The Passion of the Christ: Blooper Reel

The Morning News ^ | March 2, 2004 | Paul Ford

[CJ Wolf]

(Translated from Aramaic and Latin)

Pontius Pilate (Hristo Shopov) stands with the scourged and thorn-crowned Jesus (James Caviezel) before a throng of Jews, all of whom shout for Christ's crucifixion. Pilate has a bowl of water brought to him so he can wash his hands' of Christ's condemnation.

Assorted Jews: Crucify him!

Pontius Pilate: I am innocent of the blood of this just; [knocks over bowl of water, which spills down steps] oh, [bleep].

Jesus Christ: [smiling] Good one, Hristo.

Pilate: Nice crown, Jim.

Assorted Jews: [laughter]

Off Camera: Cut!


* * *

Christ, shackled to a stone, is being scourged by Roman soldiers. Blood runs down his gory back. His pain is palpable.

Jesus: [writhes in pain, hands shaking]

[Cell phone rings.]

Jesus: [hands shake furiously]

[Cell phone rings. Caviezel looks up, sheepish.]

Roman soldier: Jim? That you?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Cell phone rings.]

Soldier: Want me to get it?

Jesus: Yeah.

[Roman soldier gingerly reaches into Caviezel's blood-soaked loincloth, pulls out phone and opens it, then holds the phone to Caviezel's ear.]

Off Camera: [laughter]

Jesus: Hey, Mom.


* * *

The Last Supper. Jesus is in the upper room with his disciples. Judas (Luca Lionello) is seated nearby.

Jesus: If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world ah, Christ.

Judas: Hateth you.

Jesus: Who's on first, right?

Judas: [laughs]

Jesus: [rolls eyes at camera] John could write gospel, but, you know, could he write dialogue?

Off Camera: [laughter] Cut!


* * *

Jesus carries a heavy wooden cross through Jerusalem, assisted by Simon (Jarreth Merz).

Jesus: Wait a second. [puts down cross]

Off Camera: What is it?

Jesus: [wipes right eye] There's something in my eye.

Simon: Oh my God, it's a mote.

Off Camera: [laughter]


* * *

Jesus hangs on the cross, bloodied, in agony.

Take 3

Jesus: My God, my God, why hast thou; [laughing]

Off Camera: [laughter] Forsaken!


Take 4

Jesus: Thanks! Okay. My God, my God, why hast thou[starts giggling]

Off Camera: [laughter]


Take 10

Jesus: I got it. I got it. Hold on. My God, my God, why hast thou argh! [takes breath] Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Forsaken. Sabachthani, sabachthani, sabachthani. Okay.


Take 12

Jesus: Hey! I can see my house from here.


Take 14

Jesus: My God! Why have you...

[Caviezel is struck by lightning.]

Off Camera: Cut!


Take 35

Off Camera: Come on, Jim.

Jesus: [in terrible anguish] My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?

Off Camera: [Applause]

Off Camera: We got it!




Paul Ford lives in Brooklyn. He writes Ftrain.

[CJ Wolf]

Did a search and didn't see it posted.

[Psalm 73]

Not funny.

[eyespysomething]

Lets you remember they were just making a movie.

I have to admit, "I can see my house from up here" is funny.

[eyespysomething]

When I say "Lets you remember they were just making a movie."

what I mean is the movie is not to be worshipped, the true story/Jesus is.

[Bryan24]

These are not real. This is an article. EXTREMELY poor tast for the writer to do this.

[eyespysomething]

Looking at the original source, it seems real to me.

All movies have blooper reels. Don't confuse the movie with the bible. Don't confuse the actor for Jesus.

[Alouette]

Not funny.

All movies have outtakes.

[BurtS188]

"Not funny."

Can you possibly imagine trying to make that movie and NOT having a laugh or two?

As a previous poster said, don't mistake Jim for Jesus and a movie for scripture.

If I was making that movie I probably would have had the giggles so bad I would have gotten fired. Sometimes laughter is the best medicine.

[Wyatt's Torch]

Funny but somehow I don't see the being on the DVD...;-)

[Mr. Bird]

When I read it thinking it was real, I thought it was hysterical. But if a guy made it up, it's less so.

[I still care]

I think it's funny - they are just human actors, despite the subject matter.

I guess it's sort of like hospital humor.

[Hildy]

I'm sure Jim laughed real hard when he was hit with the whips mistakenly. This is a movie, mistakes are made, funny and not funny. Why has this movie so taken on a life of its own?

[Hildy]

I'm sure Jim laughed real hard when he was hit with the whips mistakenly. This is a movie, mistakes are made, funny and not funny. Why has this movie so taken on a life of its own?

[marktuoni]

If Michelangelo while paiting the Sistine Chapel dropped some paint on a priest walking by, would THAT have been funny?

Fine line between reverence and irreverence when talking about humor.

Not sure where I fall on the subject...looking forward to the responses to this thread...

[cjshapi]

This had to be so intense that the humor was probably welcome. I could not imagine making this story without some sort of relief.

[brothers4thID]

Even the Christ has a sense of humor.

[Hank Rearden]

Not funny.

To the contrary, it's freakin' hilarious. You can climb down off your soapbox, cross, or whatever now.

I wonder if Mel has the guts to include the blooper reel on the DVD to lighten it up a bit?

[ContemptofCourt]

Its a movie....get over it.

[Blood of Tyrants]

Are you kidding? Jesus hanging on the cross and says, "I can see my house from here" is hilarious. And when Jim's mom calls in the middle of the beating? Too funny!

Lighten up! Jesus was a man that people wanted to be around. People weren't always inviting him to parties because he was a wet blanket. I'll bet that Jesus's unrecorded conversations were a mixture of light hearted humor and thought provoking stories.

[Psalm 73]

"All movies have outtakes."

These are NOT outtakes, they are just a lame attempt at comedy.
Would you think a similar treatment of "Schindlers List" funny?