Posted on 07/31/2004 7:23:51 AM PDT by Liz
I wouldn't bother sending Mrs. Kerry any recipes! I just read about the Family Circle cookie recipe debacle. What a nutcase she is....
She sure is a nutcase. And anything we can do to push her into making a public spectacle of herself is a good thing.
Well, that certainly is true. She's making herself a pretty easy target. Talk about one thing after another....
The Wendy's visit was just a phony photo-op. There were expensive gourmet meals ordered beforehand from a yacht club restaurant that were waiting for the candidates and their entourage in the bus.
They dined not on middle-class bowls of chili and crackers, but on shrimp vindaloo, prosciutto wrapped chicken, and steak sald.
Sorry, had to post this, it made me laugh until I choked.
The names have been changed to protect the weenies.
INEXPERIENCED CHILI TASTER
Notes From An Inexperienced Chili Taster Named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:
"Recently I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there
at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges and (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't
be all that spicy, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chili # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy ####, what the #### is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the
worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chili # 2: Arthur's Afterburner Chili
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapano tang.
JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.
Chili # 3: Fred's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chili! Great kick. Needs more beans.
JUDGE TWO: A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.
FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I
ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ####-faced from all the beer.
Chili # 4: Bubba's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind
me with fresh refills; that ugly bitch is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear-waste I'm eating. Is chili an aphrodisiac?
Chili # 5: Linda's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
JUDGE TWO: Chili using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The
contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it
from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!
Chili # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spice and peppers.
JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I #### myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that #### Sally, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a
snow cone!
Chili # 7: Susan's Screaming Sensation Chili
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made
of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like #### to match my damn shirt. At
least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.
Chili # 8: Helen's Mount Saint Chili
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chili, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and
pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chili?
FRANK:
LOL.....funny post.
Except when eating fiery foods like chili, one drinks, not beer, but the classic horchata, or other dairy products, to douse the flames.
1 2-3lb Sirloin Steak
2 green peppers
2 large onions
4 cloves garlic or more depending on your tastes, chopped
1-? fresh hot pepper (jalapeno, serrano, thai bird, habanero, etc depending on how hot you want the chili - type and amount is up to you)
1 square unsweetened chocolate 1 large box of ExLax
1/4 cup Jack Daniels
1 16oz can tomatoes chopped (optional - see note)
1 6oz can of tomato paste
Juice of 1 lime
1 tbs paprika
1/4 cup Pendery's
2 tbs New Mexico Chili Powder
1 tbs Cumin Powder (preferably freshly toasted and ground)
2 tbs Kosher Salt
Black Pepper
Kidney beans optional (we use them)
I posted a darn good recipe b/c I felt it was my civic duty to advance democracy.
But I will not divulge my super-secret recipe with 3 kinds of meat including Texas chili-cut beef and 27 spices and seasonings that takes hours to cook.
Everybody has 1-2 dozen recipes for chili don't they, that they use depending on ingredients on hand, and time constraints?
bump!
The AMAZING thing is that South Florida has NO good chiliburgers here. It is like a burger wasteland in South Florida.
A darn shame. Somebody could make a mint opening up a chiliburger stand there.
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