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A Hub sitcom: Addams family meets Mayberry
Boston Herald ^ | Wednesday, July 7, 2004 | By Howie Carr

Posted on 07/07/2004 2:09:17 AM PDT by ninonitti

The gigolo and the ambulance chaser.

For this dynamic duo all of Boston is to be placed under house arrest for four days later this month? For what sounds like the bad pilot of a UPN sitcom. Lurch meets Opie, as somebody put it on a message board yesterday.

The TV Land ticket.

From a chicken in every pot to a lawyer in every ambulance.

The trial lawyers have been holding a convention here the last few days. Considering how many of the same $500-an-hour shysters will be flying back here in three weeks, why couldn't the Dems have just let the lawyers nominate the Kerry-Edwards ticket and then sent them off to Logan in an ambulance to begin a campaign swing on the Flying Squirrel?

You know Osama bin Laden's gotta be shaking in his spider hole. If he gets out of line again, Vice President Edwards is going to hit him with the Mother of All Lawsuits. Forget MOAB's, Osama, wait 'til you get a load of the vice president's interrogatories.

Q. Why don't sharks ever attack John Edwards?

A. Professional courtesy.

Liveshot Kerry said he and John Edwards [related, bio] last night would ``break bread.'' Bread? Surely he meant to say baguettes. With brie on top.

What did they make small talk about - how you just can't get good help these days? I'll bet Edwards doesn't have a butler - at least not yet.

Kerry said in Pittsburgh he's deeply concerned about the two Americas. You know, there's the America of Joe Sixpack and then there's the America of rich gigolos and ambulance chasers with their townhouses in Georgetown and their oceanfront mansions, and their $9,000 Serotta bikes and their $35 million Gulfstream V's who can get fire hydrants moved with one phone call and . . . er, never mind.

The Kerry-Edwards ticket is going to fight for middle America. And what better way to help the middle classes than by jacking up their income taxes?

By the way, what exactly was the rush in picking Edwards? Maybe to take the focus off Kerry's amazing statement over the weekend that he believes life begins at conception. Them's fighting words to NARAL, or whatever their acronym is these days. Of course Kerry doesn't believe what he said - when does he? - but he did say it, and it doesn't sit well with the fourth-trimester crowd.

So he changed the subject.

Another tough break for Dick Gephardt. The Democratic slogan could have been, win one for the Gepper. But the mill trumped the milk truck.

The gals like Edwards. He's cute, like . . . Opie. The electorate isn't quite as smart as it used to be, in case you haven't noticed. After the NEA gets through with them, it's hard for your average MTV viewer to connect the dots between Edwards' malpractice lawsuits and their higher health-insurance premiums.

So Kerry-Edwards dominated yesterday's news cycle, and today, they'll ``introduce'' themselves to America for another round of photo ops for the adoring lamestream media, and then they'll go out campaigning . . . so why do we still need to have the DNC here?

I don't mind them running around on TV - that's what the remote control is for. But when they're given the entire city of Boston for use as their soundstage for four days, don't you have to ask the Nancy Kerrigan question?

Why me?

Sen. Edwards, would you be available to sue somebody for us commuters?

TOPICS: News/Current Events; Politics/Elections; US: Massachusetts
KEYWORDS: edwards; howiecarr; kerry; phonies
Howie's back from his vacation home on the cape with a case of prickly heat. Alot of recycled Kerry stuff but he is right on the electorate's sagging IQ.
1 posted on 07/07/2004 2:09:17 AM PDT by ninonitti
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To: ninonitti

Just keep Clinton out of Mayberry. All I ask. FReegards....

2 posted on 07/07/2004 2:11:38 AM PDT by Arthur Wildfire! March (Clinton's amazing luck regarding the misfortune of others: check profile.)
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Comment #3 Removed by Moderator

To: ninonitti

Wonder how he really feels?

4 posted on 07/07/2004 3:31:17 AM PDT by Smartaleck
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To: BuggyOwen

"getting their azzes sued off but now the govmnt as well if we did make it national"......naah!!!! GO back and read Hillarhea's health care opus....the statute PROHIBITS the peons from suing their masters for injury from the system.

5 posted on 07/07/2004 3:39:08 AM PDT by mo
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To: ninonitti

His prickly heat may be a reaction to brown tailed moth hairs. Both my wife and I got it and thought it was prickly heat, since it is rash-like and itches. This year it is really bad. The moth hairs are airborne and land on everything. Do not, like we did, dry your sheets outside, since they pick up the hairs.

Fortunately, our Doctor correctly diagnosed it.

Our local hospital has a spray that does a good job in relieving the itch.

6 posted on 07/07/2004 4:19:59 AM PDT by KeyWest
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To: ninonitti

Thanks for picking up "opie" Howie. Welcome aboard!

7 posted on 07/07/2004 5:20:29 AM PDT by jmaroneps37 ( Kerry's not "one of us": needs your help.)
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