Skip to comments.The Secret Lives of Wives [Newsweek celebrates adultery by liberated women.]
Posted on 07/06/2004 4:00:03 AM PDT by familyop
July 12 issue - When groups of women get together, especially if they're mothers and have been married for more than six or seven years, and especially if there's alcohol involved, the conversation is usually the same. They talk about the kids and workhow stressed they are, how busy and bone tired. They gripe about their husbands and, if they're being perfectly honest and the wine kicks in, they talk about the disappointments in their marriages. Not long ago, over lunch in Los Angeles, this conversation took a surprising turn, when Erin, who is in her early 40s and has been married for more than a decade, spilled it. She was seeing someone else. Actually, more than one person. It started with an old friend, whom she began meeting every several months for long dinners and some heavy petting. Then she began giving herself permission to flirt with, kisswell, actually, make out withmen she met on business trips. She understands it's a "Clintonian" distinction, but she won't have sex with anyone except her husband, whom she loves. But she also loves the unexpected thrill of meeting someone new. "Do you remember?" She pauses. "I don't know how long you've been married, but do you remember the kiss that would just launch a thousand kisses?"
(Excerpt) Read more at msnbc.msn.com ...
There's much more about it behind the link to the news page--several more pages about it. ...really evil stuff but so much a part of what most in our nation not only legalized a long time ago, but seem to want.
I have seen this often over the years. I think it has to do more with selfishness than anything else. I've seen marriages collapse when spouses are confronted by the sheer mediocrity of life decade after decade, when problems arise, when the future simply doesn't match youthful expectations.
The concept of marriage as a joining, or oneness has suffered as both seek a singular path rather than being partners and helping each other grow. Material pursuits often take precedence over the family or the individual. I realize that houses are obscenely expensive and cars cost as much as my first home, but there has to be a limit on grasping for things rather than providing for family.
Newly marrieds often want things now that have taken decades for us to acquire over time.
There are limits in life. There is the progression of time and the unveiling of character over decades. Impatience and selfishness have to be overcome in order to create a lasting marriage.
I don't see that happening in the future. Each generation seems to be more obsessed with self-fulfillment rather than working to overcome difficulties that inevitably arise when two people marry.
That's a good analysis.
And on feminism, my intent is not to aim criticism only at women or at all women. Men have been involved in feminism from the beginning of it--Henry Beecher, Moses Hull and others (preachers who rationalized adultery and called it "love"). Many feminists even credit Charles Fourier as being their Founder. It was all a part of romanticism.
Okay. She is stealing from him, she is Cheating on him and she is abusing him. But she claims to "love" him.
If that is love I don't want to know what she calls hate. Humans can be a sick bunch.
again, the attempt of the press to define deviancy down. I do note and have for years that when a group of women get together, especially young ones, they all bash husbands. I decided loong ago it was a strange way of warniing other women away. Like, my hubby is so bad you couldn't possibly be interested in him. And I think some women bond by being victims together, to sort of defuse the envy thing. Nothing keeps a woman from envying you quite like complaining you are fat, have bad hair and your husband is a drudge. And envy between women and among women can be poisonous. That said, I advise my daughters to keep away from women who whine, complain and bash their husbands and kids,,they are a major downer. And avoid women who cheat. But I doubt cheating is that common among young women with kids,,,heck, they don't have time or libido. I thinnk this article is a lie.
I can't understand why there is no mention about the effects on children when there is infidelity within a marriage. That is ridiculous.
lol, probably true. I don't think the article is a lie--I think this chick doesn't do anything, ie marriage, kids, work, etc, --good.
I am currently on the dating sidelines and this article "confirms" some of my darker suspicions about women and fuels my distrust. I know men are dogs, but I used to believe women lived to a higher standard.
I've since met women who turned out to be the exceptions to that belief. Now Newsweek's article seems to say that what I thought was the exception has now become the norm.
Somehow I don't see her husband agreeing with her definition of love ... or "sex" for that matter.
Pick a girl who doesn't bash ex boyfriends and whose friends don't sit around bitching. Pick a girl who has friends who are happily married. One who doesn't gossip. One who doesn't threaten to leave you all the time. One who is well grounded in life, has interests, hobbies. One who is cheerful and optimistic. One who goes to Church. From an intact family. One with sibs. One who has a sense of humor, is tolerant of your foibles and thinks they are cute and who isn't afraid to say what she thinks. You can't go wrong that way.
I hadn't read newseek in years. This weekend I took the fiance to her stylist and was stuck there for a while. Not a 'Field and Stream' in the place. I read newsweek with a fascination...I had not known how horrendously biased it was. Everything reeked of, I don't want to say lefty partisanship, because it was deeper than that...it was the philosophical premises underlying socialism/communism/leftism/liberalism. Every sentence. I hadn't known how bad it was, as I abandoned it long before.
The only place I see the rag any more is in doctors' offices. No wonder hypertension is on the rise.
Maybe newsweek wants you to start out in marriage accepting cheating. Maybe the mag wants you to just turn off women totally. Maybe newsweek wants young women to get on the cheatiing bandwagon thus multiplying societal ills thus increasing readership. Maybe newsweek is totally corrupt. Women aren't. Newsweek is.
You are so right. I note the title of the article refers to a popular book, The Secret Life of Bees, a bestseller. I read it. It is a treatise on the evil of men, the main character worships a female God, the underlying message of the book is feminist, lesbian and profoundly anti male. Not surprising Newsweek used that come on as the book is loved by women who don't understand what kind of crap they are reading.
"I had an affair before remembering it wasn't an affair."
Go to small-town or rural America and you might have a better chance of finding someone with your values. The hordes of women who watched "Sex in the City" with envy are not the soulmates of decent men.
I didn't know you knew my wife! And, yes, I know how incredibly lucky I am.
Be of good faith; the article is actually covering a "social virus" among some females. I agree with CajunGirl's assessment of "the why" behind the wifey Monthy-Python scripting. The vast majority of women, in 20s, 30s, and 40s however, do hold themselves to higher standards than the females in this article. IME, of course. The woman in this article is "Looking for Mr. Goodbar" and because she can't handle the mediocrities of life; which pass. Most women, particularly mothers, are glad when times are slow and routine, IME!! lol
The writers of this article didn't make their anti-male bias too obvious did they? (ha,ha) Yes, all recently married women with children lead horrible lives thanks to their awful husbands who treat them like dirt. So naturally it's only understandable that they cheat on their husbands because their filthy, women-hating, oppressive mates treat them in a terrible way. That's what these obviously NOW-loving scribblers really wanted to say.
This guys all say the same thing "My wife is cold" or "My wife does not understand me" or "My wife will take the house if I get divorced" or "We are together for the kids" or "My wife and I have not has sex in 15 years" The list is endlessly repetitive. I look at it from the point of view that if your wife is bearing your children, cleaning your house, cooking your meals, and usually working a job and putting out when your in the mood what more do you want. Don't these women deserve some respect simply for the amount of work they do?
My friends cannot see this because they buy these guys stories.They feel I am something of a loser because I'd rather be alone than be someone's piece on the side. It's a pity they have so little respect for themselves and are so afraid of being alone that they will give themselves to the lowest bidder. What my friends don't get is that if these men did divorce it does not mean they will come running to them. In fact usually the opposite is true.
And never forget: It' "just sex". Clinton legacy and repercussions yet continue.
Perfectly right on target. What you've said is what I mean in another post by these women having "no inner life" and "self-direction". They don't know what to do with themselves; they can't handle being "alone" with no passion-driven directives. Years ago, the women I described in my post -- I tried to get them involved in politics; education, candidates, issues. Worked for a while; but when they realized there were actual risks and actual work involved -- VOOP! They were gone. But in re affairs? They can usually blame someone else, easily, for their behaviors.
Isn't that a sad commentary. Romantic gestures are nice but over all they are meaningless. I have never been very impressed with the hearts and flowers routine. I'd vastly prefer someone who was a good friend who I could actually talk to. The sort of junk she is falling for does not last but she is throwing away her husband and children for an illusion. People seem to think that happiness in relationships should be handed to them on a silver platter with no effort on their part. These women are chasing after a myth that does not exist. If they actually married these guys they would find that after a time life again would become boring again. That's just the way it is. It is once you get past all the romantic dreams that one can actually get down to the real business of learning to love.
Would I be correct in assuming that God is not in these peoples' lives at this moment?
Let me start off by saying that I do not condone rape or date rape, but "Erin" is playing with fire because some men don't understand her little "Clintonian" distinction, and aren't going to stop at heavy petting (people such as Clinton, himself, who is known to have forced himself on Juanita Broaderick and possibly others).
That's next week's article: "Children are Better off in Gay Marriages/Gays more stable, less likely to cheat"! Look for it at your local newstand...
I've seen a lot of that too. It's very baffling Maybe it comes from the thing that many women just can't think logically. They see themselves as emotive beings and are just run around in circles by their own emotional ups and downs. This is not totally their fault. I have noticed that many men do not like women who can think either. They will complain about their moods etc. but if a gal can out think them many have no idea what to do with that. They often see it as competition. From my experience intelligent women have a big mark against them overall on the dating market. Thankfully not all men are like that but from my experience I have found that the majority are. I seem to have a basic inability to make cow eyes at a man who has no interest outside what was on tv or has political or religious beliefs that are not thought through but simply handed to them. I don't really care if I meet a man who's ideas are different from mine as long as they have some indication that they are actively using their frontal lobe. Finding men like that is very difficult.
These are church going people and look wonderful from the outside. Much more of this goes on the churches than one would think. Of course going to church and having a real spiritual understanding have little in common. I do not attend church and oddly enough these same women are the ones on my case for not doing so. Go figure.
I love how Clinton's name is sprinkled all over that story. What a legacy that man left . . .
Your friends are going to get burned mucho bundo. God hates this and is starting to dish it out on people that do this. I have been witness to this. People lose jobs,families, and the relationship that causes this fails miserably too. Statistics point out a 97% failure rate. Your friends should learn that the patience of God is not to be mistaken for lieniency. He is only giving them time to repent before He disciplines them. Keep up the good work you have your head on straight and will be rewarded.
Right on. I married a woman whose family were Pennsylvania farmers; simple wholesome values, reasonable expectations, partnership and family oriented, and a more loving spouse you could not find. She gets ALL my love, respect, obedience and devotion.
Incidently, to respond another posting here.....I am not a dog. I know who I am. I could never entertain the notion of firtatiousness or sex with another woman. That part of me belongs to only one person, i.e. my wife...(married 14 years.)
Why can't you understand it? These are liberals. Where is the mention of the child when the violins play and the rationale is, "I'm too young to have a child", or "I have my whole life ahead of me", or "It's not fair that he moves on and I have the entire responsibility of raising a child" as justification for murder?
The smartest liberal loses in debate to the slowest conservative. Logic is to liberals as water to the Wicked Witch of the West.
Wasn't Moses Hull mixed up with the Claflin sisters (Tennie C. and Victoria Claflin Woodhull) somehow?
Don't believe that. This is a desperate company trying to sell magazines. If you've had any experience in getting articles published, you'll know that sells is the fringe.
This issue is going to sell because most women aren't like this. As a result of the article, more women will be.
This is the press taking another blow at the fabric of society, that's all.
One thing I have noticed is that the selfishness is not always with the newly married couple. Often, parents/in-laws are equally materialistic and pressure the groom to provide more than his job/pay will allow. And then the bride's mom makes the bride feel as if her husband is not good enough for her. I've seen this occur in multiple families.
The thing your female friends are not seeing is that if these married men would cheat on their wives, they'd cheat on them also. No matter how much the men try to put it on their wives, they're exhibiting a lack of character that won't go away when wifey does.
Sex. More sex. "When you're in the mood" winds up being about once every six months for most women, and that will absolutely destroy a marriage.
The woman who hooked up with the businessman for the romantic gestures doesn't realize the fundamental fact that any man will be affectionate if she is passionate. Women who push their husbands away night after night and then expect flowers and cards are just flat out delusional. You can only reap what you have sown.
I see what you are saying completely. I don't know where these friends go to church but you sound like someone who would like a solid serious church that teaches, of all things, the Bible! Don't look for a church that emphasizes the trappings of worship or entertainment. In other words, you might enjoy church, just not the ones your friends enjoy. God bless.
Both were taken.
You have a good point there. I don't understand how wives think that this behavior is ok. On the other hand lack of libido in women is more often than not tied to problems in the relationship. Spending time talking and enjoying each others company outside the sack can go a long way toward solving that problem. I have noticed that marriages that fall into this pattern often have a lot of unspoken resentment between the partners. This really tends to make women not want to have sex with their husbands. I am not blaming men particularly but it is a fact about female sexuality that is often overlooked.
I have noticed that many men do not like women who can think either.Many men compete with other men who can think. lol. Men who don't like women who can think, IME, don't like men who can think, either.
What astounds me; is the women who do the cow-eyes thing (manipulations), and then complains that she's not always getting her way! lol. And bashes the male -- screaming Husband Oppression! lol
On the left coast here, most hetero males are in hiding from thinking and nonthinking femmes, alike. Relations between the sexes are way messed up in many parts of the country.
P.S. I have always lacked the DNA (thing) to make cow-eyes, or do the manipulation-in-relationship thing too. I like things upfront and on the table. If the guy gets upset because I've outthought him in an area, I always figure it's his problem he's upset.
In other parts of the country, I bet you'd find some fine men who'd appreciate your values and logic.
I got one of them. And I'll keep her.
And of course the mentalities that Newsweek plays to, also pay attention to so-called psychologists (and typical DemocRAT mentalities) like David Livingstone Smith that are just as screwed up as they are.
In his new book, "Why We Lie -- The Evolutionary Roots of Deception and the Unconscious Mind", he gives people permission to cheat in their marriages because it's perfectly NORMAL for human beings to do that and then to lie to their spouses about it. It's not their fault - they're "just human".
Yes friends -- the way this guy is able to assuage his own guilt feelings / conscience and 'help' others to do the same (for all sorts of things they think and do that they KNOW are wrong), is to say that our minds are based in biology.
Therefore anyone that claims to know that lying and cheating is wrong, and feels guilty when he does it, is mentally ill and needs his help.
Quoting Smith, himself (from my videotape of his appearance on Fox yesterday promoting his book):
"We are BIOLOGICALLY WIRED TO LIE. The human mind is a deceptive mind and WE'RE BUILT to lie."
What a way to drum up business from the guilt-ridden, self-hating victim mentalities looking for excuses.
He is confident that the relativistic, shallow mentalities who will rush out to buy his book will never think of this:
Even though he is 'built to lie', and people should expect lies from him because he can't help it, Smith assures them he is telling the truth this time (in his book).
But wait!!! He also says that "the very best liars actually believe their own lies"!!! Hahahahaha
Ignorance is curable with education --- emotional immmaturity is cured by 'growing up' --- but STUUUUPID is forever.