Skip to comments.The Life of the Mother
Posted on 06/23/2004 5:12:31 PM PDT by TheWriterInTexas
The last emotion I expected to feel was fear. Yet, there it was, a niggling sensation cinching the pit of my stomach, so dramatically different from my other pregnancies.
I have a good reason to be afraid.
During the several long, and often painful, years that my husband and I attempted to conceive a child, I became accustomed to hiding my grief. When pregnancy tests came back negative, I would slap on a brave face for the world and muffle my sobs into towels behind a locked bathroom door. I can still recall, with bitter clarity, the conflicting tests results pregnant, not pregnant, pregnant only to learn that my hostile womb did not accept a fertilized egg. That gentle glow of life had flickered out, allowing me to catch just the briefest glance of its dimming light.
I didn't understand it. My husband and I shared a loving, committed, and stable relationship. We were financially secure and owned a comfortable home. We tried, in all ways, to live by the golden rules. We had so much love in our hearts; a baby would only enhance our joy. We were prepared to make all the sacrifices, to put our children first, to protect, to nurture, to cherish. With each passing month, I grew more despondent, felt more worthless, and saw myself as less than whole.
I placed the matter into God's hands, knowing that He alone created life. Please, Lord, I prayed, show me the way You want me to go. Adopt? Wait? Be a mother to another? I prayed to accept His decision with grace, with a glad heart.
To our supreme delight, He blessed us with a beautiful boy, born just 40 weeks later.
Before the year was out, I was pregnant again. This time, I was carrying a girl. At 32 weeks, I hemorrhaged. I can still remember my husband's strength on that day, his firm assurances despite the blanching of his face, and how his hands seemed to effortlessly guide me from a dark and horrifying place.
Twelve days later, our beloved girl was home. The days of tubes and needles and beeping machines were over. The days of staggering medical bills had begun. But all of it was worth it, worth it a hundred times over, for the delight of my daughter's voice, the gentle lilt of her laughter, the wonderful smell of her soft skin.
In the two and a half years that have passed, many things have changed. My babies are riding bikes without training wheels, coloring and drawing, saying grace at mealtimes, and playing with friends. We're still struggling to pay off the debt, my endometriosis returned, and my pap-smears have come back with pre-cancer cells. After surgery and a menstrual cycle as frequent and erratic as buck shot fired into a calendar, we believed our days of little feet were over.
But God had other things in mind.
This I know: I am at a very high risk to lose my baby. I am a cancer risk. I am nearing 40, and there is every likelihood my baby will be perilously premature. My heart rate plummeted dangerously during my daughter's c-section and the recovery was terribly slow. By the grace of God, alone, we both pulled through.
I'm afraid that this little one will never know my arms, afraid that he or she won't survive to feel my touch, afraid that I won't survive to touch them.
This I also know: On the day I married, I vowed to accept children lovingly from God. A little soul is already nestled inside me, attached to me forever. God gave me this baby for a reason, and fear will not prevent me from doing everything I can, everything I must, to see it born.
Even if it means my life.
Wow. Beautifully written. Prayers for mama and baby.
"Prayers, please, for a safe pregnancy and delivery."
Done; and PING.
I have two in heaven; one died at age one month; one was extopic. I expect it was endometreosis. We do have one living child. And God has the other two. Things could be worse . . .
I have a beautiful three-year-old who almost didn't make it into this world, due to pre-term labor that started at 18 weeks. God answered our frantic prayers.
ANd now, a beautiful four-month old boy -- strong as an ox and willful.
Our first child is wating for us in Heaven.
God bless you and your babies!
Cy the tax-chick
(7 here, two at Home)
Thank you so much for the prayers.
Dagnation! My leaky eyes are at it again! My hope and prayers are with you. God bless you!
A bump and a prayer.
We were broke, I had to wait for payday at the end of the month to buy a test. That was March 31st. First morning urine sample was the next day: April Fool's Day. (She's 16 now.)
May God Bless you through your pregnancy. Many prayers for a healthy Mom and baby! Your faith will get you through this - God Bless.
My eyes are leaking as well. My heart goes out to these moms. God, please bless them, they will truly know the value of their children!
prayers said. God bless you and husband and children and protect you.
my sister-in-law had a very dangerous time of it during her first c-section. the second one, planned, went like a charm.
Your family will have the prayers of our little family. The child the doctors said would never live just got her driver's license and is breaking a horse this week.
There isn't much that you have recorded here with which we cannot identify. Been there...done that.
The fact was, is and will be that Our God reigns! He knows the end from the beginning and to the extent that you have committed to Him; He through you will overcome.
Whether it is one waiting in the presence of the Almighty and two on earth (our case) or three on earth to raise into God's purpose on His behalf, He does all things well.
May you be filled with courage born of trust and confidence born of reliance on(actually into) His Word.
"I'm truly sorry for your loss",
Thank you. Now we just have to get the rest of us safetly to heaven!
She's a hero. Praying for her now.
If anyone wants on or off my ProLife Ping List, please notify me here or by freepmail.
This mother, whoever she is, has my tears & prayers...it's hard to type through the tears, especially when you're 38wks pregnant yourself...
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