Skip to comments.Hitler and Lenin have Tea
Posted on 02/03/2004 1:39:00 PM PST by jamesRI1776
V.I. Lenin: Hey Adolph: we got to hand it to those liberals. They have perpetuated one of the greatest lies of all time. The libs' knack for deception and outward proclivity to obtuse individuals (got to love those unrestricted voting laws) have caused many credulous folks to think that your regime, the Third Reich, was actually on the conservative end of the political spectrum.
Adolph Hitler: Gosh, I know. What's even better is that this lie is disseminated from my disciples in American Academia. These irrationally reckless malcontents preach that Communism and Nazism are opposites, not rivals. Obviously, the nomenclature of NAZI (Nationalist Socialist Workers Party of Germany) undoubtedly shows that my regime was on the far LEFT, which quiets the outlandish claim that I was a conservative. Our Nazi red banner was even taken from the flag of socialism can it get any more apparent? Amazingly, the freedom-loving RWU College Republicans are called Nazis in their American Presidencies political science class by, strangely enough, a Jewish professor. Such misleading innuendos can especially be heard by the current Saddam-groping, anti-war protestors when they compare President Bush to me and my Nazi regime!
V.I. Lenin: Totally! Conservatives advocate a free market, not bound to any socialist ties smacked on by the government. Yet, both of our governments were totalitarian regimes that warred against private property. Adolph, while you were in power you banned cigarette smoking, promoted vegetarianism and organic gardening, advocated abortion and euthanasia, and advocated animal rights. Furthermore, you and your Brownshirts advocated the nationalization of education, healthcare, transportation, national resources, manufacturing, and you even took part in "redistribution of wealth". That sounds like a liberal regime to me.
Adolph Hitler: Actually, Vladimir, I have some questions for those liberal professors who sermonize on how the Nazis were on the Right. Why did the Nazis repeatedly block any attempt to restore a Monarchy in both Germany and Austria when monarchies have historically been the conservative form of government? If the Nazis were on the Right, why did we destroy the rights of traditional German States in order to "collectivize" diverse people into one undifferentiated, classless society when conservatives respect States' rights and protect traditions from an intrusive government? If the Nazis were on the Right, why did we purge the Junker Aristocracy, the upholder of German conservatism, from society? If the Nazis were on the Right, why did we disarm Germany, not respecting the innate right to self-defense? (That's right: I was for gun control!)
V.I. Lenin: In fact, your views are antithetical to conservatism and are more aligned with my Communist playpals. For instance, you said the reason FDR was siding with the British government was because he was jealous that the Nazis were able to enact socialism at a quicker and more effective rate. And the Nazis addressing each other as "comrade" and pushing for a "New German World Order" (UN?) where there is coerced uniformity to one idealist's vision is liberal rhetoric.
Adolph Hitler: The common misconception is that I slaughtered millions of Jews because I was partaking in ethnic cleansing. However, nothing is further from the truth. My Nazi regime was engaging not in ethnic cleansing but in ideological cleansing. You see, the Jewish nation has always been the epitome of prosperity, longevity, and tradition. In order for me to rally the masses in Nuremberg I needed a scapegoat, a group that can be perceived to have obtained their wealth at the expense of the masses, or as your mentor would say, the proletariat. I partook of the Left's philosophy of creating an injustice out of jealousy, followed by promoting covetousness to the masses, which ultimately led to the slaughter of those who would not be socially engineered to a specified liking.
V.I. Lenin: So true. Our mentor Karl Marx hated the Jews for the same reason. Marx attributed the evils of capitalism to Judaism. In fact, divinely inspired Marx said, "As soon as society succeeds in abolishing the empirical essence of Judaism, the huckster, and the conditions which produce him, the Jew will become impossible." Marx was concerned with the task of abolishing Jewry. The Jews have been no strangers to hatred, not because of their nationality but because of their success rate. The Left started demonizing Jews during the French Revolution along with the aristocrats because the "bottom feeders" in society were envious of the aforementioned groups' prosperity. This led to the lunkheads of France massacring the intelligent, well groomed, and affluent members of society. Certainly, a major reason France is a third-rate power today.
Adolph Hitler: Another common misconception is that my utopian, Aryan society is a society where all those who have blond hair and blue eyes could live. But that's not how the Nazis defined Aryan. Houston Stewart Chamberlain, the brainchild of Aryan Supremacy, had this to say about the Aryan race: "The peoples we learned to combine under the name of Aryan vary greatly from one another; they show the most varied cranial structure, and different colors of skin, eyes and hair." It's zanier to say that I murdered Jews because they were not "Nordic" enough. If that were the case, I would have murdered most of my top officials who were less "Nordic" than the successful Jews and Poles we ruthlessly slaughtered.
V.I. Lenin: To understand why Jews have been the most readily recognized victim group, one must understand the method and reasoning behind targeting the Jews. The classic blueprint for any socialist society begins with disdain for high achievers. Once the hatred is present for the specified group, the quest to abolish this group and the "injustice" they cause is unleashed by dangerous demagogues like us. Radical conformists, like you and me, Adolph, seek to destroy those who are not malleable, those who cannot be molded like clay in our socialist paradise. I hate these individualists so much that I am recorded as saying "Even if for every hundred correct things we committed 10,000 mistakes, our revolution would still be and it will be in the judgment of history great and invincible."
Adolph Hitler: The free-market, individualism mindset that proliferates from Judaism was the biggest obstacle to my National Socialist worldview. For this reason, I elaborately and systematically executed the Jews over a three-year period. Surely, liberals are not slow, developing bacteria as Jason Mattera would have you believe. My comrades in the Political Science, Sociology, and History departments at Roger Williams University teach the lie that I associated myself with those "hateful conservatives". Such fabrication mainly goes unchallenged. But when those young Republicans expose the Left's affinity for Nazism, the professors take turns having a cow. Unsurprisingly, the same professors did not feel "offended" when compared to communists, but were offended when compared to Nazis. That's because in their minds forced egalitarianism (communism) is the hip way to live, even though forced egalitarianism murdered over 100 million in the 20th century. Couldn't the teachers foresee that this was an obvious test that they failed? Lenin, our only hope now is that the professors galvanize in one accord. And with their weapons of Das Kapital and Mein Kampf by their side, the united faculty can censor and ideologically cleanse RWU from these College Republican brats!
Iced tea with Al Gore ....... "I was out of the room, I didn't hear a thing!"
Of course not. Just another point of similarity between the fascist and communist forms of Socialism.
"Using my postition of art director and chief designer for Roger Williams University College Republicans, The Intercollegiate Republican Caucus of Rhode Island and The Hawk's Right Eye, I would love to change the face of Rhode Island politics. Bringing a well designed, professional look to the conservative cause is instrumental in successfully marketing our message."
It would be very good if you could take over "Patches" seat in the House some day. :)
That's when the cat stopped. Gosh, Hitler and Lenin talkin' American slang!