In the garden of good and evil

email ^ | 05/05/2004 | email

[BJClinton]

In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli, cauliflower, and spinach, green, yellow, and red vegetables of all kinds; so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.

Then using God's bountiful gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's and Krispy Kreme. And Satan said, "You want hot fudge with that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "I'll have another with sprinkles." And lo they gained 10 pounds.

And God created the healthful yogurt that Woman might keep the figure that Man found so fair.

And Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the cane, and combined them. And Woman went from size 2 to size 10.

So God said, "Try my fresh green salad."

And! Satan presented crumbled Bleu Cheese dressing and garlic toast on the side. And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.

God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to cook them."

And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut shrimp, butter dipped lobster chunks and chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.

God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those extra pounds.

And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And man and woman laughed and cried before the flickering light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.

Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with potassium and good nutrition.

Then Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep-fried them in animal fats and added copious quantities of salt. And Man put on more pounds.

God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still satisfy his appetite.

And Satan created McDonald's and the 99-cent double cheeseburger. Then Lucifer said, "You want fries with that?" and Man replied, "Yes! And super size' em!" And Satan said, "It is good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.

God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.

And Satan created HMOs.

Amen

[BJClinton]

Thought I'd share, I had to deal with my HMO recently.

[bobo1]

Moderation in all things. All things are lawful. Pray over all food with thanksgiving to God. God gave us canine teeth, designed to rip and tear flesh.

Eat what you want in moderation. Don't inject a mouse with the equivalent of 900 bottles of sacharine to prove it leads to cancer.

Figures don't lie, but liars figure.

Blessings, Bobo

[cuz_it_aint_their_money]

Of course the late great stand-up comic, Victor Bono put it quiet succinctly:

I’m fat! I’m fat!
That’s all there is to that!
You might think it etiquette,
To say that I am heavy set,
Or just big boned,
you wanna bet?
I’m Fat! I’m Fat! I’m Fat!

Portly, chubby, plump, and stout
Everyone’s a diplomat!
Why not let it all hang out
And go ahead and call me Fat!

And please, don’t think you’re being kind,
By pretending to be blind.
Just take a look at my behi…er…physique!
There’s just one word….FAT!

You know.....

The fella who sell marijuana,
Could walk down the street like a saint,
And his sister may seem a Madonna,
But the vice squad could prove she ain’t!
I’m guilty of imperfect diet,
My waist shows I’m Pizze-Pie prone,
I know it’s no good to deny it,
Now who wants to cast the first stone?

(Or perhaps to be a bit more blunt.)

Although my belt may not be svelte,
I’ve never felt disgusted,
The kind of pot that I have got,
Will never get me busted.

[bobo1]

LOL,

Thanks, Bobo.