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How to be a Moore-on
Dustin M. Hawkins ^ | 03 September 2004 | Dustin M. Hawkins

Posted on 09/04/2004 7:25:25 AM PDT by Lando Lincoln

The Republican National Convention came and went without a hitch. Arnold enraged militant leftists by uttering the phrase girly-men. Rudy introduced the true meaning of John Kerry's "Two Americas." ("One where John Kerry can vote for something and another where he can vote against the same thing.") President Bush introduced an inspiring agenda for the next four years. And, in what would earn him a two-day forgiveness period by conservatives, John McCain uncharacteristically told a "certain disingenuous filmmaker" to essentially shove it.

And covering the convention for USA Today was that certain filmmaker, Michael Moore. Moore was commissioned by the paper to write four columns delivering a liberal perspective on the convention. Apparently the paper’s editor failed to look at his staff, which is already comprised of liberal perspectives. In his first column Moore said, "For gay-loving Republicans the death penalty would be radical. Rush Limbaugh is effete anyway." His touching column ended with him disclosing that he wanted to "marry John Ashcroft," but because of "gay-hating Democrats" he could not.

His second article illustrated Moore's change of Support for the war when he demanded Bush "send more troops to die" in the title of his column alone. He added that he was happy that "nearly 1,000 brave soldiers were now dead and sacrificed by Hussein." On his third attempt at being a columnist, he said that, possibly in his nose, were "his two nasty goobers, named Saddam and Osama." One can only guess what he meant by that.

If I were Michael Moore and was asked about the integrity and validity of my previous 2 paragraphs, my answer might very well be: “He certainly did write those words. But I never said they were written in that order.” Perhaps I could just claim that my column was amended in the “creative editing” process. Using the editing techniques of Michael Moore, I simply cut and pasted his various statements and arranged them in the manner I saw fit. Wow, how genius! As an added bonus I even switched the chronology of column 2 and 3, if for no other reason than to be consistent with the Moore-on’s editing techniques. At this rate, and with my new ability at creatively deceptive lying, I could possibly even become John Kerry’s next biographer.

On a serious note, Moore’s final column had criticized the existence of black and Arab Republicans, essentially calling them idiots for showing up at a convention run by evil white racists. If Michael Moore really believed in his (apparently very large) cookie-cutter stereotyping, he would by default have to be a Republican. Considering his status as a disgustingly rich white male with multiple energy and natural resource-wasting mansions, this would have to be the case. He thinks that by simply sleeping in the same clothes for 3 days straight, wearing a crud infested baseball hat, and refusing to wipe the grease stains from his chin that it somehow makes him a liberal. It does not, but I see his point.

Also while in New York hundreds of thousands of protestors showed up at the convention. Among other things the peaceful demonstrators set a large float on fire, beat a New York City policeman, physically assaulted the secret service, hysterically ran onto the convention stage multiple times during speeches, lunged at Dick Cheney, and threw objects at vehicles and windows as they fled from police causing hundreds of these peace-loving liberals to be arrested. So much for “Pacifism.”

But at least we know why the unemployment rate is so high (according to liberals). The protesters even formed a line to remind us of the unemployment rate, which was lowered earlier this week to 5.4%. Instead of looking for or having jobs, these Moore-ons were terrorizing the streets of New York like steroid-induced monkeys, all while leaving a massive trail of litter and debris behind them. So much for “Environmentalism.”

Which begs the question: where are all the crazed, violent, anti-environment Republicans? The way liberals speak you would think we would be the ones running up and down streets senselessly beating people while leaving thousands of pounds of trash on Mother Earth. Yet there aren’t even a handful of these nuts on the right, while there is no shortage of them on the left. We could assume that, if they existed, fanatical conservatives would have savaged the streets of Boston at the Democrats convention, but, no, they too were unhinged leftists.

No matter how nutty, racist, deceitful, or hateful liberals claim conservatives are they can never provide any information to backup their nonsense. In the case of Michael Moore, having found no actual statements to back-up his claims, he merely “edits” truths and turns them into lie after lie. The people who fall for his trap inevitably wind up on the streets littering, beating policemen, vandalizing private property, and wasting their lives, fully portraying the radical behavior that they claim makes up the belief system of the conservative base. In reality Moore has found his choir, and the liberals have finally found their god.


TOPICS: Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events; Politics/Elections
KEYWORDS: leftists; liberals; michaelmoore; moore
In reality Moore has found his choir, and the liberals have finally found their god.

Lando

1 posted on 09/04/2004 7:25:25 AM PDT by Lando Lincoln
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To: Lando Lincoln

Pizza-Hut 611lbs

2 posted on 09/04/2004 7:28:17 AM PDT by AmericanCheeseFood (Zing!)
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To: Lando Lincoln
Nice post btw.

I like how you added the point that the liarsiberals never really have any evidence to back up their charges.

I'll add to that. ..or really any reason to put those charges on conservatives.

Bump.

3 posted on 09/04/2004 7:31:00 AM PDT by AmericanCheeseFood (Zing!)
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To: Lando Lincoln

Lando, an excellent column. The author has a way with words...it's well written. However, I'm coming to the conclusion that we shoudl just, in the future, ignore "Moore"..basically, pretend he's not there, or, liek the weather, it's something we can't do anything about. Responding to him gives him credibility,
"props" and he no doubt gets off on it...No, for me, this is the last time I type or speak his name..


4 posted on 09/04/2004 7:38:18 AM PDT by ken5050 (Bill Clinton has just signed to be the national spokesman for Hummer..)
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To: AmericanCheeseFood
You = he... sorry, tired.

Coffee before posting.

5 posted on 09/04/2004 7:40:11 AM PDT by AmericanCheeseFood (Zing!)
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To: Lando Lincoln

MIDI - RAG DOLL

Lar-ar-ar-ard *ss...he is disgusting human slime
Lar-ar-ar-ard *ss...George Bush will win it one more time

Sitting in two seats he had flashed a silly "L"
Get him deodorant, he really smells like hell

He's a Lard *ss...real Lard *ss
A true DemocRAT...just imagine that

Lar-ar-ar-ard *ss...he is disgusting human slime

He made a film that told some really vicious lies
He helped the enemy...that's something we despise

He's a Lard *ss...real Lard *ss
A true DemocRAT...just imagine that

Lar-ar-ar-ard *ss...he is disgusting human slime
Lar-ar-ar-ard *ss...George Bush will win it one more time

With Soros they thought they would win
Their agony will soon begin

6 posted on 09/04/2004 7:48:44 AM PDT by doug from upland (John Kerry cried and asked TaRAYaz to make the SwiftVets stop)
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To: AmericanCheeseFood
Mikey Moore and his CROCKUMENTARY.

He's made 125 million off this crap and now he's the favorite of the terrorists.

Imagine that...the left loves him and so does the terrorists.

I wonder why that is?

7 posted on 09/04/2004 8:00:39 AM PDT by Radioactive
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To: Lando Lincoln

--------------------------------
To print out and wear as a Campaign Button, go HERE. Over 4,000 hits as of 9/4! Feel free to reuse this anywhere you wish...
Donate to Swift Boat Vets for the Truth HERE.

8 posted on 09/04/2004 8:04:29 AM PDT by sonofatpatcher2 (Texas, Love & a .45-- What more could you want, campers? };^)
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