Skip to comments.Half-Baked (Freeper Doctor Raoul makes the NY Observer)
Posted on 04/29/2004 3:10:43 PM PDT by abner
If you click on the link, you will get the cached page.
Here is the snippet of the article from The Observer.
The two goals of a bake sale benefiting the left-wing grassroots organization MoveOn.org on the afternoon of April 17 were to "bake back the White House" (in other words, regime change) and to make it into the Guinness Book of World Records as the greatest bake sale ever. Three hours into it, a line was still stretching around the block from Teany, Mobys vegan café on the Lower East Side, and by the time it was over, 1,500 customers had purchased $10,000 worth of baked goods at simultaneous bake sales nationwide. A total of $750,000 was raised. (Since that day, the powers that be at Guinness have decided not to designate anyone for the "biggest bake sale" category.)
Among the celebrity draws on Rivington Street were Al Sharpton, Janeane Garofalo, comedian David Cross, glam-rock star Rene Risque, John Cameron Mitchell of Hedwig fame and restaurateur Rocco DiSpirito, who were all toiling under a sign that read "A Village in Texas is Missing Its Idiot."
But getting the most attention was Al Franken.
"Tell the truth, Al, keep telling the truth!" someone hollered at him as he licked some more frosting off his fingers. According to two sources (event organizer Laura Dawn and investigative reporter Greg Palast), Mr. Franken had at times that day eaten more than he was worth.
But the satirist and liberal radio host was working hard, selling cupcakes, brownies, cookies, shaking hands, signing autographs. So he took a breather across the street and crouched down outside a bodega. There, he was asked about President Bushs recent press conference.
"I was shocked," he said. "The emperor has no clothes. This is a guy who could not talk on his feet. Obviously, he has no depth of knowledge."
He continued on about his latest U.S.O. tour to Iraq, but something was distracting him: a guy nearby wearing a Saddam Hussein mask, an oversized "Ace of Spades" shirt and a sign that read "Save Me, Vote Democrat." Mr. Franken, who was wearing a button that read "Re-defeat Bush," heard the man say something about Jamie Gorelick, the controversial former Clinton Justice Department official serving on the 9/11 commission.
"Uh, I gotta argue with this guy for a minute," Mr. Franken said, getting up.
"I just want to say hi to this guy. Hi, how are you? You want to discuss Jamie Gorelick?"
"Well, I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin, but I want it grilled, not half-baked," said the man, who sounded a lot like sleight-of-hand artist and Mamet-movie regular Ricky Jay. (It wasnt him; the man identified himself as Raoul.) Mr. Franken gently placed a hand on his shoulder.
"Would you like to discuss"
"Uh, keep your hands off me, please. You have no right to put your hands on people, Al."
"O.K. Would you like to discuss Jamie Gorelick?"
"I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin grilled, not half-baked," Raoul said again.
By now, there were several dozen people encircling the two men. Cameras were clicking and videotape rolling for a documentary on Mr. Franken, who explained to Raoul that Ms. Gorelick had "simply codified rules that were already in place during Reagan and Bush I, and that John Ashcroft had reaffirmed those same rules."
"So youre asking for a Jamie Gorelick"
"Grilled muffin," Raoul said. "Grilled Jamie Gorelick muffin. Not half-baked."
"You can say that over and over again, but its not responsive to my point."
"I want a Jamie Gorelick muffin grilled. I dont want a half-baked Jamie Gorelick muffin. A half-baked Jamie Gorelick muffin is hazardous to your health. Your Jamie Gorelick must be grilled."
"Hey Al, I read your bookit was great!" someone yelled.
Mr. Franken thanked Raoul for his time and started walking over to his fans.
"Al, Al!" Raoul yelled. "Your audience just tripled. Air Americas ratings have doubled!" But Mr. Franken didnt hear him. With the crowd following him, hed moved on to go sell some more cupcakes.
(Excerpt) Read more at 220.127.116.11 ...
I was also saying, "The muffins are free. That $3.00 you just paid is pure Kerry taxes."
I saw that MOveOn had a number of Bake Sales in the Philly area, most inside the city, for that Saturday. I asked for abner's professional assistance. She took the concept and professionally made the "KERRY'S WAFFLE HOUSE" sign, one letter per yellow block and added a tag line below "FREE FLIP FLOP WITH EVERY WAFFLE". It was about four foot by two and a half foot. Looks great.
Anyway, that Saturday morning, after reading of all the geeks that would be at Moby's restaurant, I figured, let's "Go Downtown" to the heart of enemy held territory. While in transit, I called kristinn who passed along my plans to firebrand. Since I have no long term memory, and left my address book behind, kristinn was vital to the cause.
The lower tunnel was backed up about 40 minutes it seemed. Once in Manhattan, it took 30 minutes to find it in the maze of lower Manhattan. Basically got into the general area and started a square search till I hit a street I knew was close to the event. Passed it almost immediately and I found a place to park without having to pay, THEIR VIP PARKING!!!!
I'm "combat loaded" so what I need is on top of the heap. I park, grab and I'm lost in the crowd. Hiding in plain sight. I turn the corner and decide to stay across the narrow street and just past the entrance. That way the entire line and those inside have a view of "KERRY'S WAFFLE HOUSE".
People are on the same side watching what's going on across the street and some are sitting on steps. A few pull typically liberal stunts.
I girl and a guy are watching and he's grinning. She makes a comment about my shirt that seems to be a "MEAN PEOPLE SUCK" shirt. The comment is meant to deman me, but I move over the vest I'm wearing to expose the word "DEAN'S" which makes it now read "DEAN'S MEAN PEOPLE SUCK" and she liteally has a spasm, a violent, very pronounced spasm.
I say, "You're not a Dean supporter are you?" and she shoots me a glare that screams almost as loudly as Howie, "YES!!!" So I say, "You ARE a Dean suppoeter....let me make you feel at home....YeeeeOOOOWWWWWWW"
Her date laughs out loud and his chances for something-something that evening are now nothing-nothing.
ROTFL! Way to go.
I say, "That was so enlightening, I'd like to get that down correctly for the historical record." Instead of making his case, he leans forward and belches. I reply, "You did better with your arguement this time."
A few people, either college journalists or perhaps Indy Media types told the guy to chill out when he really got soun up. They reminded him that people have a right NOT to be bullied into silence by fascists. So lacking support, he wanders off.
That all pretty much happened after firebrand showed up. She arrived not all that long after I did and while having forgotten about my call to kristinn, I wasn't surprised to see her. I figured she came down on her own to check out the liberals in their native habitat. So she took the sign and I was Saddam Hussein in an "Ace of Spades" costume.
Liberals live and die with peer pressure, so it's very common that they try it to make you question your effectiveness in hopes that you'll leave early. Liberals just don't get it. At least at a minimum we always get one who says of our signs, "I don't get it."
Well a surprising number DO get it and were readily laughing at the "SAVE ME - VOTE DEMOCRAT" sign and the "WAFFLE HOUSE one. Even got a "high five" from a MOveOn customer.
A lot of thire followers have no clue, no understanding. Because I was cooler than the MoveOn event, they liked me as it were. I even made a "New Best Friend", a guy wearing a shirt mocking Cheney. But my "COPS CHEER" button was funnier. I gave it to him and he and his friends were laughing their asses off. We were cooler that Janeane and Al so he was now on our side.
And apparently, it's the idiot who can't spell "Somewhere".
CSEA stands for C.... S..... Educational Association?
Oh yeah, I want these guys running my health care...
Unfortunately not. Usually don't have the time. The funniest ones are the ones I forget to use usually.
For the Correspondent's Dinner I wrote a few i the car.
Mike Allen is getting a big award for "Turkeygate", the "fake" turkey in Baghdad. So I'll riff that next year the Washington Post will win a Pulitzer because Mike Allen is doing a story on Chicken McNuggets.
The scandal is that the bird Bush picked up was never served to the troops AND.....the troops were served their turkey from STEAM TRAYS.
EARTH TO WASHINGTON POST,...COME IN WASHINGTON POST...it's a chow hall in a combat zone. They ALWAYS eat from a steam tray.
Had Bush never come over, they'd still get served from a steam tray, had the UN been running Iraq, they'd still get served from a steam tray. IT'S A CHOW HALL.
And on another note, had they served that turkey, carved it up and dished it out, the Washington Post would have a screaming headline "BUSH SERVES UNSAFE TURKEY". After all, there are sanitary food regulations that govern how long you can "display" food and still eat it.
About 80% of restaurants in Japan use "display food". It simplies selection for the customer. FUDDRUCKERS does the same thing around here in the Northeast. Morton's Steakhouse has a "menu cart". Stayed tuned to the Washington Post for their next breathless follow up to TURKEYGATE.
"...ooops, can we edit that last part out? God, I'm really stupid, talentless, and unfunny!"
So thats why he didnt tackle you to the ground with some sort of wrestling hold...there were too many people watching and taping.