Free Republic
Browse · Search
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Mr Blue (Colmes) Goes Deaf when he Sees Red
Human Events ^ | 11-12-04 | Mike Thompson

Posted on 11/12/2004 5:35:22 PM PST by Dutchgirl

Twenty-four hours after the dramatic U.S. presidential-election results were validated, Human Events Online published my essay (which I had been hatching for two weeks), "Declaration of Expulsion," a slightly satiric proposal to kick out of the Union the 12 most liberal states, either to join the People's Socialist Dominion of Canada or, on their own, go straight to Hell.

Within hours (and I do not claim that my piece was a causal effect), liberal voices formed into an enthusiastic chorus for roughly the same idea: Democrat gurus Lawrence O'Donnelland Robert Beckel, as angry talking heads on two separate TV news shows, taunted the newly solid-Republican South (all states of which actually are overfed "welfare clients" of the affluent, heavilytaxed North, huffed O'Donnell)to secede, for the second time since 1860; The reliably opportunistic Internet erupted with "I Seceded" T-shirts for sale, plus the mocking map of a 31-Red-state nation called "Jesusland,"and An e-mail rapidly circulating among liberals touted creation of the country of "American Coastopia,"whose upscale Atlantic- and Pacific-rim inhabitants joyfully would (what else?) fly over Fly-Over Country to get away from "rednecks in Oklahoma and homophobic knuckle-draggers in Wyoming."

Then came confirmation of the growing fascination for dividing what once was "one nation indivisible," when Manhattan-based liberal talk-show host Alan Colmes invited me to be a guest for 15 minutes on his late-night radio program.

My on-air "15 minutes of fame" would mushroom into 45 minutes of defamation: "Why are you so intolerant of liberals?" asked Herr Colmes, who apparently had forgotten that he was supposed to ask me when I had stopped beating my wife. I explained to him factually that more liberals than conservatives publicly are advocating dissolution of the Union, and that the issue, in either event, is not intolerance but rather insolubility--that is, there is no middle ground, no compromise possible on most CultureWar issues.

"That's exactly what intolerance is!" asserted the intolerant talkmeister.

"Listen carefully, Alan," I urged. "If you want Congress to pass a 10-dollar minimum wage and I want an eight-dollar cap, it's possible for us to compromise at nine dollars. But how do we compromise on abortion? Shall we kill only half as many babies? How do we compromise on gay marriage? Shall we allow a lesbian to marry a lesbian but forbid a man to marry a man? There are too many of these insoluble differences between the Red states and the Blue states."

"I can't believe how intolerant you are!" screamed Alan.

Soon a self-identified lesbian called in breathlessly to confess "intense fear of intolerant Red states." (Why, I thought, was she phoning a radio show in the middle of the night instead of her local 911 operator?) The perceptive host again verbally pounced on me, his guest, who safely lives in the brimstone warmth of Red Florida: "Do you think, Mr. Thompson, that this woman is evil or immoral?"

"Alan, I have no idea who the woman is," I answered. "I have just met her anonymously over the phone. All I know is that she has made a bad choice of lifestyle, because lesbians have a documented higher rate of alcoholism, a higher rate of mental problems and a higher rate of suicide than heterosexual women."

Alan, who apparently is aurally challenged, now was in the full-boost stage of liberal ballistics: "What do you mean, this woman RAPES other women? You are filled with hate! How DARE you say such a thing!"

"Rape?" I asked, flabbergasted. "I said RATE--as in 'suicide rate.' RATE--as in 'alcoholism rate'! Please listen to me, Alan. Is your phone bad?"

With no apology to his mystified guest, Alan disconnected the lesbian's call and radically changed the subject: "Do you think John Kerry is a traitor?"

"Yes, Alan. One who commits treason," I observed coolly, "by definition is a traitor. Kerry went to Paris and consulted with our Communist Vietnam enemies, not with U.S. Secretary of State Henry Kissinger. Subsequently, Kerry publicly endorsed the outrageous Communist 'peace plan,' not his own country's plan.

"In uniform, Kerry during the war and under oath before the U.S. Senate also accused his fellow American soldiers of indiscriminately raping and killing Vietnamese civilians and destroying their villages just for the fun of it--false charges that were welcomed and used by the Communist nation's cruel jailers for years to torture American prisoners. Therefore, Mr. Kerry is a double traitor."

Unguided-missile Colmes finally reached the smoking-burnout stage, spewing invectives and ridicule at me as fast as his facile, bifurcated tongue could wag.

"How can you just sit there and libel a statesman like John Kerry?" he sputtered.

"How dare you sit in judgment of a great American patriot!"

My answer: "Apparently you have forgotten, Alan, but you asked me to 'sit in judgment' of John Kerry--you asked me if I thought he was a traitor. I didn't bring up the subject." Pausing, I asked, "By the way, can you tell your audience how the Constitution defines a traitor? Go ahead. Surely you must know."

Retorted Prof. Colmes testily: "I'm not going to play your little quiz game!"

"It's not a game, Alan," I said. "Are you ignorant and don't know the answer, or are you afraid to speak the truth? The Constitution defines a traitor as someone who in time of war adheres to our enemy and gives the enemy 'aid and comfort'--those are the exact words. Listen, Alan, listen."

His response was a curt good-bye before going to the final break of the hour to promote rupture-easers and get-rich-quick books from unknown con-artists.

When I submitted "Declaration of Expulsion," I felt a bit like Jonathan Swift must have when he wrote "A Modest Proposal," a tongue-in-dark-cheek suggestion that the "excess" babies born to Irish Catholics should be eaten by Englishmen as a cheap source of meat. After my 45-minute broadcast encounter with a typical American liberal, however, I believe that expulsion of the most egregiously leftwing states is anything but a slight "joke'; it is, in fact, clearly the serious and necessary path for rescue and revival of the United States of America.

I am also sure that God will be understanding when the U.S.A., a reborn nation with revised borders, reaffirms the entire First Amendment and does not change its name at this time, even if well intended, to Jesusland.

TOPICS: Constitution/Conservatism; Culture/Society; Editorial; News/Current Events
KEYWORDS: colmes; eyebrows; jesusland; kerrydefeat; tolerance
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-63 next last
To: uncbob

That sums it all up, right there.

41 posted on 11/12/2004 7:27:49 PM PST by Gabz (Thank a Veteran today............and every day)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 8 | View Replies]

To: Dutchgirl

Separated at birth?

42 posted on 11/12/2004 7:35:38 PM PST by Bommer (Thanks to one and all for appreciating my movies. I'll be back!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: clintonh8r
Alan Colmes....the screaming skull of dying liberalism.

I originally gave Colmes credit. But a couple of years ago, he trashed Reagan for the deficit
while not mentioning Tip O'Neal's neglecting to complete his [US House] end of the deal.

Then the election "...days to JF'nK is elected...".

And tonight, he was acting even weirder than usual.

43 posted on 11/12/2004 7:42:18 PM PST by Calvin Locke
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Calvin Locke

How could he possibly have acted any weirder?

44 posted on 11/12/2004 8:12:43 PM PST by Shortstop7
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: Shortstop7

Alan's radio show is on now here in the Dallas area and he is upset that some science books are now putting stickers on them that say that evolution is "only a theory" -- he says this is only a ploy for zealots to get religion back in school even though scientists have told us for years "that evolution is the answer".

He gets reeeeeeaally upset about religiosity in any form.

45 posted on 11/12/2004 8:21:34 PM PST by Txsleuth (Proud to be a Texan)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: Shortstop7
How could he possibly have acted any weirder?

Oh, he was pushing some article by Frank Rich tonight. "Are you going to shoot the
messenger or the message???"

Or something to that effect. He knows that Rich of the Slimes is not held in high esteem,
but the "data", according to Colmes, was legit.

Colmes descent in to total, absolute,and non-recoverable stupidity started with
interviewing Algor. He failed to b!tch-slap the former VP. By not doing so, he
fried the last of his neural connections to reality.

Algor, whining about FNC, told Colmes he doesn't count as a liberal.

46 posted on 11/12/2004 8:41:37 PM PST by Calvin Locke
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 44 | View Replies]

To: Political Junkie Too

The only problem is that the people they will help won't be white. The liberals I know speak of tolerance, however, if you see there social groups they are pure lily white.

47 posted on 11/12/2004 9:31:15 PM PST by weshess (I will stop hunting when the animals agree to quit jumping in front of my gun to commit suicide)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 12 | View Replies]

To: ozzymandus

He used to be okay. Misguided but not hateful.

He's gone as insane as the rest of them.

48 posted on 11/12/2004 10:05:16 PM PST by texasflower (Liberty can change habits. ~ President George W. Bush 10/08/04)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 17 | View Replies]

To: DianeDePoitiers

Actually, I'd be cool with NE and NYCity slicing off and trying to establish their own little People's Republic or even hooking up with Canada. the territory lost would be insignificant...the wwealth lost in NY would be a hit but it's be worth it in the long run, and the political climate would improve dramaticly...especialy when all the other Blue voters panic and emigrated to the Northeast!

You could cut 40 some-odd electoral votes out ofthe sure thing column for Democrats. A dozen Senators - 7 Dems and 3 RINOs among them...

Lots of other fringe benifits. What's not to like?

49 posted on 11/12/2004 10:08:34 PM PST by WillRain ("Might have been the losing side, still not convinced it was the wrong one.")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 30 | View Replies]

To: Calvin Locke

You wrote: And tonight, he was acting even weirder than usual.

Sounds as if he's on speaking terms with a complete nervous breakdown.

50 posted on 11/12/2004 10:14:53 PM PST by HighlyOpinionated (Rantin' and Ravin' don't solve problems. They just magnify them 10,000 times.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 43 | View Replies]

To: Dutchgirl

Blueeeeees, all your food are belong to us.

51 posted on 11/12/2004 11:25:55 PM PST by UbonGhostrider (Fire for effect)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: nutmeg


52 posted on 11/12/2004 11:26:30 PM PST by nutmeg (THANK YOU RED STATES!!! -- Bush/Cheney 2004)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: clintonh8r

Who was that Red Skull bad guy that Captain America was fighting? Colmes reminds me of him.

(I'm not saying Colmes is a Nazi, and if I remember correctly, the red skull guy was...but Colmes sure looks like a cadaver.)

53 posted on 11/13/2004 12:19:02 AM PST by Choose Ye This Day (New DNC political slogan to win back red states: "Vote for us, you stupid morons!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 3 | View Replies]

To: Choose Ye This Day

Alan Colmes

54 posted on 11/13/2004 12:23:34 AM PST by Choose Ye This Day (New DNC political slogan to win back red states: "Vote for us, you stupid morons!")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 53 | View Replies]

To: Dutchgirl

What's with Alan Colmes facial skin? Facelift gone wrong? Jeesh, the guy looks like he has been to see Michael Jackson's surgeon.

He may have a disease or something. Just wondering. Anybody know?

55 posted on 11/13/2004 12:39:14 AM PST by cowtowney
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Dutchgirl

Congratulations on a great opportunity and coming through in the clutch! I wish I could've seen it. Speaking truth is surprisingly hard, and seems to get watered down when people talk to 'celebs.' Sounds like you did wonderfully.

Alan's fun in the aptly called "yellovers" to watch to learn how and what Libs are thinking. The attack on Christianity comes from no other reason than that the person does not want to give up their own sin. They don't want to admit they were fools calling anti-homosexuality 'intolerant,' that in fact they are the intolerant ones, ignoring the facts which Christ so graciously offers them. The blatant rebellion is so transparent in Alan. He needs a friend to lead him to the Lord.

56 posted on 11/13/2004 1:27:01 AM PST by gentlestrength (Always be prepared, in season and out of season)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 55 | View Replies]

To: Clintonfatigued

>>Some of Bush's greatest gains were in states that went for big for Gore but gave smaller margins to Kerry.

We've seen steady political gains for at least the last dozen years. I'm hopeful that this is because the Leftist lock on the media is being broken by talk radio, the Internet, and yes, even FNC, despite their giving a soapbox to an obvious fool like Colmes.

I hope for a continuing move towards redness, in all states. People are figuring it out.

57 posted on 11/13/2004 3:49:22 AM PST by FreedomPoster (hoplophobia is a mental aberration rather than a mere attitude)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2 | View Replies]

To: Txsleuth

Going with their logic, red staters are voting more for the blue staters' interests than the blue staters themselves. Red staters want people to keep more of their own money and to shrink government, so the blue staters should be feeling pretty good right now.

58 posted on 11/13/2004 3:52:14 AM PST by Rastus
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 7 | View Replies]

To: Dutchgirl
Random Alan Colmes stuff that makes me laugh:

1. Ask Alan Colmes' Eye

2. Yesterday, Imus said, "Shut up, Alan Colmes, you fugly-looking half-a-commie."

Topic? Eh, I got nothing.
59 posted on 11/13/2004 4:14:32 AM PST by small_l_libertarian (Wrapped comfortably in my cozy duvet of rage...)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: small_l_libertarian
Ask Alan Colmes' Eye

I asked "the eye" if Alan was gay. Answer: yes.

60 posted on 11/13/2004 4:24:41 AM PST by itsinthebag
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 59 | View Replies]

Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-4041-6061-63 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794 is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson