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Email from Cooter - Howlin'
Trentino's Magazine ^ | June 8, 2004 | Trentino

Posted on 06/08/2004 9:40:29 AM PDT by Davis

E-mail to Candidate John F. Kerry #7

From James (Cooter) Thompson

Re: Howlin'

Dear Senator Kerry:

The guys down to Daryl's Bait Shop have been urging me to write to you real quick to straighten you out on various matters pertaining to your campaign. I am happy to oblige.

We are concerned that you been getting advice from so-called friends who ain't really friendly to you and have hidden reasons to pretend friendliness, you know, patting you on the back so they know where to stick the knife.

We made it clear in our first e-mail to you a few weeks ago (you can read it at Trentino's Magazine} that we weren't especially fond of your Party or yourself, but fair is fair—you are a fellow American—and we wanted to warn you about the perils of squatting with your spurs on.

Down here in Lagniappe, we are not exactly on the crossroads of the world, but we ain't retarded neither. We are right up to date. Plenty of us got computers and we can point and click to connect up with any site in the Wide World Web. That is how come we got to reading a column of advice for you published a few days ago in the Guardian, a Brit newspaper.

This particular column was written by a guy was born and grew up in the South—Alabama—but has been sojourning in and among Yankees for a considerable stretch of time. His name is Howell Raines. He was Executive Editor of the New York Times for 18 months ending last June when he was fired for incompetence handling the ruckus over Jayson Blair, the celebrated affirmative action plagiarizer and fictioneer. (If you're interested in that whole story, Senator, you can read about it here.)

So you see the picture. Howl was fired. The editors at Guardian know this, but they hire him to write for them on American politics. Howl writes a column for them as a semi-report card and semi-advice column to you entitled, Must Do Better.

See, Howl seems to be on your side. He makes plain his hatred of George Bush and Dick Cheney, and says that Republicans win presidential elections by "finding a tiny crack - real or imaginary - [in a] candidate's public facade and expanding that fissure until the whole edifice crumbles...." (That's pretty fancy writing—"facade," "fissure," and "edifice" all stuffed into one sentence like crawfish in a tiny blue pail.) It appears Howl has little regard for facts or truth when they get in the way of a good story. Sorta like young Jayson, right?

We—Boudreau and me—can't understand Raines's reason for committing this red-lantern whopper: "White House strategists are betting that leaving Iraq in 30 days - no matter what chaos ensues in that country - will leave them time to revise history between now and election day..."

As you know, Senator, there is no plan to remove our troops from Iraq in 30 days. And we'd like to know from what swamp Raines dredged up, "White House strategists" are planning to "revise history"? How do he know? Is that what they told him? How they intending to do that?

You of course have noticed that Raines calls you ponderous and pompous and furthermore says you look goofy, but he still prefers you to President Bush because you belong to the "liberal, charitable wing of the Privilege Party" while President Bush "belongs to the conservative, greedy wing of the Privilege party," Ain't that sump'n?

You can see Master Howl has been living a lie up there in the Times building in New York. He is giving you bad advice. He is condescending toward you and toward America. Matter of fact, he has no appreciation of America. For him, folks like me and Boudreau and everyone, the voters, are deluded fools just waiting to be tricked by appeals to greed.

"Americans aren't antagonistic toward the rules that protect the rich because they think that in the great crap-shoot of economic life in America, they might wind up rich themselves. It's a mass delusion, of course..." How come Howl never wrote guff like this when he was taking Prince Sulzberger's shilling?

Best thing you can do is ignore people like Howl Raines. You got to trust the voters, convince us you mean what you say and what you say makes sense. We'll be listening.


Cooter (with thanks to J. Boudreau, D. Dean, and B. Bass)

TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Foreign Affairs; Government; News/Current Events; Philosophy; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: guardian; howellraines; jaysonblair; kerry; nytimes

1 posted on 06/08/2004 9:40:30 AM PDT by Davis
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To: Howlin

I thought it was from a fan of yours......ROFL!!!!

2 posted on 06/08/2004 9:46:04 AM PDT by Dog (In Memory of Pat Tillman ---- ---- ---- American Hero.)
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To: Davis

Ain' no way this guy is from S. Louisiana even though he pretends to be. :-) I should know.

3 posted on 06/08/2004 9:49:23 AM PDT by El Gran Salseron (It translates as the Great, Big Salsa Dancer, nothing more. :-))
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To: Davis

I pictue them like the 'Bartles & James' guys.

4 posted on 06/08/2004 9:53:12 AM PDT by SMARTY
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To: El Gran Salseron
Yeah, the quaint little act falls apart journalistic phrases like "little regard for facts or truth ".
5 posted on 06/08/2004 9:58:51 AM PDT by counterpunch (<-CLICK HERE for my CARTOONS)
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To: counterpunch

So, you don't think Cooter is rally one of the guys at Daryl's Bait Shop. You think the folks in Lagniappe, Lousiana are iggurent and couldn't write "little regard for facts and truth." Why is that? Nothin' hard there. Cooter don't always have to write quaint, do he?

Personally, I think Boudreau is the guy calling the plays. Yayuh, dat be it. Boudreau is the brains of the outfit.

6 posted on 06/08/2004 10:15:05 AM PDT by hrhdave
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To: hrhdave

No, I think this word grouping doesn't fit the vernacular.

7 posted on 06/08/2004 11:04:14 AM PDT by counterpunch (<-CLICK HERE for my CARTOONS)
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To: hrhdave

Let me end that with "damn yankee!"

8 posted on 06/08/2004 11:05:46 AM PDT by counterpunch (<-CLICK HERE for my CARTOONS)
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To: counterpunch


Anyway, where is Lagniappe? Does Daryl's Bait Shop have a website?

9 posted on 06/08/2004 11:38:24 AM PDT by hrhdave
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To: hrhdave; boudreau
Boudreau is the brains of the outfit.

Them's fightin words.

10 posted on 06/08/2004 11:41:25 AM PDT by Cooter
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To: Cooter

No offense intended, Cooter. Just appears to me that Jack Boudreau is the man in charge.

11 posted on 06/08/2004 3:19:39 PM PDT by hrhdave
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