Posted on 09/30/2004 12:37:58 AM PDT by kattracks
September 30, 2004 -- JOHN Kerry is one bronzed candidate - or is that tan-di-date?The Democratic nominee and windsurfing enthusiast says he picked up his brand-new glow at a football game last week in Massachusetts - just in time for tonight's first presidential debate.
But can a rain-drenched New Yorker get a Kerry glow in time for the debate?
To find out, I tried the friendly folks at Hollywood Tans on 25th Street and Sixth Avenue.
"I want to look like John Kerry," I announced.
The staff at the front desk laughed.
"I saw that photo," said staffer Iris Elton. She said she wasn't sure they could pull off a pumpkin-orange glow - "but we can make you look really dark," she said.
"How long do you think that would take?"
Elton thought it over.
"Six seconds," she said. "That's for the full-body Instant Tan, which will last about four days."
(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com ...
I heard the following joke:
Kerry, Jack O Lantern: Orange in September, Carved up in October, Thrown out in November.
Kerry is now an orange weirdo.
Take 2 parts "Embarrassment Red" plus 2 parts "Cowardly Yellow" equals One "Kerry Orange"
Excellent!!
I went to college in Boston and never could get any tan up there, even when I stayed through the summer. Another episode of Unlikely Stories.
Maybe it was Kerry's subtle way of telling the home audience that we would be in a constant MINUMUM threat level ORANGE if JfK was elected President.
CBS says the MEMOS are real! LOL
I think all the freepers are asleep or need to be.
Yeah, his tan's as real as a pair of silicon boobs.
Where do you come up with such great pics?! (strictly rhetorical)
This thread has to be headed for the humor hall of fame.
We figure out WHO did the tan...and I'll bet we find the same unimpeachable source that forged the CBS/Burkett documents.
Brilliant!
freeping tanlines-----that's funny!!!!
I heard a line yesterday that I'm still laughing about. Someone called Kerry 'tanorexic'!
ROFL! I vote for the Freeper! I vote for the Freeper!
""Kerry Says the Tan's Real"
CBS says the MEMOS are real! LOL"
Orange you just afraid he doesn't know what the meaning of is is. He is so fried. He's toast. Dried up burnt toast.
So, he got such a deep tanning playing football in Wisconsin in September, but he didn't get anything close to such a tan windsurfing in July or August? Yeah, right.
The tan was real before actually wasn't.
Please, Jim--Do put this one in the hall of humor. I, for one, cannot stop laughing--and re-scrolling--and laughing some more! Freepers do it best!
THANKS to all for making my day start the right way.
Regards . . . Penny
these pussies make me sick.
"Tanorexic"
LOL! That's a keeper!
A BASSFIRE creation.
Brought to you by our sponsor
Thanks, Liz!
Hey - I live in Georgia, and I can't help it if I get a "farmer tan" on my arms and face just from taking the garbarge out to the curb!!! LOL
Bravo!
LOL, perfect combination!
Someone on another site suggested he did it to divert discussion from issues and Swiftboat ads, then show up with a new, improved face.
On the more serious side, somebody posted earlier that a plastic surgeon observed the "Orange Man effect" is the result of what the DR described as a spray-on tan product that is used to "cover the injection sites from botox treatments which do bruise post-operatively" and that "it is possible that due to Kerry's reported sweating problem that botox injections were used to temporally paralize the small sweat glands in the upper lip, as well as remove wrinkles."
Jeepers, I was just thinking-----what if Kerry had a bad reaction right in the middle of the debate? The paralyzing botox could migrate from his sweat glands to his vocal chords, and render him incapable of speaking. That would be really horrible wouldn't it (smirk)?
I was told to get in the shower, where your whole body gets sprayed.
"So," I awkwardly asked Iris, "what do you wear, you know, in that area?"
Luckily, a male staffer intervened.
"You could go in the buff," he said. "A lot of guys do that."
I took a pass on the underspray.
"Or we could give you another bootie," he said.
Funny. I opted to wear my boxers.
LOL
I like the joke in post#2!
Semper Fi
In their quest for the perfect tan, some people may look for a "magic pill" that will help them achieve this with minimal exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation. There are no such pills approved for this purpose. Nevertheless, pills such as >"French Bronze Tanning Tablets", bearing tanning claims continue to appear on the market. Consumers should be aware of risks associated with such products...
So-called tanning pills are promoted for tinting the skin by ingesting massive doses of color additives, usually canthaxanthin. When taken at these large doses - many times greater than the amount normally ingested in food - this substance is deposited in various parts of the body, including the skin, where it imparts a color. The color varies with each individual, ranging from orange to brownish. This coloration is not the result of an increase in the skin's supply of melanin, the substance produced naturally in the skin to help protect it against UV radiation.
Although canthaxanthin is approved by FDA for use as a color additive in foods, where it is used in small amounts, its use in so-called tanning pills is not approved. Imported tanning pills containing canthaxanthin are subject to automatic detention as products containing unsafe color additives.
At least one company submitted an application for the approval of canthaxanthin-containing pills as a tanning agent, but withdrew the application when side effects, such as the deposition of crystals in the eye, were discovered. In the August 1993 issue of American Pharmacy, Darrell Hulisz, Pharm.D., and pharmacist Ginger Boles described this condition - called "canthaxanthin-induced retinopathy" - as "a common adverse effect associated with canthaxanthin use," adding: "The patient experiencing this form of retinopathy rarely is symptomatic, although decreased visual acuity has been reported."
According to the article, the condition is reversible, "although it may take 25 to 60 months for complete resolution, and deposits have been detected for up to seven years following discontinuation of canthaxanthin." Hulisz and Boles also referred to reports of "nausea, cramping, diarrhea, severe itching, and welts" associated with the use of canthaxanthin "tanning" pills.
link for post above: http://vm.cfsan.fda.gov/~dms/cos-tan2.html
Captain Nuance wants us to change to a horse of a different color.
Orange Julius.
I can FReep in the sun with my wireless laptop. Not that I have done this more than - oh, say 60 times this summer. You come out looking like a halibut, two eyes on top, dark on one side, lilly white on the other.
Hmmm. Think I have a new tag line for tomorrow.
That is hilarious.
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