Yep, the good citizens of San Fransisco have their priorities all squared away...
Posted on 07/14/2004 7:32:17 AM PDT by presidio9
Are you there, God? It's me, George W. Come in, Almighty. Do you read me? It's about 8:00 pm and it's just after my last bubble bath of the day and here I am again, kneeling here in the Oval Office all by myself in my most favoritest PJs, the funny ones with the little M-1 tanks and baseball players all over them. I gots some problems, Lord.
Look, I've done everything you asked. I've been good. Haven't I?
I take the message to the people, don't I? I spout that evangelical born-again crap in pisswater Podunk conservative churches across this burned-out fear-drunk nation like I was emceeing a freakin' rodeo in Crawford. And they eat it up, Lord. They eat that stuff up. Hell, I even believe a lot of that fire-breathin' Second Comin' evildoer-hatin' stuff myself.
And looky here! Look how much dough I induce those evangelical suckers to cough up into the coffers of the GOP (that's God's Own Party -- just for you, Lord!). Doesn't that cut me a little slack fer when I skip over the part where Jesus says "Blessed are the peacemakers?"
Or when he says to turn the other cheek? Or love thy enemies? Or when the Bible says, "The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control"? Or any of that other pointless pacifist hippie junk?
I mean, forgive me 'cuz I know your boy Jesus was great and all, but did he have the Carlysle Group breathing down his neck, screaming for more war profits? Did he have a million neat-o bombs at his instant disposal? Did he have Rummy scowling down his hawkish nose at him during naptime? No, he did not.
Look. I behave. I never have sex and I hate that sicko porno gay pagan naked sexual stuff, and to this day I'm damn proud that those disgustin' dildo thingies are still illegal in Texas.
Heck, I even want to change the freakin' U.S. Constitution to prevent them icky gays from ever gettin' legally married and thus soiling the precious institution of uptight heterosexual man-woman Christian marriage counseling. I want to codify right-wing homophobia, Lord! Don't that count for somethin'?
Hell, I'm a former raging alcoholic who stopped binge drinking years ago (I attributed it to you! Remember?) 'cuz I got so drunk I fell into a fever dream wherein I coulda swore I saw Jesus chattin' with Buddha and Shiva and Allah and Isis, and they was all sighing and shaking their heads and agreein' to send me back in the next life as a smelly tree fungus. And that can't be good.
Remember, Lord, back in the '00 debates when they asked me to name my favorite philosopher, and I said, "Jesus"? Remember how cheesy and obnoxious and cop-outy that was, given how Jesus was actually the Original Liberal and given how everyone knows I haven't read a single "real" philosopher of any note since they made me stand up in Philosophy 1A back at Yale and read a passage from that pagan homo Plato guy when I could barely focus due to all the gin? Wasn't that good?
(Excerpt) Read more at sfgate.com ...
Yep, the good citizens of San Fransisco have their priorities all squared away...
In Ms. Morford's case, I will make a happy exception. We need "quidnunc" to get off Steyn and Hanson and get on Morford.
Don't ever post this guy again without a Turd Alert....
I prayed for him and Ted Rall last night!
the sad thing: I know some folks who would probably nod their heads in solemn agreement with Morford.
the sadder thing: some of them would probably believe that this was actually written by Dubya if I told them it was.
the left's hateriotism has grown to absurd proportions.
it is like a brain tumor - it has displaced and strangled the higher functions in the heads of many on the left.
I've seen some pretty nasty stuff form this freak, but this one is over the line. I find it difficult to beleive that even such a rag as the SF Chronicle would allow this in their opinion section just for the reason of maintaining some trace of journalistic integrity.
Time to get back on the turnip truck, I guess.
He's getting a ring all to himself...
Morford is an example of someone who has been buggered too much, too often.
Morford is clearly jealous that he wasn't asked to fellate the entire DemonCratic fundraiser last weekend.
I suspect the Whoopi Goldberg train wreck is going to have these poseurs climbing out of the woodworks to get in their long-thought-out infantile jabs...
Carrying as much hate as Morford has, I actually feel sorry for his rotted, blackened soul.
They just don't get it, it's not about hate. How insulting to the President, The People, and mostly to God.
my professor last night was explaining the theoretic principles of the holographic universe.
I guess he was to chicken to try and explain irrational musings of Ms. Morford.
I appreciate Frau Morford highlighting the choice we have this November.
Sounds like something my former high school students would turn in to impress their liberal English teacher. It would have been lost on me, however.
Think about not posting any more of Moford's stuff. For the same reason that most of us would not spend $5 to see and revile Moore's "documentary," most of us should not be inflicted with spending five minutes, or even five seconds, with Moford's literary vomitus.
Congressman Billybob
bttt
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.