Campus Columnist Makes Sex Threats Against Conservative Women (My title)

The Miami Student Online ^ | November 4, 2004 | Steve Markley

[Alexander Nevsky]

Contents

Front Page
Campus
Community
Features
Sports

Opinion

Editorials
OpEd Page
Polls

Find

Archives
Search

About

Staff
About Us
Advertising

 

 

>Media bias Enacting revenge through sex

By Steve Markley

Reactionary ideologue Ann Coulter is coming to Miami next week courtesy of the College Republicans, which is this columnist’s dream come true.

However, the good Lord didn’t see fit to set the date of this column for after her visit, so I’ll just have to improvise. If Bush can go to war before he knows what’s going on in a country, then I can take on Coulter before she actually says anything. So here is what my column would look like anyway had I written it after seeing Ms. Coulter: Two conclusions can be drawn from Ann Coulter’s speech before a sold-out audience at Miami this week. First, she is right-wing, bat-sh** crazy.

Ann Coulter makes Bill O’Reilly look like Martin Luther King Jr.

During her speech I sat in the front row, close enough to smell her breath wafting at me with the strong odor of vodka, vomit and Valium—close enough that I had to explain over and over again to nearby friends the definition of a "camel toe." During her speech she made a strong stand against abortion, which makes sense because an aborted fetus does her no good.

She needs the flesh of lives babies for her sustenance.

She went on to (surprisingly) blame liberals for every bad thing to ever happen in American history. Shrieking like a lunatic, she made it clear that she values her own opinion far more than that silly liberal conspiracy known as "history." She is a Joe McCarthy apologist. That’s right, the man whose name has come to stand for everything paranoid,fearful and tyrannical about American government was "actually" the victim of liberal academics and media. Man, the things they don’t teach you in HST 112.

Let me explain something quickly: I have a dream — a goal, really — to attempt to have sex with as many female right-wing pundits and icons as I can.

Why, you ask? Because I want to wake up the next day, tell them I’ll call them soon, and then immediately delete the phone number from my cell.

Think about it. I could finally get back at conservative talk radio host, Laura Ingraham, not by debating her with sharp political insight, but simply by sleeping with her, and when she calls telling her, "Sorry, I’m sort of busy tonight. There’s a lot of you aging but mildly bone-able right wing nutjobs out there whose feelings I have to hurt."

Then there are the Bush twins. Sweet God, what I wouldn’t give.

Imagine if I boffed a Bush daughter? Every time I ran into Bush I could give him this sly little wink and shoot my finger at him like he does when he glosses over the incredible fallacies in his foreign and domestic policies.

He’d have to restrain a scowl and smile back, but deep inside he’d be thinking, "That’s the major league asshole who did Jenna on my bed."

This is my only true ambition in life. However, I’ve decided Ann Coulter is where I draw the line. If I wanted that experience I’d simply dip my genitals in a jar of acid. Therefore, my second conclusion is this: There aren’t enough left-wing revenge fantasies in the world to get me to have sex with Ann Coulter.

 

 

	Oct. 22, 2004
	In This Edition: Front Page Campus Community Features Sports Opinion Editorials OpEd Page

[military cop]

IDEA:

DO dip your genitals in a jar of acid.

Re-focus that wailing to a MUCH better cause.

RLTW

[DennisR]

Note to Steve Markley: Conservative women like real men, not girlie men like you.

Have a great day!

[intolerancewillNOTbetolerated]

Another class act liberal.

Trash is what they're all about.

[Bob J]

No sense contacting the paper itself...their editorial staff approved it. Better to go right to the top of the administration, if that does any good.

[bobo1]

It would have to be a shallow jar.

blessings, bobo

[Calusa]

Ping

[justshutupandtakeit]

He was so happy when his right hand started fighting with the Left over his attentions. Never felt so loved before that.

[Former Dodger]

And they're the party of the little people....

Perhaps that's why he can only write about having sex.

[RandallFlagg]

Any chance that we could get a picture, and/or other useful information about this bum?

In case law enforcement is curious, that is....

[Colofornian]

No decent lady would look twice at this idiot not even when putting quarters in his tin cup.

Every woman he dates should have a copy of this column mailed to her. He concedes at the end of his article that revenge is what makes him tick.

[asgardshill]

Don't mind Steve, he's just frustrated because his bottle of hand lotion filed for divorce.

[tracer]

"I think the secret service should be notified about this digusting PIG!"

DONE. The telephones still work out here and my friend was still in the office. But he's too much of a pro to provide me with an after-action report.....

[cicero's_son]

I think he's aiming a little high, for his "first time."

Maybe he should start with Charles Krauthammer and work his way up.

[Conservababe]

As my southern grandmother always said of such folks....he sure thinks a lot of hisself.

[The_Media_never_lie]

Why can't Mr. Markley be content with a left wing slut?

Because he can't "do" any of them either. He lives in a fantasy world.

[frithguild]

On Ebay:

Just his size I bet.

[Woodworker]

Now, that's the ultimate expression by the Left with regard to the opposition, "F*** You!". But why did Steve Malarkey (OOPS, Steve Markley) limit his efforts to women? Isn't the left enamored of equal opportunity? Is Steve just taking his lead from John F*g Kerry?

[old3030]

Right, and he could consider himself extremely lucky that the Secret Service got to him before the Prez.

[John Lenin]

When you look like this guy all you can do is "dream" about having sex.

[the OlLine Rebel]

This scummy childish filth is allowable in college papers?

Disregard the vile sick threats - just the casual euphemisms for casually sticking your member anywhere you want is disgusting.

Again shows that "collegiate" is hardly the same thing as it was 100 years ago. Men were expected to act and write like men, not sick twisted self-absorbed licentious hedonistic children.

What a crappy society we're creating.