Skip to comments.Service Oaths [Humor Break]
Posted on 05/21/2004 1:24:18 PM PDT by COBOL2Java
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean Basic Training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after Basic, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company."
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So help me God.
I, Squid, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me Neptune.
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times besure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.
I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God.
I, state your name, swear...uuhhhh... high-and-tight... cammies...uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!
So help me Corps.
The Air Force one looks accurate as best as I can remember.
The Marine Corps is actually a department of the Navy---the men's department.
Me, too, CG.
In my case it would be Service Oaf.
They left out the part about being able to order eggs anyway you wanted them in the chow hall because they were real eggs.
I remember something along these lines. Semper Fi.
To quit my post only when properly relieved. GGRRRRRRR
Semper Fi ! :)
Remember this SAC Credo which was probably used in every branch?
"We the unknowing. Led by the uncaring. Have done so much, for so long, with so little. That we are now prepared to do it all with absolutely nothing, at all."
Click here for photo of Airman Conspiracy Guy straight out of basic training, Aug 1972. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1136997/posts?page=192#192 Don't laugh I'm only 18.
I asked him which branch I should enlist in, and he told me, quite frankly, the Air Force. "Their boot camp is pretty weak."
I went through Army basic and AIT when I was 17. No way would I survive it today, 17 years later. Air Force I would take a shot at.
Remember it well!
A young boy and his family were waiting out a long lay-over at a busy airport. The boy noticed a spit and polish Marine in his dress uniform. The youngster walked over to the Marine, and overwhelmed by the impressive figure, expressed his admiration, "Wow!!!" was about all the kid could utter, as he stood staring at the Marine. The Marine felt a sense of pride at the kid's admiration, and grabbing his snow white saucer cap with the highly polished bill, said, "Here kid, why don't you try this on..."
The youngster donned the cap, and although it was too big for his head, began to cockily strut up and down the concourse at the airport, wearing it. The kid strayed into a men's room where he saw a Ranger standing at the urinal. Decked out with his black beret, blue infantry cord, CIB, combat patch, and stack of ribbons and badges. The kid walked up to the Ranger, and as just with the Marine, was overtaken by admiration..."Wow!!!!" marveled the youth.
"Blow me, kid," stated the mannerless Ranger.
"Oh no sir, it's not like that," said the kid, "I just borrowed the hat!"
Whaddya expect? They're training wrench turners and jet jockeys. If you volunteer for one of the physical jobs like Force Protection or Pararescue, they'll train you up in tech school.
For the record, Rangers wear tan berets now.
I can vouche for that. Spring training in high school football was tougher than USAF Basic. Even though I was in San Antonio, Tx in the middle of summer 100 + most days. I was very disappointed at the softness of physical activity.
If you want skills easier to fit the civilian world and a professional environment, go Air Force.
If you like being on ships, Navy.
If you want tough physical training and down in the dirt fighting, Army or Marines.
Coast Guard if you like little ships.
All branches will give you discipline and teamwork skills. What is your level of education and what would you like to do in the military are important questions to ask yourself. I have 2 nephews in the Marines and they love it. I have another nephew who served in the Navy and hated it.
I once saw a sign in an office that was similar.
It said: We the unwilling, lead by the unknowing are doing the impossible for the ungrateful.
We have done so much for so long with so little equipment that we are now qualified to anything at all with nothing.
In SAC we all had little signs that said, "Be alert. SAC needs more lerts."
Same thing. I've seen it 50 ways at least.
Giggle, and thanks for the laugh.
A colleague of mine was in SAC during the waning days of the Cold War.
He has a t-shirt with the SAC shield. Above the shield: "PEACE IS OUR PROFESSION."
Below the shield: "War is just our hobby."
I don't know how accurate his assessment of the Air Force was, but he said he knew guys who had joined and felt that the training was kind of flimsy.
The 5 Scariest Things in the Army!
1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..."
2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..."
4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this $%!#..."
I had the king of all easy boot camps. Navy for older reservists without prior service.
Seventeen days in Great Lakes Training Center. Nothing too demanding. If you could make your beds and march correctly, you were fine. If you were completely incapable of such things like me, you just got yelled at a bit. That was annoying at times, but the key fact is "17 days."
I served with some rock 'em, sock 'em PJ's (Pararescuemen) who could have held their own with any Ranger. They were the exception. The Air Force is a little more cerebral and a little less physical.
Our nation's seventeenth line of defense; somewhere between The U.S. Surgeon General and The League of Women Voters.
If you need a bomb dropped down an air shaft or some pinpoint supporting fire, call us. We'll be at the O'club drinking beer. Somebody's bound to be sober enough to fly.
Yep... We had those in the peak of the Cold War too. I was in from 72-76.
The Navy one looks reasonably accurate, except for the part about knowing how to swim.
Not knowing what you want I can't advise you. There are physical requirements and standards. If you want to build your body join a gym because the Air Force isn't gonna do it. If you are overwieght they won't take you. The tests they give to place you weeds out about half the applicants. If you get into the Security Police or ParaRescue the Air Force has intense physical training.
Flimsy is a relative word but nothing is flimsy about the USAF. I'm 50 and I'll be glad to discuss flimsy with your friend who couldn't meet the physical requirements to enter the NAVY.
E-9 at 33. I knew 33 year olds who had just made Staff Sergeant. (E-5) The guy had a chest full of Air Medals and Silver Stars.
Even the golf course sucks.
Even the golf course sucks.
I'm not sure if it was the physical, but he couldn't join the Navy when he tried to enlist a few years ago; I'm not sure of the specific reason given for his rejection.
I'd be worried more about some of the health requirements.
I don't exactly have a compromised immune system, but I'm not sure that I'd be able to withstand an Anthrax or Smallpox vaccination.
That is what I entered the USAF to be but they forgot to tell me that they weren't accepting married candidates in 72.
I was mad at first but I got over it.
Basic training is only 6 weeks long. Advanced training is anywhere for 0 to 1 year or so. Go see a recruiter. I mean it. Got to run. Later.
They were a tough bunch. Their idea of fun was to go about 20 miles offshore at night and make a HALO jump into the Gulf of Mexico and swim back to base.
Generals are exalted creatures.
They dine on mead and honey.
Wherever he goes, a General is surrounded by a crowd of admiring, yapping staff officers.
BUT, on his back he carries a logistics officer, whom he hates and fears, for he knows that at any time the logistics officer can lean forward and whisper in his ear:
"You can't do that."
Occasionally a logistics officer is made a General.
He carries on his back a logistics officer whom he knows all too well.
That is why he can't enjoy his mead and honey.
This is not a common service joke, but I read it on a plaque in a General's office. A General who was also a logistics officer.
This one's just off the top of my head:
What do you call a great Israeli general who's an awful politician?
Okay, that one wasn't the greatest, but I'm sure I'll think of some better ones.
Reminds me of the time I was on Recruiting Duty,back around '76 or '77. The Uniform of the day was Winter "Blacks".
It was a cold winter day when I stopped in at my favorite lunch spot for a meatball samwich....they also served various spirits there BTW.
As I was trying to eat my meatball samwich without dripping too much tomato sauce on my "Blacks", the drunk next to me said,"Father,will you hear my confession?".
What else could I do....his sins didn't seem that bad, so I absolved him in order to finish my samwich.
In those days we wore "Salt and Peppers" in the summer when I was usually mistaken for a Parking Meter cop.
Now when I pulled into Wilhemshaven,Germany on board Nimitz and we wore the "Blacks",...Boy did we get some respect!
almost true Air Force oath..