I Read, I Smoke, I Spin (DOWD)

New York Times ^ | 2/22/2004 | Maureen Dowd

[cyncooper]

Laura Bush does not want that Chanel-wearing, shawl-draping, senator-marrying Teresa Heinz Kerry to get her house.

It's a swell house, with doting servants, fresh flowers and grand paintings.

And she does not want her Bushie to be tarred for lacking character, after he ascended by promising to restore character to an Oval Office still redolent of thongs and pizza.

So the reserved librarian who married the rollicking oilman on the condition that she would never have to make a political speech has suddenly transformed herself into a sharp-edged, tart-tongued, defensive protectrix of her husband's record.

Many White House reporters, including ones the first lady has been testy and sarcastic with, say they are thrilled with the new Laura. They found the old Laura "plastic" and "unreal," limited to treacly concerns about children, reading and being George's rock. The new Laura, they say, has "juice."

But I kind of miss the old Laura, the one who long ago shocked W.'s paternal grandmother by describing her interests in a way that sounded, heaven forfend, French: "I read, I smoke and I admire." The new Laura reads polls, fumes and admonishes. A cool Marian the Librarian morphed into a hot Mary Matalin, running around the country spinning reporters, slicing and dicing Democrats, and raking in dough at fund-raisers.

I always had a cozy image of Laura Bush curled up in a window seat in the White House solarium, reading Dostoyevsky and petting a cat dozing beside her. She seemed beyond politics, an estimably private, utterly classy presence unsullied by the nasty edge that Bush family politics takes on when a Bush pol gets in trouble, not the sort to needle political rivals and the press or rigorously catalog injustices the way Barbara Bush did.

Not that Laura was bland. I liked the confidence with which this champion of literacy blew off the poets she'd invited to the White House last year, once she realized they planned to do to her husband what Eartha Kitt did to Lyndon Johnson — turn a cultural event into an antiwar protest. It was her party, and she could cry foul if she wanted.

During the 2000 campaign, she was content to be the serene counterpoint to her husband's boyish bouncing off the walls. She rejected Hillary's two-for-the-price-of-one mantra and told The Times's Frank Bruni, "I'm not that knowledgeable about most issues. . . . And just to put in my two cents to put in my two cents — I don't think it's really necessary."

Bush advisers liked her detachment from the messy arena. They thought she made her husband seem grounded, moderate and down to earth, a contrast with the obsessive, egoistic ambition of the Clintons and Al Gore.

But this time around, it is Mr. Bush who is getting attacked on credibility and do-whatever-it-takes ambition. His strategists, panicked about chaotic Iraq, confused economic policy, cascading deficits and incoherent National Guard records, needed to draw, if you'll pardon the expression, the most unimpeachable person in the White House into the fray. They pitched her as Mr. Bush's secret weapon. Maybe, after the David Kay debacle, the White House just needed to unearth a weapon — any weapon.

The woman known for telling her husband to tone it down is now telling his critics to get lost. In an interview with The Associated Press on Thursday, she said of the National Guard flap: "I think it's a political, you know, witch hunt, actually, on the part of Democrats."

Speaking to The Times's Elisabeth Bumiller, a prickly Mrs. Bush defended her husband on Iraq and shared the chip on his shoulder about the East Coast elite, apparently resentful that they might consider her a 50's throwback, doing women's work.

Talking to ABC's Terry Moran, Mrs. Bush harshly responded to Terry McAuliffe's AWOL charge: "I don't think it's fair to really lie about allegations about someone." She stated flatly that W. was pulling Guard duty in Alabama. When Mr. Moran asked how she knew, she replied, "Well, because he told me he was."

The last time a powerful man from Texas got into trouble and sent his wife out to defend him, it was W. contributor Kenny Boy Lay.

The president can't skirt the issues by hiding behind Laura's skirts forever. One way of showing character is to come out from behind all her protestations about his character.

[cyncooper]

I heard Imus comment about what he called an attack on Laura Bush by Maureen Dowd in yesterday's Times. Mildly surprised that Dowd still has her NY Times gig, I looked it up.

What a mish mash of misguided, muddled musings.

Laura speaks her mind and MoDo does not like it one little bit.

[OpusatFR]

" She seemed beyond politics, an estimably private, utterly classy presence unsullied..."

I guess she means that Hillary was utter trash then.....

[sarasota]

What is wrong with this "woman"? More bile-filled spewings from the liberal left.

[xsmommy]

where is the pic of Catherine to rub MO's face in?? the shrewish harpy.

[cyncooper]

Laura Bush gets asked a question by Terry Moran and MoDo takes umbrage that she answers. Characterizes it as Laura being "sent" out to defend her husband.

Can it get more absurd? I'm afraid it will as the campaign season marches on.

BTW, what a terrific answer from the First Lady:

Talking to ABC's Terry Moran, Mrs. Bush harshly responded to Terry McAuliffe's AWOL charge: "I don't think it's fair to really lie about allegations about someone."

Maureen actaully thinks Mrs. Bush's answer is "harsh". Oh, my! LOL

[mathluv]

I am amazed at the spin dowdie is trying.

[cyncooper]

I have a feeling one is on the way...

[OpusatFR]

It's a shame Mo is going through menopause an utterly embittered, wrinkled old woman left with bile instead of hormones.

She could have been Michael's wife and mother of his children, but, alas, it wasn't meant to be.... ( -;

[baseballmom]

Imus is having a good show this morning. Zell Miller slammed Kerry for his 360 bill introductions - 9 of which passed. He said 6 were to name bridges or buildings, and 1 was to encourage small business ownership by women, and 1 was to introduce a 50 cent gas tax. Zell was GREAT.

As to the Dowdy Mo. She is a spurned, bitter, hate-filled bitch, who has the hots for GWB, and therefore hates Laura, almost as much as Catherine Zeta-Jones.

[xsmommy]

you can feel the bitterness oozing out of that shrew. i would be embarrassed to have people reading me sounding that way, because it reflects nothing but her own sick spirit.

[EllaMinnow]

Catherine Zeta Jones, beloved wife of Michael Douglas, and mother of his two charming children, arrives at the Screen Actor's Guild Awards Show last night:

[OldFriend]

Dowd speaks to like minded bitter shrewish hags.

No doubt they all adore each other and tell each other how brilliant they are.

[Rummyfan]

Sorry I missed Miller on Imus...... did he perchance shut up Imus about Kerry with his litany?

[xsmommy]

oh mo, have you seen how STUNNING catherine looked last evening? you'd never know that she birthed two babies, you barren old hag.

[angkor]

This one at least has a single semi-coherent theme from start to finish.

Not surprising, since Laura is the only obstacle between Dowd and her secret unrequited love interest.

[mewzilla]

Wow. Poor Dowdy. Always the bridesmaid...

[CaptainK]

You forgot to include Oscar winner.

[PBRSTREETGANG]

Mo really shouldn't try to spin this hard...she'll get her muumuu knotted around her.

[EllaMinnow]

You're right!

"The lovely Catherine Zeta-Jones, who won an Academy Award for "Chicago" while on the brink of giving birth to Michael Douglas's daughter...

[cyncooper]

This one at least has a single semi-coherent theme from start to finish.

True. It was the gratuitous throwing in of "Kenny Boy" that had me rolling my eyes and laughing at the same time.

[baseballmom]

Yes, Imus was backpeddling about his support for JF'ingKerry, after Zell got through skewering Kerry. He said, "Like we say in Georgia, Kerry is all vine and no potato". "He is a talker, not a doer. GWB doesn't talk much, he is a doer."

Also, Michael Beschloss was on. He was pretty good.

One thing I have heard a lot about, but don't know about - Imus has referred several times to how horrible Bush was to McCain in South Carolina in 2000. Does anyone know what happened there?

[sarasota]

I'm trying to figure out why Catherine looked so different. I thought she was Shania Twain when I first saw her. The hair, of course, but some tweaking on the face?

[kennedy]

[baseballmom]

Hey y'all, over here. Dowdy Mo is starting to go after our Laura.

[kennedy]

I'll throw in a Dowd picture to compare and contrast:

Last but not least, here's what Dowd will look like a couple of years from now:

[xsmommy]

you know that in Mo's private hell, there are pix of the stunning catherine with her adoring hubby, on all sides...a funhouse effect, if you will.

[EllaMinnow]

I think it's just the hair. She always looks like a different woman when her hair is curled.

[atomicpossum]

Man, you could rub my face in that...

[sarasota]

I want to see last night's photo right beside another one, same angle. I think she's had some work done.

[CaptainK]

Excellent!

[EllaMinnow]

Here she is in 2001:

[jwalsh07]

One thing I have heard a lot about, but don't know about - Imus has referred several times to how horrible Bush was to McCain in South Carolina in 2000. Does anyone know what happened there?

Yeah, McCain got beat like a drum. Imus was backing McCain. Such is life.

[chiller]

The mainstream media has no clothes, nor morals, nor a shred of decency. And its clearly obvious to the vast majority outside of the blue metro areas. I wish them ill.

[bondjamesbond]

I am sure that if somebody asked Laura's opinion of MoDo, she would answer that she couldn't really say it, but that it rhymes with "witch".

Awards season is tough on MoDo, what with all of that red-carpet attention that CZJ gets. The bottle is her only recourse.

[shiva]

I have only one word for Maureen Dowd ......

M-E-O-O-O-W !

[EllaMinnow]

I think Laura would say "Who?"

and that would make Mo even nuttier!

[bondjamesbond]

Her eyes are wider open than usual in last night's picture. It could just be her expression, though. Hard to judge from just one picture.

If she's had work done to enlarge her eyes, that would be a shame, IMHO. I always thought her bedroom eyes were one of her best features. Not everybody has to look the same, after all.

[wayoverontheright]

Ok, gist of article, Laura Bush believes the AWOL story is political, and she believes her husband when he tells her something. How.....bourgeois.

What a bland, boring, empty piece of journalism.

[Miss Marple]

What a shrew! She is trying to attack the President through Laura.

It will be up to us to defend her, as the President can't get in a flap with this harridan.

I suggest we write the New York Times, AND the New York Post, since the Post will print our letters!

[cpdiii]

Just in case the Dowdy One is not aware of it, I would like to point out that Laura is better looking than the Dowd and Zeta Jones is still married to Micheal Douglas. :), and when it comes to class, The Dowd is not even in the game.

[BluH2o]

She stated flatly that W. was pulling Guard duty in Alabama. When Mr. Moran asked how she knew, she replied, "Well, because he told me he was."

Get the idea that liberals are thinking "yeah ... right" to that response ... a novel concept indeed to liberals ... having a wife take the word of an honest husband for granted is just very difficult for them to grasp. The last husband that served as President couldn't be trusted any further than Hilda-beast could throw a lamp ... he was a liberal greatly admired and coddled by the fawning media ... accepted as one of them.

[TheRightResponse]

Dowdy is a delirious, defanged old housecat who is so incontinent as to go unnoticed anymore....

[ohioWfan]

who has the hots for GWB, and therefore hates Laura

BINGO!

I think she hates happy people and good marriages, too.

Sad, sad woman. And she writes this trip for all to see............

[T Minus Four]

Laura Bush is a "protectrix"? Mo Dowd is a BITCHTRIX!

[isthisnickcool]

Lubricant impaired in the south. Too much lubricant above the neck.

[ohioWfan]

That would be TRIPE.............not trip.......

[Mo1]

Good Grief Dowd is such a nasty thing ...

[goodnesswins]

Sheesh.....does Dowdy have a psycho-therapist? It's ALMOST sad to see her deconstruct in public.

[NeoCaveman]

Thanks for the ping.

I read these threads just for the pics.

[mass55th]

The other day on Fox & Friends, some puke called in and called President Bush the anti-Christ, and then there's all those folks on the left who say he's evil. I started thinking: "If people believe Bush is evil, then they'd have to believe that Laura is evil too since she's married to him."

I shrugged the thought off thinking that could never happen...the lady's a saint. Well, Maureen Dowd just proved that succubi really do exist. I didn't think that there was anyone or anything alive, so malevolent as to attack the First Lady, but the whining Menopausal bitch Dowd has once again shown just how low she will go to reach her press deadline. She must have thrown this one together while she was in one of her drunken stupors. Afterall, drinkers tend to be mean-spirited under the influence, and I can't think of any other reason for someone being so nasty toward a woman she doesn't even know.

Well yeah, now that I've dwelled on it, I can think of one other reason: Jealousy. It's an ugly trait and apparently one that Mo suffers deeply from. She obviously can't handle those lonely nights with her computer and her bottle. Unlike Dowd, Mrs. Bush has a faithful husband, and unlike Mo and her idol Mrs. Clinton, Mrs. Bush actually sleeps with her husband...every night. Another thing Mo can't handle is loyalty, especially since her one true love dumped her frumpy ass for the likes of Catherine Zeta-Jones. I guess it's safe to say that Howard Dean wasn't the first male to leave Maureen waiting for his phone call.

Poor thing, it must be terrible having to waste your nights trying to get men to have sex with you. That's what succubi do you know. But then women with ugly personalities and venomous dispositions can't expect to be attractive in the light of day now can they?