Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Alan Keyes' sweat on sale at eBay
WND ^ | Aug 9, 2004 | staff

Posted on 08/08/2004 10:32:40 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING

Alan Keyes, the Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate from Illinois, has his die-hard fans.

But who among them would actually bid to purchase a napkin Keyes used to blot sweat from his brow at his acceptance speech?

Only eBay knows for sure.

Immediately following the announcement by Keyes to replace Jack Ryan as the candidate to face Democrat Barack Obama in a long-shot bid for the Senate, a zealous Alan Keyes supporter daubed sweat from the candidate's brow and placed the perspiration-soaked napkin for sale on eBay.

No lie.

Here's the ad copy from eBay: "Napkin with sweat from Ambassador Alan Keyes' forehead: Blotted from Keyes' brow at Senate announcement 8-8-04

"Own a part of American history; own the napkin containing sweat from Ambassador Alan Keyes' forehead, immediately following Alan Keyes' historic announcement that he agreed to replace Jack Ryan as the Republican candidate for U.S. Senate in Illinois to take on Democrat Barak Obama.

"GOP senatorial candidate Keyes was sweating profusely after his stem-winder speech and the sweat was collected from a napkin at approximately 3:02 pm Central Time just outside the Wellington Restaurant in Arlington Heights, Illinois, under the watchful eye of multiple news reporters including multiple television cameras.

"Many at the Keyes event are calling for Lincoln-Douglas style debates between the first match up of two African-American senatorial candidates in the history of United States elections.

"Current plans are to donate proceeds from this sale to the Keyes for Senate campaign, pending a legal opinion. Due to Federal Election Campaign Laws, we might have to stop the bidding at $999.99 to avoid having to form a political fundraising committee. This sale is on behalf of an individual Alan Keyes supporter but not affiliated directly with the Keyes' campaign."

The unnamed napkin entrepreneur has even hired a publicity firm to book interviews should the media take interest.


TOPICS: Culture/Society
KEYWORDS: ebay; keyes; sweat

1 posted on 08/08/2004 10:32:40 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

Ok, Cal, why are you selling Alan's sweat on Ebay?


2 posted on 08/08/2004 10:33:13 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING (He is faithful!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING
Due to Federal Election Campaign Laws, we might have to stop the bidding at $999.99

I really LOVE Keyes... but I doubt this will be a problem.

3 posted on 08/08/2004 10:39:34 PM PDT by GeronL (geocities.com/geronl is back, or will be)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

That is just sick. And I say that as someone who was rooting for him in the 2000 primaries.


4 posted on 08/08/2004 10:39:52 PM PDT by Still Thinking
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Still Thinking

LOL I agree.


5 posted on 08/08/2004 10:42:08 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING (He is faithful!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 4 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING
Ok, Cal, why are you selling Alan's sweat on Ebay?

Don't hate on CaL.

6 posted on 08/08/2004 10:43:32 PM PDT by L.N. Smithee (When it comes to newborns getting stabbed in the head, Kerry cares...about drowning hamsters.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: L.N. Smithee

I'm not "hating on Cal." I love Cal. It's a joke. She'll know that. :0)


7 posted on 08/08/2004 10:51:57 PM PDT by ETERNAL WARMING (He is faithful!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: L.N. Smithee

I will. I'll hate on anyone who thought of a good hustle before I did *LOL*


8 posted on 08/08/2004 10:52:17 PM PDT by cyborg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 6 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

This is the bidders problem, not Keyes.


9 posted on 08/08/2004 11:04:53 PM PDT by JamesP
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=39723&item=3924884114&rd=1&ssPageName=WDVW


10 posted on 08/08/2004 11:10:26 PM PDT by fieldmarshaldj (~~John Kerry, A Little Bit Nutty and a Little Bit Slutty~~)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: GeronL

Own a part of American history; own the napkin containing sweat from Ambassador Alan Keyes' forehead, immediately following Alan Keyes' historic announcement that he agreed to replace Jack Ryan as the Republican candidate for U. S. Senate in Illinois to take on Democrat Barak Obama.

GOP Senatorial Candidate Keyes was sweating profusely after his stem-winder speech and the sweat was collected from a napkin at approximately 3:02 pm Central Time just outside the Wellington Restaurant in Arlington Heights, Illinois, under the watchful eye of multiple news reporters including multiple television cameras.

Many at the Keyes event are calling for Lincoln-Douglas style debates between the first match up of two African-American Senatorial candidates in the history of United States elections.


Kool-Aid, anyone?


11 posted on 08/08/2004 11:25:16 PM PDT by Howlin (Saving Private Hamster)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Howlin

Conservatives can sometimes be as weird as all liberals are.


12 posted on 08/08/2004 11:27:50 PM PDT by GeronL (geocities.com/geronl is back, or will be)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Howlin
Hey, at least it's good, clean sweat :)

If that had been a Dem candidate, Heaven knows what bodily fluid would've been up for sale, know what I mean?

13 posted on 08/08/2004 11:30:45 PM PDT by mewzilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: mewzilla

There IS an adult section on Ebay :O)


14 posted on 08/08/2004 11:31:21 PM PDT by cyborg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: cyborg
=8-0

Not gonna go there. Wouldn't be prudent :)

15 posted on 08/08/2004 11:34:33 PM PDT by mewzilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: mewzilla; GeronL; NYC GOP Chick
Genuine Patrick Ewing Sweat:

Only sold by the gallon.

16 posted on 08/09/2004 12:02:17 AM PDT by The Scourge of Yazid ("K-Billy's 'Super Hits of the 70s Weekend' just keeps on truckin'!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 13 | View Replies]

To: The Scourge of Yazid

LOL. Gee, maybe Kerry should try it. He was sweating buckets at the convention.


17 posted on 08/09/2004 12:04:16 AM PDT by mewzilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Xenalyte; pax_et_bonum; ElkGroveDan; Flyer; humblegunner; Eaker; TheMom

OK, y'all want to go into another bidding war?


18 posted on 08/09/2004 12:04:45 AM PDT by Allegra (It depends on what the meaning of "is" is......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: mewzilla
Yeah, I know.

This campaign is starting to give me a serious migraine.

19 posted on 08/09/2004 12:05:57 AM PDT by The Scourge of Yazid ("K-Billy's 'Super Hits of the 70s Weekend' just keeps on truckin'!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: Allegra
Fi'ty cents!

Okay, okay.

Twen'y fi' cents!

That's my final offer bub.

20 posted on 08/09/2004 12:07:05 AM PDT by The Scourge of Yazid ("K-Billy's 'Super Hits of the 70s Weekend' just keeps on truckin'!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: The Scourge of Yazid; pax_et_bonum
That's my final offer bub.

Betcha pax outbids you for that sweat. She is already the lucky winning bidder on the hot pink bird-pen thingie.

21 posted on 08/09/2004 12:11:14 AM PDT by Allegra (It depends on what the meaning of "is" is......)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 20 | View Replies]

To: The Scourge of Yazid
This campaign is starting to give me a serious migraine.

Sigh. I feel your pain.

22 posted on 08/09/2004 12:15:11 AM PDT by mewzilla
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 19 | View Replies]

To: Howlin

The scary thing is, I'll bet I know some buyers.


23 posted on 08/09/2004 12:16:07 AM PDT by DaughterOfAnIwoJimaVet (Some of my best friends are white, middle-class males.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 11 | View Replies]

To: Allegra; cyborg
You're probably right on that count.

Being an indigent young guy with a liberal arts degree, I just don't seem to have the scratch necessary to purchase some of that fragrant Alan Keyes sweat.

What Do You Do With A B.A. In English?

Avenue Q.

24 posted on 08/09/2004 12:18:54 AM PDT by The Scourge of Yazid ("K-Billy's 'Super Hits of the 70s Weekend' just keeps on truckin'!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 21 | View Replies]

To: mewzilla
William Jefferson Blythe Clinton:

Hey! That was my line.

(Bites lip. Sheds phony tear. Embraces Ron Brown's widow.)

25 posted on 08/09/2004 12:25:26 AM PDT by The Scourge of Yazid ("K-Billy's 'Super Hits of the 70s Weekend' just keeps on truckin'!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 22 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

Reminds me of a zip lock bag full of "hurricane air" from one of the devestating South Carolina storms.

I think it sold for over $100.


26 posted on 08/09/2004 5:02:25 AM PDT by harrycarey
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: The Scourge of Yazid

LOL! That reminds me of a few years ago, when I was stuck sick at home, with a high fever. When I was trying to explain to someone (on the phone) just how sick I was, as soon as I said that I was sweating more than Patrick Ewing at the free throw line, he understood!


27 posted on 08/09/2004 5:06:16 AM PDT by NYC GOP Chick (Which FReeper likes to threaten to beat up women?)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Allegra; pax_et_bonum

I bet Pax wins it!!!


28 posted on 08/09/2004 6:13:10 AM PDT by Eaker (R.I.P Phudd 28-Jun-04)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: Eaker; Allegra; ElkGroveDan; humblegunner; Flyer; Xenalyte

This reminds me of the eBay auction for a ziploc bag of air that Elvis breathed.


29 posted on 08/09/2004 8:09:00 AM PDT by pax_et_bonum (Sometimes these brain cells have a mind of their own.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 28 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

Where is Cal?!

I hope she returns.


30 posted on 08/09/2004 8:13:57 AM PDT by Incorrigible (immanentizing the eschaton)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

It's up to $24.95 now.


31 posted on 08/09/2004 9:04:23 AM PDT by Xenalyte (I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: The Scourge of Yazid

Eeeeeeeew!


32 posted on 08/09/2004 9:05:12 AM PDT by Xenalyte (I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 16 | View Replies]

To: Allegra; pax_et_bonum; Flyer; humblegunner; ElkGroveDan; PJ-Comix

Ummmm, y'all go first.


33 posted on 08/09/2004 9:05:44 AM PDT by Xenalyte (I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 18 | View Replies]

To: pax_et_bonum; Bacon Man
My mother would SO have bought that. She made my dad buy a car - a '69 Cadillac Coupe de Ville convertible - because the dealer told her that Elvis once rode in it.

Yo Bacon, did you ever meet the Land Shark, or had we sold it by the time you and I started to hang out?

Except for the fact that the Land Shark was more pea-green and contained two embarrassed preteen girls, it looked exactly like this.

(And yes, every day I kick myself for not appreciating the hell out of that car while we had it.)


34 posted on 08/09/2004 9:12:00 AM PDT by Xenalyte (I love this job more than I love taffy, and I'm a man who loves his taffy.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]

To: Xenalyte
Baby Blue Checker

35 posted on 08/09/2004 11:38:37 AM PDT by The Scourge of Yazid ("K-Billy's 'Super Hits of the 70s Weekend' just keeps on truckin'!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

its up to $105.00 unbelivable


36 posted on 08/09/2004 12:14:01 PM PDT by freepatriot32 (today it was the victory act tomorrow its victory coffee, victory cigarettes...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Xenalyte; pax_et_bonum
My mother would SO have bought that. She made my dad buy a car - a '69 Cadillac Coupe de Ville convertible - because the dealer told her that Elvis once rode in it.

Nope! Never had the pleasure of the seeing the green Caddy.

The story however reminds me of the Seinfeld episode where George buys a car that was once owned by Jon Voight.

37 posted on 08/09/2004 12:19:11 PM PDT by Bacon Man (Guns kill people like spoons made Rosie O'Donnell fat.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 34 | View Replies]

To: ETERNAL WARMING

Pastor Rod Parsley does this as well. Rumor has it the handkerchiefs bring many blessings.


38 posted on 08/09/2004 1:24:11 PM PDT by jojodamofo
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: freepatriot32

It sold for $540! What kind of a moron has that much money to throw around for a sweaty napkin. What'll be next? His used kleenex?


39 posted on 08/30/2004 10:07:18 PM PDT by GOPcapitalist ("Can Lincoln expect to subjugate a people thus resolved? No!" - Sam Houston, 3/1863)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 36 | View Replies]

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
News/Activism
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson