Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

If you visit the South, please keep the following in mind...
email | unknown

Posted on 01/28/2004 11:34:37 AM PST by TheBigB

If you are going to live, or visit in the South, you need to know the rules. In an effort to help outsiders understand the rules of the Southerner's mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter a Southern State.

1. That farm boy you see at the gas station did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.

2. It's called a "gravel road." No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. Drive it or get it out of the way.

3. The red dirt - it's called clay. Red clay. If you like the color don't wash your car for a couple weeks - it'll be permanent.

4. We all started hunting and fishing when we were seven years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little 13-inch trout you fish for - bait.

7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

8. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might want to ensure it's not up to your ear at the time.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.

10. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a lot of water.

11. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

12. So you have a sixty thousand-dollar car. We're real impressed. We have a quarter of a million-dollar combine that we only use two weeks a year.

13. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

14. We eat dinner together with our families. We pray before we eat (yeah, even breakfast). We go to church on Wednesdays and Sundays and we go to high school football games on Friday nights. We still address our seniors with "yes, sir" and "yes, ma'am," and we sometimes still take Sunday drives around town to see friends and neighbors.

15. We don't do "hurry up" well.

16. Greens - yeah, we have greens, but you don't putt on them. You boil them with salty fatback, bacon or a ham hock.

17. Yeah, we eat catfish, bass, bream and carp. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

18. They are pigs. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 65 goes two ways - Interstate 40 goes the other two. Pick one.

19. Grits are corn. You put butter, salt, and maybe even some pepper on them. If you want to put milk and sugar on them, then you want cream of wheat - go to Kansas. That would be I-40 West.

20. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season or dove season. Both are holidays. You can get pancakes, cane syrup, and sausage before daylight at the church on either day.

21. So every person in every pickup waves? Yeah, it's called being friendly. Understand the concept?

22. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the fish and bothers the gators -and if you hit it in the rough, we have these things called diamondbacks, and they're not baseball players.

23. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

24. We have lots of pine trees. They have sap. It drips from them. You park your Navigator under them, and they'll leave a logo on your hood.

25. You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature - all four of them enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: aretheyallthisrude; dixie; rudesoutherners; south; therudesouth; topten; tourism; yankeessuck; yanksareskanks
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-167 next last
Got this in an email--searched and didn't see it. Laughed a lot. :)
1 posted on 01/28/2004 11:34:38 AM PST by TheBigB
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
Got no problems with any of these! :)
2 posted on 01/28/2004 11:37:25 AM PST by Tijeras_Slim (Come see the violence inherent in the system!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
LOL
3 posted on 01/28/2004 11:37:36 AM PST by Arpege92
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: martin_fierro
Worth a humor ping? :)
4 posted on 01/28/2004 11:39:38 AM PST by TheBigB (I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
Reads like the truth to me!
5 posted on 01/28/2004 11:41:11 AM PST by Quilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions. The liberal contingent of our state legislature - all four of them enacted a measure to stop this. There is now a $2.50 fine for beating up the flag burner.

Sweet. Is there a group discount? : )

6 posted on 01/28/2004 11:43:22 AM PST by Prime Choice (I'm pro-choice. I just think the "choice" should be made *before* having sex.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
mmmmmmm - Grits!
7 posted on 01/28/2004 11:43:42 AM PST by Hegemony Cricket (Dodging the Slings and Arrows of Outrageous Fortune)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
23. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

I prefer "jackass," but that's just me.

8 posted on 01/28/2004 11:45:56 AM PST by Modernman ("The details of my life are quite inconsequential...." - Dr. Evil)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
If you visit the South, please keep the following in mind...

They are pigs. That's what they smell like.

9 posted on 01/28/2004 11:46:32 AM PST by BenLurkin (Socialism is Slavery)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
I'd like to see most of these installed "up north."
10 posted on 01/28/2004 11:48:44 AM PST by Aeronaut (In my humble opinion, the new expression for backing down from a fight should be called 'frenching')
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
I only disagree with two of them. I was born and raised in the south and I like to trout fish and I like sugar with my buttered grits.
11 posted on 01/28/2004 11:51:55 AM PST by sticker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
I swear, on my parents grave that I did not know grits are corn, but I do love greens even as a Yankee. Unless I can convince my sister to get out her "Greens Pot", I am left wanting.

12 posted on 01/28/2004 11:52:25 AM PST by netmilsmom (God sent Angels- Why would I trust them to anyone else?-homeschooling 1/5/04)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: 4ConservativeJustices; stainlessbanner; sultan88; Mudboy Slim
More "Rules of the South" ping!
13 posted on 01/28/2004 11:53:38 AM PST by HenryLeeII
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
26. Body piercing? That's what happens when you get crossways with a mean bull. Only idiots do it on purpose.
14 posted on 01/28/2004 11:54:01 AM PST by cannonball
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
The south will rise again....

...git a beer and sit back down.

15 posted on 01/28/2004 11:56:07 AM PST by Lysander (My army can kill your army)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
If your last name is "Kerry," "Dean," or "Kucinich," and someone offers to take you fishing down by the creek, just you and him - politely decline. There are things in that swamp you haven't seen on any nature show.

Heck, even if your last name is "Edwards" and you have a southern accent, don't go. You sound too girly.
16 posted on 01/28/2004 11:57:28 AM PST by Palmetto
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Hegemony Cricket
"No self-respecting Southerner uses instant grits." "They take pride in their grits!"
17 posted on 01/28/2004 11:58:02 AM PST by BenLurkin (Socialism is Slavery)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: sticker
I've heard of trout, they're on the menu at that there Red Lobster. ;-)

Deer season ends Saturday, hubby's takin' me crappie fishing Sunday. I'll fry 'em up and serve 'em with cheese grits.
18 posted on 01/28/2004 11:58:54 AM PST by Quilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
I'd disagree with the grits one, too. Sure, grits are corn. So are corn flakes. I don't butter and pepper my corn flakes. If I want to put butter and pepper on it, I eat it as hominy (which is also corn, just lye-washed). Other than that, I think these all fit pretty well.
19 posted on 01/28/2004 12:00:23 PM PST by Jokelahoma (Animal testing is a bad idea. They get all nervous and give wrong answers.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
With a few minor word/food item replacements, this could be rural Idaho.
20 posted on 01/28/2004 12:02:09 PM PST by IYAS9YAS (Go Fast, Turn Left!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Jokelahoma
Oh yeah, and I-40 goes through Oklahoma. I-70 goes through Kansas. But now I'm picking nits, which, contrary to Yankee legend, are not used in any southern dishes.
21 posted on 01/28/2004 12:03:24 PM PST by Jokelahoma (Animal testing is a bad idea. They get all nervous and give wrong answers.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
If the ice tea is sweet you are from Georgia. Georgia was started as a penal colony so it is understandable that they have a few rough edges in taste.

(despite the moniker, I am originally from South Carolina)
22 posted on 01/28/2004 12:06:13 PM PST by Wisconsin
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Quilla
Hey, don't get me wrong I have caught alot more crappie, bass, bream, catfish and rockfish than I ever have trout. I prefer my crappie with home fries.
23 posted on 01/28/2004 12:06:18 PM PST by sticker
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: IYAS9YAS
Actually, outside of Pittsburgh and Philadelphia (and a few other places) this could be Pennsylvania too.
24 posted on 01/28/2004 12:08:35 PM PST by Doug Loss
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
Since my pa was a Georgia boy and had lots of brothers and sisters I've dreamed of going down south to live...retire down there...

Yes sir : Nice to know that how to act was already trained into me...fried okra in bacon fat.. hotsauce on eggs..biscuits for breakfast an all
25 posted on 01/28/2004 12:09:05 PM PST by joesnuffy (Moderate Islam Is For Dilettantes)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
10. Tea - yeah, we have tea. It comes in a glass over ice and is sweet. You want it hot - sit it in the sun. You want it unsweetened - add a lot of water.

The only one I'd have any trouble with - I love tea, iced or hot, but HATE it sweetened! Otherwise, the South sounds pretty inviting, after yet again shoveling out my car to get to work this morning!

26 posted on 01/28/2004 12:11:54 PM PST by bassmaner (Let's take the word "liberal" back from the commies!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
I live in the south and this is priceless! Especially about the sushi and caviar!
27 posted on 01/28/2004 12:12:33 PM PST by beckysueb
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions.

My Boy Scout Handbook said that old, worn flags should be disposed of by burning them.

28 posted on 01/28/2004 12:12:42 PM PST by wideminded
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
23. That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot - his name is "Sir," no matter how young he is.

I have found that "Officer", as in "Yes, Officer" and "No, Officer" works fine, too.

29 posted on 01/28/2004 12:15:56 PM PST by RonF
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
27. He needs a killin.' Southern for justifiable homicide, bless his heart.
30 posted on 01/28/2004 12:19:38 PM PST by samanella ((Proud member of the vast right wing conspiracy-all my bumper stickers say so))
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: sticker
I like sugar with my buttered grits.

Agh! One downside of a Yankee wife is that she won't eat grits without maple syrup. Calls it her "Mason-Dixon" breakfast. I call it a waste of good grits (which aren't served by many restaurants in Seattle).

31 posted on 01/28/2004 12:21:14 PM PST by Eala (Sacrificing tagline fame for... TRAD ANGLICAN RESOURCE PAGE: http://eala.freeservers.com/anglican)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: wideminded
>You burn an American flag in our state, you get beat up. No questions.
My Boy Scout Handbook said that old, worn flags should be disposed of by burning them.

The difference between honourable disposal and dishonourable protest is quite readily discerned.

32 posted on 01/28/2004 12:23:51 PM PST by Eala (Sacrificing tagline fame for... TRAD ANGLICAN RESOURCE PAGE: http://eala.freeservers.com/anglican)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

Can I get an amen.

33 posted on 01/28/2004 12:30:57 PM PST by SouthernFreebird ( Go Panthers !)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: BenLurkin
"No self-respecting Southerner uses instant grits."

I LOVE that movie!
34 posted on 01/28/2004 12:33:12 PM PST by bearsgirl90
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
ROFL!
35 posted on 01/28/2004 12:34:25 PM PST by sheik yerbouty
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Eala

Ewww.... sugar and syrup on grits is an abomination. Keep it real guys.
36 posted on 01/28/2004 12:36:49 PM PST by SouthernFreebird ( Go Panthers !)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 31 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
"Grits are corn"

Grits taste like dirt. What in G-d's name do you people see in them? Waffle House isn't THAT bad!
37 posted on 01/28/2004 12:36:51 PM PST by KantianBurke (2+2 does NOT equal 5)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SouthernFreebird
7. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
Can I get an amen.

Amen, and Amen! I live in southern Kentucky, and my 16 year old nephew walks around with most of his butt hanging out! Drives me nuts. So, this is not a problem only in the north!
38 posted on 01/28/2004 12:36:56 PM PST by bearsgirl90
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: Tijeras_Slim
Great post! :)
39 posted on 01/28/2004 12:37:15 PM PST by EagleMamaMT
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: IYAS9YAS
With a few minor food changes it could be anywhere.

You drive 35 miles outside of New York City and there are plenty of gravel roads (dirt roads too), red clay, farms, hunters, small towns with 1 (or less) stoplights, and lots of pine trees.

Believe it or not, people outside the South, eat with their families, go to church, high school football games, hunt, fish, trap, and they're darn patriotic too.

If Southerners really believe that they are the only ones who do this stuff, then they really are dumb. I don't think that is the case. This is a silly email. Funny but silly.
40 posted on 01/28/2004 12:37:21 PM PST by XRdsRev
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: SouthernFreebird
Amen. They call that "bustin' a sag'. It is disgusting. I hired young man who after about a week, started wearing his pants down so low they defied gravity. I'd walk out in the plant, see him bustin' a sag and loud enough for all to hear, I'd say, "Hey man, your underwear's showing. My other men would crack up and the kid would pull up his pants. He worked for about four weeks before voluntarily quitting.
41 posted on 01/28/2004 12:38:00 PM PST by Quilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: XRdsRev

Feeling left out eh...? lol
42 posted on 01/28/2004 12:39:31 PM PST by SouthernFreebird ( Go Panthers !)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 40 | View Replies]

To: SouthernFreebird
Ewww.... sugar and syrup on grits is an abomination.

Which is why we don't have grits very often. I can't stand to see that done to them...

43 posted on 01/28/2004 12:40:31 PM PST by Eala (Sacrificing tagline fame for... TRAD ANGLICAN RESOURCE PAGE: http://eala.freeservers.com/anglican)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

To: bearsgirl90
So, this is not a problem only in the north!

Agreed, but at least we'll tell them how retarded they look. LOL

44 posted on 01/28/2004 12:41:04 PM PST by SouthernFreebird ( Go Panthers !)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 38 | View Replies]

To: January24th
I think this is for you. :0)
45 posted on 01/28/2004 12:41:53 PM PST by Camachee (`)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: SouthernFreebird
A-men! Too many of those screwballs down here with their pants down around their ankles.
46 posted on 01/28/2004 12:43:02 PM PST by TheBigB (I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire. I own a mansion and a yacht.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 33 | View Replies]

To: SouthernFreebird
Not really. I'm just pointing out how innaccurate the post is. Where I come from, ignorance is not bliss.

Have a good one.
47 posted on 01/28/2004 12:43:19 PM PST by XRdsRev
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 42 | View Replies]

To: TheBigB
You left out the "or we'll kick your ass" part.
48 posted on 01/28/2004 12:46:09 PM PST by Lee'sGhost (Crom!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Quilla
Deer season ends Saturday, hubby's takin' me crappie fishing Sunday.

If he hasn't told you yet, crappie hit VERY light on a baited hook. They might even hit from below on bait so that the only way you know you got a bite is that your line suddenly goes slack. The best way to fish for crappie is to keep the rod butt in your hand and feel for a strike - and you won't feel much. Set the hook if you feel any sort of tug at all or if the line goes slack.

49 posted on 01/28/2004 12:46:35 PM PST by Johnny_Cipher (Miserable failure = http://www.michaelmoore.com/ sounds good to me!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Camachee
For me? You shouldn't have...

50 posted on 01/28/2004 12:50:04 PM PST by January24th (Moteasuh?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 45 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first 1-5051-100101-150151-167 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson