Posted on 06/01/2004 8:54:48 AM PDT by qam1
not that "divorced-single" crap
What is wrong with considering yourself single if you are divorced?
Cuz you were too stupid (um, whose "brains"?) to think properly about what your mate would be like and what you really want and need.
You can know all that you want and need, and believe that the other person is right for you, but then find out that things just don't work out the way you thought they would...
Bottom line: It ain't cheatin' if you ain't married!
I would beg to disagree. There are varying levels of commitment, and at some point it is cheating. Or is it ok up until the wedding day?
It is true that things have changed. Although, I'm not sure actual finances have as much to do with it as the modern concept of what constitutes being financially set does. Today's poor Americans live much more lavishly than even wealthy Americans did a few generations ago. So, I don't think the biggest reason that most people are putting off marrying and having kids is because they aren't ready financially (although this may be a reason for some of them).
IMHO, the feminist movement and the sexual revolution are at the root of the current state of things. Society has become so sexually immoral, why bother getting married when fornication requires so much less time, commitment, and responsibility? And now you have both partners building their careers rather than just the man, so both have to divide their time and energy between a career and a private life. Today, people look down their noses at moms who chose to stay home and raise children. Gender roles are almost nonexistent (no one really knows what's expected of them anymore).
It seems The Battle of the Sexes has turned dating into some weird form of combat. It's now man vs. woman and woman vs. man rather than man and woman just relaxing, having fun, and getting to know each other (in a wholesome sense, not "know each other" in the biblical sense). All my single male friends complain about women being clingy, psycho, gold-digging beeyatches, and my single female friends complain about men being cheating, commitment-averse, sex-crazed, jerks. It's like one big vicious circle with both sides bringing out the worst in each other, and IMHO most of the distrust, bitterness, and insecurity wouldn't be there if people could just keep their d@mned pants on.
"What is wrong with considering yourself single if you are divorced?"
Traditionally there are several categories of marriage status: Single, Married, Divorced (sub-category Separated), Widowed. Since the latter 2 are considered their own status, shouldn't single mean "never married"? It's PC half-truth to use "single" when the *whole* story is really "divorced" or "widowed".
I don't want to get in a row over this; I just see it as more PC, trying to cover over not-so-niceties. In the '60s calling yourself "single" as a divorcee would've been laughed at. This bending of terminology which had a standard definition has only come along in my lifetime (or even less).
"You can know all that you want and need, and believe that the other person is right for you, but then find out that things just don't work out the way you thought they would..."
Of course just plain bad luck or good acting can happen to any1 of any age. Some of us were implicitly criticized for being "old" and single (non-PC!). I'm looking at it the other way and saying there are disadvantages to getting married young - including being just plain "young & foolish" and ending up divorced. Hopefully (of course not for every1) being a bit older you will be more mature and wiser. Because if there are kids involved, it's not nice for them to be subjected to divorce. Avoid it if possible by being as smart as possible to start - that's all - for the sake of the children, primarily - not yourself. Generally youngsters can do foolish things more than "oldsters".
"I would beg to disagree. There are varying levels of commitment, and at some point it is cheating. Or is it ok up until the wedding day?"
There is only 1 serious sexual commitment - marriage. Period. If you don't cast your net, you are seriously reducing the chances of "hooking up" w/the 1 person whom you would never divorce. That's the only important thing in the end. And it's primary importance is for any children resulting. Never mind there's something about that ceremony and paper that makes people work harder to stick together.
Of course if you seriously think you've found this person, you grow in "commitment" up to that point, I think. I've finally met some1 who seems to fit quite well, and my level of "commitment" now - not deliberately looking for others. But if some guy flung himself at me and seemed somewhat interesting, I wouldn't flinch at going for a date to try it out. What if I'm missing even better? Which again, = better for the children, cuz I'm more likely to stick to him?
It's time for *dating*, not playing house.
Chookie, I rarely agree with you, but on this subject, I agree with you 100%. Why do you think I intend to leave the country? It isn't all about a lower cost of living. Been there, done that twice also.
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