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The Wreck of the John F'n Kerry (Parody and Copyright by LonePalm)
LonePalm | 4/02/2004 | LonePalm

Posted on 04/02/2004 3:45:01 PM PST by LonePalm

The Wreck Of the John F’n Kerry
The Wreck Of the Edmund Fitzgerald by Gordon Lightfoot
Parody by LonePalm

The legend lives on from the Kennedys on down
Of the island they called ‘Chappaquiddick'
The voters it’s said, never vote for the dead
When the Polls of November turn gloomy.
With baggage galore, some twenty-six hundred votes more
Than the John F’n Kerry cast rightly.
His candidacy too was a bone to be chewed
When the Polls of November came early.

This hack was the pride of the Democrat side
Sounding like some rich twit from South Boston.
As the big pant loads go, he is bigger than most
But not quite as big as ole Teddy.
He was headed down hill when he took a bad spill
But he blamed it on the Secret Service.
And later that night when the cell phone rang
Could it be that Bill Clinton was callin'?

His words through the wires were a sickening sound
“You need a VP with some standing.”
And every man knew, and the candidate too,
T’was the witch of the Senate come stealin’.
The dawning came late and the campaign had to wait
When the Polls of November came slashin'.
With summer’s hot blast there was a shortage of cash
In the face of a popular George Bush.

Convention time came, the Rat pack came on stage, sayin',
“Johnny, we’re right here behind ya.”
On October 9 WMDs were found, they said
“Johnny, it's been good t'know ya.”
Then MoveOn wired in they had voters comin' in
But the party and John were in peril.
On election night when his hopes sank outta sight
Came the wreck of the John F’n Kerry.

Does any one know where the voters all go
When your ads turn the minutes to hours?
With a positive push by Cheney and Bush
Rove had put fifteen more states behind them.
Dems have to split up or they might just downsize;
They all may turn Green and vote Nader.
And all that remains is the faces and the claims
Of the unions, the gays and the squatters.

Democrats sulk; Republicans sing
And Dubya’s judges soon will be confirmed.
Old Hillary steams while she plots and schemes;
She can’t wait for ’08 to get here.
And farther below DU still blows
They whine and throw fits in their despair,
FreeRepublic will host as the FReepers all post
With the Polls of November remembered.

In a musty old hall in the District they whined,
At the Democrat National Committee.
A tinny bell chimed till it rang two or three times
For each state won by John F’n Kerry.
The legend lives on from the Chappaqua on down
Of the cold fish they call 'Bitchy Gloomy.'
Hillary, they said, never gives up for dead
When the Polls of November come early!

Midi version of The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald


TOPICS: Editorial; Government; Politics/Elections; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: catastrophicfailure; failure; horriblefailure; kerry
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From my fingers to God's ears.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

1 posted on 04/02/2004 3:45:02 PM PST by LonePalm
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To: All

Is this your idea of peace & human kindness?
Free Republic counters these messages from the left!

       

Mamas don't let your babies grow up to be liberals!
Show them the truth!

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Fawnn



2 posted on 04/02/2004 3:46:12 PM PST by Support Free Republic (I'd rather be sleeping. Let's get this over with so I can go back to sleep!)
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Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: LonePalm
I like your song. Judging from your user name, are you a Parrothead?
4 posted on 04/02/2004 3:47:25 PM PST by freedom1st
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To: RikaStrom; Slip18; xsmommy; Constitution Day; Gabz; Enterprise; one_particular_harbour; hobbes1; ...
Kerry Ping!

I hope I didn't spoil your dinner.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

5 posted on 04/02/2004 3:48:48 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: LonePalm
Excellent!
6 posted on 04/02/2004 3:49:05 PM PST by Joe 6-pack ("We deal in hard calibers and hot lead." - Roland Deschaines)
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To: LonePalm
Fantastic bump!
7 posted on 04/02/2004 3:49:42 PM PST by Lady Jag (I dreamed I surfed all day in my monthly donor wonder bra.)
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To: LonePalm
Bravo! Bravo!
8 posted on 04/02/2004 3:50:16 PM PST by Glenn (The two keys to character: 1) Learn how to keep a secret. 2) ...)
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To: LonePalm
Priceless!
9 posted on 04/02/2004 3:52:48 PM PST by Bob J (freerepublic.net/ radiofreerepublic.com/rightalk.com...check them out!)
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To: LonePalm
Thats the best one yet.


Incidentally, i saw the Edmund Fitzgerald just a few weeks before it sank when i was a kid.
10 posted on 04/02/2004 3:53:04 PM PST by cripplecreek (you tell em i'm commin.... and hells commin with me.)
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To: LonePalm
That is great! Well done!
11 posted on 04/02/2004 3:54:06 PM PST by meatloaf
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To: LonePalm
thanks for the ping. A masterpeice! I can just hear someone like Paul Shanklin singing this parody on Rush Limbaugh. I would LOVE IT!! (And sing it in Ted Kennedy's voice)
12 posted on 04/02/2004 4:01:07 PM PST by Enterprise ("Do you know who I am?")
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To: LonePalm
Very very good, LP...MUD
13 posted on 04/02/2004 4:01:40 PM PST by Mudboy Slim (Become a monthly donor...it's an excellent investment in the future of our country!!)
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To: Enterprise
A masterpeice! I can just hear someone like Paul Shanklin singing this parody on Rush Limbaugh. I would LOVE IT!! (And sing it in Ted Kennedy's voice)

A Hilderbeast or Klintoon voice would do well, too!

14 posted on 04/02/2004 4:02:50 PM PST by dirtbiker (Solution for Terrorism: Nuke 'em 'till they glow, then shoot 'em in the dark!)
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To: doug from upland
Look out, dude! You've got stiff competition!
15 posted on 04/02/2004 4:05:41 PM PST by Poohbah ("Would you mind not shooting at the thermonuclear weapons?" -- Maj. Vic Deakins, USAF)
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To: LonePalm
AWESOME!
16 posted on 04/02/2004 4:07:42 PM PST by ShandaLear (AirAmerica: If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it...)
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To: dirtbiker
I can't imagine her singing. Her voice is like when someone runs their fingernails down a chalkboard.
17 posted on 04/02/2004 4:07:43 PM PST by Enterprise ("Do you know who I am?")
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To: LonePalm
Very good!....(now if we could only get you to quit signing off on your posts in Frog lingo...)
18 posted on 04/02/2004 4:11:50 PM PST by ErnBatavia (Gay marriage is for suckers...)
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To: LonePalm
If John Kerry wins, I'm "Alberta Bound."
19 posted on 04/02/2004 4:13:18 PM PST by My2Cents ("Well...there you go again.")
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To: LonePalm
Just F'n great!

-Dan
20 posted on 04/02/2004 4:17:48 PM PST by Flux Capacitor (DEAD LOUISIANIANS FOR KERRY!!!)
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To: My2Cents
If John Kerry wins, I'm "Alberta Bound."

Like Baldwin? ;)

21 posted on 04/02/2004 4:18:22 PM PST by freedumb2003 (If your cat has babies in the oven you don't call them biscuits!)
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To: LonePalm
...the cold fish they call 'Bitchy Gloomy'

Worth reading for that line alone. Bravo!

22 posted on 04/02/2004 4:24:32 PM PST by andy58-in-nh
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To: LonePalm


23 posted on 04/02/2004 4:24:39 PM PST by Light Speed
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To: freedumb2003
LOL....I thought Baldwin was off to France. (BTW, has he left yet?)
24 posted on 04/02/2004 4:26:59 PM PST by My2Cents ("Well...there you go again.")
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To: LonePalm
Not at all -- I love it! It's dead on. "John F'n Kerry" is destined to outlast "the haughty, French-looking candidate," as a political bitchslap, and eventually make someone regret his attempt to be hip, while speaking to an audience that dioesn't vote in the first place. And never have "the polls of November" come so early!


25 posted on 04/02/2004 4:28:18 PM PST by mrustow
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To: Howlin
Ping! Take a break from the hustle and bustle and come check out Loanie's song....
26 posted on 04/02/2004 4:36:15 PM PST by Cyber Liberty ( 2003, Ravin' Lunatic since 4/98)
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To: LonePalm
I really loved singing along to your composition! Very talented you are! Thanks for the fun!
27 posted on 04/02/2004 4:39:06 PM PST by ladyinred (Weakness Invites War. Peace through Strength (Margaret Thatcher))
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To: LonePalm
Excellent parody! (One of my favorite tunes, too!)
28 posted on 04/02/2004 4:48:47 PM PST by arasina (So there.)
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To: LonePalm
Please, give me some warning!
"... Bitchy Gloomy..."

I snorted Mountain Dew all over my keyboard ... again!

/breaks out a new keyboard while thanking the gods of outsourcing for cheap keyboards... :-)

29 posted on 04/02/2004 4:54:37 PM PST by Christopher Dion (Mountain Dew and doughnuts... because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.)
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To: pogo101
Sorry it took so long to ping you. I had to cook dinner for the kids. I have had your version running around in my head for months.

Thank you for some of the inspiration for my little bit of doggerel.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

30 posted on 04/02/2004 4:57:45 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: ErnBatavia

What kind of 'suckers'????? ("Kerry's just a gigolo, and everywhere he goes...")

31 posted on 04/02/2004 4:58:23 PM PST by MrBallroom (Guess what? I approved this message, take full responsibility for it, and that's the way it is!!)
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To: Christopher Dion
Well, you should have known.

Try rum and Diet Coke. It's Atkins friendly. Well, mostly.

Time flies when you're having rum!

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

32 posted on 04/02/2004 5:01:06 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: Flux Capacitor
Laissez les bon bons rouller.
(Let the Chocolates roll.)

Thanks!

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

33 posted on 04/02/2004 5:07:45 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: Support Free Republic
That pic should be shown in the George W. Bush television commercials.
34 posted on 04/02/2004 5:09:50 PM PST by Clintonfatigued
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To: ErnBatavia
There is no shame in being French. There is only shame in STAYING French.

If a family motto in French is good enough for the Queen of England, it's good enough for me.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

35 posted on 04/02/2004 5:10:28 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: MrBallroom
Actually, Kerry's Just a Viet Vet.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

36 posted on 04/02/2004 5:14:42 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: LonePalm; doug from upland
You two need to get together! This is superb! The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald was my favorite jukebox song in college-- because you got your quarter's worth.
37 posted on 04/02/2004 5:35:59 PM PST by Vigilanteman (crime would drop like a sprung trapdoor if we brought back good old-fashioned hangings)
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To: LonePalm
"you need some VP w/ some standing...below DU still blows...*itchy gloomy.."

HA!HA!...LOL!.. :))

38 posted on 04/02/2004 5:50:07 PM PST by skinkinthegrass (Just because you're paranoid, doesn't mean they aren't out to get you :)
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To: LonePalm
Without a doubt this has got to be your all time best!!!!!!!!!!!!

You rock, my FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!
39 posted on 04/02/2004 6:22:11 PM PST by Gabz (End Freepathons!!!!!!!!!!!!!.........contribute today!)
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To: LonePalm
Hee hee! Good stuff! Thanks for the heads up, as I otherwise would have missed a good read.
40 posted on 04/02/2004 6:28:54 PM PST by pogo101
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To: Gabz
Thanks Gabz. I do like it. I don't think it is my best.

I am actually prouder of Both Sides Now, Ghost Writers in Disguise, The Times it Ain't a Changing, and Rogaine.

OK, well maybe not Rogaine but I had alot of fun with that one. I wrote much of it during a sermon one Sunday in church. I'm sure the minister was wondering why I was chuckling so much.

Garde la Foi, mes amis! Nous nous sommes les sauveurs de la République! Maintenant et Toujours!
(Keep the Faith, my friends! We are the saviors of the Republic! Now and Forever!)

LonePalm, le Républicain du verre cassé (The Broken Glass Republican)

41 posted on 04/02/2004 6:40:23 PM PST by LonePalm (Commander and Chef)
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To: LonePalm
I like your parodies. What do you think of my Imagine parody:

http://freedomstruth.blogspot.com/2004_03_01_freedomstruth_archive.html#107949560495264145


42 posted on 04/02/2004 7:23:21 PM PST by WOSG (http://freedomstruth.blogspot.com - Disturb, manipulate, demonstrate for the right thing)
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To: LonePalm
Boo-yah!!
43 posted on 04/02/2004 8:05:24 PM PST by theDentist (JOHN KERRY never saw a TAX he would not HIKE !)
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To: LonePalm
Excellent!

Here's some free advice. Copyright it. Copyright it immediately. Even see if you can have the Admin Mods amend the post to include the Cosmic 'C' ( © ) so somebody doesn't lift it from this forum and rip you off.

Then send it to Bob Rivers (of "Walking 'Round in Women's Underwear" fame). He'd definitely buy this and record it. Make yourself some bookoo dollars.

44 posted on 04/03/2004 4:50:05 AM PST by Bloody Sam Roberts (`,,`,,Election '04...It's going to be a bumpy ride,,`,,`)
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To: LonePalm
There's an ultimate Kerry theme song sitting out there to be had and which does not require any modification at all:

First I Look at the Purse
by the J. Geils Band

Some fellas look at the eyes
Some fellas look at the nose
Some fellas look at the size
Some fellas look at the clothes

I don't care if her eyes are red
I don't care if her nose is long
I don't care if she's underfed
I don't care if her clothes are worn
First I look at the purse!

Some fellas like the smiles they wear
Some fellas like the legs that's all
Some fellas like the style of their hair
Want their waist to be small.

I don't care if their legs are thin
I don't care if their teeth are big
I don't care if their hair's a wig
Why waste time lookin' at the waistline?
First I look at the purse!

A woman can be fat as can be,
kisses sweet as honey
But that don't mean a thing to me
If you ain't got no money
If the purse is fat....that's where it's at.

Some fellas like the way they walk
The way they swing and sway
Some fellas like the way they talk
Dig the things they say.
I don't care if they wobble like a...
or talk with a lisp
I still think I'm a good lover
if the dollar bills are crisp

First I look at the purse!
First I look at the purse!
First I look at the purse!
First I look at the purse!

I don't care if you got yourself a wrap
all I want is your pretty green cash
Bought me a suit, bought me a car
Want me to look like a hollywood star
Money, (Money!) I want money (Money!)
Baby, ain't no "why", baby

Moneeeeeeeeeeeeee!


I need money!

First I look at the purse!
First I look at the purse!
First I look at the purse!
First I look at the purse!


45 posted on 04/03/2004 4:53:42 AM PST by greenwolf
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To: Light Speed
#23...BUMP!

Hilarious! Send it on Freepers!

46 posted on 04/03/2004 6:09:10 AM PST by yoe (Political Correctness OUT! Profiling IN! Know your enemy!)
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To: LonePalm
Bump, for all Saturday mornin sleepers!
47 posted on 04/03/2004 6:29:56 AM PST by clyde260 (Public Enemy #1: Network News)
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To: LonePalm
BUMP
48 posted on 04/03/2004 6:52:00 AM PST by clyde260 (Public Enemy #1: Network News)
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To: LonePalm
ROTFL! ;-D
49 posted on 04/04/2004 11:15:51 AM PDT by nutmeg (Why vote for Bush? Imagine Commander in Chief John Fin al-Qerry)
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To: doug from upland; Mudboy Slim
Did you see this?
50 posted on 04/04/2004 11:16:23 AM PDT by nutmeg (Why vote for Bush? Imagine Commander in Chief John Fin al-Qerry)
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