Kerry Undergoes Successful Surgery on Shoulder (no word on frontal labotomy yet!)

rueters ^ | 04-01-04

[scab4faa]

BOSTON (Reuters) - Democrat John Kerry underwent successful minor surgery on his right shoulder on Wednesday, a "quick fix" to repair a torn tendon that will keep him off the presidential campaign trail for the rest of the week.

"There were no problems, complications or surprises," said Dr. Bertram Zarins, chief of sports medicine at Massachusetts General Hospital. "Senator Kerry is awake, smiling, and in no pain."

The four-term senator from Massachusetts tore part of his right rotator cuff in January when he braced himself against an abrupt stop on a bus tour in Iowa during the race for the Democratic nomination. He vowed before the procedure to be back on the stump "faster than you can blink."

Zarins, who performed the 45-minute outpatient operation that required general anesthesia, said he expected the 60-year-old Kerry to get the full range of motion back in his shoulder but his movements would be limited for a few weeks.

Kerry, an avid outdoorsman who favors sports like windsurfing and snowboarding, told reporters he was "looking forward to getting it done, get in and out."

But the presumptive Democratic nominee who will face President Bush in the Nov. 2 election seemed nonplused by the attention as he scanned dozens of cameras and reporters stationed outside the hospital for his arrival.

"I can't believe all this for a shoulder!" he exclaimed.

Zarins described his patient as smiling and talking as he came awake.

"He joked a little bit and said, 'I hope I didn't reveal any state secrets,"' the doctor told reporters.

Kerry described the injury as more of an annoyance than disabling, telling reporters aboard his campaign plane that the surgery was "a low-key thing." On Wednesday he said he was just "sliding into the hospital for a quick fix."

The injury did not keep him from the slopes during a weeklong vacation at his mountain retreat in Idaho this month. Nor has it stopped him from occasionally tossing a football and baseball with reporters and staff

[billorites]

Alpha Weenie.

[LurkedLongEnough]

The frontal lobotomy was done years ago, obviously.

It bothers me that he joked about revealing state secrets. There are probably a few memories (in what's left of his head) that would be embarrassing for him, that's for sure.

[smith288]

On Wednesday he said he was just "sliding into the hospital for a quick fix."

Suuuuure...

[CougarGA7]

"I can't believe all this for a shoulder!" he exclaimed.

Sorry John, that's about as interesting as it gets with you.

[bearkat]

"The injury did not keep him from the slopes during a weeklong vacation at his mountain retreat in Idaho this month. Nor has it stopped him from occasionally tossing a football and baseball with reporters and staff."

We're not stupid. He was in the hospital for more botox and a face lift... not for a shoulder injury : )

[billorites]

Jeez...
So gay.

[blanknoone]

"I can't believe all this for a shoulder! so my handlers could keep me from opening my trap on the campaign trail!" he exclaimed.

[Robe]

A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "150." So the robot proceeded to make conversation about quantum physics, string theory, atomic chemistry, and so on. The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

The man decided to test the robot. He walked out the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink. Again, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about
football, baseball, and so on. The man thought to himself, "Wow, this is really cool."

The man went out and came back in a third time. As before, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "50."

The robot then said, "So, are you Democrats really going to vote for John Kerry?

[Bush Cheney]

Any chance this is a publicity stunt?

Of course.

[Fiddlstix]

ROFLMAO!

[Drango]

"Senator Kerry is awake, smiling, and in no pain."

but, but doesn't he feel MY pain?

[dmzTahoe]

Nope, my guess is the shoulder injury is real. But I'll bet it happened when the "athletic" Kerry fell in Idaho. They are blaming it on a bus injury so that he is not revealed as the unathletic goof he really is.

[GraceCoolidge]

But the presumptive Democratic nominee who will face President Bush in the Nov. 2 election seemed nonplused by the attention as he scanned dozens of cameras and reporters stationed outside the hospital for his arrival.

"I can't believe all this for a shoulder!" he exclaimed.

He certainly didn't expect all this media attention... it was just coincidence that he got out the leather jacket with the Vietnam insignia on the sleeve to wear (the same one he wore to his last hospitalization). I suppose we should be grateful he didn't show up in his old uniform or something....

[theDentist]

This is just about the time he'd need new BOTOX injections.... let's look closely, folks.

[AnAmericanMother]

HOW 'BOUT THEM DAWGS!

(original UGA joke)

[mhking]

What? No bedside blaming of Bush for the Fallujah massacre yesterday?

[bearkat]

Aaahhhhh... is this the fall he took when the Secret Service guy "knocked him over"? Think JohnK will sue for medical costs and mental anguish? hahaha.
I'm thinking I should sue HIM for mental anguish.

[WestTexasWend]

Or the old charisma-bypass reversal...rarely successful.

[ladyjane]

Vietnam insignia

He was in Vietnam?