Skip to comments.Mr Blue (Colmes) Goes Deaf when he Sees Red
Posted on 11/12/2004 5:35:22 PM PST by Dutchgirl
Twenty-four hours after the dramatic U.S. presidential-election results were validated, Human Events Online published my essay (which I had been hatching for two weeks), "Declaration of Expulsion," a slightly satiric proposal to kick out of the Union the 12 most liberal states, either to join the People's Socialist Dominion of Canada or, on their own, go straight to Hell.
Within hours (and I do not claim that my piece was a causal effect), liberal voices formed into an enthusiastic chorus for roughly the same idea: Democrat gurus Lawrence O'Donnelland Robert Beckel, as angry talking heads on two separate TV news shows, taunted the newly solid-Republican South (all states of which actually are overfed "welfare clients" of the affluent, heavilytaxed North, huffed O'Donnell)to secede, for the second time since 1860; The reliably opportunistic Internet erupted with "I Seceded" T-shirts for sale, plus the mocking map of a 31-Red-state nation called "Jesusland,"and An e-mail rapidly circulating among liberals touted creation of the country of "American Coastopia,"whose upscale Atlantic- and Pacific-rim inhabitants joyfully would (what else?) fly over Fly-Over Country to get away from "rednecks in Oklahoma and homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming."
Then came confirmation of the growing fascination for dividing what once was "one nation indivisible," when Manhattan-based liberal talk-show host Alan Colmes invited me to be a guest for 15 minutes on his late-night radio program.
My on-air "15 minutes of fame" would mushroom into 45 minutes of defamation: "Why are you so intolerant of liberals?" asked Herr Colmes, who apparently had forgotten that he was supposed to ask me when I had stopped beating my wife. I explained to him factually that more liberals than conservatives publicly are advocating dissolution of the Union, and that the issue, in either event, is not intolerance but rather insolubility--that is, there is no middle ground, no compromise possible on most CultureWar issues.
"That's exactly what intolerance is!" asserted the intolerant talkmeister.
"Listen carefully, Alan," I urged. "If you want Congress to pass a 10-dollar minimum wage and I want an eight-dollar cap, it's possible for us to compromise at nine dollars. But how do we compromise on abortion? Shall we kill only half as many babies? How do we compromise on gay marriage? Shall we allow a lesbian to marry a lesbian but forbid a man to marry a man? There are too many of these insoluble differences between the Red states and the Blue states."
"I can't believe how intolerant you are!" screamed Alan.
Soon a self-identified lesbian called in breathlessly to confess "intense fear of intolerant Red states." (Why, I thought, was she phoning a radio show in the middle of the night instead of her local 911 operator?) The perceptive host again verbally pounced on me, his guest, who safely lives in the brimstone warmth of Red Florida: "Do you think, Mr. Thompson, that this woman is evil or immoral?"
"Alan, I have no idea who the woman is," I answered. "I have just met her anonymously over the phone. All I know is that she has made a bad choice of lifestyle, because lesbians have a documented higher rate of alcoholism, a higher rate of mental problems and a higher rate of suicide than heterosexual women."
Alan, who apparently is aurally challenged, now was in the full-boost stage of liberal ballistics: "What do you mean, this woman RAPES other women? You are filled with hate! How DARE you say such a thing!"
"Rape?" I asked, flabbergasted. "I said RATE--as in 'suicide rate.' RATE--as in 'alcoholism rate'! Please listen to me, Alan. Is your phone bad?"
With no apology to his mystified guest, Alan disconnected the lesbian's call and radically changed the subject: "Do you think John Kerry is a traitor?"
"Yes, Alan. One who commits treason," I observed coolly, "by definition is a traitor. Kerry went to Paris and consulted with our Communist Vietnam enemies, not with U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. Subsequently, Kerry publicly endorsed the outrageous Communist 'peace plan,' not his own country's plan.
"In uniform, Kerry during the war and under oath before the U.S. Senate also accused his fellow American soldiers of indiscriminately raping and killing Vietnamese civilians and destroying their villages just for the fun of it--false charges that were welcomed and used by the Communist nation's cruel jailers for years to torture American prisoners. Therefore, Mr. Kerry is a double traitor."
Unguided-missile Colmes finally reached the smoking-burnout stage, spewing invectives and ridicule at me as fast as his facile, bifurcated tongue could wag.
"How can you just sit there and libel a statesman like John Kerry?" he sputtered.
"How dare you sit in judgment of a great American patriot!"
My answer: "Apparently you have forgotten, Alan, but you asked me to 'sit in judgment' of John Kerry--you asked me if I thought he was a traitor. I didn't bring up the subject." Pausing, I asked, "By the way, can you tell your audience how the Constitution defines a traitor? Go ahead. Surely you must know."
Retorted Prof. Colmes testily: "I'm not going to play your little quiz game!"
"It's not a game, Alan," I said. "Are you ignorant and don't know the answer, or are you afraid to speak the truth? The Constitution defines a traitor as someone who in time of war adheres to our enemy and gives the enemy 'aid and comfort'--those are the exact words. Listen, Alan, listen."
His response was a curt good-bye before going to the final break of the hour to promote rupture-easers and get-rich-quick books from unknown con-artists.
When I submitted "Declaration of Expulsion," I felt a bit like Jonathan Swift must have when he wrote "A Modest Proposal," a tongue-in-dark-cheek suggestion that the "excess" babies born to Irish Catholics should be eaten by Englishmen as a cheap source of meat. After my 45-minute broadcast encounter with a typical American liberal, however, I believe that expulsion of the most egregiously leftwing states is anything but a slight "joke'; it is, in fact, clearly the serious and necessary path for rescue and revival of the United States of America.
I am also sure that God will be understanding when the U.S.A., a reborn nation with revised borders, reaffirms the entire First Amendment and does not change its name at this time, even if well intended, to Jesusland.
The red/blue divide is not 100% valid. Some of Bush's greatest gains were in states that went for big for Gore but gave smaller margins to Kerry.
Alan Colmes....the screaming skull of dying liberalism.
Alan Colmes, still upset about the election? We can help you.
I don't watch Hannity and Colmes anymore. I love Hannity; but colmes is just embarrassing. Sometimes I tune in by old habit, but as soon as colmes opens his whiney, wimpy, looser mouth, I click as quickly as I can.
I find it ironic that one of the reason's these hyper-liberals give for secession is because the "blue state" have all of the wealth and the "red state" have all of the welfare recipeints. They then go on to say it isn't fair that that is so, so they should secede to keep their own money in the "blue states".
I thought it was the hyper-liberals like Hilary that espouse income redistibution. Hillary even gave a speech telling some wealthy San Francisco people that that is what will happen "when" Kerry is elected.
So why are they complaining about it now.
Rush even said today that the largest "blue state" city OWES the people of the "red states" --- I think the payout for 9/11 was in the double digit billions and that isn't counting all of the memorial funds that we red-states sent in 2001.
I am in PA and I ain't blue
It ain't BLUE STATES it is BLUE BIG CITIES
It should be done on a county basis, not on a state basis. Most states have blue cities and the rest of the state is red. For example, places like the Eastern Shore of Maryland and the UP of Michigan would secede from their states if secession became a real issue.
I saw on Hardass tonight that Joe Trippi said that they owe it to the bloggers that keep the conspiracy theory alive that Kerry won Ohio, to keep on counting. He said that we need to find out if the Ohio count was correct so that "we don't have to go another 4 years not sure if the President actually won." He then said it was the MEDIAS responsiblity to push for all votes to get counted correctly.
You say you are from PA-- do you know if all of the military votes have gotten back and been counted in PA?
Do you know if there were any military votes not counted in Ohio?
ROTFLOL....No cable, no Hannity-Colmes and the "yellover show". Much better for the blood pressure, thank Heaven.
Colmes proves his shortcomings, like those of his party cohorts, brings out instant blind hysteria. What a hoot!
What should happen is this: "Bluees" should move to Mexico and establish their form of government there.
Mexico is the perfect destination for many reasons:
I'm sure that there are many more reasons why Mexico would make a better choice than Canada for Blue State emmigration. It's a win-win situation.
I'm from PA too - the votes are not all counted yet, because a judge did require that overseas (military) voters have till the 17th to get their ballots in (postmarked by election day I believe) since the ballots went out late due to legal challenges. They will be though...
Just to crumble his cookies some more, hasn't it been a wonderful November? And we are less than half way through!
Hope the second half is half as nice as the first!!
I bet half of the "blue citiers" have Mexican maids anyway. I remember some conspiracy theorists on this website at one time were wondering if Kerry and Teraaaaaza's "hired help" at all of their mansions, were legal anyway.
Also, I bet they spend a lot of their money in Cancun and the Baja peninsula anyway.
The cost of living is supposed to be a lot lower there, than Los Angeles or New York.
I have just listed mucho reasons to back up your idea to have them move south.
I cannot understand why people on FR keep saying Colmes is "a nice guy". He's a nasty POS.
THis is probably a stupid question, but do you know how many votes Kerry won by in PA?
I guess it would be too much to ask that it would be close enough that the military votes would put Bush over the top?
Colmes is pond scum like the rest of the ultra liberal progressive extremist socialists running around whining...
Living in California, I would say give them the counties they won. They can keep all their crime as well. We'll get all the resources anyway. but they can't have my section of California. we voted Conservative big time. The Inland Empire is safe from the nutjobs for now, anyway.
Does anyone listen to Colmes?
I mute the sound when he is on.
Poor Alan, he's been under a lot of stress for the last 10 days. Hehehehe!
The red/blue divide is not state by state, but instead urban vs. suburban/rural. Cities where welfare recipients and liberal elites all live. I say cut all the liberal cities in the northeast and California loose and let them form their own frealy little havens of perversion.
It will be just like "Escape From New York".
That is THEE funniest thing I ever seen written about Alan.
I have tears! Thanks for the laugh.
This isn't the stuff of conspiracy theories, it's good politics.
Remember, Zoe Baird was up for Attorney General and was found to have an illegal servant. Kimba Wood (Zoe Baird's replacement) was up for Attorney General and was found to have an illegal servant. Linda Chavez was up for Labor Secretary and was found to have an illegal servent. The issue was raised when Michael Huffington ran against Dianne Feinstein for the Senate.
I like H&C, but I cannot STAND Alan Colmes. He is SO AWFUL. I always mute him when I watch.
Alan Colmes is an Idiot with a capital "I". You'd be better off talking to a box of rocks.
As of this AM: GWB 2,755,150 sKerry 2,885,077
KERRY, JOHN F. (DEM) 2,885,077
BUSH, GEORGE W. (REP) 2,755,150
BADNARIK, MICHAEL (LIB) 20,851
COBB, DAVID K. (GRN) 6,231
PEROUTKA, MICHAEL ANTHONY (CST) 6,499
Down to about 130,000 votes - within the margin of fraud LOL!
Unlikely that the overseas vote would close that to 0 or less.
I don't think the United States should give up any of its land mass. If liberals want to secede, then let them move to Canada on an individual basis. The rich liberals could provide the financial wherewithall to the poor liberals, so that they all could go.
Thanks for the information:
My response: Shucks---hoping against hope that the military vote would be enough to at least make Ed Rendell sweat about his state turning "red"...
It ain't BLUE STATES it is BLUE BIG CITIES
I'm in Illinois and I can confirm that.
AND, the ugliest man on the planet!!!!
I think you'll find that the rich liberals won't even walk the same streets as the poor liberals - that's a good part of their mutual problem.
"Does anyone listen to Colmes?"
I have tried to listen to his radio show, but can only take a couple of minutes before I change it. I don't watch Hannity and Colmes anymore because he pisses me off too much. My wife can't watch it because he looks like a freak.
Don't forget that Dasshole fell as well.
Every time Colmes opens his mouth, it is to project the worst qualities of Rats onto Conservatives. He'll usually be talking with some fringe lefty, while doing it.
Wouldn't you like to know how many blacks, Hispanics, and Asians are neighbors to Tubby Kennedy, F'n Kerry, Bubba, and Waddles Rodham Clinton?
The liberals basically tarred her as someone who should have reported/turned in the illegal individual for deportation, and her crime was failing to do so. But I don't think that Chavez hired the illegal.
Of course, befriending an illegal is a horrible thing (for a conservative) to do.
That sums it all up, right there.
I originally gave Colmes credit. But a couple of years ago, he trashed Reagan for the deficit
while not mentioning Tip O'Neal's neglecting to complete his [US House] end of the deal.
Then the election "...days to JF'nK is elected...".
And tonight, he was acting even weirder than usual.
How could he possibly have acted any weirder?
Alan's radio show is on now here in the Dallas area and he is upset that some science books are now putting stickers on them that say that evolution is "only a theory" -- he says this is only a ploy for zealots to get religion back in school even though scientists have told us for years "that evolution is the answer".
He gets reeeeeeaally upset about religiosity in any form.
Oh, he was pushing some article by Frank Rich tonight. "Are you going to shoot the
messenger or the message???"
Or something to that effect. He knows that Rich of the Slimes is not held in high esteem,
but the "data", according to Colmes, was legit.
Colmes descent in to total, absolute,and non-recoverable stupidity started with
interviewing Algor. He failed to b!tch-slap the former VP. By not doing so, he
fried the last of his neural connections to reality.
Algor, whining about FNC, told Colmes he doesn't count as a liberal.
The only problem is that the people they will help won't be white. The liberals I know speak of tolerance, however, if you see there social groups they are pure lily white.
He used to be okay. Misguided but not hateful.
He's gone as insane as the rest of them.
Actually, I'd be cool with NE and NYCity slicing off and trying to establish their own little People's Republic or even hooking up with Canada. the territory lost would be insignificant...the wwealth lost in NY would be a hit but it's be worth it in the long run, and the political climate would improve dramaticly...especialy when all the other Blue voters panic and emigrated to the Northeast!
You could cut 40 some-odd electoral votes out ofthe sure thing column for Democrats. A dozen Senators - 7 Dems and 3 RINOs among them...
Lots of other fringe benifits. What's not to like?
You wrote: And tonight, he was acting even weirder than usual.
Sounds as if he's on speaking terms with a complete nervous breakdown.