Skip to comments.Service Oaths [Humor Break]
Posted on 05/21/2004 1:24:18 PM PDT by COBOL2Java
I, Rambo, swear to sign away 4 years of my mediocre life to the United States Army because I couldn't score high enough on the ASVAB to get into the Air Force, because I'm not tough enough for the Marines, and the Navy won't take me because I can't swim.
I will wear camouflage every day and tuck my trousers in my boots because I can't figure out how to use blousing straps. I promise to wear my uniform 24 hours a day even when I have a date. I will continue to tell myself that I am a fierce killing machine because my Drill Sergeant told me I am, despite the fact that the only action I will ever see is a court-martial for sexual harassment.
I acknowledge the fact that I will make E-8 in my first year of service, and vow to maintain that it is because I scored perfect on my PT test. After completion of my sexual...er...I mean Basic Training, I will attend a different Army school once every other month and return knowing less than I did when I left.
On my first trip home after Basic, I will walk around like I am cool and propose to my 9th grade sweetheart. I will make my wife stay home because if I let her out she might leave me for a smarter Air Force guy or a better looking Marine. Should she leave me twelve times, I will continue to take her back.
While at work, I will maintain a look of knowledge while getting absolutely nothing accomplished. I will arrive at work every day at 1000 hrs because of morning PT and leave every day at 1300 to report back to the "company."
I understand that I will undergo no training whatsoever that will help me get a job upon separation, and will end up working in construction with my friends from high school. I will brag to everyone about the Army giving me $30,000 for college, but will be unable to use it because I can't pass a placement exam. So help me God.
I, Squid, in lieu of going to prison, swear to sign away 4 years of my life to the United States Navy because I want to hang out with Marines without actually having to BE one of them, because I thought the Air Force was too "corporate," and because I thought, "hey, I like to swim...why not?"
I promise to wear clothing that went out of style in 1976 and to have my name stenciled on the butt of every pair of pants I own. I understand that I will be mistaken for the Good Humor man during the summer, and for Waffen SS during the winter.
I will strive to use a different language than the rest of the English-speaking world. using words like "deck, bulkhead, cover, and head" instead of "floor, wall, hat, and toilet." I will take great pride in the fact that all Navy acronyms, rank and ensignia, and everything else for that matter, are completely different from the other services and make absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I will muster (whatever that is) at 0700 hrs every morning unless I am buddy-buddy with the Chief, in which case I will show up around 0930 hours. I vow to hone my coffee cup handling skills to the point that I can stand up in a kayak being tossed around in a typhoon, and still not spill a drop.
I consent to being promoted and subsequently busted at least twice per fiscal year. I realize that, once selected for Chief, I am required to submit myself to the sick, and quite possibly illegal, whims of my new-found "colleagues." So help me Neptune.
I, Zoomie, swear to sign away 4 years of my useless life to the United States Air Force because I'm too smart for the Army and because the Marines frighten me. I swear to sit behind a desk and take credit for the work done by others more dedicated than me who take their job seriously. I also swear not to do any form of real exercise, but promise to defend our bike riding test as a valid form of exercise.
I swear to uphold and defend the Constitution of the United States, even though I believe myself to be above that.
I promise to walk around calling everyone by their first name because I know I'm not really in the military and I find it amusing to annoy the other services. I will have a better quality of life than all those around me and will at all times besure to make them aware of that fact.
After completion of my "Basic Training," I will be a lean, mean, donut-eating, lazy-boy sitting, civilian-wearing-blue-clothes, chairborne Ranger. I will believe I am superior to all others and will make an effort to clean the knife before stabbing the next person in the back with it. I will do no work unless someone is watching me (and it makes me look good), will annoy those around me, and will go home early every day.
I consent to never getting promoted (EVER) and understand that all those whom I made fun of yesterday will probably outrank me tomorrow. So help me God.
I, state your name, swear...uuhhhh... high-and-tight... cammies...uhh... ugh... Air Force women... OORAH!
So help me Corps.
The Air Force one looks accurate as best as I can remember.
The Marine Corps is actually a department of the Navy---the men's department.
Me, too, CG.
In my case it would be Service Oaf.
They left out the part about being able to order eggs anyway you wanted them in the chow hall because they were real eggs.
I remember something along these lines. Semper Fi.
To quit my post only when properly relieved. GGRRRRRRR
Semper Fi ! :)
Remember this SAC Credo which was probably used in every branch?
"We the unknowing. Led by the uncaring. Have done so much, for so long, with so little. That we are now prepared to do it all with absolutely nothing, at all."
Click here for photo of Airman Conspiracy Guy straight out of basic training, Aug 1972. http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1136997/posts?page=192#192 Don't laugh I'm only 18.
I asked him which branch I should enlist in, and he told me, quite frankly, the Air Force. "Their boot camp is pretty weak."
I went through Army basic and AIT when I was 17. No way would I survive it today, 17 years later. Air Force I would take a shot at.
Remember it well!
A young boy and his family were waiting out a long lay-over at a busy airport. The boy noticed a spit and polish Marine in his dress uniform. The youngster walked over to the Marine, and overwhelmed by the impressive figure, expressed his admiration, "Wow!!!" was about all the kid could utter, as he stood staring at the Marine. The Marine felt a sense of pride at the kid's admiration, and grabbing his snow white saucer cap with the highly polished bill, said, "Here kid, why don't you try this on..."
The youngster donned the cap, and although it was too big for his head, began to cockily strut up and down the concourse at the airport, wearing it. The kid strayed into a men's room where he saw a Ranger standing at the urinal. Decked out with his black beret, blue infantry cord, CIB, combat patch, and stack of ribbons and badges. The kid walked up to the Ranger, and as just with the Marine, was overtaken by admiration..."Wow!!!!" marveled the youth.
"Blow me, kid," stated the mannerless Ranger.
"Oh no sir, it's not like that," said the kid, "I just borrowed the hat!"
Whaddya expect? They're training wrench turners and jet jockeys. If you volunteer for one of the physical jobs like Force Protection or Pararescue, they'll train you up in tech school.
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