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White Raisin (Te-REH-za's theme song)
10/15/2004 | dirtboy

Posted on 10/15/2004 1:56:34 PM PDT by dirtboy

TERESA SHARES REMEDY FOR ARTHRITIS AT CAMPAIGN STOP: GIN AND WHITE RAISINS

'You get some gin and get some white raisins — and only white raisins — and soak them in the gin for two weeks. Then eat nine of the raisins a day'...

Sung to the tune of Jefferson Airplane's White Rabbit

One raisin makes you louder
One more raisin makes you crawl
And the ninth raisin soaked with gin
Makes you feel nothing at all
Go ask Teresa
When she's off the wall

And if you go on eating raisins
And you know Lurch is going to fall
Tell the reporters to all shove it
And then empty out the bowl
Call Teresa
She knows it all

While the White Queen talks of shame
And Flipper slurs the South
Well the Red Queen eats more raisins
And puts her foot back in her mouth
Go ask Teresa
She’ll tell you where to go

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy drunk
And Flipper’s talking backwards
Just get drunker than a skunk

Remember what Teresa said
Soak your head
Soak you head


TOPICS: Political Humor/Cartoons; Your Opinion/Questions
KEYWORDS: alcohol; chugalugchugalug; drinking; evilqueen; gin; ginguzzling; glugluglug; goaskalice; kerry; madeheinzpickled; parody; pickles; satire; shespickledtink; song; teresaheinz; whiterabbit; whiteraisin; whiteraisins

1 posted on 10/15/2004 1:56:34 PM PDT by dirtboy
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To: dirtboy

BRAVO!


2 posted on 10/15/2004 1:57:03 PM PDT by The Hollywood Conservative
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To: dirtboy

Take nine raisins. Soak them in gin for two weeks. After the two weeks have passed, throw the damn raisins away and drink the gin.


3 posted on 10/15/2004 1:58:09 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: doug from upland

songwriter/parody PING


4 posted on 10/15/2004 1:58:53 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: dirtboy

LOL. Great job.


5 posted on 10/15/2004 1:59:50 PM PDT by governsleastgovernsbest
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To: dirtboy

That's most excellent, but somehow, I think DR. Seuss is more appropriate..


6 posted on 10/15/2004 1:59:57 PM PDT by ken5050
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To: weegee
Take nine raisins. Soak them in gin for two weeks. After the two weeks have passed, throw the damn raisins away and drink the gin.

ROFL

7 posted on 10/15/2004 1:59:59 PM PDT by delacoert (imperat animus corpori, et paretur statim: imperat animus sibi, et resistitur. -AUGUSTINI)
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To: dirtboy

That's great!


8 posted on 10/15/2004 2:01:04 PM PDT by Truth Table
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To: dirtboy
Greatest Hit! Should be sung at every Bush rally from here on in!
9 posted on 10/15/2004 2:01:58 PM PDT by Woogit
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To: Mont-3-7-77; Monkey Face; The Scourge of Yazid; A CA Guy; Tax-chick; SandyInSeattle; K1avg

LOL!!! ping


10 posted on 10/15/2004 2:02:46 PM PDT by sionnsar (Cbs: Tune in. Turn on. Ignore doubt | Iran Azadi | Traditional Anglicans: trad-anglican.faithweb.com)
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To: dirtboy
"Have you seen the little piggies?"
11 posted on 10/15/2004 2:02:57 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: dirtboy

It really fits the whole JFnK campaign 1960's Viet Nam theam very well.

Wonder how many Viet Nam flicks that song has been a part of?


12 posted on 10/15/2004 2:04:43 PM PDT by Truth Table
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To: dirtboy

Jesse Jackson no longer needs to wonder why there
are no black raisins in the Kerry campaign.


13 posted on 10/15/2004 2:06:39 PM PDT by Boundless
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To: dirtboy

I was wondering if anyone was going to comment on her drunken behavior. Especially AFTER she returned from rehab this summer. I have to chuckle remembering the elitist UCLA Graduate School of Library Science "disinviting" the First Lady to speak at commencement, the very first professional librarian to reside in the White House. Imagine that!


14 posted on 10/15/2004 2:06:42 PM PDT by Republicus2001
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To: dirtboy

ROFLOL!


15 posted on 10/15/2004 2:06:52 PM PDT by RightMindedMom
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To: dirtboy

Why doesn't Kitty Heinz just go straight for the hairspray bottle?


16 posted on 10/15/2004 2:08:44 PM PDT by counterpunch (The CouNTeRPuNcH Collection - www.counterpunch.us)
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To: dirtboy
ROTF!!! But I wonder why it has to be white raisins? Inquiring minds want to know...
17 posted on 10/15/2004 2:09:53 PM PDT by mewzilla
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To: All

Is this the Kerry Health plan for America?


18 posted on 10/15/2004 2:11:36 PM PDT by TexasTaysor
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To: dirtboy

The Teresa Heinz Kerry Health Plan.


19 posted on 10/15/2004 2:12:58 PM PDT by Spok
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To: dirtboy
Queen Kerry:

"OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!"

"They Better Hope We Don't Win" - Kerry Campaign Threat to Sinclair Broadcasting

20 posted on 10/15/2004 2:13:47 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: dirtboy

Very clever and funny! Good one.


21 posted on 10/15/2004 2:14:44 PM PDT by Dat Mon (clever tagline under construction)
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To: dirtboy

They just performed this on a local radio program. They couldn't get through the whole thing they were laughing so hard.


22 posted on 10/15/2004 2:15:55 PM PDT by Aeronaut (Sincerity is everything. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. -- George Burns)
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To: TexasTaysor
Mr. Ed (aka Lurch) has already selected his tv-land Surgeon General:

Have some rheumatism medicine and hush your mouth.

23 posted on 10/15/2004 2:16:16 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: Aeronaut

Kewl


24 posted on 10/15/2004 2:17:26 PM PDT by dirtboy (Kerry could have left 'Nam within a week if Purple Hearts were awarded for shots to the foot.)
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To: dirtboy

That gin/raisin thing is a Paul Harvey remedy. I heard him give that advice out many times. The only thing she is missing is...you need Gin made from Juniper..the cheapest kind. It is so funny that she would take advice from someone else and pass it on. That is more like something I would do, being I am a country bumpkin that likes to try things like that to save money and do them naturally. I would be interested in finding out where she found that out?! Maybe she is a Paul Harvey fan...don't tell her weird husband that! Opps...I didn't read all the posts..sorry if someone already said this?


25 posted on 10/15/2004 2:18:56 PM PDT by Sistyelder
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To: dirtboy

Why doesn't Heinz offer gin soaked raisins in a jar?


26 posted on 10/15/2004 2:19:31 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: dirtboy

A GEM! Priceless gem, dirtboy!


27 posted on 10/15/2004 2:21:13 PM PDT by small voice in the wilderness (Quick, act casual. If they sense scorn and ridicule, they'll flee..)
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To: Sistyelder
You are the first to give us... the rest of the story from Paulharvey Gooday.
28 posted on 10/15/2004 2:21:21 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: weegee; maxwell
Take nine raisins. Soak them in gin for two weeks. After the two weeks have passed, throw the damn raisins away and drink the gin.

ROFL!

Here's an oldie but goodie
Enjoy

FRUITCAKE RECIPE

1 cup water,
1 cup sugar,
4 large eggs
2 cups dried fruit,
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
lemon juice
nuts
1 gallon whiskey

Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large bowl.
Check the whiskey again to be sure that it is of the highest quality.
Pour 1 level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 tsp. sugar and beat again.
Turn off the mixer.
Break two eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Mix on the turner.
If the dried fruit gets stuck on the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for consisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt.
Or something. Who cares.
Check the whiskey.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table. Spoon. Of sugar or something.
Whatever you can find.
Grease the oven.
Turn the cake tin to 350 degrees.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Throw the bowl out the window.
Check the whiskey again.
Go to bed.

Who likes fruitcake anyway?

29 posted on 10/15/2004 2:28:05 PM PDT by Fiddlstix (This Tagline for sale. (Presented by TagLines R US))
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To: dirtboy

Brilliant. Good enough too make Al Yankovitz jealous.


30 posted on 10/15/2004 2:28:22 PM PDT by CaptainK
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To: weegee

*LOL*


31 posted on 10/15/2004 2:29:16 PM PDT by TexasTaysor
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To: Fiddlstix

It isn't from Mad Magazine but it certainly reads like their humor from the days when Harvey Kurtzman edited/wrote for the magazine (mid 1950s) as well as comedians like Ernie Kovacs, Bob & Ray, et al.

I've seen it before but it IS classic.


32 posted on 10/15/2004 2:30:46 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: Aeronaut

What radio program did they perform it on, BTW?


33 posted on 10/15/2004 2:40:31 PM PDT by dirtboy (Kerry could have left 'Nam within a week if Purple Hearts were awarded for shots to the foot.)
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To: dirtboy

Garage Logic, KSTP AM 1500 in Minneapolis/St. Paul. Joe Soochery and 'the Rookie.' They thought it was great.


34 posted on 10/15/2004 2:44:44 PM PDT by Aeronaut (Sincerity is everything. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. -- George Burns)
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To: Howlin; PhiKapMom

ping


35 posted on 10/15/2004 2:44:50 PM PDT by dirtboy (Kerry could have left 'Nam within a week if Purple Hearts were awarded for shots to the foot.)
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To: Aeronaut

Great. The entire Kerry campaign is definitely entering Alice In Wonderland territory. You can't make this stuff up.


36 posted on 10/15/2004 2:45:47 PM PDT by dirtboy (Kerry could have left 'Nam within a week if Purple Hearts were awarded for shots to the foot.)
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To: dirtboy

Whshhhoooh . . . white raisin'


37 posted on 10/15/2004 2:47:42 PM PDT by dfwgator (It's sad that the news media treats Michael Jackson better than our military.)
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To: weegee

That was a good one!!! Classic!!


38 posted on 10/15/2004 2:53:35 PM PDT by Sistyelder
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To: dirtboy

"I'm John Ffin Kerry and I approve this message."

39 posted on 10/15/2004 3:06:51 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: weegee
John Kerry - Mad Hatter
Teresa - Red Queen
Liz Edwards - White Queen

And featuring Michael Moore as Humpty Dumpty: "When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean-neither more nor less."

40 posted on 10/15/2004 3:08:57 PM PDT by dirtboy (Kerry could have left 'Nam within a week if Purple Hearts were awarded for shots to the foot.)
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To: dirtboy

John Edwards would sue when all of the King's Horses and all the King's Men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.


41 posted on 10/15/2004 3:10:15 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: dirtboy
Very nice!
42 posted on 10/15/2004 3:10:54 PM PDT by andy58-in-nh
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To: Aeronaut
Garage Logic, KSTP AM 1500 in Minneapolis/St. Paul. Joe Soochery and 'the Rookie.' They thought it was great.

They did? Funny! I must've just missed it! Hi Joe & Rook!

43 posted on 10/15/2004 3:15:20 PM PDT by Lijahsbubbe ( This Bubbe's for Pres. Bush)
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To: dirtboy
And Johnny Edwards as the Dormouse

Is Ann Coulter "Alice" trying to make sense of all this?

44 posted on 10/15/2004 3:16:09 PM PDT by weegee (Ted Kennedy, your brother defined Vietnam antiwar protesters as traitors, giving aid to Ho Chi Mihn)
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To: dirtboy

Fantastic and funny!


45 posted on 10/15/2004 3:16:33 PM PDT by Lijahsbubbe ( This Bubbe's for Pres. Bush)
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To: Fiddlstix

Hahaha... That looks suspiciously like one a my re-sips, bruh...


46 posted on 10/17/2004 2:41:51 PM PDT by maxwell (Well I'm sure I'd feel much worse if I weren't under such heavy sedation...)
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To: dirtboy

I'm not sure if the NAACP will accept this "white raisin" remedy thing without demanding some sort of quota system.

It's discriminatory to leave out the black raisins, and Tereza is obviously an incaring bigot for not realizing that.


47 posted on 10/17/2004 2:50:16 PM PDT by Edit35
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To: MojoWire
Tereza is obviously an incaring bigot for not realizing that.

No, she's a democrap, so she can't be accused of that.

48 posted on 10/17/2004 2:56:29 PM PDT by Aeronaut (This is no ordinary time. And George W. Bush is no ordinary leader." --George Pataki)
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To: weegee

Monday morning bump


49 posted on 10/18/2004 6:27:01 AM PDT by dirtboy (Kerry could have left 'Nam within a week if Purple Hearts were awarded for shots to the foot.)
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