Skip to comments.Hip ways to help the Earth (LOL alert)
Posted on 01/04/2004 9:35:16 PM PST by Utah Girl
Another year of daily wear and tear begins for planet Earth. It's hard to say what role environmental issues will play in the upcoming presidential race. Iraq and the economy will probably generate most of the campaign noise.
So here are a few low-key suggestions that will enable every American to make an individual contribution toward easing the strain on our global habitat during the next 12 months. It's my ecological version of quiet diplomacy.
1. Get more sleep. Whenever you are not awake, there is a very high probability that you are not engaging in polluting activities such as burning trash in the back yard, applying pesticides in the garden or driving. Sleeping is definitely an Earth-friendly activity.
2. Limit your circle of friends. Socializing is inherently degrading to the environment. It generates dirty glasses, empty beverage containers, soiled table linens and other negative outcomes. Having fewer friends will minimize these problems and also help you save money by not having to buy so many presents for birthdays, anniversaries, and other interpersonal celebrations.
3. Think about a hobby. I said "think." Actually engaging in a hobby model airplanes for example can consume valuable resources and clutter up your house. But if you just think about model planes, coin collecting or trading sports cards, you'll get all the mental stimulation of these pursuits without the hassles, frustrations and the leftover packaging.
4. Support mime. It could just be the most environmentally sensible form of entertainment ever devised. Mime doesn't require extensive props or acoustic amplifiers, so use of raw materials is greatly reduced. It avoids the obnoxious loudness of rock concerts and the brain pollution of comedy clubs. Mime should be encouraged at every opportunity, albeit quietly.
5. Control your elders. Sad to say, many parents fall into irresponsible ecohabits as they get older. Buying a gigantic motor coach that gets 8 miles per gallon is the most obvious example. To curb such impulses, try to get your folks involved in activities that will keep them close to home. A new DVD player and a complete set of "Star Trek" episodes would be a good start. Other useful gifts might include a police scanner and an encyclopedia of magic tricks.
6. Wear gloves. Keeping your mitts covered during the day cuts down on washing, thus saving water and curtailing use of soap or detergents. If you can't wear gloves all the time, consider using them for certain "pollution risk" situations such as petting domestic animals, taking out the garbage, or shaking hands with political candidates.
7. Stay calm. Getting angry can cause rapid breathing and higher oxygen consumption. The atmosphere is being strained by modern industrial activities. It doesn't need the added burden of increased human metabolic rates.
This last suggestion may be the most difficult because we have now entered a phase of the calendar when massive numbers of agitated citizens will be hyperventilating collectively on a regular basis. It's an occurrence that's very hard to prevent during a presidential election year.
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"...a gigantic motor coach that gets 8 miles per gallon..."
I wish I had had one of those. Mine got 4 mpg..........FRegards
I think I'll challenge the suggestions:
1. Get more sleep.. Eh, why stop there? Encourage hibernation! Sleeping for several days at a time would reduce food intake and waste disposal. Fewer work days and fewer commuters. Reduction of nearly all resources (except heating/cooling system).
2. Limit your circle of friends. Having fewer friends will minimize these problems and also help you save money by not having to buy so many presents for birthdays, anniversaries, and other interpersonal celebrations. Why not just encourage people to buy/make elaborate meals as a gift instead? Everyone has to eat sometime (except those who are hibernating). Concert/theater tickets and vacations are also gifts that can't be placed in a closet, garage, or city dump.
3. Think about a hobby. I said "think." Actually engaging in a hobby model airplanes for example can consume valuable resources and clutter up your house. Just encourage people to pick up an accoustic instrument or better yet SING. No clutter, just "noise" pollution but then again birds are guilty of this same "crime".
4. Support mime. Or streetfight mimes. Again, no props needed.
5. Control your elders. They've had their day and who cares what the 10 Commandments say. < /sarcasm > To curb such impulses, try to get your folks involved in activities that will keep them close to home. A new DVD player and a complete set of "Star Trek" episodes would be a good start. Other useful gifts might include a police scanner and an encyclopedia of magic tricks. Or just buy them an accoustic guitar or harmonica. Ask grandpa to tell you about what this country USED to be like before the socialists took over. The elderly can be a wealth of historical knowledge. Why turn them into couch potatoes watching Star Trek?
6. Wear gloves. Keeping your mitts covered during the day cuts down on washing, thus saving water and curtailing use of soap or detergents. Of course, everytime you went to wipe your eyes/face, you would have to take them off so that you don't contaminate these areas. Proper hygiene is not "debatable".
7. Stay calm. See suggestion (1) about hibernating.
Additional liberal suggestion. Abort all children. The sooner the human race stops walking the planet, the sooner mankind will stop "damaging" everything.
OH honeeeeY, Darling........
Oh, yeah, I, too am just kidding...
It's amazing how many ppl I know take him seriously
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