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Mr Right is no longer good enough for uptown girls
Sydney Morning Herald ^ | 3/25/04 | Miranda Devine

Posted on 03/24/2004 7:15:55 AM PST by qam1

It's little wonder many women are single when they expect Mr Absolutely Perfect, writes Miranda Devine.

If you ever suspected men haven't a chance in the dating game against today's picky uber-femme, here's some evidence, from last week's New York magazine relationships advice column, The Help Desk.

"I go on this great first date and we decide to share a cab home - separate stops. When we get in, he buckles his seatbelt! I know that's a wise thing to do, so I feel like a jerk saying this, but it totally turned me off. It just seemed so kid-like and lame. Is he too much of a weenie for me, or am I out of my mind?" wrote Unrestrained Lady,

Upper West Side.

To the uninitiated, Unrestrained Lady may seem like a neurotic aberration. But ditching men because they fail to measure up in some infinitesimal way has been a staple gag in real-life single girl chats for years. We all know Ascham women who won't go out with men who don't drive brand cars or didn't go to a "brand" school. Or the woman who instantly went off a man she had been crazy for because he turned up at her front door wearing a plaited belt. In the days before e-tags, another felt her stomach turn when her date fumbled with the bridge toll. These are usually not just excuses to jettison an unsatisfactory male, but genuine reasons for spontaneous revulsion.

On this week's episode of Sex and the City, Charlotte complains how "lame" her date that night had been because he gave her carnations, "filler flowers". Carrie, the series heroine, says she doesn't mind carnations but would dump a boyfriend "for wearing Topsiders or Docksiders" shoes. Carrie's horrified (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend, Berger, listening to the exchange, says: "So basically guys are just f---ed."

Basically, yes.

As Bureau of Statistics figures show, Australians are more likely than ever to remain single, and we see the advent of the single-and-proud "quirky alone", the increasing numbers of young women who are questioning whether they need a man to be happy or if it's all too much trouble.

Recent revelations of alleged sexual assaults by sportsmen, as well as an apparent surge of perceived workplace sexual harassment, indicates something is going seriously wrong between the sexes. Perhaps the rational reaction for women has been to opt out of the dating game. Or maybe they have become so hypercritical the only men who can match their sensibilities are the gay men who remodel bachelors in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

Yvonne Allen, who has run her dating agency for 30 years, says relationships have never been more complicated. "We now have so many options ... and increasingly demanding wishlists." She sees high-achieving women making judgements about prospective partners "on the most superficial basis", and sometimes has to tell them to "look in the mirror".

A 2002 survey for Diet Coke found more than half of single women aged between 18 and 39 had not been on a first date in six months. Almost one-third of those polled decided whether they wanted to see a man again within the first 10 minutes of a date, and many believed "all the good men are taken".

But the famous man shortage is a myth. According to Bernard Salt, KPMG demographer and author of The Big Shift, there is actually a glut of never-married single men aged 25 to 34 in Australia: 727,000, compared with just 568,000 women. That's a ratio of 1.3 to 1.

"There is enough product on the shelves," Salt said yesterday. "It's just that many are not meeting quality control standards."

Women are still captive to what Salt calls "hypergamy" - the practice of marrying into an equal, or preferably more prestigious, social group.

In 1971 women used to get married at 21. The average age of today's bride is 29, and yet women still expect to marry a man two years older.

Female hypergamy, or pernicketiness, means the proportion of never-married women aged 25 to 34 doubled to 40 per cent in five years from 1986 to 1991. In Sydney, 41 per cent of women 25 to 34 have never married, exactly the same proportion as exists in New York. But in South Sydney, the heartland of the Manolo Blahnik lifestyle, the figure is a staggering 69 per cent, almost the same as Greenwich Village's 70 per cent.

Sydney's bachelor hotspot, Salt found after crunching census data, is Pyrmont, with 1.8 never-married men for every woman. The equivalent suburb for single females is Rozelle, so Salt has dubbed the Anzac Bridge which connects the suburbs as the "Bridge of Love".

Fussiness isn't all bad, of course. It can make for better choices. Salt says we should feel sorry for the 21-year-old baby-boomer bride of 1971 who married the first man she met after school. He calls them "the duped generation", the youngest brides in Australia's history, sold the line they would be "on the shelf" at 22.

Today's bride has had at least a decade of comparison shopping to develop a discerning taste in men. But, increasingly, men just don't measure up. Salt says when women "raise the bar" men morph into the new creature required by the market. In the early 1990s they became SNAGs (sensitive new age guys) in response to complaints they weren't considerate enough.

But the SNAG was a turn-off because he was a wimp. So, says Salt, men rebadged as metrosexuals, a narcissistic, arrogant version who says, "Up yours, I'm important", which isn't exactly a recipe for harmony between the sexes.

Allen says the good news is that today's teenagers are more inclined to view the opposite sex as friends rather than alien creatures. But Salt's ruthless demographics suggest women are going to become more picky than ever, as generation Y's baby bust leads to a shortage of eligible women. He says every 100 men born in 1981 will have to compete for just 80 women. "Young women can afford to be a little arrogant about the market."

So buckle up those seatbelts, boys. Or maybe not.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News
KEYWORDS: australia; culturewar; genderwars; generationx; marriage; permissivesociety; promiscuity; sexisfree; whybuythecow
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1 posted on 03/24/2004 7:15:55 AM PST by qam1
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To: qam1; ItsOurTimeNow; PresbyRev; tortoise; Fraulein; StoneColdGOP; Clemenza; malakhi; m18436572; ...
Xer Ping

Ping list for the discussion of the politics and social aspects that directly effects Generation-X (Those born from 1965-1982) including all the spending previous generations (i.e. The Baby Boomers) are doing that Gen-X and Y will end up paying for.

Freep mail me to be added or dropped. See my home page for details.

2 posted on 03/24/2004 7:17:59 AM PST by qam1 (Tommy Thompson is a Fat-tubby, Fascist)
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To: qam1
Okay, so we have Generation X, and Generation Y, and before long, we'll have Generation Z. What are these poor demographers going to do when the alphabet runs out on them? Are we going to have Generation AA?
3 posted on 03/24/2004 7:22:03 AM PST by LaBradford22
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To: qam1
Sydney's bachelor hotspot, Salt found after crunching census data, is Pyrmont, with 1.8 never-married men for every woman. The equivalent suburb for single females is Rozelle, so Salt has dubbed the Anzac Bridge which connects the suburbs as the "Bridge of Love".

Which means that a lot of these women are divorcing and remarrying the same men other women divorced. Is their any way to re-adjust their narcisso-meters or are they stuck for life?

4 posted on 03/24/2004 7:22:34 AM PST by Post Toasties
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To: qam1
Oh in NY, alot more single guys then single woman.
Where in other states its equal.
5 posted on 03/24/2004 7:22:44 AM PST by Adam36
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To: qam1
With a 20% imbalance over such a large sample, it leds me to the conclusion that Australians have been aborting female children. The ratios should swing back and forth about 2% per generation.
6 posted on 03/24/2004 7:23:19 AM PST by TexanToTheCore
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To: Landru
...BTTT for later read.
7 posted on 03/24/2004 7:23:36 AM PST by Landru (Indulgences: 2 for a buck.)
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To: qam1
>Today's bride has had at least a decade of comparison shopping to develop a discerning taste in men

Sleeping around for
ten years might "develop" more
than just a strange taste...

8 posted on 03/24/2004 7:26:36 AM PST by theFIRMbss
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To: qam1
So what's new? In my elegible years, the ratio of elegible men to elegible women was 4.3 to 1.

I see 1.3 or 1.8 to 1 as an improvement from the mens' perspective.

9 posted on 03/24/2004 7:29:00 AM PST by nightdriver
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Comment #10 Removed by Moderator

To: Post Toasties
>Is their any way to re-adjust their narcisso-meters or are they stuck for life?

The only reason
I'm not laughing harder is
I know about five

young women raising
kids on their own because they
wanted their "freedom"

and actively chose
to not get married. Their kids
can't live "normal" lives . . .

11 posted on 03/24/2004 7:32:25 AM PST by theFIRMbss
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To: qam1
Generation Y's baby bust leads to a shortage of eligible women...

Does anybody wonder why there is a lot of subliminal support in this country for immigration of all kinds, but especially from Mexico and points south? You know, the homelands of Christina Aguilera, Thalia, Shakira and Paulina Rubio?

Foreign-born women, and women who are children of recent immigrants, are not nearly so infected with the social-climbing disease that many U.S. women have. You know the symptoms: willingness/eagerness to divorce, strong desire to work full-time outside the home, lack of commitment to marriage and family, raging competitiveness for dominance with the husband, membership in the democRat party. The list is long.

12 posted on 03/24/2004 7:33:50 AM PST by Tax Government
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Comment #13 Removed by Moderator

To: TonyRo76
>Christian Conservative Cute and... Country!

Sometimes the food don't
look the same on the plate as
the menu's picture . . .

14 posted on 03/24/2004 7:38:14 AM PST by theFIRMbss
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Comment #15 Removed by Moderator

To: qam1
The "Top 5%" of men that these women are looking for are usually very good at identifying and avoiding neurotic females. There are going to be a lot of 45-year-old "quirkyalones" with six cats, purple hair, and public television bumper stickers on their used Volvos in about fifteen years.

Unfortunately, they will be a Democrat core constituency.

16 posted on 03/24/2004 7:46:27 AM PST by Mr. Jeeves
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To: TonyRo76
Looks like Russian Mail-order Bride time.

I actually met one a a friend's 39th birthday party.

She would have met all but one of your criteria: she was Jewish, but so was her husband.

Intelligent, polite, drop-dead gorgeous, politically conservative, and utterly devoted to her husband and their new son.

After that experience, SEVERAL of the single guys there have started corresponding with Russian women.

I'm lucky, **MY** wife was country to start with (and she gets along quite well with Svetlana as well. . .it's as if they were old friends)
17 posted on 03/24/2004 7:47:56 AM PST by Salgak (don't mind me: the orbital mind control lasers are making me write this. . .)
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To: qam1
Back in the '60s I worked for a guy who said he was looking for the less than perfect woman who was willing to settle for the less than perfect man. I have no idea whether he ever got married.
18 posted on 03/24/2004 7:48:44 AM PST by JoeFromSidney (My book's due out soon. Read excerpts at http://www.thejusticecooperative.com)
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To: qam1
No Mister Right for them? Sad.

Me, I married Miss Right...the only bad news was that her first name turned out to be Always. :)
19 posted on 03/24/2004 7:49:09 AM PST by Steely Glint ("Communists are just Democrats in a big hurry.")
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To: TexanToTheCore
Women are usually always higher in population because they live longer, Plus Don't forget there is a significant amount of women who prefer to be the "Other Woman" so that throws the Ratio off.
20 posted on 03/24/2004 7:49:34 AM PST by qam1 (Tommy Thompson is a Fat-tubby, Fascist)
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To: qam1
If demographics is destiny, then our society is self-destructing.
21 posted on 03/24/2004 7:50:36 AM PST by doug9732
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To: qam1
"many women are single when they expect Mr Absolutely Perfect... "


GOOD LUCK to all you self-centered, opportunistic bi....s
22 posted on 03/24/2004 7:55:26 AM PST by traumer
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To: qam1
Yeah, I'm crying up a storm for these ladies. I didn't have a girlfriend until I was twenty-six, not because I was antisocial or picky, but because NOT ONCE in the ten previous years did I meet a woman who didn't have a boyfriend, and they would NEVER break up. I'd try to be the nicest, most genrous person around, but to no avail. I'd beg friends to set me up with someone, but they either couldn't or wouldn't, and people would always tell me "oh, you're so lucky not being tied down. At least you aren't in some bad relationship".
23 posted on 03/24/2004 7:55:48 AM PST by RightWingAtheist
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To: qam1
Although I'm a Boomer myself -- accident of birth, sorry 'bout that -- I repudiate just about everything Boomers stand for (or rather, take credit for). Doesn't matter if it's Clinton or Bush II, I think they're all taking us on a minecar to hell.
24 posted on 03/24/2004 7:57:13 AM PST by Middle Man
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To: Tax Government
Unfortunately, most immigrant or ethnic women I've met have serious hang-ups about even dating someone outside of their ethnic group. At least that was my experience in Canada.
25 posted on 03/24/2004 7:58:02 AM PST by RightWingAtheist
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To: doug9732
just as a point of detail, this article was about Australia.
26 posted on 03/24/2004 7:59:32 AM PST by MrB
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To: Mr. Jeeves
You got it. Took me years to find my current wife (whose friends are all 'quirkyalones', but that's another story). Dated quite a few different women......bulemics, alcoholics, neurotics, divorcees, and all in between. Dated one who asked to borrow money so that she could leave the country "for awhile". Dated another who was an exotic dancer that slept with her pet snake. (Ran into my Dad while I was out on a date with her.....Dad took me aside later and said 'I know why you're dating her, but you need to rethink that position. ;-) Good advice!)

At any rate, the one thing that I found is that as much as women complain about there being no suitable guys, men have much the same problem.

And, I must say, I'm glad that I waited 'til my current wife came along. It's been more than 5 years and I've never been happier. And, she doesn't fall into any of the neurotic, quirky, etc etc etc categories. I think that she has an outlet for all that with Ally McBeal.

27 posted on 03/24/2004 8:00:12 AM PST by wbill
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To: NYC GOP Chick; hellinahandcart
Ping!
28 posted on 03/24/2004 8:01:42 AM PST by sauropod (Life is too short to drink cheap beer!)
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To: LaBradford22
Okay, so we have Generation X, and Generation Y, and before long, we'll have Generation Z. What are these poor demographers going to do when the alphabet runs out on them? Are we going to have Generation AA?

If the chicks are really as picky as this article describes, no problem - there won't be another generation.

29 posted on 03/24/2004 8:02:21 AM PST by BlazingArizona
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To: qam1
It's nature's way of reducing the Aussie population to zero. The US is next in the caucasian population reduction process. Our feminazis and the RATs will see to it. Add that to their desire to continue killing the unborn and in a century or two our few descendants will live in a nation of illegals in charge running the New Aztlan.
30 posted on 03/24/2004 8:02:49 AM PST by Paulus Invictus (4)
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To: LaBradford22
Haven't you ever read ON BEYOND ZEBRA?

Of course, with ASCII characters thrown into the mix and available, we could also have

Generation !
Generation ^
Generation #
Generation |

etc.
31 posted on 03/24/2004 8:07:31 AM PST by Ronly Bonly Jones (The more things change...)
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To: Middle Man
Amen brother, from a fellow Gen-W-er.
32 posted on 03/24/2004 8:08:43 AM PST by Ronly Bonly Jones (The more things change...)
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To: Salgak
Looks like Russian Mail-order Bride time.

I did the Philippine route. Gorgeous women.

33 posted on 03/24/2004 8:09:26 AM PST by Mark17
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To: qam1
Not nearly as many women, however, as the many male friends of Judy out there.
34 posted on 03/24/2004 8:09:47 AM PST by Ronly Bonly Jones (The more things change...)
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To: TonyRo76
After you find her, remember these Four C's: carats, clarity, color and cut!
35 posted on 03/24/2004 8:09:48 AM PST by stainlessbanner
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To: traumer
"Bi...'s"? Yes, here in Boston the gals who are switching both ways add an additional component to an already complicated dating scene.
36 posted on 03/24/2004 8:10:37 AM PST by Meldrim
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To: qam1
Not only have a lot of women gotten a "one strike and your out" mentality, the things considered to be a strike against you are so petty it's ridiculous. Personally, I don't have much respect for women who have this mentality or the guys who spend a minute being bothered about it when they're dumped by these women. They should know they're better off, rather than pining for a woman who's no deeper than a sheet of paper.
37 posted on 03/24/2004 8:11:19 AM PST by tdadams (If there were no problems, politicians would have to invent them... wait, they already do.)
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To: wbill
Dated quite a few different women......bulemics, alcoholics, neurotics, divorcees, and all in between.

Don't you think classifying divorcees with "bulemics, alcoholics, [and] neurotics" is a bit questionable???? Given your other described dates with the exotic dancer who slept with her pet snake and the woman who asked to borrow money to leave the country... I'd suspect the divorcees were the least of your problems!

38 posted on 03/24/2004 8:11:35 AM PST by GraceCoolidge
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To: qam1
But, increasingly, men just don't measure up.

I would venture that none of them have yet met the right guy.

39 posted on 03/24/2004 8:16:11 AM PST by TheRightGuy (ERROR CODE 018974523: Random Tagline Compiler Failure)
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To: qam1
Salt says we should feel sorry for the 21-year-old baby-boomer bride of 1971 who married the first man she met after school. He calls them "the duped generation..."

Give me a break. Those women can't be doing any worse than those described in this article.

40 posted on 03/24/2004 8:16:24 AM PST by Zack Nguyen
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To: tdadams
it's all about $$$$$$$$$....

Just look at the TV REALITY programs lineup - the message there is LOUD AND CLEAR !
41 posted on 03/24/2004 8:20:41 AM PST by traumer
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To: GraceCoolidge
True, true. Probably was not the most apt description that I could have used. Dated 2 women that claimed to be divorced.

One might have been a keeper; she wasn't too interested in any men, though. The rat that she married got her pregnant and then left. Sad. I would have had trust issues after that, as well.

The second told me that she was divorced. Her husband came home on us one day, though, and had other opinions on the matter. That was the day that I learned the difference between a divorce and a separation. :-) Didn't stick around to get total clarity on the subject.

42 posted on 03/24/2004 8:21:27 AM PST by wbill
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I didn't hook up with Miss Perfect until I was 35. Up to that time it was a seemingly endless stream of floozies, airheads, and dingbats.
43 posted on 03/24/2004 8:22:37 AM PST by FierceDraka (Service and Glory!)
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To: Adam36
Oh in NY, alot more single guys then single woman.

In NYC, there are more single women than men, IIRC.

44 posted on 03/24/2004 8:24:17 AM PST by Modernman (Chthulu for President! Why Vote for the Lesser Evil?)
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To: Salgak
I have an acquaintance (married woman) at work warn me away from THAT. I still don't know whether her concern is/was justified or just sour grapes.
45 posted on 03/24/2004 8:24:45 AM PST by DoctorMichael (The Fourth Estate is a Fifth Column!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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To: Ronly Bonly Jones
If you haven't read it yet, check out "Balsamic Dreams" by Joe Queenan. A Gen-W'er nails his fellow Boomers with a perfect 10-0 score.
46 posted on 03/24/2004 8:32:06 AM PST by Middle Man
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To: qam1
In NYC, a normal straight guy with a decent paycheck can have the pick of the litter of these insane sex and the City skanks. However, they are only good for one thing and are not marriage material. If a guy wants a superficial relationship, they're not a bad option, just make sure you treat them badly more often than you treat them nicely. I actually feel sorry for them, to some extent.
47 posted on 03/24/2004 8:32:42 AM PST by jimbo123
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To: qam1
Happy to see the fringe elitists driving themselves to extinction.
48 posted on 03/24/2004 8:36:00 AM PST by <1/1,000,000th%
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To: Middle Man
So, just exactly what are "Boomers" supposed to stand for? I'm 53, was raised in the South, have worked since I was 16, served in the Navy, am very conservative. What exactly am I supposed to have done to the precious x'ers? What's all the hand-wringing about? I really don't see this country lasting long enough for the X'ers to have to pay for anybodies retirement.
49 posted on 03/24/2004 8:40:53 AM PST by dljordan
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To: MrB
The article might have been about Australia, but I think it is a pretty accurate assessment of many women here in the US in that age bracket. At least from my anecdotal evidence.
50 posted on 03/24/2004 8:52:15 AM PST by Betis70
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