 12/31/2003 2:31:42 PM PST by Hillary's Lovely Legs (I have a plan. I need empty liquor bottles, a vacuum cleaner, and a dead monkey.)
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To: BigWaveBetty
More euro-wackiness - Watch for flying fridges.

Would that be South Africa, Spain? Or maybe South Africa, Germany.
40 posted on 12/31/2003 2:35:39 PM PST by Conservative til I die
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To: ThanhPhero
a set of "twins" who were born 3 months apart,

Those aren't twins, they were merely wombmates. ;-)

41 posted on 12/31/2003 2:35:49 PM PST by StriperSniper (Sending the Ba'thist to the showers! ;-)
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To: John Beresford Tipton
My boss and his wife were going through fertility treatments. As a last resort they tried in vitro. Sure enough, she became pregnant with twins. They discovered that only one of the twins was implanted the other was fertilized during their frantic attempts to get it done the old fashioned way one last time. Something about their placement in the uterus and the fact that one was a couple of days older than the other.
42 posted on 12/31/2003 2:38:16 PM PST by Crusher138 (Then conquer we must, when our cause it is just, and this be our motto "In God is our trust!")
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To: jaybee
I've always wondered if they had different daddies.

While cat litters can have widely differing looks among cats that have only one father, if the stray mom was out free during her heat, she was undoubtably "had" by a few males over that time period, and the kittens could well be from different fathers.

And, yes, this is possible in humans, if there is more than one egg released, and more than one guy in the, er, picture.

43 posted on 12/31/2003 2:40:57 PM PST by Yaelle
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To: John Beresford Tipton
If they were fraternal rather than identical twins this is possible.

Years ago, I remember reading about a British girl who had one white baby and one black baby. They were fraternal twins and each had a different father.

44 posted on 12/31/2003 2:43:09 PM PST by Aliska
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
That is really funny
45 posted on 12/31/2003 2:45:42 PM PST by sawyer
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To: notpoliticallycorewrecked
The lab that I worked for did paternity testing.

Me too! We did a Hell's Angels case back in the 70s, when the entire troupe had to come in and give blood. Thank goodness "it" wasn't one of the several father/son/brother combos. LOL!

46 posted on 12/31/2003 2:47:16 PM PST by Yaelle
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To: Conservative til I die
You never let me have any fun.
47 posted on 12/31/2003 2:50:28 PM PST by BigWaveBetty (HAPPY NEW YEAR!!)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
She was conceived at a party [address and date given] where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.

I have a feeling that her "fainting" had more to do with how much booze she drank that night at the party and less to do with the sex being "so good".

48 posted on 12/31/2003 2:56:22 PM PST by usadave
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
This looks like one of the usual Jerry Springer episodes.
49 posted on 12/31/2003 2:57:08 PM PST by MizzouTigerRepublican (82nd ABN Gulf war vet)
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To: Hillary's Lovely Legs
True Story
When I was in insurance sales, I was insuring a young lady and a her 5 children.
As she was naming the children I noticed she gave
a different last name for each child.
I asked her
"Do all those children have a different father."?
She thought for few seconds and replied
"Yeah cept for dem twins"
50 posted on 12/31/2003 2:58:00 PM PST by WKB (3!~ A fine is a tax for doing wrong.; A tax is a fine for doing well.)
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