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Iowahawk Endorses George W. Bush
Iowahawk blog | 11/01/04 | Dave Burge

Posted on 11/01/2004 5:38:53 AM PST by IowaHawk

As this is arguably the most important presidential election in our nation's history, and it would be wrong for Iowahawk to rush off willy-nilly and blindly cast its support behind one candidate. Before announcing our official endorsement, Iowahawk believes it is critical for voters to consider the top issues of the day, and contrast the respective positions of the incumbent, George W. Bush, and his main challenger Worldwide Islamofascism. Let's review how the candidates stack up.

HEALTHCARE

The Administration has frequently pointed to the Prescription Drug for Seniors law as key accomplishment of President Bush, but this new federal entitlement has prompted many troubling questions. For example, what about those of us who are not seniors? And what's the big hangup about prescription drugs? The price of blunts continues to rise without seeming limit, leaving millions of ordinary non-senior Americans to face a stark choice between getting a decent buzz or keeping our Cinemax subscription.

President Bush has shown little interest in this growing national problem, and has forwarded no specific proposals to ease the cost of either Chronic or Cinemax. To its credit, Worldwide Islamofascism has released a specific 19-point plan for revamping Americans' health, based on Canadian and European principles. Unfortunately, it is entitled "Let the Sewers Choke With The Blood of The Americans and Their Filthy Zionist Masters."

Edge: President Bush

FEDERAL SPENDING AND THE DEFICIT

This is another area where President Bush has sorely disappointed. Profligate spending by the administration and their Republican allies in Congress has resulted in massive federal budget deficits which will eventually translate into higher interest rates. Iowahawk believes the challenger, Worldwide Islamofascism, has the proven fiscal discipline to drive the deficit down by reining out-of-control defense spending. We also believe that Worldwide Islamofascism's plan to streamline federal government by moving it to a remote cave in Pakistan would also provide important additional savings. However, we are concerned that the Worldwide Islamofascist plan to behead moneylenders and usurers could make it difficult to restructure long-term government debt.

Edge: President Bush

JOBS AND THE ECONOMY

President Bush has shown mixed results for his economic policies and leadership. While administration officials are eager to point out evidence of a brisk economic recovery, job growth has remained sluggish, especially in the manufacturing sector. The President says he would create more jobs by making his tax cut permanent. Worldwide Islamofascism says it will create new jobs for low-skill young male workers by publicly beating unveiled women, and will promote robust job growth in the construction sector through innovative nuclear attacks on major cities.

Edge: President Bush

GAY MARRIAGE

Iowahawk believes the state should not bar marriages between two consenting adults. Perhaps the best way to think about the Gay marriage issue is by analogy; imagine, for example, that Iowahawk is stranded on a desert island paradise with two hot bikini-clad nymphos and two male models. If the two male models decide to have a tasteful lagoonside ceremony to declare their everlasting love, Iowahawk believes that the rest of the island society should accept and aknowledge it, and move on to the serious business of repopulating. And if by chance the two hot bikini nymphos also turn out to be Gay, Iowahawk believes that's cool too, and encourages them to express their sexuality openly and freely, maybe this afternoon in that one clearing over by the plane wreck.

Frankly, President Bush has been a disappointment on the Gay marriage issue. As Island Tribal Chief, Mr. Bush has opposed the male models' right to their lagoon ceremony, and instead offers them a palm frond designating a less-than-official "civil union". We believe this unwise approach is insulting to Gays, and has resulted in false hope among island nymphos. Unfortunately, Mr. Bush's opponent, Worldwide Islamofascism, has indicated they would stone the male models to death, force the bikini nymphos to wear burqqas, and toss Iowahawk into the volcano.

Edge: President Bush

EDUCATION

Touting his record as Texas Governor, President Bush said he wanted to be known as the 'education President' during the 2000 election campaign. While his administration has made some progress in the area of Education -- most notably the 'No Child Left Behind Act' -- there are still many problems facing America's schools. A second Bush administration will have to address overcrowded classrooms, people cutting in line with their minivans during AM dropoff, and that weird sawdust smell coming from the custodian's closet. While we certainly agree with Worldwide Islamofascism that American children should receive more intensive one-on-one instruction and diagnostic testing, we believe that their plan for a national K-12 curriculum based solely on the Qu'ran lacks local flexibility. On the contrary, we believe the decision whether to savagely beat students for improperly reciting Koranic verses should rest with local school boards and teachers.

Edge: President Bush

SAWING OFF INFIDEL HEADS

This has proven to be one of the more divisive issues of the 2004 campaign, with President Bush taking a hardline position against infidel head-sawings while Worldwide Islamofascism has adopted a much more pro-choice stance. President Bush has indicated that he considers the question a 'litmus test' issue for federal judicial appointments. At Iowahawk, we know their are strong passions on both sides of this contentious issue, and the debate is unlikely to change any minds. We prefer the President's stance, but understand our position may anger readers who support the rights of believers to saw off infidel heads.

Edge: President Bush

-------------------------------

Conclusion: Iowahawk endorses President Bush, And urges voters to consider real estate in Australia in case he loses.


TOPICS: Miscellaneous; Political Humor/Cartoons
KEYWORDS: election; endorsement; fourmoreyears; gwb2004; iowahawk
Choosy newsies choose Iowahawk
1 posted on 11/01/2004 5:38:53 AM PST by IowaHawk
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To: IowaHawk

I'm staying. I'll just go underground.


2 posted on 11/01/2004 5:40:48 AM PST by bmwcyle (I wear sleepwear therefore I think (When they are off I am single minded))
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To: IowaHawk
Hawk,

Thanks for weighing in. I was wondering which way you'd lean.

3 posted on 11/01/2004 5:46:43 AM PST by Taliesan (The power of the State to do good is the power of the State to do evil.)
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To: IowaHawk

What took you so long?


4 posted on 11/01/2004 5:48:18 AM PST by antaresequity
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To: IowaHawk

Was this supposed to be funny? No, I won't visit your site either.


5 posted on 11/01/2004 5:52:47 AM PST by o_zarkman44
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To: o_zarkman44
Was this supposed to be funny? No, I won't visit your site either.

Wow, way to troll a thread. Good job.

6 posted on 11/01/2004 5:54:59 AM PST by TBarnett34 (Can I get an UNNNGH?!)
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To: o_zarkman44

I thought it was hilarious.

Burge is one of my favorite conservative writers. IowaHawk is awesome!


7 posted on 11/01/2004 6:00:17 AM PST by Judith Anne (The last time Kerry said "Reporting for duty!" he betrayed his comrades, his flag, and his country.)
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To: IowaHawk

If Kerry wins I'm staying put. Somebody needs to stay to help lead the Revolution.


8 posted on 11/01/2004 6:04:26 AM PST by Iowa Granny
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To: Iowa Granny

There will be two of us.


9 posted on 11/01/2004 6:07:18 AM PST by Conservativegreatgrandma
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To: Judith Anne

As much as I would like to find some humor in the subject matter, this is not the time nor place. Hopefully after tomorrow we can relax a bit, but I doubt it. There are too many leftist/socialist plants who will keep up the attacks.
Islamofacists are evil, no doubt. There is nor can be no comparison between the evil ones and President Bush.


10 posted on 11/01/2004 6:08:08 AM PST by o_zarkman44
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To: TBarnett34

Thanks! These are serious times and there can be absolutely no comparison between President Bush and the evil ones of islam, especially a dry attempt at humor.


11 posted on 11/01/2004 6:09:53 AM PST by o_zarkman44
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To: o_zarkman44

Iowahawk was one of the original satirists on FreeRepublic, and has produced some of the funniest articles I have ever read. I would have never know he existed if not for this forum, and missed some greatness concerning x42 and G*re, M*nica and trailers, and fast cars and the Midwest.

He can defend himself just fine. Take a gander at his site and you will find something you like.

Otherwise, head back to DUland and stew the night away.


12 posted on 11/01/2004 6:14:21 AM PST by texas booster (Make a resolution to better yourself and your community in '04 - vote Republican!)
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To: o_zarkman44

For me, this is EXACTLY the time and place.

IowaHawk is hilarious, and lots of us have been so wound up about the election that we forget to laugh.

I'm a big fan of his, as are many others here. If you don't like it, ignore it.


13 posted on 11/01/2004 6:19:44 AM PST by Judith Anne (The last time Kerry said "Reporting for duty!" he betrayed his comrades, his flag, and his country.)
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To: TBarnett34

Evidently sarcasm is over his head too...;-D

Times like this I remind myself that every vote counts.


14 posted on 11/01/2004 6:21:44 AM PST by Judith Anne (The last time Kerry said "Reporting for duty!" he betrayed his comrades, his flag, and his country.)
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To: texas booster

I am sure Iowahawk is a fine site. Just the humor seems inappropriate. BTW I was born and raised in Iowa. And referring me to DU also seems inappropriate. We are on the same side here.


15 posted on 11/01/2004 6:22:48 AM PST by o_zarkman44
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To: IowaHawk
Worldwide Islamofascism has adopted a much more pro-choice stance

ROFL

Another classic!

16 posted on 11/01/2004 6:26:40 AM PST by B Knotts ("John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security.")
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To: o_zarkman44

He may have done it in a humorous way, but his underlying point is a very serious one.


17 posted on 11/01/2004 6:28:49 AM PST by B Knotts ("John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security.")
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To: IowaHawk
You are droll, Hawk.
Suppose the Hawkeyes are headed for the Poulan Weedeater Bowl again this year ?
18 posted on 11/01/2004 6:31:59 AM PST by Eric in the Ozarks
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To: IowaHawk
Laugh-out-loud funny. Smooch!

19 posted on 11/01/2004 6:35:01 AM PST by AnnaZ (><> Pray for America and for George W. Bush <><)
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To: B Knotts

Very serious point. Again I find no humor in the comparisons.


20 posted on 11/01/2004 6:42:33 AM PST by o_zarkman44
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To: IowaHawk

Loved it!


21 posted on 11/01/2004 6:47:54 AM PST by Bassfire (aim low boys they're riding Shetlands!)
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To: IowaHawk
It's a good thing I read your article.

As a still "undecided" voter, I now agree Bush may have a slight edge, but maybe only in the non-essentials, like the War For Civilization. However, the Islamofascists certainly make some good points. After all, who could possibly be against the Constitutional right to saw off the heads of Infidels? Isn't free choice what has made America great?

So, I'm voting for Bush, maybe!

22 posted on 11/01/2004 6:49:45 AM PST by Gritty ("You gotta start travelling with a bodyguard. Liberals are out of their minds!-Ann Coulter)
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To: Conservativegreatgrandma

I knew I could count on you!


23 posted on 11/01/2004 6:54:17 AM PST by Iowa Granny
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To: IowaHawk
My endorsement is coming soon.

Wait for it...

Wait for it...

24 posted on 11/01/2004 6:58:29 AM PST by AmishDude (It's ZOTerrific.)
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To: Eric in the Ozarks
I have a great idea for college football, now that you mentioned the Rumble in the Jungle-like Hedges.

We can have a bowl game for the two worst D I-A teams. We'd have it in the worst weather possible, say Anchorage, and call it the American Standard Toilet Bowl.

I'm cheering for Rutgers.

25 posted on 11/01/2004 7:00:32 AM PST by AmishDude (It's ZOTerrific.)
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To: IowaHawk

VERY FUNNY!


26 posted on 11/01/2004 8:17:08 AM PST by reflecting (I'm reading what all of you are saying)
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To: Iowa Granny

We'll lead the charge. Too bad we're past the PMS stage.


27 posted on 11/01/2004 8:22:29 AM PST by Conservativegreatgrandma
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To: o_zarkman44

Well, I can understand how one might take offense, but sometimes you need a little humor to stay sane.


28 posted on 11/01/2004 11:14:46 AM PST by B Knotts ("John Kerry, who says he doesn't like outsourcing, wants to outsource our national security.")
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To: Conservativegreatgrandma
Make that three of us. I'll be damned if I will wear a burqa.

Red

29 posted on 11/01/2004 11:32:46 AM PST by Conservative4Ever (Vote for Bush..or we will be buying our prayer rugs at Home Depot and burqas at Saks.)
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To: IowaHawk

Well done IH!! Huzzah Huzzah!!

Hubba Dubya!!!!!!!!


30 posted on 11/01/2004 2:23:16 PM PST by JesseJane
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To: JesseJane

Megadittoes fellow Iowan!


31 posted on 11/02/2004 10:23:00 AM PST by RushCrush (Donate NOW! RNC, Swifties, and John Thune!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
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