Skip to comments.ZOT! - An Open Letter from Donald to Saddam
Posted on 02/05/2004 1:36:09 PM PST by NC Yippie
Remember when we first met on that magic night in Baghdad in 1983? You were gassing those wacky Iranians with chemical weapons and having a grand old time, but Ronnie and I just said hey, 'dictators will be dictators' - know what I mean?!! Hahaha. It's a good thing we sold you all those weapons and military equipment that you used in crushing your own people. Lord knows what might have happened if we hadn't stepped in to help you out.
What a time it was too! We sold you all kinds of fun things - anthrax, VX nerve gas, West Nile fever germs, you name it! Under Uncle Ronnie, we licensed over 70 biological exports to Iraq between 1985 and 1989, including at least 21 different batches of lethal strains of anthrax. So much fun, wow. We even sold you cool stuff like missile fabrication equipment and missile system guidance equipment. We were such pals.
In fact, it was those great military helicopters we sold you in the early eighties (against strong Democratic opposition in the Senate), that you later used to spray lethal gas on the Kurds in 1988. Hey, what's 5,000 innocent lives to crazy cats like us? So what if our friends in the Alcolac company of Baltimore illegally sold you that same mustard gas? People take things so seriously, really. You said they were asking for it, and I certainly believe you. After the gassing hit the news, those same pesky Democrats passed sweeping sanctions in an attempt to deny you access to any more US technology, but those moves were successfully blocked by me and my pals in the White House. After all, our big contractor friends love to sell you stuff.
With the help of our UK friends, we also sold you all the technology and materials you needed to develop even more nuclear, chemical and biological weapons of mass destruction. We gave you and your regime billions of dollars of credits, provided US military intelligence to your troops and pitched in with even more ammunition and vehicles. Billions of US taxpayer dollars just for you and your friends to party with my sweet! I'm sure you even used some of that money to build your palaces and maybe even that famous statue. Ronnie and I and all the fun loving Republicans just love our kooky dictator friends! Human rights are really just a nuisance as far as big business goes, right? Oh Saddam, the memories we have together will last forever.
It was tough to watch when Clinton had all those obnoxious UN inspectors poking around in Iraq, especially when they destroyed an estimated 90% of the great weapons of mass destruction toys Uncle Ronnie and Big George gave to you. What a waste! Remember in 1999 when Scott Ritter, the UN's former chief weapons inspector in Iraq, said 'the United Nations destroyed most of Iraq's weapons of mass destruction and doubts that Saddam could have rebuilt his stocks by now.' What a cad! So what if he is a Republican. It's sure a good thing that nobody believed him.
Anyway, Little George and I just want to say that we are sorry things turned out the way they did for you in the end. I'm sorry Clinton fired 23 Tomahawk missiles into Baghdad in 1993, and I'm sorry we had to do what we had to do in 2003. You know my little flower, you could have worked with us if you let our buddies in Halliburton, GE and Conoco take over your oil fields and telecommunications, but you were just so stubborn. But I still love you, you Magnum PI of the Middle East, you.
In the end dear Saddam, it was you or our big business buddies - but please remember my love, it's nothing personal. I'm sure you stashed away a few billion for a rainy day and I'm so sorry you won't get to spend it. But that's ok, because we will spend it for you. I'm also sorry about your sons, but they were really making us look foolish. You probably would have killed them yourself anyway. Yet now, alas, our love has turned cold, and I have to turn my back on you. But always remember our nights together looking out at the stars over Baghdad. You will always be my Big Bad Scud and I will always be your loving Patriot Missile.
All My Love,
Allow me to get the door..
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