HELP: SEARCH FOR ANCIENT (JIMMY CARTER)HUMOR

VANITY SEARCH | 03-22-04 | SELF

[Wings-n-Wind]

I am tired of Jimmy Carter shooting off his big mouth about my President and his handling of US policy in an incredibly dangerous world. I am composing a letter to the local liberal rag-- and would like to include an anecdote of old... but I cannot find it intact. Thanks in advance to my FReeper FRiends who might help me find or remember this story.

I remember an old joke about the ghost of Teddy Roosevelt visiting Jimmy Carter on a sleepless night in the White House (ostensibly during the 1980 election cycle vs. Ronaldus Maximus).

Teddy asks Jimmah why he cant sleep these days; ... Various exchanges about the Iranian Embassy hostages and other foreign policy blunders are the body of the setup... with the punch line something about giving away the Panama Canal.

Can anyone recount this?? Or help me find an archive??

[Wings-n-Wind]

Thanks FReepers!

[11th Earl of Mar]

I vaguely remember the joke.

The punch line is "But at least you didn't give away the Panama Canal."

Also, why not use the killer rabbit story.

[sharktrager]

Our leader has a first name
it's J i m m y
Our leader has a second name
C a r t e r
I hate the bastard every day
and if you ask me why I'll say
'cause Jimmy Carter has a way
of screwing up the USA

[Eric in the Ozarks]

There was precious little humor in poisonously pious Jimmah Cahtah's administration.

[Fiddlstix]

I don't recall the joke, but....
Bump
To help find it

[fishtank]

[Maria S]

The killer rabbit story was hilarious; the "lust in my heart" story probably got a frying pan upside his head by a very angry Roslyn:

http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a4_019.html

[Excerpt] The rabbit incident happened on April 20 while Carter was taking a few days off in Plains, Georgia. He was fishing from a canoe in a pond when he spotted the fateful rabbit swimming toward him. It was never precisely determined what the rabbit's problem was. Carter, always trying to look at things from the other guy's point of view, later speculated that it was fleeing a predator. Whatever the case, it was definitely a troubled rabbit. "It was hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president," a press account said.

The Secret Service having been caught flatfooted--I'll grant you an amphibious rabbit assault is a tough thing to defend against--the president did what he could to protect himself. Initially it was reported that he had hit the rabbit with his paddle. Realizing this would not play well with the Rabbit Lovers Guild, Carter later clarified that he had merely splashed water at the rabbit, which then swam off toward shore. A White House photographer, ever alert to history's pivotal moments, snapped a picture of the encounter for posterity.

Good thing, too. Carter's own staff was skeptical when he told the rabbit story back at the White House. Some ventured the opinion that rabbits couldn't swim, didn't attack people, and sure weren't about to take on a sitting president, even if it was Jimmy Carter. Miffed, Jimmy ordered up a print of the aforementioned photo, but this failed to resolve the issue. The picture showed the president with his paddle raised, and there was something in the water, "but you couldn't tell what it was," an anonymous staffer was quoted as saying. The average politician would have said, goddamit, I'm president of the United States and I say it was a rabbit. But Carter was not that kind of guy. He ordered a blowup made, establishing at last that his attacker was, well, a bunny, or "swamp rabbit," to use press secretary Jody Powell's somewhat fiercer sounding term.
Also: http://www.newsoftheodd.com/article1021.html



http://www.pbs.org/newshour/character/glossaries/carter.html#playboy

PLAYBOY INTERVIEW: In an interview published in the November 1976 issue of Playboy magazine, then-Governor Carter talked about the role of religion in his life. In one part he said:
" I try not to commit a deliberate sin. I recognize that I'm going to do it anyhow, because I'm human and I'm tempted. And Christ set some almost impossible standards for us. Christ said, 'I tell you that anyone who looks on a woman with lust has in his heart already committed adultery.'
"I've looked on a lot of women with lust. I've committed adultery in my heart many times. This is something that God recognizes I will do--and I have done it--and God forgives me for it."

[lilylangtree]

Wondering whatever happened to the recall petition of Carter's Nobel prize. I know I signed it along with others but I guess the petition found the bottomless hole.

[Mark in the Old South]

The killer rabbit.... ahhhh the memories. It is my favorite as well.

[Mark in the Old South]

I had not heard the "swamp rabbit" angle before. Well that makes all the difference doesn't it. Roosevelt had his Hitler and little jimmie had his swamp rabbit. And we elected this guy? Someone please explain to me why anyone quotes this guy?

[Khurkris]

Billy Carter...making cheap beer...pi**ing in parking lots and taking money from Quadaffi. Carter was full of fun.

[OESY]

My favorite was Carter's program to fight stagflation -- a combo of high inflation, high unemployment, high interest rates, high deficits, high fuel prices and low-to-stagnation growth -- captured by the Misery Index.

Carter's program was called the Moral Equivalent Of War (MEOW).

In contrast, Reaganomics was a surefire winner, especially considering it was not following a tough act.

[mass55th]

Jimmy Carter delivered a memorable oration at the funeral of former vice president and Democratic presidential nominee Hubert Horatio Humphrey in 1978.

"One of our nation's greatest leaders," Carter momentously declared, "was Hubert Horatio Hornblower..."

You can find more of these at: Carter Anecdotes

[skinkinthegrass]

I think what your looking for is a collection of "PAT OLIPHANT" editorial cartoons...he's a Clintonc'RAT Leftist.

that said...JMHO, Some of his best works was during "Peanut-Brained" Jimmah Cahtar's tenure in office...after that, like many liberals, his cartoons became predicable...only to be rekindled by the Clintoons' "sluttish habits & criminal behavior".

[skinkinthegrass]

"I try not...and God forgives me for it."

Pat Oliphant's Ed. Cartoon, "Had Jimmah hidden from Roslyn w/a shotgun in a barn...dated 9/22/1976"

[anonymous_user]

The only one I remember (I was in elementary school at the time) was about how Jimmy's mother found a "magic lamp" one day and was granted a wish by a genie.

Mrs. Carter, so the story goes, was always flat chested, and it bothered her her whole life. "What the heck." she thought, "I wish I had two, great big, collosal boobs! A pair of the BIGGEST boobs ever!"

*Poof!* her wish was granted, and there were Jimmy and Billy.

Of course, anything about boobs in elementary school is hysterical. Actual humor content may vary.

[GraceCoolidge]

Here's one I found. It is kind of a long version, somewhat different from what I remember, but the gist is the same. I think there were many versions of this joke with the same punch line. Found this one at usaexposure.com/offshore/bodt.html (whatever that is):

When Jimmy Carter passed away, being a good Christian he went straight to heaven. In heaven there is a special club - The President’s Club - where all past presidents set around sipping their drinks together, swapping politics and was stories. The likes of Theodore Roosevelt, Herbert Hoover, Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman and Lyndon Johnson all occasionally revel in their past glories.

One day Jimmy Carter was sitting with Teddy Roosevelt and they were having a great time exchanging stories between themselves. Teddy was telling Jimmy about the charge of San Juan Hill, his African safaris and how great things were done in his administration with soft words and a big stick.

Carter said to Teddy, “Gee, Teddy, you know during my administration we had some major things happen, too. For example, in the 1980’s, The Soviet Union became one of the world’s most powerful nations with superior military strength even greater than America’s”.

Roosevelt mentioned the fact that that was interesting because when he was president, the Russians weren’t much at all under the Tsar. Just a lot of poor peasants.

Jimmy said, “But they became a major power, with super military capacity and they overran and took over Afghanistan, a small, neutral country that bordered some of our strongest allies in the oil rich Middle East.”

Roosevelt turned to Carter and said, “Well, what did you do Jimmy. How did you handle that?”

Carter responded that he took serious action by taking the U.S. out of the Olympic Games. With that, Roosevelt kind of shook his head.

Carter said, “Also, while I was president, a madman by the name of Ayotollah Khoumeni overthrew a close ally of ours, the Shah of Iran, and took over his country right in the middle of the oil rich Persian Gulf, capturing 51 American diplomats and held them hostage in the American Embassy for over 2 years.”

Roosevelt responded, “My God, Jimmy, what did you do? Did you declare war?”

Carter said “Well, no, I negotiate4d for two years, I got all the hostages back unharmed, but we had to pay the Iranians and the Ayotollah Eight Billion Dollars.”

Teddy Roosevelt shook his head and put his hands out and said, “Eight Billion Dollars! Please, don’t tell me any more, Jimmy - the next thing you’re going to say is you gave away the Panama Canal”.

[binger]

[ApplegateRanch]

I don't remember; can you help?

Was the swamp rabbit before or after he saw the UFO?

[Wings-n-Wind]

That is the core of what I was looking for-- had forgotten the part about Afghan & the Olympics....

Many thanks...