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Answer, but No Cure, for a Social Disorder That Isolates Many
NY Times ^ | April 29, 2004 | AMY HARMON

Posted on 04/29/2004 12:06:59 PM PDT by neverdem

Last July, Steven Miller, a university librarian, came across an article about a set of neurological conditions he had never heard of called autistic spectrum disorders. By the time he finished reading, his face was wet with tears.

"This is me," Mr. Miller remembers thinking in the minutes and months of eager research that followed. "To read about it and feel that I'm not the only one, that maybe it's O.K., maybe it's just a human difference, was extremely emotional. In a way it has changed everything, even though nothing has changed."

Mr. Miller, 49, who excels at his job but finds the art of small talk impossible to master, has since been given a diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome, an autistic disorder notable for the often vast discrepancy between the intellectual and social abilities of those who have it.

Because Asperger's was not widely identified until recently, thousands of adults like Mr. Miller — people who have never fit in socially — are only now stumbling across a neurological explanation for their lifelong struggles with ordinary human contact.

As Mr. Miller learned from the article, autism is now believed to encompass a wide spectrum of impairment and intelligence, from the classically unreachable child to people with Asperger's and a similar condition called high-functioning autism, who have normal intelligence and often superior skills in a given area. But they all share a defining trait: They are what autism researchers call "mind blind." Lacking the ability to read cues like body language to intuit what other people are thinking, they have profound difficulty navigating basic social interactions. The diagnosis is reordering their lives. Some have become newly determined to learn how to compensate.

They are filling up scarce classes that teach skills like how close to stand next to someone at a party, or how to tell when people are angry even when they are smiling. Others, like Mr. Miller, have decided to disclose their diagnosis, hoping to deflect the often-hostile responses their odd manners and miscues provoke. In some cases, it has helped. In others, it seemed only to elicit one more rejection.

This new wave of discovery among Aspies, as many call themselves, is also sending ripples through the lives of their families, soothing tension among some married couples, prompting others to call it quits. Parents who saw their adult children as lost causes or black sheep are fumbling for ways to help them, suddenly realizing that they are disabled, not stubborn or lazy.

For both Aspies and their families, relief that their difficulties are not a result of bad parenting or a fundamental character flaw is often coupled with acute disappointment at the news that there is no cure for the disorder and no drug to treat it.

"We are with Asperger's where we were 20 years ago with mental illness," said Lynda Geller, director of community services at the Cody Center for Autism in Stony Brook, N.Y. "It is thought to be your fault, you should just shape up, work harder, be nicer. The fact that your brain actually works differently so you can't is not universally appreciated."

Some Aspies interviewed asked to remain anonymous for fear of being stigmatized. But with the knowledge that their dysfunction is rooted in biology, many say remaining silent to pass as normal has become an even greater strain.

"I would like nothing better than to shout it out to everyone," a pastor in California whose Asperger's was just diagnosed wrote in an e-mail message. "But there is so much explanation and education that needs to happen that I risk being judged incompetent."

Some are finding solace in support groups where they are meeting others like themselves for the first time. And a growing number are beginning to celebrate their own unique way of seeing the world. They question the superiority of people they call "neurotypicals" or "N.T.'s"and challenge them to adopt a more enlightened, gentle outlook toward social eccentricities.

Asks the tag line of one online Asperger support group: "Is ANYONE really `normal?' "

Discovery: Finding Reason for Social Gaffes

In recent years, a growing awareness about autism has led to a sharp increase in children receiving special services for their autism disorders. But for many adults who came before them, the process of discovering the condition has been haphazard.

Mr. Miller, a senior academic librarian at the University of Wisconsin, Milwaukee, had searched for years for an explanation for what he saw as a personal failing, at one point buying stacks of self-help books. Many others sink into depression, their conditions misdiagnosed, or struggle without any help.

Now, autism centers intended for children are being flooded with adults who suspect they have Asperger's. Since the condition runs in families, psychologists treating autistic children are often the ones diagnosing it in parents or relatives.

Often the new diagnoses involve people who for years have been deemed rude, clueless or just plain weird because of their blunt comments or all-too-personal disclosures. They typically have a penchant for accuracy and a hard-wired dislike for the disruption of routine.

Unusually sensitive to light, touch and noise, some shrink from handshakes and hugs. Humor, which so often depends on tone of voice and familiarity with social customs, can be hard for them to comprehend. Although many have talents like memory for detail and an ability to focus intently for long periods, Aspies often end up underemployed and lonely. Unlike more severely impaired autistics, they often crave social intimacy, and they are acutely aware of their inability to get it.

Those with the condition often develop a passion for a narrow field that drives them to excel in it, but fail to realize when they are driving others crazy by talking about it. And they are reflexively honest, a trait that can be refreshing — or not.

On a recent afternoon at the Center for Brain Health at New York University, Louise Kavaldo, 57, who received a diagnosis of Asperger's last month, prepared to take some cognitive tests.

"Do you think my shirt is too tight?" she asked Isabel Dziobek, the researcher.

"No," Ms. Dziobek replied. "I like the way the green goes with your hat."

"Well I think your shirt is too tight," replied Ms. Kavaldo, who has a B.A. in sociology and works in early childhood education. "I think it's unprofessional."

Researchers say autism spectrum disorders are a result of a combination of perhaps 10 to 20 genes, plus environmental factors, that seem to cause the brain to exhibit less activity in its social and emotional centers. Unlike people with classic autism, which is often accompanied by mental retardation, those with Asperger's have normal language development and intelligence. First identified in 1946 by the Viennese physician Hans Asperger, the condition was little-known until it was added to the American psychiatric diagnostic manual in 1994. Only in the last few years have mental health professionals become widely aware of it.

The degree to which someone is affected may correlate with how many of the autism genes he or she has, some researchers say. About one in 165 people are thought to be on the autistic spectrum, although estimates vary.

The recent spike in diagnoses of autism in people who are generally able to function in society has prompted some to suggest that it is an excuse for bad behavior or the latest clinical fad. But psychologists and researchers say they are simply better able to recognize the condition now. While many people may have a few of the traits and just one or two of the genes, to qualify for an Asperger's diagnosis they typically must have developed obsessive interests and social difficulties at an early age that now significantly impair their ability to function.

Carl Pietruszka, 52, said that being found to have Asperger's had been a blow to a long-held fantasy. "It's been my hope for years and years that if I keep working at it, I'll find a strategy that will fix things, that if I practice enough, it'll be O.K.," Mr. Pietruszka said. "Now I know I'm working with Asperger's, which is going to be an ongoing thing. It'll get better, but it's not going to be O.K. That has me seriously bummed out."

Mr. Pietruszka, who was laid off from four engineering jobs over a decade, said colleagues had often ribbed him for being too serious and "not getting it."

"It doesn't make you feel good," he said. "It festers."

Instead of looking for work with a company where he would have to navigate office politics again, he has set up his own business as a home inspector in Harleysville, Pa., where clients have complimented his thoroughness.

Inspiration: Trying to Learn Hidden Curriculum

Pretending to be normal, even for a few hours, is mentally exhausting, many Aspies say. But for some, the diagnosis is an inspiration to master what autism experts call the hidden curriculum: social rules everyone knows but could never say how they learned.

A class taught by Mary Cohen, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania's new clinic for adult social learning disorders, is crowded with people whose conditions are newly diagnosed. The subject at a recent session was basic conversation. As the class watched from behind a two-way mirror, pairs of students tried talking to each other without lapsing into silence.

Then came the review: had it been a dialogue, or had someone gone on too long about the early history of Russia? Did they lean in? Eye contact, Dr. Cohen cautioned, should be regular but not "like you're boring a hole through them." Moving the eyebrows can help.

Gresham O'Malley, 33, a computer support technician, said he hoped the class might make it easier for him to find a girlfriend.

But classes like Dr. Cohen's are few and far between. Mostly, parents, siblings and spouses are left to explain such everyday social rules as which urinal to select (preferably not the one next to another that is occupied) and why a prospective employer does not have to be told about a punctuality problem.

At a support group for parents in Dix Hills, N.Y., the two-hour meeting runs late as more than two dozen participants trade notes about adult children who always had trouble making friends but now face more serious problems. After flubbing dozens of job interviews, many spend their days playing video games.

"Don't you get the advice, `Give him a kick in the pants?' " one father asks.

"Exactly," answers a mother. " `You're spoiling him.' "

"Our relatives will say, `He looks fine to me,' " adds another parent. "And he does look fine. That's not the point."

Some of the anger is directed at mental health professionals who as recently as two years ago failed to identify Asperger's when they saw it. But some parents also complain about the lack of tolerance for "weird" kids, and the weird adults they grow up to be.

"If my daughter was in a wheelchair, people would be opening doors for her," said Larry Berman, a salesman who attends a similar group in Philadelphia. "Wouldn't it make a quantum difference if instead of it all being on our kids to flex to meet the rest of the world, the rest of the world would meet them halfway?"

Aware that their missteps seem all the more shocking because they show no visible signs of disability, some are choosing to disclose their Asperger diagnosis in hopes of heading off social mishaps — or because they are in the middle of one.

When Eric Jorgensen, a programmer at Microsoft, confronted his boss's boss in a group meeting, his colleagues told him later that they were cringing, and he received a reprimand from his supervisor.

"I talked to my boss and said, `This is an example where I need help,' " said Mr. Jorgensen, who realized that he had Asperger's after his son's diagnosis of autism. Mr. Jorgensen's boss at the time, Ed Keith, had never heard of Asperger's. But he assigned a team member to form strategies with Mr. Jorgensen. In public meetings, they agreed, someone would throw a pen at him when he was going too far. Privately, they would tell him directly, rather than hint at it in ways he might not understand.

"They cared about me and I sensed that," Mr. Jorgensen said. It may have helped, too, that he is what Mr. Keith describes as "one of the best guys that I've ever worked with" at finding defects in the design of software. In the argument with their boss, Mr. Keith said, Mr. Jorgensen was clearly undiplomatic. "But he was right."

Not everyone is finding such enlightened responses.

When John Hatton, 40, of Boston, began to tell friends about his Asperger's diagnosis, they were skeptical.

"Almost everyone I contacted about this were either sort of perplexed or — I don't want to say hostile," said Mr. Hatton, who said he had been fired from more than 26 jobs over the last two decades and now received federal disability assistance. "They thought I had found an excuse or something."

Results: Saving Marriages, Ending Others

For troubled marriages, the diagnosis can be pivotal.

One Los Angeles woman remembers the precise angle of the sun coming through the library window when she first read about Asperger's. She had wanted to leave her marriage for years but blamed herself for failing to make it work. When her husband refused to discuss whether his condition contributed to their problems, she said, she was able to leave without guilt.

But for Janet and Eric Jorgensen, the diagnosis helped smooth out the rough edges. Ms. Jorgensen, attending a conference to learn more about her autistic son, said it was like "a light coming on" when she heard that adult family members were often given diagnoses only after a child had been identified as being on the autism spectrum.

"It just sort of hit me, `That explains Eric,' " she said.

He still says things that are callous, at least on the surface.

"She'll say something about how terrible her clothes look," Mr. Jorgensen explains. "I'll say, `Yes, honey, those are terrible-looking clothes,' when really she's wanting some affirmation that her clothes don't look terrible."

At those moments, Ms. Jorgensen now tells her husband that he is acting like an "ass burger," a running joke that defuses anger on both sides. But such exchanges have mostly disappeared because Ms. Jorgensen knows that she is unlikely to get what she wants that way.

Learning to be more direct herself was not so horrible.

"I would just go change the clothes," she said. "If I want affirmation I need to say, `I'm feeling a little insecure, can you give me reassurance?' "

United by their newfound identity, Asperger adults, so used to being outcasts, are finding themselves part of an unlikely community. Through online and in-person support groups, many are for the first time sharing the pains and occasional pleasures of feeling, as one puts it, "like extraterrestrials stranded on earth."

Emboldened by the strength of their numbers, they are also increasingly defying, or at least exploring, how to bend the social rules to which they have tried so hard to adapt.

Some brag about their high scores on the "autism quotient" test, developed by Cambridge University as a measure of autism in adults. "What's your `Rain Man' talent?" asked a recent subject line on an Aspie e-mail discussion list, referring to the movie starring Dustin Hoffman as an autistic savant. Answers included perfect memory for phone numbers and "annoying people by asking awkward questions."

At a recent meeting of the Manhattan adult support group, a woman explained that she "just wanted to see if I fit in the group."

A longtime member replied, "None of us fit in with the group."

Neurotypical friends had been invited to serve as "expert" panelists to field questions on the evening's topic: flirting. But the best advice came from the Aspies.

"I find that sometimes shutting up and just not talking often makes them think you're a good listener when in fact you're just not talking," said one participant.

Michael J. Carly, the group's leader, suggested: "How about, `Hi, I'm Michael. I really stink at flirting but would you like to go for a walk to the library or something?' "

The next generation of Asperger's adults may already be benefiting from an earlier diagnosis. After the condition was diagnosed in her son Jared at age 12, Nancy Johnson of Edmonds, Wash., was able to persuade his public school to provide a full-time aide who coached him on social skills for the next four years. Ms. Johnson learned how to rid Jared of some of his behavioral quirks, like his tendency to walk over to other tables in restaurants to get a better look at the food.

Ignoring his mother's concerns about his special interest ("I wouldn't have picked lizards," she says), Jared, now 19, has his path to becoming a renowned herpetologist all mapped out. After a rough time in middle school, where he says he finally learned the social consequences of picking his nose in public, he describes himself as "practically popular."

"It does seem like people with Asperger's, once they click, have a lot of advantages in life," Jared said. "It's like we stay tadpoles for longer, but once we're ready, we're no less of a frog."


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Extended News; News/Current Events; US: California; US: New York; US: Wisconsin
KEYWORDS: aspergers; aspergerssyndrome; autism; mentalhealth
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1 posted on 04/29/2004 12:07:00 PM PDT by neverdem
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To: Dark Wing
ping
2 posted on 04/29/2004 12:09:41 PM PDT by Thud
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To: pollywog
Here's the article Rush was reading.
3 posted on 04/29/2004 12:10:59 PM PDT by sinkspur (Adopt a dog or a cat from an animal shelter! It will save one life, and may save two.)
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To: neverdem
Heh... is this the same Slimes piece that another freeper is in a tizzy about? has to be.
4 posted on 04/29/2004 12:11:07 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: fourdeuce82d; Travis McGee; El Gato; JudyB1938; Ernest_at_the_Beach; Robert A. Cook, PE; lepton; ...
The story was mentioned by Rush today.
5 posted on 04/29/2004 12:12:12 PM PDT by neverdem (Xin loi min oi)
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To: neverdem
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1126355/posts
6 posted on 04/29/2004 12:12:36 PM PDT by 68skylark (.)
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To: neverdem
If this is the story Rush was talking about, no wonder he made fun of it, it is begging to be made fun of. It reads less like a serious article on a subject and more than a coming out pity party and people making excuses for themselves.
7 posted on 04/29/2004 12:13:15 PM PDT by Pikamax
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To: cyborg
IT IS A TYPE OF AUTISM. I HAVE THIS DISABILITY. dont make fun of it!
8 posted on 04/29/2004 12:13:17 PM PDT by Benherszen
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To: Benherszen
Ben, I will never make fun of it. I know people with it. Good for you for sticking up for yourself.
9 posted on 04/29/2004 12:14:18 PM PDT by merry10
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To: cyborg
Aha! My systems analyst ex-husband expained at long last!
10 posted on 04/29/2004 12:15:05 PM PDT by annyokie (There are two sides to every argument, but I'm too busy to listen to yours.)
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To: neverdem
Big article in "Wired" magazine about a year ago.

http://earthops.org/aspergers.html
11 posted on 04/29/2004 12:15:22 PM PDT by js1138 (In a minute there is time, for decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse. J Forbes Kerry)
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To: neverdem
How interesting. I'm inclined to lump this kind of thing under, "Duh, people are different!" But I suppose it's helpful for some people to have a name put the particular way they are different from others. Whatever works.
12 posted on 04/29/2004 12:15:31 PM PDT by Tax-chick (I was swimming with dolphins whispering imaginary numbers in the fourth dimension.)
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To: neverdem
Ah yes, another syndrome. Just one more excuse in the "I'm not responsible" file!
13 posted on 04/29/2004 12:15:37 PM PDT by Shane
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To: neverdem
Bump for later. This sounds like a childhood friend of mine to a tee.
14 posted on 04/29/2004 12:16:10 PM PDT by Bikers4Bush (Flood waters rising, heading for more conservative ground. Go Toomey Go!!!)
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To: Benherszen
You misunderstand me. I'm not making fun of this illness. It's NOT funny. I don't find anyone's illness humorous. I'm referring to another thread in FR.
15 posted on 04/29/2004 12:16:14 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: neverdem
>"She'll say something about how terrible her clothes look," Mr. Jorgensen explains. "I'll say, `Yes, honey, those are terrible-looking clothes,' when really she's wanting some affirmation that her clothes don't look terrible."

So the cure for this problem is to watch a season of Queer Eye and Dating Story?

16 posted on 04/29/2004 12:16:36 PM PDT by Dialup Llama
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To: Benherszen
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1126808/posts
17 posted on 04/29/2004 12:16:55 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: Benherszen
There are so many clueless freepers on these threads about autism and it's more than a little disappointing. My daughter is on the spectrum, diagnosed at 17. Then I could understand, in a small way, what she was going through. Don't let the naysayers get you down. Forgive them their ignorance and hold your head high.
18 posted on 04/29/2004 12:17:45 PM PDT by sarasota
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To: Benherszen
I have Asperger's. Why one earth would someone make fun of it? It's one of the more unpleasant things one can have..
19 posted on 04/29/2004 12:18:49 PM PDT by AntiGuv (When the countdown hits zero - something's gonna happen..)
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To: neverdem
There is a lack of tolerance for "wierd" kids? You wouldn't know it by what you see in today's society.
20 posted on 04/29/2004 12:20:20 PM PDT by vpintheak (Our Liberties we prize, and our rights we will maintain!)
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To: neverdem
Bill Gates and possibly Einstein had Asperger's. It's on the very, very mild end of the autism spectrum. My son, however, is on the other end. He has severe limitations and will probably never speak, and will always live with my wife and me. I wouldn't wish either condition on anyone's child, but Aspies are usually able to function in society.
21 posted on 04/29/2004 12:20:26 PM PDT by Choose Ye This Day ("He never talked vague, idealistic gas. When He said, 'Be perfect,' He meant it." -- C.S. Lewis)
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To: neverdem
AL Gore and Kerry both suffer from this...dont laugh
22 posted on 04/29/2004 12:21:52 PM PDT by woofie ( 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.)
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To: 68skylark; Admin Moderator
Interesting, whether searching by "post time" or "relevance", "match all words" or "match exact phrase", your post isn't found when I tried it. Maybe it's related to the recent crash at FR?
23 posted on 04/29/2004 12:22:42 PM PDT by neverdem (Xin loi min oi)
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To: neverdem
(also posted on the Rush thread)

I had one student whose parents and therapist were adamant about labelling with Asperger. He was an unmotivated C student, and didn't seem "different" at all. He was moderately unresponsive to social situations (not laughing when the class laughed, etc). That was about it. He had friends, and liked to laugh and talk with them privately.

Why that called for an entire battery of tests, specialists, and scholastic perks (tesing in separate room with a "helper", more time for tests, more time for homework, two periods per day with specialists, etc) was self-evident... the school got more money, the specialists justified their own existence (while the student body grew by over 200 over 5 years, we got only 1 new teacher position added... and 6 new specialists), and the mother (whom I would've had tested for Munchausen by Proxy, personally) had her hysteria assuaged (temporarily).

The child's grades did not imporove, he said he didn't want to be "different" and put in special classes, and the staff got more paperwork. *sigh*

24 posted on 04/29/2004 12:23:44 PM PDT by Teacher317
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To: neverdem
fascinating article...

Like the "awkward genius syndrome" (my name for it)

25 posted on 04/29/2004 12:24:47 PM PDT by PurVirgo (Never fight with a pig. You only get dirty, and the pig loves it!!)
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To: Shane
Ah yes, another syndrome. Just one more excuse in the "I'm not responsible" file!

Count your blessings and hope you never have to be the parent of an autistic child.

26 posted on 04/29/2004 12:25:09 PM PDT by Numbers Guy
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To: Teacher317
That is at best a tangential comment on Asperger's, if you get my meaning. It is a definitive comment on (a) this child & his family; (b) the contemporary school system...
27 posted on 04/29/2004 12:26:31 PM PDT by AntiGuv (When the countdown hits zero - something's gonna happen..)
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To: Benherszen
If it's any comfort to you, this article reminds me exactly of how I felt when my son (now 18) was diagnosed with ADD. When I first began to understand it, I realized it was what I had struggled with (undiagnosed) for so many years. I learned some coping mechanisms, but they didn't always work for me. Now, ten years later, I still have trouble with it, but I don't let it get the best of me. When I screw up, I screw up. I try to learn from it, forgive myself, and move on, always trying to improve. Isn't that how life is for everybody else anyway? We all have our own little imperfections. My best to you!
28 posted on 04/29/2004 12:27:34 PM PDT by Ohioan from Florida (The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.- Edmund Burke)
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To: neverdem
Duplicates aren't a big problem -- don't sweat it.

(When I do a search, I just put one key word from the headline into the search box, and search by post time. Try it with the word "Disorder" and I think it will work just fine.)
29 posted on 04/29/2004 12:27:35 PM PDT by 68skylark (.)
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To: neverdem
Hmmm ...
30 posted on 04/29/2004 12:27:56 PM PDT by BunnySlippers (Must get Moose and Squirrel ... B. Badanov.)
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To: Benherszen
>>IT IS A TYPE OF AUTISM. I HAVE THIS DISABILITY. dont make fun of it!<<

I don't think you get it. 8^>

Hmmm. Maybe I don't get it...
31 posted on 04/29/2004 12:30:52 PM PDT by RobRoy (Science is about "how." Christianity is about "why.")
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To: Pikamax
If this is the story Rush was talking about, no wonder he made fun of it, it is begging to be made fun of

You sound like the swine that made my gradeschool years a hell on earth, not only tormenting me for my relative social ineptness but also having the unmitigated gall to "blame the victim".

Instead of mocking, why don't you educate yourself about the social effects of the milder (and much more common) manifestations of Asperger syndrome:

Kids Called Nerds

I'm surprised at Rush, though. He of all people should recognize that "conservatives are the nerds of politics", and that, conversely, Aspies (= 'geeks', 'nerds', etc), being much more analytical and less driven by fashion, emotion, and social pressures, are far more likely to be conservatives.

32 posted on 04/29/2004 12:31:33 PM PDT by Rytwyng
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To: Teacher317
Vitamin B-6 has a side effect of making people talkative. (in some cases very talkative.) It is also useful in some early cases of children with autism symptoms (my daughter).
33 posted on 04/29/2004 12:32:51 PM PDT by aimhigh
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To: AntiGuv
Not trying to one up you, but try having grand mal epilepsy. I have scared the bejeezus out of many co-workers over the years.

BTW, my cousin's son has autism and I certainly have empathy for you.
34 posted on 04/29/2004 12:33:59 PM PDT by annyokie (There are two sides to every argument, but I'm too busy to listen to yours.)
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To: neverdem
Wonderful article. Thanks for posting it.
35 posted on 04/29/2004 12:34:57 PM PDT by syriacus (If getting 3 Purple Hearts got Kerry OUT of Vietnam, returning them should have sent him back.)
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To: AntiGuv
It's not funny. Watching how people used to react to people with 'ticking' illnesses,etc. I'm still amazed at how insensitive people can be.
36 posted on 04/29/2004 12:36:05 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: neverdem
The DISEASE of being a liberal which has infected many of my co-workers ,has isolated them from me ..
37 posted on 04/29/2004 12:39:52 PM PDT by Renegade
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To: Shane
i don't appreciate that comment.

My daughter is mildly autistc. She comes off as awkward and geeky and doesn't have many friends.

She's a solid B student. wins ribbons in 4-H., and has a strong work-ethic.

She has her problems, but she works very hard to overcome them.
38 posted on 04/29/2004 12:46:36 PM PDT by tiamat ("Just a Bronze-Age Gal, Trapped in a Techno World!")
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To: annyokie; cyborg
Well, no argument there, grand mal epilepsy is certainly one of the more unpleasant things one can have as well.

The severity of Asperger's can of course vary quite a bit (as with just about any malady). Few people seem to understand it all that well and I don't anything can genuinely understand it who hasn't dealt with it.

My circumstances are somewhat on the more severe end of the Asperger's spectrum; I have always been extremely oblivious to social cues. For lengthy stretches, I've been quite reclusive since it seems as if I screw up with even the most casual social interactions (say something dumb; make a dumb gesture; etc).

Anyhow, here are a few examples of how dense I can be:

I was quite stunned when it dawned on me at about age 14 that people actually believed in religion. Prior to that, I thought it was some kind of curious charade that people went through the motions. Like some kind of game.

I was 17 when I figured out what racism was, and what the word ni**er meant. In fact, that was when I really figured out what race was period. I realized by example that a boy I'd been best friends with in 1st grade was black; and why people had an issue with that (I grew up in the South). Before that, I'd just thought skin color varied randomly - like they were really tan or whatever.

I was in college when I figured out what fa**ot meant and what homophobia was, which was also rather perplexing to me (then again, homosexuality was also rather perplexing to me at that time). I've still to this day never quite figured out what the big deal is (on any of these three things, from an emotional, non-intellectual standpoint).

But again, there's a lot of variation in severity and some people will of course abuse the 'label' like happens with ADD and whatever (to make excuses for other things). It's not a pleasant thing to have. I didn't figure out what the problem was until well into adulthood. A lot of it was masked because of my relatively high intelligence; schooling was effortless for me, so no one had any reason to get concerned even if I was totally walled off socially in my own little mental world until I was 18/19..
39 posted on 04/29/2004 12:51:39 PM PDT by AntiGuv (When the countdown hits zero - something's gonna happen..)
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To: vpintheak
vpintheak wrote:

There is a lack of tolerance for "wierd" kids? You wouldn't know it by what you see in today's society.




Yeah. There is.

My daughter is mildy autistic. Geeky, and kind of on her own planet.

She doesn't care about "What's cool", doesn't want to chase boys, does her own sweetly weird thing and hurts no-one. She is gentle with animals and she draws... She can cook, and use tools and memorizes lyrics with one hearing.

AND if I am not on it, she gets beaten up and has always been called names and made fun of. She never gets invited to the sleep-over or the birthday party.

Why?

Because she's different. She says odd, strange things. She doesn't follow the crowd.



Breaks my heart.

40 posted on 04/29/2004 12:54:54 PM PDT by tiamat ("Just a Bronze-Age Gal, Trapped in a Techno World!")
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To: neverdem
Fascinating article. I did some quick reading online, and it makes quite a bit of sense. Having worked in the IT industry for many years, it's quite easy to see how much of this sort of behavior, so common there, may actually have a genetic/biological underpinning.
41 posted on 04/29/2004 12:58:25 PM PDT by Robert Teesdale
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To: AntiGuv
I appreciate your honesty. That's what I like about FR.
42 posted on 04/29/2004 12:59:57 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: AntiGuv
I think it's terrific that you now have a diagnosis and are aware enough to work on it.

Not to riff on me too long, but for many years I denied that I had epilepsy. I took meds off and on for years figuring that I was "fine" and it was too much stress or not enough sleep that caused the seizures. I finally, at 44 realized that I am NOT fine and I had better take my phenobarbital every day or I could kill myself in the car or my children or someone else who was innocently going about thier business when I seized and crashed into them. Thank God, I have always either been at home or at work and not driving when I have had the seizures.

My middle son has some of the symptoms you mention. He is socially oblivious and says whatever pops into his mind, many times very hurtful or insensative to the listener. For instance, I had colored my hair and he told me it looked "hideous." He also feels his food all the time, even though he is now 14. Is exquisitley sensative to smells and tastes and noise. What other 14 year old listens to TV with the sound practically turned off? He is a brilliant A student and very intolerant of the lesser intellect of his classmates, yet he won't push himself for fear of failing at the task he has set.

He doesn't just want to be a doctor/lawyer/Indian Chief, he wants to be the Surgeon General, Supreme Court Justice, Cochise. We are trying to get him to lower his sights and set realistic goals since he gives up when he makes a blunder, no matter how small.
43 posted on 04/29/2004 1:04:44 PM PDT by annyokie (There are two sides to every argument, but I'm too busy to listen to yours.)
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To: Benherszen
I agree that it is not funny. I was disappointed that Rush seemed woefully uninformed about autism and Asperger's syndrome.

I have regular contact with a young child who seems to be suffering from some type of autism. It is most evident in her loss of language skills and very obvious in her inability to relate to children she is exposed to. She does not know how to interact socially and it is a very sad thing to watch. She also has many other classic symptoms. It has nothing to do with shyness. Rush sounded ignorant to use that description.

I didn't even bother to read the story, but I heard Rush speak of it and cringed when he poked fun.

44 posted on 04/29/2004 1:07:14 PM PDT by Southflanknorthpawsis
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To: Rytwyng
"You sound like the swine that made my gradeschool years a hell on earth, not only tormenting me for my relative social ineptness but also having the unmitigated gall to "blame the victim"."

Bump.
45 posted on 04/29/2004 1:12:36 PM PDT by NJ_gent
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To: cyborg
Thanks. It's extraordinarily rare that I'll talk about the subject because I don't like to think of my childhood & teens. I spent so many years willing myself not to remember them that they are but an evanescent blur to me now even when I try. It's actually quite an interesting experience when some vivid memory will burst into consciousness after not having remembered it since then.

Those three realizations however were so memorable they've always been as crystal clear to me as if they'd happened yesterday. I can picture each one like it's happening right now.

Anyhow, I just went into this because some of the comments above were extremely ignorant and insensitive...
46 posted on 04/29/2004 1:17:10 PM PDT by AntiGuv (When the countdown hits zero - something's gonna happen..)
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To: AntiGuv
It is appreciatead. I know too well how cruel people can be just because their brains and their buttholes have exchanged places :(
47 posted on 04/29/2004 1:18:56 PM PDT by cyborg
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To: AntiGuv
thank you so much for your insight.
48 posted on 04/29/2004 1:21:47 PM PDT by PurVirgo (Never fight with a pig. You only get dirty, and the pig loves it!!)
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To: annyokie
I think it's terrific that you now have a diagnosis and are aware enough to work on it.

It's definitely helped! When I first came on the discovery it seemed so pointless because there's no cure, but just the self-awareness to work with it and modulate your life accordingly can make a huge difference.

In any event, it does sound as if your middle son may very well have some elements (at least related) though I'm definitely not trained to make any kind of diagnosis, to say the least. The good thing is that people can and certainly do live very successful lives with Asperger's and other mild forms of autism. The biggest impediment is of course in the realm of self-fulfillment and self-valuation and emotional well-being, but it can all be worked out. Of course, the severity and particular arrangement of characteristics make a big difference.

Most people that I've known including myself who've dealt with this and other variations of mild autism would say that it becomes much easier in adulthood; that it 'smooths itself out' you could say.

49 posted on 04/29/2004 1:24:20 PM PDT by AntiGuv (When the countdown hits zero - something's gonna happen..)
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To: AntiGuv
Thanks. I am fortunate enough to have an undergrad degree in Psychology and have worked with troubled teens enough to know that my boy is "just" a nerd who, like you have, can be coached into modifying his behavior. He has improved a great deal in the last two years.

However, it is exhauasting to us and to him, that he must be corrected about fingering his supper and telling his little brother to shut up every meal.

My main concern is his choice of equally dorky friends who have the same flaws. I have approached their parents about this and get the "boys will be boys" line all the time.
50 posted on 04/29/2004 1:31:31 PM PDT by annyokie (There are two sides to every argument, but I'm too busy to listen to yours.)
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