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KERRY-GEPHARDT MEETING CREATES OMINOUS BLACK HOLE IN UNIVERSE
Borowitz Report ^ | June 22, 2004

Posted on 06/24/2004 4:58:09 AM PDT by Tom D.

KERRY-GEPHARDT MEETING CREATES OMINOUS BLACK HOLE IN UNIVERSE

Could Devour Earth, Scientists Fear

A meeting between presumptive Democratic nominee John Kerry and possible running mate Rep. Richard Gephardt (D-MO) has created a mysterious black hole in the universe that could eventually swallow Earth and all of its inhabitants, scientists said today.

Dr. Carlton Hong, an astrophysicist at the University of Minnesota, said that shortly after the two top Democrats sat down to talk, “pools of extremely low energy began to form” creating “what can only be described as a creepy, black-hole-like vacuum.”

Dr. Hong said that the black hole created by Messrs. Kerry and Gephardt now has a life of its own and threatens to devour the planet Earth and the rest of the solar system along with it.

“If Kerry picks Gephardt for the ticket, there is a distinct possibility that this black hole could expand and swallow the entire universe,” Dr. Hong said.

But shortly after Dr. Hong made his dire prediction, an aide to Rep. Gephardt said that the congressman remains “upbeat” about his chances of snagging the number two slot despite the ominous black hole he helped trigger.

“If Dick somehow helped create a black hole that threatens the universe, that’s the most exciting thing he’s ever done in his political career,” the aide said.

In other news from the world of science, NASA reported today that it has lost radio contact with Rep. Dennis Kucinich (D-OH).

After three days of radio silence, officials at mission control fear a premature end to Mr. Kucinich’s campaign, which had been scheduled to last until the year 2030.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: borowitz; gephardt; kerry

1 posted on 06/24/2004 4:58:09 AM PDT by Tom D.
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To: Tom D.

2 posted on 06/24/2004 5:02:05 AM PDT by Diogenesis (We do only what we are meant to do)
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To: Tom D.

3 posted on 06/24/2004 5:03:49 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: Tom D.

4 posted on 06/24/2004 5:05:01 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: Tom D.

5 posted on 06/24/2004 5:06:00 AM PDT by Rebelbase ( aka Gassybrowneyedbum)
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To: Rebelbase

Your Black Hole represents better , the Kerry Gephardt Black Hole Trigger.


6 posted on 06/24/2004 5:06:46 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: Rebelbase
If this poster is tweaked some, it could be used as the Kerry /Gephardt campaign Poster.


7 posted on 06/24/2004 5:10:24 AM PDT by AmericanMade1776
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To: Tom D.
Also reported by an anonymous source, not yet confirmed, is an unusual rise in temperatures, causing polar ice caps to melt, and an unusually high occurrence of sub tropical activity........

REPENT!! THE "END" IS OBVIOUSLY NEAR!! :-)
8 posted on 06/24/2004 5:17:28 AM PDT by GeorgeW23225 (Liberals really aren*t bad people. It*s just that they know so much that simply ISN*T true!!)
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To: AmericanMade1776
This is a part of a much bigger "plan"...


9 posted on 06/24/2004 5:17:44 AM PDT by Dallas59
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To: Dallas59

Plan 9. Love that movie!


10 posted on 06/24/2004 5:20:51 AM PDT by reagan_fanatic (Liberalism is the end result of too many people peeing in the gene pool.)
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To: Tom D.

Ooouuuuhhhh WWWWooooWWWWW

Mr. Charisma meets Mr. Excitement.


lol.


11 posted on 06/24/2004 5:20:55 AM PDT by TomGuy (Clintonites have such good hind-sight because they had their heads up their hind-ends 8 years.)
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To: Tom D.

LOL bump


12 posted on 06/24/2004 5:24:24 AM PDT by Desdemona
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To: Tom D.

Very funny, and too true!


13 posted on 06/24/2004 6:41:22 AM PDT by jocon307 (help....I lost my tagline! wait I found it: Immigration Moratorium NOW!)
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To: Tom D.

that's what happens whe you get two objects so dense together


14 posted on 06/24/2004 12:15:41 PM PDT by Mr. K (`,,`,,this is like liberal logic,,`,,`))
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