Posted on 11/20/2004 5:19:08 PM PST by alydar
I wondered how this upcoming Thanksgiving might go at John and Teresa Heinz Ketchup’s mansion on Thursday. So I drove to my favorite fortune teller Fiona Feigenbaum’s. She Windexed her crystal ball, Swiffered it and shammied it to a crystal-clear shine, then peered deeply into the future and reported this not-so merry John Kerry Thanksgiving.
“John, are you coming down for dinner?” Teresa Kerry yells in her European billionaire accent. “I don’t wanna.” John Kerry shouts back down from his room upstairs.
“Come on, Johnski please,” Teresa coaxes. “Don’t wanna. You can’t make me. So there,” John says pouting.
“There are some friends here to see you,” Teresa shouts cheerily. “Friends? Friends you say. America rejected me for president. I don’t have any friends here!”
“Elton John’s here with his life partner,” Teresa replies happily. “Well, I sure don’t want to see them. They helped defeat me with the anti-gay marriage voters’ block.” John shoots back.
“Barbara Streisand and Mr. Streisand have come. Babs will sing a new version of her old hit ‘People.’ People, who needs people! They’re the most backstabbing voters in the world.” Teresa sings very badly. “Don’t wanna see her.”
“Johnny, Bruce Springsteen is here to sing his new song ‘Born to Run Again in ’08.’” “Yeah well, The Boss is fired. All the fans he brought to my rallies ended up partying afterwards and were too drunk to show up to vote on Election Day,” John spits out bitterly.
“Babeski, your favorite filmmaker is here, Michael Moore.” “Well, tell him he can take the temperature of the turkey and make sure it’s cook to 9/11 degrees Fahrenheit.”
Teresa explains, “We’re not having turkey this Thanksgiving. We’re having Cornish game hens, foie gras, an 1812 Chateau Defeat fine red wine, snails a la Teresa and Napoleons for dessert. It’ll be a fine French Thanksgiving, like always.”
“Hmm, that does sound delicious, but no, I’m too busy up here.” “Too busy, doing what, John?” “I’m playing Pong on my old Atari, trying to relive my youth when I wanted to be president, instead of being old and a loser.” “John, you are not a loser. You still have me,” Teresa sweet talks.
“Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that, Teresa,” John states and starts to cough. “Come on down, senator and me and the band will rock your world,” says Jon Bon Jovi. “Yeah, like you Rocked the Vote asleep. And as for P. Diddy and his Vote or Die campaign, they didn’t and it did.”
“Shove it, John and come downstairs immediately or you’ll never use my yacht again!” Teresa yells and stomps her foot. “John, this is Sheryl Crow. After dinner we could wax up the old skies, fly to Aspen and hit the slopes. Wadda you say?” she coos.
John coughs, sniffles and says “Be down in a sec, Cheryl. Gotta take one more Botox jello shot and get out of these drafty pajamas. Achoo!” he shouts back sneezing. “God bless you,” a male voice rings out. “What’s George Bush doing down there? Tell him to go to….” John rages.
Fiona’s crystal ball clouds up, starts to spin then cracks open spilling green bile all over. I leave before I have to pay for damages to her Formica table top.
I'm just giving thanks GWB has been reelected.
Actually, if socialists knew what Thanksgiving was REALLY all about, they wouldn't celebrate it at all! See the facts summarized here: http://FreedomKeys.com/thanksgiving.htm
John is having his usual 'Buttock-of-Teresa' for his Thanksgiving dinner as he has each evening since their marriage.
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