Skip to comments.Iowahawk: KERRY SPURS CHAIN-REACTION MISHAP
Posted on 07/29/2004 5:05:21 PM PDT by IowaHawk
An apparent Vietnam flashback set in motion a chain-reaction accident Wednesday amid the hoopla of Democrat National Convention, claiming a fatality and sending several people to local hospitals.
Boston Police spokesman Aidan Patrick Callahan Gilhooly said that while the event remains under investigation, it was likely set in motion after nominee John Kerry "snapped" while arriving at the Fleet Center aboard a water taxi decorated as a Vietnam-era Navy swift boat.
"We believe that scene created a rush of emotions that psychologically transported Senator Kerry back to a free-fire zone in the Mekong Delta," said Gilhooly, who also faulted the Democratic National Committee for decoratiing the Charles River with rice paddies.
Unable to locate a 50-caliber machine gun, Kerry grabbed an object on the deck -- apparently mistaking it as a hand grenade -- and hurled it toward the banks, striking the car of Senator Edward Kennedy (D-MA). The object was later identified as a medal case belonging to a Kerry shipmate.
Kennedy's Buick then swerved out of control and careened into a the sedan chair of Senator Hillary Clinton (D-NY), causing minor injuries to four eunuchs. Clinton's chair helicoptered through the air with the Senator inside, eventually colliding with a massive book stack of "My Life," the autobiography of her husband, former President Bill Clinton.
While dazed, Mrs. Clinton was unharmed in the collision. However, the stack collapsed on her husband, who, according to aides, was privately counseling a staff member behind the stack at the time. He is currently being treated at Walter Reed Medical Center for unspecified bite injuries.
Kennedy's car continued to careen out of control, eventually plummeting of the Massachusetts Avenue bridge into the Charles. After swimming to safety, Kennedy made several desperate dives to save the life of passenger Destiny Knobbs, a 23-year old Florida entertainer described by aides as a "longtime Kennedy family friend." Though his efforts to save her were unsuccessful, Kennedy's dives netted four bottles of Chivas Regal.
A Boston EMS Ambulance unit arriving at the scene was also involved in the melee, when it was rear-ended by the speeding Lexus of Vice Presidential nominee John Edwards. He later complained of neck injuries, lupus, chonic fatigue syndrome and unspecified pain and suffering.
TERESA TRANCE REACHES THIRD DAY
Aides brushed aside suggestions that First Lady hopeful Teresa Ricola Pez Mentos Stokely-Van Camp Heinz-Kerry was feeling the strain of the campaign, as her self-induced trance entered its third day.
(Excerpt) Read more at iowahawk.typepad.com ...
>>I don't get it.
Sounds like a personal problem...
It's from a blog. Ha..........ha.
Does not any wood object also throw him into a "flashback" also?
What a shame. Another ecdysiast's career cut short. She should have been more circumspect about her choice of Senate patrons.
Pinging the usual suspects, and some lucky names drawn from a hat.
This is hillarious.
I'd react, but I don't know how to react.
This is mean spirited and vicious.
And really, really funny!
(Actually it was the RNC that put the rice paddies in the water; they wanted to see him freak out.)
Call me skeptical, but I don't think this really happened.
Great stuff, as usual. You haven't lost your touch.