Mark Steyn: John Kerry is all tied up in nuances

The Telegraph (U.K.) ^ | 03/02/04 | Mark Steyn

[Pokey78]

The news that Boris Johnson and half his Tory colleagues have been flirting with John Kerry like a Congressional overseas exchange intern programme came as no surprise to me. Though the Senator likes to think of himself as exuding Kennedy-esque glamour, to Conservatives he has the reassuring mien of an unexciting Cabinet heavyweight back when the party still had heavyweights and a Cabinet to put them in.

You can see why the Tory benches have been mesmerised by the immobile features of the Botoxicated Brahmin: superficially, he has the air of a cadaverous Douglas Hurd. As the Tories used to say in the old days, he has bottom - though, in the current climate, Senator Kerry would perhaps be ill-advised to adopt it as a campaign slogan.

One appreciates that Dubya and his Texan tics are not to everyone's taste, especially overseas. That said, one reason why America is one of the few places on the planet where conservatism remains a going concern is because it's a vernacular conservatism, not the patrician kind.

Conversely, it's easy to mistake boringness for seriousness, as Dustin Hoffman and Barbra

Streisand did in last year's ratings-bust Oscar show. So I defy any Tory MP to spend as much time with Kerry as I have this past year and still say they want him on the BBC News every night for the next eight years.

In Ohio the other day, he was trying to attack Bush's economic policy for the benefit of the television crews and staggered through three minutes of puffy incoherence. At the end, the CBS guy said none of what he'd droned was usable and would he mind trying again. Eventually, they coached the Senator into a soundbite: "It's the biggest say-one-thing-do-another administration in the history of the country." He likes this so much he now uses it all the time.

I recognised the CBS problem. Last spring and summer, I went to three Kerry campaign events in New Hampshire, intending to write about them for the Telegraph. Each time, I staggered groggily out of the diner or American Legion hall and, after checking my pulse and administering self-resuscitation, I figured that everything he said was so rambling and platitudinous that to inflict it on readers would be unfair, if not actually career-jeopardising.

But I wrote the stuff down. He used the word "courage" a lot. He said that he had "the courage to take the tough decisions", and America needed "the courage to stand up". His campaign was billing itself back then as the "American Courage Tour". I think it was after his "Fresh Air Forum" (sadly misnamed) that I looked at my notes and found the following: "Sometimes real leadership means having the courage not to have any courage."

That can't be right, I thought. It must be two separate answers, or there's some missing words about a Senate Appropriations Bill in the middle that I left out. But funnily enough, I find if you stick it on the end of almost any Kerry response - the explanation as to why his vote in favour of the Iraq war was actually a vote against the Iraq war and the one about why his vote to refuse funding to the troops was actually evidence of his strong support for the troops - it makes things much clearer.

So the notion that Kerry is more verbally felicitous than Bush depends on one's appetite for sonorous senatorial blather. The Tory benches may have what Boris calls "a certain snobbish resistance to his syntax", but I love Bush-speak. "Misunderestimate" encapsulates brilliantly what his opponents keep doing.

Senator Joe Biden - a man so rhetorically insecure that he's the only presidential candidate ever to plagiarise Neil Kinnock - was bending Bush's ear about the need to take a more "nuanced" approach to Afghanistan, and Bush replied: "I don't do nuance." Beautiful, and pithy, and a lot funnier than anything in the Bush parodies.

The smart guys don't think it's funny. Richard Cohen wrote a column for the Washington Post, headlined "Bush's War against Nuance". If you've gone over to the forces of nuance, Kerry's your guy - or your nuancy boy. He's got nuances coming out of his nuances. As the New York Times put it in its endorsement of the Senator: "What his critics see as an inability to take strong, clear positions seems to us to reflect his appreciation that life is not simple. He understands the nuances."

That may be the most lethal endorsement since Al Gore leapt on the Howard Dean bandwagon and sent it careering into the ravine. Just for the record, Kerry can take strong, clear positions. It's just that he tends to take both of them. For example. On January 22, 1991, he wrote to Wallace Carter of Newton Centre, Massachusetts:

"Thank you for contacting me to express your opposition to the early use of military force by the US against Iraq. I share your concerns. On January 11, I voted in favour of a resolution that would have insisted that economic sanctions be given more time to work and against a resolution giving the president the immediate authority to go to war."

Nine days later, he wrote to the same Mr Carter in Newton Centre:

"Thank you very much for contacting me to express your support for the actions of President Bush in response to the Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. From the outset of the invasion, I have strongly and unequivocally supported President Bush's response to the crisis and the policy goals he has established with our military deployment in the Persian Gulf."

It is in trying to reconcile both of his strong, clear positions that Senator Kerry winds up tying himself up in nuances. He was at it again this weekend. "This President always makes decisions late," he huffed apropos Haiti. Hang on. He's just spent the past year complaining that Bush makes decisions too early, rushing in when he could have spent another year or so chit-chatting with the French.

I'm sure there are millions of Kerry supporters who'd like to take a tough Kerry-like stand this November. The best way to do that, in the spirit of his war votes, is to vote for Bush and then spend the next 10 years solemnly explaining that that was your bold courageous way of expressing your opposition to Bush.

[Pokey78]

[Tax-chick]

Egad! Kerry is so boring he even makes Mark Steyn dull! Global emergency!

[My2Cents]

I'm sure there are millions of Kerry supporters who'd like to take a tough Kerry-like stand this November. The best way to do that, in the spirit of his war votes, is to vote for Bush and then spend the next 10 years solemnly explaining that that was your bold courageous way of expressing your opposition to Bush.

One needs to appreciate the nuance of this particular suggestion.

[dighton]

If you've gone over to the forces of nuance, Kerry's your guy - or your nuancy boy.

[Carolinamom]

Steyn has no peer! Always a great read.

[Dogbert41]

Great read - I laughed out loud! I'll be sending this article around:)

[goldstategop]

John F. Kerry is a liberal who is afraid to assert he proudly is one, comes down on both sides of an issue and has all the charisma of a dead horse. I really marvel at people's being afraid of this guy. The Democrats have nominated someone who they think is "electable." ROFL. In truth, Kerry is as much of a kook as Howard Dean, except that Dean was the candidate who really excited the Hate-Bush base. The Democrats decided running an honest liberal was too risky, so they opted to go with safe and boring. Folks, a party without ideas and passion, without a candidate who can energize people and get them to go to the polls, a candidate who offers a program of change - which they don't have --- heck, that's not the stuff befitting a party on the way to a national victory this year.

[Imal]

Botoxicated Brahmin

LMAO. Second paragraph and I'm on the floor already.

Thank God there's no cure for MS.

[68skylark]

[baseballmom]

Kerry's your guy - or your nuancy boy

LOL There are always a few gems to be savored in a Steyn article.

[goldstategop]

Liberals are full of it by seeing the world as complicated. Yes, life has complicated sometimes, but the world lives by Occam's Razor. Its too bad the Democratic Party is intent on making matters much harder than they need to be. That's why most people cut to the chase and look for the most obvious solution, which most of the time, is the correct one. I mean in being hung up on nuances, people really have to hear Kerry to appreciate him. He's all over the place that he tends to get lost. At least President Bush know where's he's going. Give me "simplistic" solutions over complicated "nuances" any day. Liberals don't get it.

[Dog]

I wonder if Kerry made this comment...it speaks volumes about the man if he did.

I looked at my notes and found the following: "Sometimes real leadership means having the courage not to have any courage."

Steyn if you are lurking did Kerry really say this?

[Cboldt]

I'm sure there are millions of Kerry supporters who'd like to take a tough Kerry-like stand this November. The best way to do that, in the spirit of his war votes, is to vote for Bush and then spend the next 10 years solemnly explaining that that was your bold courageous way of expressing your opposition to Bush.

GREAT punch line, worth repeating. Again.

[goldstategop]

Steyn is being satirical. His real point is no one, not Kerry's supporters or his opponents, have any real idea of what the man stands for.

[goldstategop]

Kerry can explain to us while he's at it why he thinks UN involvement in Iraq was such a great idea but why we need to go it alone in Haiti.

[irv]

Best picture I've ssen in ages!

[Cboldt]

I can only handle a certain amount of gibberish. Kerry crosses that threshold quickly. If Kerry makes it through the Democrat national convention, he is going to be exposed for the shallow, phony, elitist twerp that he is, WELL before the election in November.

The question is, will the Democrat voters be willing to withhold their votes, then -- or do they hate Bush more?

[Dog]

Kerry did hold a "Fresh Air Forum" I just found it.

[Wolfstar]

His real point is no one, not Kerry's supporters or his opponents, have any real idea of what the man stands for.

I do. Kerry is a true man of the hard Left. As such, I have no trouble figuring out what he would do as president. The problem Kerry faces is that he can't let the general public know how truly far Left he is in his politics. Hence the "nuance" dance, and the constant repetition of his "war hero" credentials to whitewash his life-long anti-Americanism.

[BlueYonder]

He's got nuances coming out of his nuances.

Too funny. I'll have more to say on this once I stop laughing. I've got laughter coming out of my pores right now.

[Ernest_at_the_Beach]

ROFL my nuance off!!!!!

[Ernest_at_the_Beach]

LOl!!!

[aculeus]

the Botoxicated Brahmin

[general_re]

Just for the record, Kerry can take strong, clear positions. It's just that he tends to take both of them.

[Right_in_Virginia]

He's got nuances coming out of his nuances.

ROFL ;^D

[atomicpossum]

Kerry takes positions that require such deliactely shaded nuances that they quickly lose all meaning-- and he doesn't seem to understand that.

[RJayneJ]

Kerry reminds me of something my Daddy used to say, "You can't ride two horses with one ass." Kind of sums up Kerry and the Democrat party.

[okie01]

"At least President Bush know where's he's going. Give me "simplistic" solutions over complicated "nuances" any day. Liberals don't get it."

If the liberal media wants "nuance", they are staring at one of the most "nuanced" and "layered" policies in the history of the Republic: the Bush administration's Middle East policy.

Invading Iraq not only took down a brutal dictator and a major threat in Saddam, it freed us from the Saudi tar baby, positioned us to threaten terrorist regimes throughout the Middle East, created a test case for the expansion of freedom and democracy in the area, and assured the world of an alternative source of petroleum in case Saudi reform became "problematic".

Bush's Middle East policy is one of the most significant foreign policy initiatives ever. Pity the media haven't had the vision to see these developments clearly.

[okie01]

"His real point is no one, not Kerry's supporters or his opponents, have any real idea of what the man stands for."

That population would probably include Kerry himself.

[Choose Ye This Day]

Sheesh! I wish the media would make up their minds.

Last election they wanted "gravitas." Now, they've gotta have "nuance."

[hershey]

Calling Kerry, 'Nuancy boy', just one of many priceless, pithy (and double entendre), comments in this piece. Steyn is an absolute treasure. The liberal press gets all huffy about Bush's wonderful riposte: 'I don't do nuance', but that's all Kerry does! (Talks out of both sides of his big mouth.) The press coaching Kerry because he's so dull they don't have anything worth reporting, soundbites. Please. Well, I repeat, Steyn is a treasure.

[Iberian]

That damm Teresa has him tied up all the time, poor guy, no wonder he never makes any sense. I've got to get one of those nuances for my girl friend she'll love it.

[Tennessean4Bush]

How does Steyn keep this quality up or so long. He is always good.

[gitmo]

Nuance Boy.

[Chu Gary]

"The question is, will the Democrat voters be willing to withhold their votes, then -- or do they hate Bush more?"

I think they hate Bush more and the core Dims will vote for Kerry, but that's only about 20% of the population. Bush will probably win in a landslide. Let's hope that Bush's coattails are long enough to sweep enuff Republican Senatorial candidates in (there are a lot of seats up) to derail this infernal crap the Dims are thrusting on us all.

[byroc]

Does the combination of ketchup and waffle create nuance ?

[GOPJ]

Sounds like Kerry talks out of both sides of his mouth...

Just for the record, Kerry can take strong, clear positions. It's just that he tends to take both of them.

[GOPJ]

Sounds like Kerry talks out of both sides of his mouth. Two faced is the other term.

Just for the record, Kerry can take strong, clear positions. It's just that he tends to take both of them.

[alwaysconservative]

Thanks for the ping; I'm STILL giggling over "nuancy boy"!

[alwaysconservative]

That one was great, and so was this one:

Last spring and summer, I went to three Kerry campaign events in New Hampshire, intending to write about them for the Telegraph. Each time, I staggered groggily out of the diner or American Legion hall and, after checking my pulse and administering self-resuscitation, I figured that everything he said was so rambling and platitudinous that to inflict it on readers would be unfair, if not actually career-jeopardising.

[JohnHuang2]

Thanks for the ping, my friend :-)

[JohnHuang2]

Mark Steyn MEGA PING!!

[GeronL]

BUMP, good evening

[JohnHuang2]

Backatya, bud

[Alamo-Girl]

Thanks for the ping!

[dennisw]

Kerry's your guy - or your nuancy boy.............

Hhahahahaha

[dennisw]

Kerry's your guy - or your nuancy boy


Nancy boy indeed

[annyokie]

Au contraire: Florence King in National Review.

[Texasforever]

Heck Kerry doesn't even need a VP. He can be both.