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A Canadian Hat Trick
Intellectual Conservative ^ | 20 April 2004 | Dan Sargis

Posted on 04/20/2004 8:56:50 PM PDT by Dr.Syn

A Canadian Hat Trick
by Daniel Sargis
20 April 2004

In a preemptive strike based on faulty intelligence, Canada has decisively launched a war on seals to save its depleted stocks of cod.


After harping ad infinitum about America’s “unjustified” war, our compassionate Canadian neighbors have launched a little pogrom of their own.  Taking their lead from Fallujian etiquette, Canada has commenced the slaughter of a million baby harp seals over the next three years.  At least they are sparing suicide bombers and serial rapists.

Of course there are always the nitpickers who will maintain that “baby” seals aren’t slaughtered.  In an act of inspired benevolence, Canada did ban the killing of seal pups younger than twelve days.  What are they doing...checking the seal’s dog tags for a date of birth? 

In a preemptive strike based on faulty intelligence, Canada has decisively launched a war to save its depleted cod fishery, “Officially...the hunt is a response to the collapse of the Northwest Atlantic stocks of cod....”  It seems that the Canadians, with the support of government manufactured studies, have decided that harp seals are eating the cod.  Could it really take this long to figure out that seals were born to eat fish?

Although over-whelming scientific evidence blames the Canadian government for mismanaging the cod fishery and allowing massive overfishing, the official Government response has been unilateral.  Canadian Natural Resources Minister John Efford, “...argued that the seal population was exploding...and commercial fish stocks were vanishing.” 

Efford clearly outlined his strategic initiative, “I would like to see the 6 million seals, or whatever number is out there, killed and sold, or destroyed or burned. I do not care what happens to them…the more they kill the better I will love it."  In his next breath, Efford reminded the world that, “"We must remember that our ocean and all of its resources need protection....”   This guy should write speeches for John Kerry.

Ever since Canada was chosen to host the 2010 winter Olympics, the country has become a soapbox of internationalism.  Our northern neighbor is running at warp speed to the left of every issue.  In continuing efforts at continental respectability, Canadian officials are going-for-the-gold in the ever-so-genteel sport of America bashing.  Francoise Ducros, top aide to former Canadian Prime Minister Jean Chretien, commenced the games by calling President Bush a “moron.”  Then, MP Carolyn Parrish really scored for the home team with “Damn Americans … I hate those bastards.”  Let’s go for the hat trick.

And speaking of hat about a bit of Canadian “Head Hockey.”  In his book, Over the Side, Michael Dwyer describes some light-hearted fun with fellow Canadian seal “hunters:” “It was like hockey but instead of using sticks, we used our hakipiks to try to shoot the [seal’s] head between two twitching carcasses we used as goal posts. We all took turns in the net. By the time the game was over, eyeballs, teeth, fragments of skull bone and lower jawbones were scattered all over the rink. Darrell won but we all had a great bit of fun.”  Who says you can’t mix business with pleasure.

From the country that accused America of going to war for oil... "A study conducted last year for the Northwest Territories seal industry found that the market for...seal oil for health products (was) reckoned to have the greatest potential.”  And don’t forget cheap Canadian pharmaceuticals...” Only one product was rated as having "excellent" economic prospects: seal penises, which are in great demand in China for use in aphrodisiacs.”  Viagra...step aside!

Former Prime Minister Jean Chretien once described what level of proof Canadians wanted from the U.S. before assisting the U.S. in a war with Iraq: “A proof is a proof. What kind of a proof? It's a proof. A proof is a proof. And when you have a good proof, it's because it's proven.”   Well, “At a meeting of the Society of Marine Mammalogists in Florida ...ninety-seven scientists from fifteen countries” concluded that, “All scientific efforts to find an effect of seal predation on Canadian groundfish stocks have failed to show any impact...Overfishing remains the only scientifically demonstrated problem.”  Despite this “proof,” the Canadian administration is obsessed with slaughtering seals.

What about the Geneva Conventions?  “The Canadian government claims the commercial seal hunt is humane and well regulated.”  But, “In 2001, an international team of five independent veterinarians...found that 79% of the sealers did not check to see if an animal was dead before skinning it...And when the veterinarians examined the skulls of killed seals, 42% were found to have minimal or no fractures, suggesting a high probability that these seals were conscious when skinned.”  When is a “proof” a “proof?"

The U.S. Marine Mammal Protection Act outlaws the importation or sale of any product made from any marine mammal, including seals, in the U.S.  Even the European Union has similar legislation.  But, for the lofty goal of profit, the Canadians just keep killing.

What’s even more laughable is the Canadian coalition of the willing.  They are barbarically slaughtering innocent baby mammals to supply already over-populated and AIDS infected regions of the globe with aphrodisiacs! 

Canadian Senator Pierre Claude Nolin maintains that the U.S. war on drugs “threaten the basis of democracy...and the rule of law....”  While Nolin demands that, “The world deserves drug policies that... are respectful of human rights,” Canadians keep pucking around with baby seal heads.

Canada is another case study in chest-pounding second rate wannabes.  A country that condemns the U.S. for ginning up pre-war Iraq intelligence, simultaneously hypes its internal fishery data in complete disregard of overwhelming independent research to the contrary.  A country that finds it stylish to bash its best friend and neighbor also finds it easy to bash a seal pub’s head.

I’m sure the world will sleep more safely with the slaughter of a million harp seals.  Bin Laden would be safer in Ottawa than a seal pup!  

Daniel Sargis, a freelance writer, is a principal in a private investment development company.  His website is

Email Daniel Sargis

TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; Foreign Affairs; Miscellaneous; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: canada; harp; hunt; seals
Never knew that Dan Sargis was an animal lover...but a damn funny one!
1 posted on 04/20/2004 8:56:51 PM PDT by Dr.Syn
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To: rush22
Here's a good quote from a Canadian seal hunter I found on CNN:

[reporter] "...wounded another seal writhes on the ground, the hunters kill him (gunshots), then cheer."

[seal hunter] "These seals are dead now ya know, but, it was a good feeling... ...and afterwards you're like 'Hell yeah that was awesome! Let's do it again!"

it makes me sick.

Canada, will kill defenseless seals, will NOT fight terrorists.
4 posted on 04/20/2004 10:19:47 PM PDT by MNJohnnie (Vote Bush 2004-We have the solutions, Kerry Democrats? Nothing but slogans)
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To: Dr.Syn
The entire western world fishes the Grand Banks, with both Canada and the US acting as stewards of the resource. Fishing is heavy, but the resources (fish AND seals remain stable.

Euro-weenies and animal rights freakazoids make so much noise about baby seals that Canada ends the seal hunt.

Seal numbers EXPLODE, and the fishery collapses.

15 or so years later, the seal hunt is re-established, and even supposed rational folk use this to bash Canada?

Chretien and his LIEberal party were a blight on this country, and nearly everything they did damaged the once excellent relationship between our two nations.

Kinda like Xlintoon and his socialist cronies, and the damage they did to the US reputation with the rest of the world.

Don't go off half-cocked: You're wiser than that!

7 posted on 04/20/2004 11:54:35 PM PDT by Don W (If Mecca and Medina were vapourized, would radical Islamists "Get The Message"?)
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To: MNJohnnie
"and afterwards you're like 'Hell yeah that was awesome! Let's do it again!"

Must be a popular saying . Here's where I heard the exact same quote on a CNN tape .

CROWLEY: When the battle is over and you are still standing, the adrenalin rush is huge.

RIDDLE: I mean, afterwards you're like, hell, yeah, that was awesome. Let's do it again.

Got a reference to your CNN seal hunters tape ?
8 posted on 04/21/2004 5:12:03 AM PDT by Snowyman
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To: Dr.Syn
Where are all the outraged PETA pukes? Is it too cold for them up there in the Great White North? It must be much more comfortable for them in the sunny climes of Los Angeles splashing paint on fur-bearing glitterati.
9 posted on 04/21/2004 5:17:26 AM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts (`,,`,,Election '04...It's going to be a bumpy ride,,`,,`)
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To: Don W
Here is a link with facts that address your assumptions::

The link will take you to:

Harp seals and Cod
Questions and Answers

IMMA Technical Briefing 99-02
D.M. Lavigne, S. Fink, D. Johnston, and P. Meisenheimer
International Marine Mammal Association
1474 Gordon St.
Guelph, Ontario, Canada N1L 1C8

Facts are always good!

10 posted on 04/21/2004 7:33:33 AM PDT by Dr.Syn
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